The Little Girl
I'm Good At Masking My Pain
I woke up that morning with the weight of my parents death and agruing lifted from me but I was masking it. I was good at making people think that everything was fine with me and I hope no one catches on. I sat up in bed and stretched. I pulled myself up and went to the window and looked out at the sunny day. I smiled and went into the bathroom and took a shower. The cuts on my legs were healing. I finished up with my shower and changed into some jeans and a Disturbed t-shirt and went downstairs and heard nothing but silence. I looked out the window and seen Brian's car gone and so I went into the kitchen and made me something to eat. I ate and cleaned the dishes and sat in the living room and turned on the TV and seen Brian and the rest of the band on MTV. I smiled.
They were talking about their upcoming tour in 2 months. My birthday was in 2 months and I had a feeling they would be gone on that day. I went up to my room and grabbed my guitar and my pad of paper with pencil and decided to wirte some songs. I had some pretty good song ideas and wrote them down. I was finishing up one of the songs when there was a knock at the door. I got up and opened the door to reveal a man wearing a suit but I didn't recognize him.
"Can I help you?" I asked.
"Yes. I'm looking for a Miss. Rage Devistaion. Adopted by a Brian Haner Jr."
"I'm her." I said.
"Oh. My name is Jason Hook."
"Nice to meet you." I said shaking his hand.
"Same here. Is Brian home?"
"No he's down at the studio. Can I tell him you stopped by?" I asked.
"That won't be necessary. I'll come by later."
"If you insist. He'll be home tonight around 6." I said and he said goodbye and I shut the door. I picked up my phone and sent a text to Brian.
~Hey do you know a Jason Hook?~
~Yeah why?~ Brian
~ He stopped by just a minute ago. I told him that you would be back around 6.~
~Alright. Did you ask him what he wanted?~ Brian
~He didn't say. He just said that he would come by later.~
~Thanks for telling me Rage.~ Brian
~No problem~
I closed my phone and went back to writing my songs and checking the time every now and then. I had to be ready for Dr. Canon to be over at 5 so I would be cutting my writing down a little bit and hopefully I don't lose track of time like yesterday. I looked down at my phone and it was almost 5 so I put my guitar off to the side and made sure everything was good and ready for Dr. Canon. I turned on the TV and watched something just to make the time go by faster but it didn't seem to go fast enough. I heard a knock at the door so I got up and answered. I opened the door and let Dr. Canon in. He sat down in the recliner while I sat down on the couch and turned off the TV.
"How are you doing today Rage?"
"Feeling much better than I have in a good while." I said smiling.
"I can tell. You have a radiance about you now that I didn't see when I was here yesterday."
"I know." I said still smiling. I really needed to quit this smiling shit. It's getting crazy.
"So where's Brian?"
"Still at the studio. He should be here in an hour." I said closing my pad with the songs I've wrote.
"Oh. What were you working on?"
"Just some songs. I play guitar." I said.
"Really? Can I hear something?"
"Sure. Do you want to hear one of the guys songs played or one I've written?" I said picking up my guitar.
"How about one you've written. I would love to see your creativity in music."
"Alright. I wrote this one today. It's called Just Like You." I said as I strapped on the guitar and started playing and singing.
I could be mean
I could be angry
You know I could be just like you
I could be fake
I could be stupid
You know I could be just like you
You thought you were standing beside me
You were only in my way
You're wrong if you think that I'll be just like you
You thought you were there to guide me
You were only in my way
You're wrong if you think that I'll be just like you
You thought you were there to guide me
You were only in my way
You're wrong if you think that I'll be just like you
I could be cold
I could be ruthless
You know I could be just like you
I could be weak
I could be senseless
You know I could be just like you
You thought you were standing beside me
You were only in my way
You're wrong if you think that I'll be just like you
You thought you were there to guide me
You were only in my way
You're wrong if you think that I'll be just like you
You thought you were there to guide me
You were only in my way
You're wrong if you think that I'll be just like you
On my own
'Cause I can't take livin' with you
I'm alone
So I won't turn out like you want me to
You thought you were standing beside me
You were only in my way
You're wrong if you think that I'll be just like you
You thought you were there to guide me
You were only in my way
You're wrong if you think that I'll be just like you
You thought you were there to guide me
You were only in my way
You're wrong if you think that I'll be just like you
I could be mean
I could be angry
You know I could be just like you
The song ended and he clapped. I blushed madly.
