So Far Away

I stood before the bathroom mirror, smoothing down my hair and checking my makeup a final time. I had made a reservation at a fancy restaurant as a way of thanking Matt for being there for me on this trip even when I was doing everything I could to push him away.

I had gone all out for the occasion with a black strapless dress that fell to mid thigh and it felt good. I could barely remember the last time I’d really put a lot of effort into the way I looked. I had also taken a lot of time to make sure my makeup was done to perfection. It felt good to look in the mirror and like what I saw.

Once I had decided everything was in place I stepped out of the bathroom. Matt was sitting on the end of his bed lacing up his shoes. His gaze snapped up to meet mine then trailed lower, giving me a good look.

“You look amazing,” he breathed.

I felt my cheeks flush slightly as I crouched down to pull the pair of heels I’d brought from my bag. I strapped them on and then I was ready to go. Matt got to his feet and I couldn’t help but check him out. He was wearing a black button up shirt with a pair of dark washed jeans. The shirt was just tight enough that you could see the muscles that bulged beneath it. I looked away quickly before he could catch me staring.

We made our way outside and down to the front where a taxi was already waiting for us. Matt opened the door and allowed me to climb inside first.

“It feels so good to be going out all dressed up like this. It’s been awhile since I put in this much effort to look nice.”

“Well it paid off. You look more than nice, you look breathtaking.”

I blushed again and turned my attention to the scenery passing by. His compliments were making me feel all giddy inside and I didn’t want him to see me smiling like an idiot.

The drive over to the restaurant passed quickly and we were seated as soon as we walked inside. Matt and I each ordered a glass of their specialty wine and browsed the menu. Matt ordered chicken parmesan and I ordered alfredo with chicken and shrimp.

“I can’t believe we head home in two days. Our time here is moving too fast.”

“I guess it’s true what they say, time flies when you’re having fun. And believe me, I’m having fun taking in all the beautiful views this place has to offer.” He looked at me pointedly over the rim of his glass and I had to look away quickly before my cheeks grew red again. What was up with me tonight? I had never gotten this flustered around Matt before.

By the time our plates were sat in front of us I was finishing up my second glass of wine so I ordered a third. I practically moaned when I took the first bite of my alfredo, the sauce was perfect. “If my tastebuds could have an orgasm, they definitely would have just then. Amazing!”

Matt choked on the wine he’d just sipped and had to cover his face with his napkin until the coughing subsided. “So I never got around to asking,” he started after regaining his composure, “did you finally get a break from the dream? You seemed to have slept well.”

“I had the dream but it was different last night. Jimmy didn’t say he hates me. He said that it’s okay for me to move on. Then something about you and how he understands why it was me that you picked to sleep with that night.” I groaned and sat my wineglass down on the table. I wasn’t intending on telling Matt that last part but thanks to the wine I’d let it slip.

“What exactly did he say about me?”

“It was just a dream it doesn’t matter.”

“But I want to know.”

Apparently he wasn’t going to let this go so rather than putting a damper on the evening by arguing I’d have to tell him. “He said that you’ve had a thing for me since we met and he knew from the beginning. That’s why you decided to have sex with me that night.”

Matt laughed, but he sounded a bit nervous. “Well that’s nothing new. I told you that myself the other night, remember?”

“I know but...you know what? Nevermind. Like I said before, it was just a dream.” I had been about to say that I sort of got the feeling from Jimmy that it was a bigger deal than Matt was letting on but it was better to drop the subject. After all, it really was just a dream.

“You ready to get out of here?” Matt asked after we’d both finished our meals. I nodded before taking the last drink of my wine and getting to my feet. I stood up too fast and the room started to tilt, forcing me to grab the table to keep myself upright.

“You’re such a lightweight,” Matt chuckled. When I finally gained my balance and headed for the door, I felt Matt’s hand rest against the small of my back. A smile tugged at my lips, cherishing the feeling probably more than I should.

The cab ride back was spent in comfortable silence. After climbing out of the car, I moved towards the building but gently grabbed my arm. “I’m not ready to go in just yet. Want to go for a walk?”

I agreed and stepped out of my shoes, knowing there was no way in hell I could walk over the sand in heels. Matt snatched them out of my hand and carried them for me.

Everything about this night was amazing. The way the moon reflected off the water was beautiful and the clear skies allowed the stars to sparkle brightly. The sensation of the sand squishing beneath my toes and the comfortable presence of Matt walking along beside me.

“Do you think that you dreaming that Jimmy told you it’s okay to move on is maybe because somewhere deep down you feel like you’re ready to move on?” Matt asked quietly.

“I don’t know, I’ve never really been a big believer in dreams giving us signs or whatever. What do you think?”

“I think maybe you are ready to move on. You and Jimmy broke up almost two years ago. You’ve had a lot of time to come to terms with it. Maybe you’ve realized now that life is short and you shouldn’t be afraid to let go of him. You’ve got a lot of life left to live and you know that he wouldn’t want you hanging on to him and not finding happiness again.”

“You’re right. I know you’re right, but I’m afraid. If I don’t move on then I never have to risk being hurt. I don’t want anymore pain, I’ve had enough for a lifetime.”

“That’s no way to live, Jerrika. Sure you’re risking being hurt but if you don’t take that risk then you’re signing yourself up to be alone forever.”

I stared out across the water, my mind jumbled with thoughts and the wine I’d had wasn’t letting me make sense of any of them.

“I didn’t mean to upset you,” Matt said softly. He reached over and brushed his thumb across my cheek. It was then I realized I was crying.

“My head is just a mess right now,” I muttered, feeling stupid. I hated being emotional for no reason.

Matt pulled me into his arms and I leaned forward, letting my forehead rest against his chest. “Remind me to never drink wine again. It makes me too emotional.”

Chuckling, he squeezed me tightly. “Everything is going to work out and you’re more than welcome to keep using me to vent to until it does.” I managed a small smile even though he couldn’t see it, I sure hoped he was right about that.

Notes