The Little Girl
Nothing Scares Me More Than Thunder
A bright light filled my room and soon the loud crack of thunder. I jumped out of bed and straight into Matt's room. I pushed on him and he woke up.
"Rage? What are you doing in here?"
"Thunder." I said as a flash of lightening came through the window. A louder crash of thunder sounded and I jumped into his bed. He wrapped his arms around me and hummed something and it soothed me.
I felt my eyes getting heavy and I fell asleep. When I woke that morning Matt was gone. I got up and walked into my room and looked at my phone. The guys were already at the studio so I went downstairs and cooked me some breakfast. All I was in the mood for was eggs and toast so that's what I made. When I was done cooking I went ahead and washed the dishes and put them up before eating. The food was really good and it settled my hunger. I sat around the whole day not doing anything until Brian got home. Brian pulled up and all the guys got out but they didnt come into the house.
Seconds later a strange car pulled into the drive and another man got out. He had brown hair and from what I could see the same color eyes. He wore a black suit with a red undershirt. They walked up to the front porch and I sat down on the couch and turned on the TV. I heard the door open and then shut again.
"Rage?" Brian called out my name.
"Living room!" I said. I seen them as they entered the room. Brian sat on my right side as Matt sat down on my left. Jimmy, Johnny, and Zacky stood either behind the couch or in front of me. The mystery man sat down in a chair in front of me.
"Rage this is Dr. Canon. He's a therapist." I let out a sigh and tried to get up but Matt and Brian wouldnt let me.
"I dont need a goddamn therapist." I said sternly.
"Rage....we seen the old cuts and the new ones." Jimmy said and I hung my head.
"You need help Rage. We wouldnt do this unless we cared about you."
"I've been doing it for years. It's the way I cope with stress." I said hanging my head.
"Will you please just sit here and talk to him Rage. If he says something you dont want to talk aout just call me. We'll be in the kitchen." Brian said and I nodded. The guys left the room and went into the kitchen. Dr. Canon opened up a pad and began to write. He wrote for 5 minutes before he even spoke.
"So Rage. What happened to you that made you want to cut?"
"My parents werent good ones. Let's just leave it at that." I said sitting back.
"How were they not good parents?"
"They did things they parents with a only child shouldnt do and then fought about it constantly. They never paid any attention to me." I said getting very annoyed.
"What kind of things?" He was insistant and it was really starting to aggrivate me. I stood up adn wlaked over to the window looking out and let out a deep sigh.
"Why are you asking me this? It's not like you actually give a shit about how I feel." I said staring out the window.
"I'm guessing you've seen a therapist before."
"Yes I have and they all never listened to me." I said looking over my shoulder at him adn then back out the window.
"How many have you seen?"
"I've been to over 20 therapists. Every one of them did not listen to a fucking word I had to say and I taught them how to fucking listen to me." I said turning around and crossing my arms over my chest.
"How did you teach them?"
"This one therapist was asking me shit and when I would answer them all he would say is that's interesting and then write something on his pad of paper. I said something to try and get his attention and when he answered the dumbass question I snatched his pad out of his hand and he was doodling. He didnt listen to a fucking word I said the whole goddamn time. It pissed me off to he point where I grabbed his pen and stabbed him in the shoulder with it." I said getting aggrivated and throwing my arms into the air.
"Wow. Have you ever been put into anger management?"
"No. They said it wouldnt help me so they just kept sending therapist after therapist to talk to me and not even listen. I got to the point where I didnt talk at the sessions and that really made them agry but hell I didnt give a flying fuck about them. All they wanted was a goddamn paycheck and then go back to their perfect little home and their perfect little family life and not have to worry about a damn thing." I said sitting down in the recliner.
"That's really crazy. I mean after all you've been through. I mean the situation with your parents, they have the nerve to ignore you just like they did."
"I know right! Mom does hardcore drugs while dad drunk his way through life. They fought over who should stop doing what and it always ended up with them fist fighting until..." I said stopping myself.
"Until what Rage?"
"Until my father came home in a drunken stuper and they fought like everyday and he pulled out his gun and shot her while I hid behind the couch. I looked around the couch and he locked eyes on me. He told me that it was my fault that he started drinking and mom did drugs and now it's my fault that she's dead and now he's dead. He put the gun to his head and without a second thought he pulled the trigger and fell to the ground." I said letting the tears flow down my face like a raging waterfall. Dr. Canon came up to me and held me tightly against him as I cried.
"Rage look at me." I looked up into his eyes.
"Your parents death was not your fault and it was deffinately not your fault for your mom doing the drugs and your father drinking heavily. They made the chioce to do those things." I buried my head into his chest.
"Rage, Matt, Brian, Jimmy, Johnny, Zacky, and all the girls love you very much and want to help you any way they can. That's why Brian called me this morning. He is so worried about your saftey he would call me and have you be helped by me. I have helped Brian through a lot of things over the years. He knows I can help you but what you just did by letting me in is helping yourself a whole lot and taking that weight off your shoulders." I looked up at him and smiled and hugged him tightly and he hugged me right back. I did feel the weight being lifted off my shoulders as I told Dr. Canon my story. I was so relieved. He looked down at his watch and smiled but frowned too.
"I'm sorry Rage but I need to go. I'll be back over at 5 tomorrow. We all are going to sit down and discuss a plan on how to track your behavior." I nodded and sat down on the couch. He disappeared into the kitchen and I smiled to myself. I rolled up my sleeves and looked down at my scarred arms.