"That was awesome Rage!"
"Thank you." I said still blushing.
"There is one thing I noticed about the lyrics though."
"What?" I questioned.
"The first line: I could be mean, I could angry, I could be just like you, and the rest of the lyrics seem to say I hate everything that you did in my life and I never want to be just like you. Am I correct?"
"I don't really know. I mean I do feel hate for what my parents did everyday while I was around but I don't want to have a family like mine was. I mean if I ever do start one." I explained and he nodded.
"Do you have any other song?"
"Yes I do. I actually have several that go over the genres of Country, Hard Rock, and some Christian Rock." I said smiling.
"That's interesting. Sounds like you like all music."
"Well except for Rap and R&B. I'm not into that shit." I said.
"Would you like to sing some more for me?" I nodded.
"This song is from the Christian Rock genre and it's called How Great is Your Love." I said and began to play once again.
My heart is steadfast of God
And I will sing
With all my heart and soul
Music for the King
And I will awake the dawn
With my praise to you
Oh Lord
How great is Your love
So much higher than the heavens
With faithfulness that reaches the sky
How great is Your love
So much higher than the heavens
With faithfulness that reaches the sky
Oh how great is Your love
Praise the Lord Oh my soul
And glory to the King
Forever You are robed with majesty
We come to you Oh Lord
And Lay our praise at your feet
How great is Your love
So much higher than the heavens
With faithfulness that reaches the sky
How great is Your love
So much higher than the heavens
With faithfulness that reaches the sky
O hhow great is Your love
Be exalted Oh God and let Your glory reign
Be exalted O hGod and let Your glory reign
Let it reign
Let it reign
Let it reign
Let it reign
Let it reign
Let it reign
How great is Your love
So much higher than the heavens
With faithfulness that reaches the sky
How great is Your love
So much higher than the heavens
With faithfulness that reaches the sky
Oh how great is Your love
The song ended once again and he clapped and of course commented on my song. This time he said there was happiness in the song and he really loved it. I played him a few more songs until it aws time for the guys. I was in the middle of my last song when the guys came through the door and I didn't notice them because Jimmy came in really quiet.
I can't deny Your very presence is my life
And why would I ever turn away
'Cause deep inside I know that I cannot rely
On anything less than faith
As long as my heart is beating...
Where You lead me I will follow
Where You lead me
I give my life away
Where You lead me I will follow
Forever and a day
This is all I'm dreaming of
To live completely in Your love
So this is life
Where You lead me I give my life away
Where You lead me I will follow
Forever and a day
Where You lead me I will follow
Where You lead me I give my life away
Where You lead me I will follow
Forever and a day
Forever and a day
The song ended and heard a barage of claps and cheers. I looked over and seen the guys cheering me and I blushed again. Jimmy came over and hugged me tightly and kissed my cheek. Brian and Matt sat down beside me and I leaned on Brian.
"Alright since we are all here. I need to go over some things with all of you and then boys I need to talk to all of your privately." We all nodded.
"Alright. Now Rage this is what I want you to do. I would like you to write down your feelings in either a song or just as a journal. If you write your feelings down in a song, I would like for you to explain it for me. Guys I'll talk to you privately in just a second but I must say this, support her in her good decisions. If you all seem like she is straying away, catch her and put her back into that positive area. Now boys if you'll please come with me, I need to talk to you privately." The guys got up and I sat there and watched them disappear into the kitchen closing the door. I wasn't just going to sit there and not hear what he was going to say so I slowly got up and sat next to the door and listened in.
