It’s funny, Matt thought as he sat down onto the chair at the venue they’d be shooting their video at and stared at his reflection, how I used to think changing your outward appearance was such a girl way of coping with a lost relationship.

His hazel eyes laid in deep hollows, and he thought his hairstyle, the sides shaved off and the hair in the middle combed to one side, didn’t suit him at all.

Fuck, I look like some hipster Hitler, he thought to himself. But anything was better than the hair her delicate fingers were once tangled in as they breathlessly became one. Anything that would not remind him of how he looked when he had it all. And then he lost it all.

“Dude!“ Johnny cried out as he spotted him, “you look sick! Nice side cut or whatever this is.“ Matt chuckled. “Yeah man, I’m calling it the drunken hairdresser.“ Johnny ran his fingers through Matt’s hair and basically ruined his hair for the day. “I’m gonna fuckin kill you Christ,“ Matt growled as the bass player ran away.

How can they be so giddy after everything that happened? Matt wondered as he watched Johnny joke around with their drummer, Arin. How can he still be so nice to the kid when we’re firing him soon? Do they not miss Jimmy at all?

Sure, Arin was a nice fill-in. He played the drums best he could. Still, something wasn’t right and they knew it. He didn’t really fit with their style of music. Karma had been against hiring him anyway, despite only having him heard play via FaceTime on Brian’s phone. The writing process was extremely difficult with him.

And then Matt met Brooks Wackerman at some dowdy bar in Los Angeles when he couldn’t sleep and Bad Religion had performed there that night. Suddenly, they had a drummer. They just needed to tell the Kid, and soon.

Matt didn’t know if Arin suspected anything so far. They hadn’t asked him to rehearse in weeks. But maybe that was not because of him but because they were pretty much done with the band... Matt didn't know. He just knew that he had to be ready for the music video. Maybe it was their last, maybe it wasn't.

“Hi Mr. Shadows, I’ll be taking care of your make-up today. I’m Lydia,“ Some girl introduced herself to him. Well hello there, hot little number, Matt thought. Maybe she could be my pretty little waste of time for the next weeks. And Mr. Shadows, hell yeah I like the sound of that.

“Thanks Lydia,“ he said sweetly, showing off his dimples with an innocent smile. He didn’t want to give away too much already. She’d be like wax in his hands later one way or another. Matt grinned to himself. He just had that effect on women.

“Oh shit she’s here, no waaaay!“ Johnny cried out. Oh no. OH HELL NO. All those weeks Matt knew he was going to see her he thought it would go alright. Just hearing Johnny say those words made him painfully aware of how wrong he had been.

And then he saw her. And it was just like in one of those kitschy movies he’d somehow grown to like. Time slowed down as she approached the stool directly next to her. Her long blond hair, which Matt knew was half fake by now, swayed in the wind the air conditioning created. Long forgotten was Lydia next to him.

“Hey Matt,“ she said with an easy smile, and Matt had to practically force himself to look at her. She was so beautiful. The gray top hung on her small frame. It was at least a size too big. He remembered how in the beginning, she’d tried to hide her diet from him, but didn’t exactly succeed.

Let’s just say a guy notices when his lady is “not hungry“ at every god damned meal, Matt thought with a sigh. “Hey there,“ he finally replied, an uneasy smile on his lips. After some seconds, he added a “How you doing?“ Anything to make her talk again.

“Good, I’m just busy. As always I guess. And you?“
“I’m good. I have been producing The Confessions’ album, so I’ve been pretty busy, too. And I’ve been singing a song with Slash from GnR, which turned out great,“ he answered, hoping that a longer answer from him would get her to talk more.

“Sounds great,“ she said. Does she really think it’s great? He wondered as he watched her reactions closely. Fuck it. After all these years I shouldn’t even give a fuck if she thinks what I’m doing is great. I know that myself.

“You know I’m really glad you could make it to the video shoot,“ Matt said instead of asking her any questions. Yeah, way to go, Matt. There you go sounding like a fucking retard. Bullshit, you don’t fucking miss her.

“I’m busy, I know,“ she replied, a venomous, but also wary undertone in her voice from one too many fights they had about her never having time for the band. That far, she’d managed every time, and Matt was somewhat impressed with her new manager’s skills.

Ryan Goodheart was not as career-focused as the guy she’d had before, that Trey. But of course he pushed her, too. Karma never spoke about what she thought of Trey now, but Matt reckoned that she was grateful on one hand. Without him, she would not have made it this far, after all. He made her take that opportunity the sudden popularity of that Johnny Cash cover provided, and it worked out.

On the other hand, Matt thought with a heavy heart, he was not entirely innocent about the way we broke up. Sure, they would have slipped apart anyway. But all that drama with the photos, with going public or not was mainly caused by Trey, and of course, by a foolishly obedient, career-focused Karma.

“I didn’t mean it like that,“ Matt offered, hoping to get her to talk some more as their stylists started to work on them.
“I’m sure you didn’t.“

“I really didn’t, Karma. I’m just actually glad you’re here. We haven’t seen each other in a long while.“ Yeah thank you big mouth now I sound like a fucking lost puppy. Just fucking great.

“Then I’m glad, too. It’s good to see you again,“ Karma said as she turned to face the mirror again. God damn it, get yourself together, Sanders. Go make some fucking conversation, Matt scolded himself. “What were your projects lately?" His heart pounded loudly as she turned around to talk to him again.

“Just some touring and stuff, and there's a possibility I might be doing something really cool in the future but I can't tell you about that yet. Signed a statement," she said with a wink. “Cool," Matt said. “You know, I bought your album just yesterday. Really liked the artwork." Karma shot him a smile, and it warmed his entire body.

“Thanks but it's really not what you usually listen to," she answered. “Ah, you'd be surprised at what I've come to like," he answered. He hoped it would result into one of their endless conversations about modern music, but sadly, it didn't this time.

Karma's stylist braided her hair carefully, then did some more to her hair. After she was done, she looked like a mighty lioness, ready for battle. It fit their war song perfectly. Beautiful, but deadly. And that’s exactly what she is.

The rest of the day just kind of passed by. Occasionally he glanced at Karma, hoping she didn’t realize. Just checking if she was still beautiful. And the worst thing was, she was becoming even more beautiful each time he looked at her. Matt did what he was told to by the director, and put on his brave face. It was war, after all.

Time really flew by, and before he knew it, the music video for This Means War was done. “Good job today guys,“ the director said as he shook their hands, “I should have it ready pretty soon. I’ll contact Larry about it, alright? Was a pleasure working with you.“

I miss Wayne, Matt thought. The guy was still the best. A pang of sadness hit him as he thought about the last music video Wayne shot with Avenged, Dear God. He never managed to actually watch the video, seeing as it was only out for a couple of days when Karma and him broke up.

He understood Wayne never wanting to shoot with them again. Matt threw a tantrum and he didn’t like complicated people.

“Are we still going out tonight?“ Syn's question ripped him out of his trance.

Oh man, he thought, am I going out tonight? I could message Sandy and just forget about Karma for a while. Or I could go out with the guys and torment myself some more. I don’t fucking know…

Notes

I am so glad that you're liking my story so far. I have a lot coming up for you!