"You will never over-power me again." I said out loud. I put my sleeves back down and waved at Dr. Canon as he left. The guys came in a hugged me tightly and I was smiling more now than I have my entire life.
"Rage? What are you doing in here?"
"Thunder." I said as a flash of lightening came through the window. A louder crash of thunder sounded and I jumped into his bed. He wrapped his arms around me and hummed something and it soothed me.
I felt my eyes getting heavy and I fell asleep. When I woke that morning Matt was gone. I got up and walked into my room and looked at my phone. The guys were already at the studio so I went downstairs and cooked me some breakfast. All I was in the mood for was eggs and toast so that's what I made. When I was done cooking I went ahead and washed the dishes and put them up before eating. The food was really good and it settled my hunger. I sat around the whole day not doing anything until Brian got home. Brian pulled up and all the guys got out but they didnt come into the house.
Seconds later a strange car pulled into the drive and another man got out. He had brown hair and from what I could see the same color eyes. He wore a black suit with a red undershirt. They walked up to the front porch and I sat down on the couch and turned on the TV. I heard the door open and then shut again.
"Rage?" Brian called out my name.
"Living room!" I said. I seen them as they entered the room. Brian sat on my right side as Matt sat down on my left. Jimmy, Johnny, and Zacky stood either behind the couch or in front of me. The mystery man sat down in a chair in front of me.
"Rage this is Dr. Canon. He's a therapist." I let out a sigh and tried to get up but Matt and Brian wouldnt let me.
"I dont need a goddamn therapist." I said sternly.
"Rage....we seen the old cuts and the new ones." Jimmy said and I hung my head.
"You need help Rage. We wouldnt do this unless we cared about you."
"I've been doing it for years. It's the way I cope with stress." I said hanging my head.
"Will you please just sit here and talk to him Rage. If he says something you dont want to talk aout just call me. We'll be in the kitchen." Brian said and I nodded. The guys left the room and went into the kitchen. Dr. Canon opened up a pad and began to write. He wrote for 5 minutes before he even spoke.
"So Rage. What happened to you that made you want to cut?"
"My parents werent good ones. Let's just leave it at that." I said sitting back.
"How were they not good parents?"
"They did things they parents with a only child shouldnt do and then fought about it constantly. They never paid any attention to me." I said getting very annoyed.
"What kind of things?" He was insistant and it was really starting to aggrivate me. I stood up adn wlaked over to the window looking out and let out a deep sigh.
"Why are you asking me this? It's not like you actually give a shit about how I feel." I said staring out the window.
"I'm guessing you've seen a therapist before."
"Yes I have and they all never listened to me." I said looking over my shoulder at him adn then back out the window.
"How many have you seen?"
"I've been to over 20 therapists. Every one of them did not listen to a fucking word I had to say and I taught them how to fucking listen to me." I said turning around and crossing my arms over my chest.
"How did you teach them?"
"This one therapist was asking me shit and when I would answer them all he would say is that's interesting and then write something on his pad of paper. I said something to try and get his attention and when he answered the dumbass question I snatched his pad out of his hand and he was doodling. He didnt listen to a fucking word I said the whole goddamn time. It pissed me off to he point where I grabbed his pen and stabbed him in the shoulder with it." I said getting aggrivated and throwing my arms into the air.
"Wow. Have you ever been put into anger management?"
"No. They said it wouldnt help me so they just kept sending therapist after therapist to talk to me and not even listen. I got to the point where I didnt talk at the sessions and that really made them agry but hell I didnt give a flying fuck about them. All they wanted was a goddamn paycheck and then go back to their perfect little home and their perfect little family life and not have to worry about a damn thing." I said sitting down in the recliner.
"That's really crazy. I mean after all you've been through. I mean the situation with your parents, they have the nerve to ignore you just like they did."
"I know right! Mom does hardcore drugs while dad drunk his way through life. They fought over who should stop doing what and it always ended up with them fist fighting until..." I said stopping myself.
"Until what Rage?"
"Until my father came home in a drunken stuper and they fought like everyday and he pulled out his gun and shot her while I hid behind the couch. I looked around the couch and he locked eyes on me. He told me that it was my fault that he started drinking and mom did drugs and now it's my fault that she's dead and now he's dead. He put the gun to his head and without a second thought he pulled the trigger and fell to the ground." I said letting the tears flow down my face like a raging waterfall. Dr. Canon came up to me and held me tightly against him as I cried.
"Rage look at me." I looked up into his eyes.
"Your parents death was not your fault and it was deffinately not your fault for your mom doing the drugs and your father drinking heavily. They made the chioce to do those things." I buried my head into his chest.
"Rage, Matt, Brian, Jimmy, Johnny, Zacky, and all the girls love you very much and want to help you any way they can. That's why Brian called me this morning. He is so worried about your saftey he would call me and have you be helped by me. I have helped Brian through a lot of things over the years. He knows I can help you but what you just did by letting me in is helping yourself a whole lot and taking that weight off your shoulders." I looked up at him and smiled and hugged him tightly and he hugged me right back. I did feel the weight being lifted off my shoulders as I told Dr. Canon my story. I was so relieved. He looked down at his watch and smiled but frowned too.
"I'm sorry Rage but I need to go. I'll be back over at 5 tomorrow. We all are going to sit down and discuss a plan on how to track your behavior." I nodded and sat down on the couch. He disappeared into the kitchen and I smiled to myself. I rolled up my sleeves and looked down at my scarred arms.
"You will never over-power me again." I said out loud. I put my sleeves back down and waved at Dr. Canon as he left. The guys came in a hugged me tightly and I was smiling more now than I have my entire life.
11/15/13