The Little Girl
My Nightmares
"Stop being a stubborn bitch and do as I say! You need to get off these fucking drugs before they kill you!" my father yelled.
"I need to get off drugs?? What about your drinking? That will kill you fast than my drugs will!" my mother yelled right back. It was on of the many fights they had.
"I'm done with this Shit!" I head something click and I looked over the couch and seen my father pull the trigger that killed my mother. He looked at me and grinned.
"Thanks to you being born, you mother is dead and now so is your father." he said to me as he put the gun to his and pulled the trigger.
I felt someone shaking me and I opened my tear filled eyes. I buried my face into Brian's chest and cried my eyes out. He picked me up and carried me to his bed laying me down. He got in next to me and held me against him as I cried. I knew I wouldn't be getting any more sleep. I calmed my crying and closed my eyes pretending to be asleep. When I seen that Brian was asleep, I gently and quietly got out of his and bed and went back to mine. I got dressed and decided to talk a nice long walk. I checked to see if he was still asleep and he was. I shut the door and went to the front. I opened the door and closed it without a sound. I began to walk and didn't stop until I reached the beach. The beach was empty so I sat there as the sun rose and glisimed over the water.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~BRIAN'S POV~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
I woke from my sleep and Rage wasn't there. I was guessing she went back to her own room sometime during the night. I pulled myself out of bed and dressed. I fixed my hair and went to check on Rage. I knocked on her door but no responce. I opened the door and she wasn't there. I went dowstairs and she wasn't there either. I called her phone but she had it off and I was getting really worried. I decided to call Matt. I dailed his number and he answered.
"Brian you better have a good reason for waking me."
"I'm sorry Matt but Rage left and I can't find her." I said with worry.
"Alright calm down Brian. Where did you see her last?"
"She had a nightmare and she was crying so I brung her into my room and when I woke up she was gone. I've looked all over the house." I said frantically.
"I'll round up the guys and be over in a few minutes."
"Alright." I said and hung up the phone. I stood on the porch waiting for the guys to pull up. I lit me a cigarette but it wasn't helping. The guys finally pulled into the driveway and they told me where they were going to look. Jimmy has the beach. I get the woods and the rest go around town.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~JIMMY'S POV~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
I made my way down to the beach and luckily no one was out there so it would be very easy to spot Rage. I seen someone or something far off into the distance and I ran to get a closer look and it was Rage.
"Rage!" I yelled and she turned her head towards me. I could already see her smile.
"Hey Jimmy. What are you doing here?"
"Brian is worried sick about you!" he said hugging me.
"I'm sorry but after that nightmare I had, I had to just go for a walk."
"You shouldn't have wondered off like that. People here don't care who are. All they care about is taking shit from you." he said and I hung my head. He lifted up my chin and stared into my eyes.
"Promise me you won't do something like that again." he said sternly.
"I promise Jimbo."
"Good and don't worry, I'll talk to Brian so he doesn't get mad or some shit." he said smiling and I smiled right back. I called Brian and told him that I found her and he was grateful. We finally got to the house and we sat down on the porch.
~~~~~~~~~~RAGE'S POV~~~~~~~~~~~~~
We were sitting on the porch for a good 20 minutes before the guys pulled into the driveway and got out of the car in a hurry. Brian scooped me up in arms and held me tightly kissing my cheek.
"I'm okay Brian. Don't have a cow." I said smiling.
"I can't help it! I was so worried about you! Why did you run off like that?"
"Brian..please. Don't be mad at me. I had to leave and clear my head." I said looking down.
"I'm not mad. Just really worried. I don't want to lose you." He hugged me one last time before we all walked into the house. Brian fixed breakfast and we ate. I did the dishes and put them away. The guys left to go the studio and I stayed home. I went into my room and grabbed my guitar and brought it downstairs.
I sat down on the couch with my guitar and a pad and pen ready to write some songs. I was drawing a blank but soon came up with a good song. One good thing about being in a christian foster home is learning how to write songs about God.