"Alright guys. She seems to be covering up feelings. I mean when I arrived here today she seemed really smiley like she was trying to hide something. I need you all to poke around in her brain, especially you Matt. You have a strong connection with her and she trusts you. All of you try and get her to come clean about whatever it is she's hiding. If you guys can't get it out of her, I'm afraid that I'll have to take her out of the house and put her into a facility." Dr Canon said and my blood was boiling. How did he figure out I was masking my pain?
"You can't take her out of her Canon. I won't allow that." Brian said defending me and I smiled.
"I can actually. By law I am required to remove anyone from a home if they are a danger to themselves."
"What happens if we do get something out of her?" Zacky said.
"She will go to therapy sessions 2 days a week with other people who have similar lives or worse."
"Therapy is good idea for her but how would she take it if we had to tell her." Matt asked.
"She might be upset but after a while she would get over it." I growled under my breath and stood up not wanting to hear anymore of it. I grabbed my guitar and headed up to my room. I sat in there with my door locked and sitting next to the window looking up at the stars.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~BRIAN'S POV~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"Doc, what if we just decide to just send her to therapy? She's tough to crack." I said.
"You know that might just work. I teach the sessions so I'll make her days up to where she can come and I'll call you and let you know." He looked down at his watch and sighed.
"I'll talk to you guys tomorrow. I need to get home and get some rest before tomorrow. You guys have a great day tomorrow." I walked Canon out and shut the door locking it before sitting down on the couch. I looked and seen her pad of paper still sitting on the coffee table. I picked it up and walked up to her room. I turned the knob but it wouldn't open.
"Rage?"
"Yeah?" I said.
"Can you unlock the door please?" A moment later I heard a click and I opened the door. She walked over to the window and sat down.
"You left this downstairs." I said sitting her pad down on the bed.
"Thanks."
"Is there something wrong?" I asked concerned.
"No. I'm fine Brian thanks for asking."
"Are you sure?" I asked again.
"Yes I'm fucking sure!....Brian I'm sorry. I'm just really tired. Oh did what's his name show up?"
"Jason Hook? No he hasn't yet. Maybe he'll be over here tomorrow." I said.
"Maybe. I mean he looked familiar but I just couldn't place him."
"Hmm puzzling. Now get some rest and sleep well baby girl." I said walking out of her room and going back downstairs. The guys didn't stay long after Canon left so I made sure the door was locked before heading back upstairs and into my room. I laid down on the bed and fell asleep almost instantly.
They were talking about their upcoming tour in 2 months. My birthday was in 2 months and I had a feeling they would be gone on that day. I went up to my room and grabbed my guitar and my pad of paper with pencil and decided to wirte some songs. I had some pretty good song ideas and wrote them down. I was finishing up one of the songs when there was a knock at the door. I got up and opened the door to reveal a man wearing a suit but I didn't recognize him.
"Can I help you?" I asked.
"Yes. I'm looking for a Miss. Rage Devistaion. Adopted by a Brian Haner Jr."
"I'm her." I said.
"Oh. My name is Jason Hook."
"Nice to meet you." I said shaking his hand.
"Same here. Is Brian home?"
"No he's down at the studio. Can I tell him you stopped by?" I asked.
"That won't be necessary. I'll come by later."
"If you insist. He'll be home tonight around 6." I said and he said goodbye and I shut the door. I picked up my phone and sent a text to Brian.
~Hey do you know a Jason Hook?~
~Yeah why?~ Brian
~ He stopped by just a minute ago. I told him that you would be back around 6.~
~Alright. Did you ask him what he wanted?~ Brian
~He didn't say. He just said that he would come by later.~
~Thanks for telling me Rage.~ Brian
~No problem~
I closed my phone and went back to writing my songs and checking the time every now and then. I had to be ready for Dr. Canon to be over at 5 so I would be cutting my writing down a little bit and hopefully I don't lose track of time like yesterday. I looked down at my phone and it was almost 5 so I put my guitar off to the side and made sure everything was good and ready for Dr. Canon. I turned on the TV and watched something just to make the time go by faster but it didn't seem to go fast enough. I heard a knock at the door so I got up and answered. I opened the door and let Dr. Canon in. He sat down in the recliner while I sat down on the couch and turned off the TV.
