When I Was Your Man

Matt sat on his piano in his music room, the floor covered in sheets and sticky notes. On the right hand side, in front of the big window with the ocean view laid the ones he was fairly content with, a small pile of six to seven sheets that hadn't been altered in the last 4 days.

Even though Hail to the King had barely been out for some weeks, Matt knew he had more to write in himself, better stuff from a whole different dimension. And he needed to get it out, whether Avenged would record it or not. Well, I could just sell it, too, he thought as he played an easy tune to warm up his fingers.

On the left hand side, just in front of the abandoned drums no-one dared play and the old treadmill his ex girlfriend Val didn't use anymore, there were torn apart sheets and paper balls.

He stared at the treadmill, hoping it would vanish. Somehow, it bothered him that Val kept bringing him stuff she didn't want anymore, but didn't want to throw away either. Okay, the treadmill was my fault, I said I’d use it and gave her twenty bucks for it. Whatever. It’s been so long, even years before Karma, Matt thought with a wary smile, but I’m glad we are where we are now.

Val helped him through his heartbreak in the darkest hours. Nothing had ever happened between them anymore, and Matt was determined for it to stay this way. But she’d just understood him better than any one of his bandmates. They just grew tired of hearing the same old story over and over again.

Val was different. She knew what it felt like to have her heart broken. By me, Matt thought with a sigh. But still, she’s been so selfless and nothing but a good friend to me. And Karma. She really managed to stay close with Karma.

Again and again, Matt’s fingers moved across the piano before coming to a halt at the same spot. He put his toned, tattooed arms around his head, folding his hands in the back of his neck.

The tune had been stuck in his head for weeks now. It didn't sound anything like metal, and he was sure his bandmates were going to laugh, but he couldn't think of anything else. It was crazy, absolutely. They'd written all kinds of music which was out of the box in a way, ballads, strings and horns, even a country song. But this was even more different and edgy.

To get some inspiration, he looked through the beach side window, watching the busy folks go by. His mind traveled off to the last time he had actually been excited to go to the beach.
Years ago. When Karma came back from London. And then we were photographed.

And at first I was so naive, wondering why on earth she was wearing make-up and everything. To look good on some fucking photos... It was the beginning of the end. Matt didn’t want to be used to create followers for her.

And yet, she never told me the truth, he thought with a bitter smile. Actually, of that Matt was certain, they were over it enough for her to finally admit she had photographers sent. But no, she never did. But why else would she wear make-up to a beach day? How would someone know where we are?

Matt cradled his head in his hands. Some things would never make sense to him. She always only let me see what she wanted me to see. This was only one of those things.

Some days, and today was one of these days, he wanted to scream his lungs dry. He wanted to drive over to her house and scream it right into that pretty face of hers. One question. Why.

He wanted to listen to music so loud that he didn't hear anything anymore, and maybe then he would hear himself. He wanted to do acid, to get so drunk he didn't feel a single thing anymore, and then go 140 on the highway just to make those voices stop.

If Jimmy was still around, Matt was certain he would have recklessly put himself into many dangerous situations already. But as it was, he knew life was more precious than his heartbreak. He couldn't do drugs anymore, and he certainly couldn't drive drunk. It was crazy what that woman was doing to him.

It was foolish to think it could last.

It was only then that Matt noticed how his fingers were playing a melody he'd always loved. He couldn't help it.
At a low volume, he started singing along.

She can kill with a smile, she can wound with her eyes
She can ruin your faith with her casual lies
And she only reveals what she wants you to see
Yeah she acts like a child but she's always....

Always... Yeah always. Matt swallowed. What had become of always? A bunch of nothing and never ...

But she's always a woman to me... he finished hoarsely.

He was not able to save her. She had countless issues. He noticed her eating disorder. He just wasn’t able to do anything other than watch and let it grow. And those lies, Matt sighed. He sought comfort in his ex, Sarah, which was a mistake. But she just turned up at his door when he was at his worst.

And then that fight.

Him screaming at her.

Matt was so scared when they fought that one night they broke up. Scared he’d hit her, because that was exactly what he felt like doing. And he kept screaming because somehow, he was screaming at himself. He knew he’d break up. He couldn’t live knowing he cheated with Sarah.

Yeah she’ll bring out the best and the worst you can be
And the more she will do is throw shadows at you
‘Cause she’s always a woman to me….

Something had to have happened with that producer she worked with, too. Otherwise she would have never sold the album and all the tracks she’d co-written to countless shitty artists. At least she did what she loved now: Rock music. Her first real album debuted some months after they split. She and her new team worked extremely fast.

As expected, it sold gold in the first month. The brand Karma Strikes was growing quickly. Matt threw the piano lid shut, knowing he would not achieve anything that day. He’d been thinking too much about her already. And what would I achieve something for? Avenged has been dead for over a year.

Matt wanted to punch himself for his behavior after Karma and him split. They had a few more concerts to do. Four. He turned up high on acid for the first one and not at all for the second. He managed to turn up for the third concert, but he was drunk and probably swallowed some pills.

He didn't even remember how many different drugs he did back then. He sung the lyrics of November Rain somewhere in the middle of Seize the Day. The fourth concert was cancelled “due to unfortunate circumstances“. Matt was sure it had to do with him. There was not going to be a tour for Hail to the King.

He sighed as he walked upstairs again. I wish I had a purpose in life, he thought. Avenged Sevenfold was his life for so many years. And Karma could have been. Now all his bandmates were happy in love and he was alone. Fucking bullshit this is.

His feet automatically carried him to the fridge, like almost every day these days. He ranted as he noticed that he only had one beer left. Normally he drank four or five daily. Not enough to get really drunk, but it did make him comfortably numb. And it surely was better than acid. Well, it’s only three o’ clock, Matt thought. Technically. I could still buy another Sixpack.

He unscrewed the cap, then slumped into his couch lazily. One hand around the flask with the brownish liquid that had become his best friend, he switched on the TV.

“This is really groundbreaking,“ someone said on the news channel, “I’ve been waiting for them to reunite forever. I never lost hope. And I love Karma Strikes, I hope she’ll join them when they perform in LA.“

Wait, who? Karma!

“Again,“ a blond news reporter said with a fake excitement, “ground breaking news. The old Guns n' Roses are going on tour again in a way they haven’t in almost thirty years. Axl Rose and Slash together with Duff McKagan. Joined by none other than the mighty Karma Strikes in some selected concerts. Up next: How a Texas woman survived being struck by a lightning…“

What. I can’t believe it. I have to go talk to her. I have to. I need to know what this means for the band. And why the fuck she never told me this was happening.

Suddenly determined, Matt put away his beer, then fished his keys out of yesterday’s pants and got into his car.

He was sure he could drive the way to his ex' house even blindfolded. There was no way he’d ever forget.

Notes

Another update for my loves!

Sooo kind of more background information about what happened and what an asshole Matt was- I mean really?? -.-

Is he going to Karma's? What's going to happen?

Thanks a lot for your comments on my last update :)