Well, today I found myself
After searching all these years
And the man that I saw
He wasn't at all who I thought he'd be
I was lost when
You found me here
And I was broken beyond repair
Then You came along
And You sang Your song over me
It feels like I'm born again
It feels like I'm living
For the very first time
For the very first time in my life
Make a promise to me now
Reassure my heart somehow
That the love that I feel
Is so much more real than anything
I've a feeling in my soul
And I pray that I'm not wrong
That the life I have now
Is only the beginning
It feels like I'm born again
It feel like I'm living
For the very first time
For the very first time
It feels like Im breathing (It feels like I'm born again)
It feels like I'm moving (It feels like I'm living)
For the very first time (For the very first time)
For the very first time (For the very first time)
I wasn't looking for something that was more
Than what I had yesterday
Then You came to me and You gave to me
Life and a love that I never known, that I never felt before
It feels like I'm born again (Feels like I'm born again)
It feel like I'm living (It feel like I'm living)
For the very first time (For the very first time)
I'm living for the first time (For the very first time)
It feels like I'm breathing (It feels like I'm born again)
It feels like I'm moving (It feels like I'm living)
For the very first time (For the very first time)
I'm living for the first time (For the very first time)
In my life
I named the song Born Again. It suited the song very well. I wrote and sung out a few more song adn completely lost track of time. I was on a song I was called Revelation.
My life has led me down the road that's so uncertain
And now, I am left alone and I am broken
Trying to find my way
Trying to find the faith that's gone
This time I know that
You are holding all the answers
And I'm tired of losing hope and taking chances
On roads that never seem
To be the ones that bring me home
Give me a revelation
Show me what to do
'Cause I've been trying
To find my way
I haven't got a clue
Tell me should I stay here
Or do I need to move?
Give me a revelation
I've got nothing without
You I've got nothing without You
I heard the door and I was fixing to stop but Brian ushered me to keep going so I did. The guys seemed to enjoying themselves.
My life has led me down this path that's ever winding
Through every twist and turn, I'm always finding
That I am lost again
Tell me when this road will ever end
Give me a revelation
Show me what to do
'Cause I've been trying
To find my way
I haven't got a clue
Tell me should I stay here
Or do I need to move?
Give me a revelation
I've got nothing without
You I've got nothing without
I don't know where I can turn
Tell me, when will I learn?
Won't You show me where I need to go?
Let me follow Your lead I know that it's the only way that I can get back home
Give me a revelation
Show me what to do
'Cause I've been trying
To find my way
I haven't got a clue
Tell me should I stay here
Or do I need to move?
Give me a revelation
I've got nothing without You
I've got nothing without You
No, oh no, oh no Oh,
give me a revelation Oh Lord,
oh no
I've got nothing, now, without
You I've got nothing, now, without You
The song ended and they clapped.
"Thanks guys but it needs a little work." I said embarrassed.
"No it don't! It's perfect." Matt said smiling. Jimmy sat down beside me and hugged me. We sat around and Zacky called some takeout place and ordered us some food. We sat around and ate and I was so tired for some reason. I fell asleep minutes after eating.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~MATT'S POV~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
I had Rage curled up next to me asleep and I smiled down at her. I picked her up and her sleeve slipped up. I looked down at her arms and seen healed scars.
"Brian? Have you seen this?" I said quietly. He looked over and his eyes widened.
"What the hell did that? Zacky come here." Zacky got up and walked over to us. He looked down at Rage's arm.
"What did this Zacky?" Brian asked.
"She did. They're self inflicted. They're old but I say she is still doing it." Brian lifted her other sleeve and the same thing was on that arm too. I lifted the legs of her pants and seen fresh cuts. Brian looked and bercame angry but worried at the same time.
"I think we should get her some therapy." Matt said and Brian nodded.
"I'll call my therapist in the morning. Are you guys staying over?"
"Yeah." we said in unison. I pulled her sleeves and pant legs back down and carried her up to her room. The other went to theirs and as I set her down she woke up.
"Matt?"
"Yes sweetheart?" I said.
"Did I fall asleep?"
"Yes. I brought you up here. Now if you need me for anything I'm right across the hall." I said and she nodded. I stayed until she went right back to sleep before I went to my room. I laid down and pulled the covers over me and went into a deep sleep.