"How are you doing today Rage?"
"Feeling much better than I have in a good while." I said smiling.
"I can tell. You have a radiance about you now that I didn't see when I was here yesterday."
"I know." I said still smiling. I really needed to quit this smiling shit. It's getting crazy.
"So where's Brian?"
"Still at the studio. He should be here in an hour." I said closing my pad with the songs I've wrote.
"Oh. What were you working on?"
"Just some songs. I play guitar." I said.
"Really? Can I hear something?"
"Sure. Do you want to hear one of the guys songs played or one I've written?" I said picking up my guitar.
"How about one you've written. I would love to see your creativity in music."
"Alright. I wrote this one today. It's called Just Like You." I said as I strapped on the guitar and started playing and singing.
I could be mean
I could be angry
You know I could be just like you
I could be fake
I could be stupid
You know I could be just like you
You thought you were standing beside me
You were only in my way
You're wrong if you think that I'll be just like you
You thought you were there to guide me
You were only in my way
You're wrong if you think that I'll be just like you
You thought you were there to guide me
You were only in my way
You're wrong if you think that I'll be just like you
I could be cold
I could be ruthless
You know I could be just like you
I could be weak
I could be senseless
You know I could be just like you
You thought you were standing beside me
You were only in my way
You're wrong if you think that I'll be just like you
You thought you were there to guide me
You were only in my way
You're wrong if you think that I'll be just like you
You thought you were there to guide me
You were only in my way
You're wrong if you think that I'll be just like you
On my own
'Cause I can't take livin' with you
I'm alone
So I won't turn out like you want me to
You thought you were standing beside me
You were only in my way
You're wrong if you think that I'll be just like you
You thought you were there to guide me
You were only in my way
You're wrong if you think that I'll be just like you
You thought you were there to guide me
You were only in my way
You're wrong if you think that I'll be just like you
I could be mean
I could be angry
You know I could be just like you
The song ended and he clapped. I blushed madly.
"That was awesome Rage!"
"Thank you." I said still blushing.
"There is one thing I noticed about the lyrics though."
"What?" I questioned.
"The first line: I could be mean, I could angry, I could be just like you, and the rest of the lyrics seem to say I hate everything that you did in my life and I never want to be just like you. Am I correct?"
"I don't really know. I mean I do feel hate for what my parents did everyday while I was around but I don't want to have a family like mine was. I mean if I ever do start one." I explained and he nodded.
"Do you have any other song?"
"Yes I do. I actually have several that go over the genres of Country, Hard Rock, and some Christian Rock." I said smiling.
"That's interesting. Sounds like you like all music."
"Well except for Rap and R&B. I'm not into that shit." I said.
"Would you like to sing some more for me?" I nodded.
"This song is from the Christian Rock genre and it's called How Great is Your Love." I said and began to play once again.
My heart is steadfast of God
And I will sing
With all my heart and soul
Music for the King
And I will awake the dawn
With my praise to you
Oh Lord
How great is Your love
So much higher than the heavens
With faithfulness that reaches the sky
How great is Your love
So much higher than the heavens
With faithfulness that reaches the sky
Oh how great is Your love
Praise the Lord Oh my soul
And glory to the King
Forever You are robed with majesty
We come to you Oh Lord
And Lay our praise at your feet
How great is Your love
So much higher than the heavens
With faithfulness that reaches the sky
How great is Your love
So much higher than the heavens
With faithfulness that reaches the sky
O hhow great is Your love
Be exalted Oh God and let Your glory reign
Be exalted O hGod and let Your glory reign
Let it reign
Let it reign
Let it reign
Let it reign
Let it reign
Let it reign
How great is Your love
So much higher than the heavens
With faithfulness that reaches the sky
How great is Your love
So much higher than the heavens
With faithfulness that reaches the sky
Oh how great is Your love
The song ended once again and he clapped and of course commented on my song. This time he said there was happiness in the song and he really loved it. I played him a few more songs until it aws time for the guys. I was in the middle of my last song when the guys came through the door and I didn't notice them because Jimmy came in really quiet.
