Just Before You Go

I woke up in the morning with deep regret.
It wasn’t that I was ruing the choice I’d made the night before—it was more complex than that. It was probably tied to how much I’d enjoyed it.
Jimmy wasn’t in the bed. His side of the bed was cold. I made my way downstairs and found him sitting out back. He smiled softly when he saw me. I sat down next to him, my knees creaking like an old woman.
“How’d you sleep?” he asked me.
“Like a baby.”
He snickered, “That sounds about right.”
“Thanks for last night,” I said awkwardly.
He didn’t look at me. He didn’t say anything. Maybe he was as full of regret as I was—but his was probably rooted differently.
“So, what are you doing next weekend?” I asked cheerily.
He shook his head with a shrug.
“Well, my parents are throwing this super lame Christmas party. It’ll be their first one in California but the ones back in Minnesota were pretty big. I imagine it’ll be a decent sized party.”
He just looked at me.
“Did you want to come?”
He smirked, “To a rich people party? Is it coat and tie? Do I have to rent a horse and carriage?”
“This isn’t the 1500s, James,” I teased.
He smiled at the use of his full name. I think it was starting to grow on him.
“I just thought it would be nice to have you with me,” I said fondly, resting my head against his shoulder. “You’d definitely make it more fun.”
“I’m not exactly any parent’s dream for their daughter,” Jimmy stated with a tiny grin.
I shrugged, “Luke and Grace will be there.”
“Oh, well if Luke’s going to be there,” Jimmy teased sarcastically.
“You don’t have to come,” I relented. “It’s totally up to you.”
“Does this mean you’re coming to my parents’ house?” Jimmy asked.
I nodded and he smiled.
“I need coffee,” I decided aloud and used Jimmy’s shoulder to push myself back to my feet.
He grabbed my hand just as I was going to walk away, I turned to look at him but he wasn’t looking at me. He had that look to him again.
“Aria,” he said lowly. “I really don’t want to fuck you up.”
My face grimaced itself.
“You’ve never done a drug in your life,” he lamented quietly. “But suddenly you meet me and it’s…I don’t want to wreck you.”
“You don’t have that power,” I retorted. “It was one time, Jimmy. Don’t read too much into it.”
He just nodded…but he let my hand go.
Once I had some coffee in me, I felt remarkably more energized. Jimmy had come out of his funk and had joined me in my java endeavor. Soon he was racing around the house, talking all sorts of nonsense. Sometimes he was difficult to follow mentally.
“Did I tell you Brian found a new girlfriend?” Jimmy asked me happily as he stretched out on the couch, his head in my lap and his eyes fixated on mine.
“You did not.”
“He did,” he said. “But she’s a fucking bitch and I hate her.”
I couldn’t help but laugh.
“What?” Jimmy snarled. “She is.”
“You’re just so blunt,” I giggled. “What’s wrong with her? Why don’t you like her? I honestly thought you liked everyone.”
“I’m just socially intelligent enough to make people believe that,” Jimmy shrugged. “Has nothing to do with actually liking people.”
I looked at him sternly, “Don’t fuck with me.”
“Sorry,” he smirked, booping the end of my nose with his finger. “I forget your brain is small.”
“Fuck you,” I laughed.
“Now you sound like Brian’s girlfriend!” he jeered.
I groaned, “Jimmy—why do you hate her?”
“She’s mean,” he pouted dramatically. “She’s really mean to Brian too.”
“You think everyone is mean to Brian,” I noted with a grin.
He nodded, “She’s especially mean though. She has a stick up her ass, I swear.”
“Great,” I sighed.
He pushed himself out of my lap abruptly, darting into the kitchen and returning with a glass of unidentifiable liquid.
“You’ll meet her tonight,” he told me matter-of-factly.
“Tonight?” I asked confusedly. “What’s tonight?”
“A party at Matt’s,” Jimmy shrugged. “It’s your night off.”
I raised an eyebrow, “Why would you assume it’s my night off?”
“Because you work every second Friday,” he said seriously. “And you worked last Friday.”
I was a little touched that he’d kept track of my work schedule. I’d never verbalized it as a concrete thing to him—it felt like I was always working. He did like me. How cute.
“And because I’m fucking smart,” he grinned at me, plopping back down onto his other couch.