"I need to get off drugs?? What about your drinking? That will kill you fast than my drugs will!" my mother yelled right back. It was on of the many fights they had.
"I'm done with this Shit!" I head something click and I looked over the couch and seen my father pull the trigger that killed my mother. He looked at me and grinned.
"Thanks to you being born, you mother is dead and now so is your father." he said to me as he put the gun to his and pulled the trigger.
I felt someone shaking me and I opened my tear filled eyes. I buried my face into Brian's chest and cried my eyes out. He picked me up and carried me to his bed laying me down. He got in next to me and held me against him as I cried. I knew I wouldn't be getting any more sleep. I calmed my crying and closed my eyes pretending to be asleep. When I seen that Brian was asleep, I gently and quietly got out of his and bed and went back to mine. I got dressed and decided to talk a nice long walk. I checked to see if he was still asleep and he was. I shut the door and went to the front. I opened the door and closed it without a sound. I began to walk and didn't stop until I reached the beach. The beach was empty so I sat there as the sun rose and glisimed over the water.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~BRIAN'S POV~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
I woke from my sleep and Rage wasn't there. I was guessing she went back to her own room sometime during the night. I pulled myself out of bed and dressed. I fixed my hair and went to check on Rage. I knocked on her door but no responce. I opened the door and she wasn't there. I went dowstairs and she wasn't there either. I called her phone but she had it off and I was getting really worried. I decided to call Matt. I dailed his number and he answered.
"Brian you better have a good reason for waking me."
"I'm sorry Matt but Rage left and I can't find her." I said with worry.
"Alright calm down Brian. Where did you see her last?"
"She had a nightmare and she was crying so I brung her into my room and when I woke up she was gone. I've looked all over the house." I said frantically.
"I'll round up the guys and be over in a few minutes."
"Alright." I said and hung up the phone. I stood on the porch waiting for the guys to pull up. I lit me a cigarette but it wasn't helping. The guys finally pulled into the driveway and they told me where they were going to look. Jimmy has the beach. I get the woods and the rest go around town.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~JIMMY'S POV~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
I made my way down to the beach and luckily no one was out there so it would be very easy to spot Rage. I seen someone or something far off into the distance and I ran to get a closer look and it was Rage.
"Rage!" I yelled and she turned her head towards me. I could already see her smile.
"Hey Jimmy. What are you doing here?"
"Brian is worried sick about you!" he said hugging me.
"I'm sorry but after that nightmare I had, I had to just go for a walk."
"You shouldn't have wondered off like that. People here don't care who are. All they care about is taking shit from you." he said and I hung my head. He lifted up my chin and stared into my eyes.
"Promise me you won't do something like that again." he said sternly.
"I promise Jimbo."
"Good and don't worry, I'll talk to Brian so he doesn't get mad or some shit." he said smiling and I smiled right back. I called Brian and told him that I found her and he was grateful. We finally got to the house and we sat down on the porch.
~~~~~~~~~~RAGE'S POV~~~~~~~~~~~~~
We were sitting on the porch for a good 20 minutes before the guys pulled into the driveway and got out of the car in a hurry. Brian scooped me up in arms and held me tightly kissing my cheek.
"I'm okay Brian. Don't have a cow." I said smiling.
"I can't help it! I was so worried about you! Why did you run off like that?"
"Brian..please. Don't be mad at me. I had to leave and clear my head." I said looking down.
"I'm not mad. Just really worried. I don't want to lose you." He hugged me one last time before we all walked into the house. Brian fixed breakfast and we ate. I did the dishes and put them away. The guys left to go the studio and I stayed home. I went into my room and grabbed my guitar and brought it downstairs.
I sat down on the couch with my guitar and a pad and pen ready to write some songs. I was drawing a blank but soon came up with a good song. One good thing about being in a christian foster home is learning how to write songs about God.