I can't deny Your very presence is my life
And why would I ever turn away
'Cause deep inside I know that I cannot rely
On anything less than faith
As long as my heart is beating...
Where You lead me I will follow
Where You lead me
I give my life away
Where You lead me I will follow
Forever and a day
This is all I'm dreaming of
To live completely in Your love
So this is life
Where You lead me I give my life away
Where You lead me I will follow
Forever and a day
Where You lead me I will follow
Where You lead me I give my life away
Where You lead me I will follow
Forever and a day
Forever and a day
The song ended and heard a barage of claps and cheers. I looked over and seen the guys cheering me and I blushed again. Jimmy came over and hugged me tightly and kissed my cheek. Brian and Matt sat down beside me and I leaned on Brian.
"Alright since we are all here. I need to go over some things with all of you and then boys I need to talk to all of your privately." We all nodded.
"Alright. Now Rage this is what I want you to do. I would like you to write down your feelings in either a song or just as a journal. If you write your feelings down in a song, I would like for you to explain it for me. Guys I'll talk to you privately in just a second but I must say this, support her in her good decisions. If you all seem like she is straying away, catch her and put her back into that positive area. Now boys if you'll please come with me, I need to talk to you privately." The guys got up and I sat there and watched them disappear into the kitchen closing the door. I wasn't just going to sit there and not hear what he was going to say so I slowly got up and sat next to the door and listened in.
"Alright guys. She seems to be covering up feelings. I mean when I arrived here today she seemed really smiley like she was trying to hide something. I need you all to poke around in her brain, especially you Matt. You have a strong connection with her and she trusts you. All of you try and get her to come clean about whatever it is she's hiding. If you guys can't get it out of her, I'm afraid that I'll have to take her out of the house and put her into a facility." Dr Canon said and my blood was boiling. How did he figure out I was masking my pain?
"You can't take her out of her Canon. I won't allow that." Brian said defending me and I smiled.
"I can actually. By law I am required to remove anyone from a home if they are a danger to themselves."
"What happens if we do get something out of her?" Zacky said.
"She will go to therapy sessions 2 days a week with other people who have similar lives or worse."
"Therapy is good idea for her but how would she take it if we had to tell her." Matt asked.
"She might be upset but after a while she would get over it." I growled under my breath and stood up not wanting to hear anymore of it. I grabbed my guitar and headed up to my room. I sat in there with my door locked and sitting next to the window looking up at the stars.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~BRIAN'S POV~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"Doc, what if we just decide to just send her to therapy? She's tough to crack." I said.
"You know that might just work. I teach the sessions so I'll make her days up to where she can come and I'll call you and let you know." He looked down at his watch and sighed.
"I'll talk to you guys tomorrow. I need to get home and get some rest before tomorrow. You guys have a great day tomorrow." I walked Canon out and shut the door locking it before sitting down on the couch. I looked and seen her pad of paper still sitting on the coffee table. I picked it up and walked up to her room. I turned the knob but it wouldn't open.
"Rage?"
"Yeah?" I said.
"Can you unlock the door please?" A moment later I heard a click and I opened the door. She walked over to the window and sat down.
"You left this downstairs." I said sitting her pad down on the bed.
"Thanks."
"Is there something wrong?" I asked concerned.
"No. I'm fine Brian thanks for asking."
"Are you sure?" I asked again.
"Yes I'm fucking sure!....Brian I'm sorry. I'm just really tired. Oh did what's his name show up?"
"Jason Hook? No he hasn't yet. Maybe he'll be over here tomorrow." I said.
"Maybe. I mean he looked familiar but I just couldn't place him."
"Hmm puzzling. Now get some rest and sleep well baby girl." I said walking out of her room and going back downstairs. The guys didn't stay long after Canon left so I made sure the door was locked before heading back upstairs and into my room. I laid down on the bed and fell asleep almost instantly.
11/15/13