I nodded, climbing out of my seat and into his lap. I straddled him and laced my fingers into his hair. My eyes traced along the edges of the handcuffs permanently secured around his neck.
“Well hello there,” he grinned deviously.
I smirked, “It was lonely over there.”
“Was it? I’m so sorry to hear that. I’ll be sure to add your comment to the suggestion box.”
“Shush,” I snickered as I pushed my lips to his.
Whatever hesitation Jimmy had had about me earlier in the morning was gone as he slid his tongue into my mouth. He was like a poison. Maybe he’d kill me in time but he numbed my troubles and he lit up all my senses. I couldn’t get enough of him.

We stopped into my house on our way to Matt’s so that I could pretty myself up. Jimmy had assured me that I was pretty enough, but I wasn’t having it. He waited on my couch, fidgeting like usual.
I tried to be as quick as humanly possible. Not necessarily because I wanted to get to Matt’s any sooner but because I wanted to get on with the show. But I’d been so bored and, admittedly, overwhelmed by the last party. At least then I’d had Jen to occupy me—even though she’d abandoned me.
Jimmy was tapping like a psychopath when I finally emerged from the bathroom. The weird thing was that he didn’t even seem to notice.
“Damn,” he said approvingly.
I walked straight to him, lingering just over him and forcing him into the very back of the couch. With our faces inches apart, his eyes were especially beautiful.
“You can, you know,” I said lowly, almost as a dare. “If you want to.”
His face turned down, “Can what?”
I shocked him by digging my hand into his pocket. He didn’t look displeased, though. But when I pulled out a tiny baggy instead of his dick, he looked disappointed—and panicked.
“I didn’t know that was—”
I pulled away just a little, turning my hips to fit into his lap, “Don’t lie to me.”
He tightened all of the muscles in his face.
“I like you the way you are,” I smirked.
He kissed me quickly.
“It’s okay,” I assured as I pulled away.
I tossed the little bag back to him as I got up and headed to the kitchen to down some preemptive amounts of water. It was the only sure-fire way to combat an impending hangover. Judging by my intoxication level at Brian’s party, I was certain I’d come home shit faced.
I watched as Jimmy bent over my table, taking up his demons. I could practically hear Jen’s nagging—but again, I didn’t care. I didn’t care at all that Jimmy was using. I didn’t care that he felt the need to. The only thing I cared about was having him around me.
I didn’t know what was happening to me.
With my glass in the sink, I made my way back to Jimmy. He looked up at me just as he took in another large bump.
He leaned his head all the way back, a small amount of residue collecting just above his plump upper lip. I was appalled that I found him attractive in that second—like, so attractive that I could actively feel myself warming.
“What?” he asked when he finally caught on to my staring.
I shrugged, “Nothing.”
“Did you want some?” he asked uncertainly.
“What is it?”
“Coke,” he said simply.
I considered it. Which, I knew deep down, meant something bad was happening to me. Where had the person I’d been before Jimmy gone? The good girl with the good grades and the aspirations to get into law? The girl who always followed the rules and never enjoyed her time…Where had she gone?
Should I have been mourning the loss of her?
All I felt was impulse.
Impulse to be closer to Jimmy. An impulse to be higher—further from my let down of a life.
“What’s it like?” I asked cautiously.
He smirked, “Like life…sped up. It’ll give you an extra beat.”
“Are you going to give me sad eyes this time?” I teased, but I was serious.
“If you want to get fucked up with me before—or at—a party,” he laughed lightly. “I’m all for it. It’s when you’re hiding out in the bathroom that I’m going to be concerned about you.”
He carved a tiny line out for me, assuring me that I wouldn’t need much—and again promising he’d take care of me. What a fucking life.
This wasn’t like the night before. This was almost instantaneous. It burned with a rush through my blood.
“Let’s go,” I said quickly.
All I brought were my keys, which I made Jimmy stuff into his pockets so I could forego a purse for the evening. We walked to Matt’s, since he only lived a few minutes further up the road than Jimmy.
I hardly remember the stroll. Next thing I knew, we were inside Matt’s house and I was eager to get into the liquor. Jimmy gave me a quick mini-tour before ducking into the kitchen to raid the booze supply.
“Hey guys,” Brian smiled as he caught sight of us.