Well, today I found myself
After searching all these years
And the man that I saw
He wasn't at all who I thought he'd be
I was lost when
You found me here
And I was broken beyond repair
Then You came along
And You sang Your song over me
It feels like I'm born again
It feels like I'm living
For the very first time
For the very first time in my life
Make a promise to me now
Reassure my heart somehow
That the love that I feel
Is so much more real than anything
I've a feeling in my soul
And I pray that I'm not wrong
That the life I have now
Is only the beginning
It feels like I'm born again
It feel like I'm living
For the very first time
For the very first time
It feels like Im breathing (It feels like I'm born again)
It feels like I'm moving (It feels like I'm living)
For the very first time (For the very first time)
For the very first time (For the very first time)
I wasn't looking for something that was more
Than what I had yesterday
Then You came to me and You gave to me
Life and a love that I never known, that I never felt before
It feels like I'm born again (Feels like I'm born again)
It feel like I'm living (It feel like I'm living)
For the very first time (For the very first time)
I'm living for the first time (For the very first time)
It feels like I'm breathing (It feels like I'm born again)
It feels like I'm moving (It feels like I'm living)
For the very first time (For the very first time)
I'm living for the first time (For the very first time)
In my life
I named the song Born Again. It suited the song very well. I wrote and sung out a few more song adn completely lost track of time. I was on a song I was called Revelation.
My life has led me down the road that's so uncertain
And now, I am left alone and I am broken
Trying to find my way
Trying to find the faith that's gone
This time I know that
You are holding all the answers
And I'm tired of losing hope and taking chances
On roads that never seem
To be the ones that bring me home
Give me a revelation
Show me what to do
'Cause I've been trying
To find my way
I haven't got a clue
Tell me should I stay here
Or do I need to move?
Give me a revelation
I've got nothing without
You I've got nothing without You
I heard the door and I was fixing to stop but Brian ushered me to keep going so I did. The guys seemed to enjoying themselves.
My life has led me down this path that's ever winding
Through every twist and turn, I'm always finding
That I am lost again
Tell me when this road will ever end
Give me a revelation
Show me what to do
'Cause I've been trying
To find my way
I haven't got a clue
Tell me should I stay here
Or do I need to move?
Give me a revelation
I've got nothing without
You I've got nothing without
I don't know where I can turn
Tell me, when will I learn?
Won't You show me where I need to go?
Let me follow Your lead I know that it's the only way that I can get back home
Give me a revelation
Show me what to do
'Cause I've been trying
To find my way
I haven't got a clue
Tell me should I stay here
Or do I need to move?
Give me a revelation
I've got nothing without You
I've got nothing without You
No, oh no, oh no Oh,
give me a revelation Oh Lord,
oh no
I've got nothing, now, without
You I've got nothing, now, without You
The song ended and they clapped.
"Thanks guys but it needs a little work." I said embarrassed.
"No it don't! It's perfect." Matt said smiling. Jimmy sat down beside me and hugged me. We sat around and Zacky called some takeout place and ordered us some food. We sat around and ate and I was so tired for some reason. I fell asleep minutes after eating.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~MATT'S POV~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
I had Rage curled up next to me asleep and I smiled down at her. I picked her up and her sleeve slipped up. I looked down at her arms and seen healed scars.
"Brian? Have you seen this?" I said quietly. He looked over and his eyes widened.
"What the hell did that? Zacky come here." Zacky got up and walked over to us. He looked down at Rage's arm.
"What did this Zacky?" Brian asked.
"She did. They're self inflicted. They're old but I say she is still doing it." Brian lifted her other sleeve and the same thing was on that arm too. I lifted the legs of her pants and seen fresh cuts. Brian looked and bercame angry but worried at the same time.
"I think we should get her some therapy." Matt said and Brian nodded.
"I'll call my therapist in the morning. Are you guys staying over?"
"Yeah." we said in unison. I pulled her sleeves and pant legs back down and carried her up to her room. The other went to theirs and as I set her down she woke up.
"Matt?"
"Yes sweetheart?" I said.
"Did I fall asleep?"
"Yes. I brought you up here. Now if you need me for anything I'm right across the hall." I said and she nodded. I stayed until she went right back to sleep before I went to my room. I laid down and pulled the covers over me and went into a deep sleep.
11/15/13