He was sitting on the kitchen counter, a small brunette between his legs. She’d looked like a cunt. You know what I mean? She just had that look to her. Like resting bitch face but elevated. But maybe Jimmy had influenced my impression of her.
Jimmy dug into the beer, handing one to me promptly.
“Where’ve you guys been?” Brian asked. “I called a bunch of times last night.”
“Who did you call?” the girl between his legs asked aggressively.
Brian rolled his eyes, “Jimmy.”
“I got busy,” Jimmy said quickly. “Sorry, man.”
“I’ll bet you did,” Brian grinned. “I assume you had something to do with it, Aria?”
“Hey,” I giggled, “leave me out of it.”
At the sound of a female voice, the brunette whipped around. She didn’t look pleased that I had acknowledged her boy toy. I wondered if she knew that Brian was a smug piece of shit. Maybe they were actually a good match.
“Who’re you?” she asked in her most pretentious voice.
I looked around quickly, I could literally feel my heart beating.
“Me?” I asked dumbly.
She widened her eyes, “Obviously.”
“Oh—uh…I’m uncomfortable,” I joked.
Brian and Jimmy laughed. She did not.
“I’m Aria,” I said finally, more friendly this time. “You must be Brian’s girlfriend.”
“How do you know him?” she asked prissily.
Jimmy groaned, pulling me into his lanky body, “Cara, this is my girlfriend.”
“Remember?” Brian added. “I told you about her. She works at that bar I took you to last week.”
“Brian, can I talk to you for a second?” she growled. “Alone?”
She practically pulled him off of the counter and then dragged him down the hall. Jimmy was shaking his head as he stole Brian’s place on the counter.
“Told you,” he sang cockily.
I was bewildered, “She’s awful!”
He beckoned me into him, which I happily obliged. I was jittery and was having a hard time standing still. But Jimmy’s scent made it easier.
“How’re you feeling?” he asked me, studying my every movement. “You’re good?”
“I’m good,” I smiled.
He smirked at me, closing one eye, “You’re pretty cool.”
“Why are you looking at me like that?” I laughed.
“I’m trying to see you,” he scoffed. “I should have put my glasses on.”
In all the time I’d spent with Jimmy, I’d never seen him in glasses.
“You wear glasses?” I asked in disbelief.
He chuckled, “Yeah. I can’t fucking see without them. But…I can appreciate that I look like a tool in them.”
“I seriously doubt that,” I said seriously.
I pulled his chin down, standing on my the tips of my toes to plant my lips firmly on his. For a second I almost forgot where we were. I could have kissed him all night.
“Gross,” a familiar voice pitched.
Brian was shaking his head behind her, arms out to the side. I turned around and rested my back between Jimmy’s legs, he locked his arms around me.
“We should play beer pong,” Brian said seriously.
“I’m in,” Jimmy announced.
If Jimmy was in, I guess that meant I was in. I moved so he could climb down and we all walked to the living room. Brian shooed away the people gathered around the table. He and Jimmy took to setting up our game.
“Hey!” Matt’s raspy voice cut through the crowd. “You guys are here! I didn’t see you come in.”
“We snuck in,” I winked.
“I listened to your song,” Jimmy called to Matt as he lined up the red cups. “It’s garbage. I hate it.”
“Shut up, Rev,” Matt laughed him off.
“Don’t listen to him,” Brian smirked. “The song’s got good bones. We’ll work it out.”
“Can you not talk about the stupid band for one night?” his girlfriend whined.
Matt made a face. I nodded really subtly in agreement.
“On that note,” Matt laughed and took off into the kitchen.
We got into our game and I tried my best not to look at Brian’s bitch of a girlfriend. Which was difficult considering she was standing directly across from me. Turns out cocaine made my hands shaky and my depth perception pretty well void. I couldn’t sink a single shot.
Neither could Jimmy.
“I expect this shit from him,” Brian laughed, looking at me. “But what’s your problem tonight?”
“You’ve got me all distracted, Syn,” I teased, closing one eye to try and line up a shot. “I can’t concentrate.”
Jimmy snorted a laugh.
I missed again.
Brian came around the edge of the table, “Jimmy, help your fucking girlfriend. She’s embarrassing herself.”
“Yeah, ‘cause I’ve been making good shots tonight,” Jimmy retorted. “I’m useless to her.”
I gave Jimmy a little nudge in the ribs; he scrunched his nose at me.
Brian came behind me, putting the tiny white ball into my hand.
“Okay,” he said into my ear, “you have to look at where you’re throwing—”
“I don’t think my lack of understanding is the problem, Brian,” I giggled.
Brian sunk down to be eye level with me, using my hand as his own. He told me when to throw and, of course, it sunk into a cup.
“Yeah!” Brian and Jimmy roared.
Brian gave me a little wink—just as his girlfriend ripped him away from me and pulled him far away from the game. We could hear her screaming at him.
“Did I do something?” I asked confusedly.
Jimmy shrugged, “I guess.”
Her voice was shrill and loud. I felt bad for Brian.
Maybe it was the drugs or maybe I’d developed a soft spot for Brian that I hadn’t known about, but I tore down the hall after them. I could see them at the end of the hall, though my boiling blood made it sort of difficult to see straight. Brian was up against the wall as Cara screamed at him, her face remarkably close to his. She was ballsy, I’d give her that.
“She’s my best friend’s fucking girlfriend!” Brian barked back in response to, I assume, some wild accusation.
“You were all over her!” Cara screamed loudly. “Do you and Jimmy take turns with her, or what? Huh, Brian? What’s she have that I don’t?”
“A brain,” I retorted smugly, planting my feet firmly into the floor.
She looked startled as she whipped around to look at me.
“Can I help you?” she spit.
“I came to get Brian,” I smiled at her.
“How about you don’t come near my boyfriend,” she suggested with a hiss. “Sound good?”
Brian tried to move around her but she stopped him.
“What is wrong with you?” I laughed, my fingers fidgeting around restlessly.
I guess she was bored with Brian and decided to give me a piece of her mind. She marched over to me and started to shout something about me being a slut. I wasn’t really sure what she was saying—it was loud and it was aggressive.
“Are you done?” I asked coolly as she continued to scream in my face.
“Who are you even?” she continued. “You think you can just come around and fuck around with whoever? Don’t you have your own fucking boyfriend to flirt with, bitch? Oh, that’s right; your boyfriend’s a fucking junkie. He can’t even stand up long enough to give you any real attention—I feel fucking sorry for you. You must be really pathetic to fuck some drug addict and need his friend’s attention too. Why don’t you and your little druggie boyfriend go climb back into the hole you obviously crawled out of?”
Something about the way she was ripping into Jimmy instantly enraged me. I was so fucking tired of people acting like he was Satan incarnated.
I didn’t think about it. I just did it.
I punched that girl straight in the jaw.
I’d never hit anyone. I stunned myself—what next?
She came at me with a strong aggression. She had a solid right hook—my poor eye. I knew it was going to swell. At the time though, I didn’t feel shit. That, I knew, was the drugs.
I grabbed her by the back of her hair and pushed, with extra force, her face into the wall. And then again.
And then I released her and let her fall to the floor. Stepping over her body, I looked up at Brian—who looked horrified but entertained.
“You’re not seriously going to keep dating her, are you?” I asked lightly.
He laughed really loud, “Does Jimmy ever know how to pick ‘em.”
We left her in a heap on the floor. We figured when she came to, she’d either come after me like an idiot or she’d get the idea and she’d leave. I hoped the latter would reign supreme and that she’d effectively be Brian’s problem.
“Your girlfriend is insane,” Brian jeered as we rejoined Jimmy, who had accumulated a couple of friends in our absence.
He grabbed my face, “What happened to your eye?”
“Cara hit it,” I said seriously.
“What?” Jimmy laughed.
Brian excitedly started getting into what had happened. Jimmy was just blinking, looking between Brian and I.
“You…you smashed her face,” Jimmy said to me. “Into a wall.”
I nodded once, “Yes.”
He leaned into me with a grin on his sexy face, “How high are you right now?”
I just giggled.
He grabbed me by the hand and dragged me away, shouting back to our little group, “We’re going to go fuck!”
“Jimmy!” I giggled but made no efforts to stop him.
We ran the whole way back to Jimmy’s and didn’t make it to the bed. The living room floor was as good as any, right?
What a life.

Notes

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