Enough

After lunch I let Zack drive me to Matt's. The two shots of jack calmed my nerves and I was ready to finally be alone with my thoughts.

Zack pulled up to Matt's house and we got out. "Thanks for buying me lunch." I told him as we began walking to Matt's front door. "I'll pay you back as soon as I get a job. For this and, you know, the whole phone thing. I'll get on my own plan as soon as I can."

Zack shook his head. "Beks, don't worry about it. I'm serious, just take some time and relax and enjoy life. I told you I would take care of you if you left that bastard and you did. We will get you a credit card in your name and I'll pay it off for you while you get back on your feet."

"Oh, no, Zack, that's too much. Really, I don't need..." I started.

"I want to." He nodded reassuringly. He stopped walking and turned towards me. "Let me do this for you. I should have never left you here with that bastard in the first place."

I shook my head. "Zack, you didn't know. You couldn't have known. None of this is your fault."

Zack opened his mouth to reply but Matt appeared at the front door. "Are you two going to get your asses in here or not?" He asked with a slight grin on his face.

Zack and I walked into the house and I was immediately pulled into a hug by Valary. "Bekah!" she exclaimed hugging me tighter. "The guys told us what happened. Why didn't you tell us sooner?"

"Oh, I..." I started but she interrupted me.

"I'm sorry," she shook her head. "I didn't mean to attack you like that." She gave a short laugh. "I'm just worried about you. We missed you."

Michelle pulled me into a hug next. "I missed you guys too." I told them. I hugged Lacey.

"Where did you guys go?" Matt asked Zack quietly.

Zack shrugged. "She wasn't ready to come here yet. We went and got lunch."

Matt nodded. "Gena is in the kitchen." Zack nodded and walked away.

I watched Zack walk away and then turned to the crowd around me. "I'm uh...really tired so..."

Valary nodded. "Of course, I'll show you to the guest room."

"I'll show her," Matt said and led me up the stairs. "Sorry about bombarding you." He said quietly.

"No, it's good to feel supported." I told him with a weak smile. "Thanks, Matt. For letting me stay here, for everything."

He opened a door and we walked into a bedroom. "Don't worry about it, Bekah. You're my best friend; you're basically my little sister. I'd do anything for you."

I nodded and looked around the room. Matt, I assumed, had already brought up my luggage. "But still...I'll figure out a way to repay you."

Matt shook his head, "Don't worry about it. I'm just glad you’re safe. I would have killed him if he would have done any permanent damage to you. Hell, I'm still tempted to kill him."

I stared up at him for a long moment. "I'm really sorry you had to find me like that. I wish I would have told you sooner."

Matt agreed, "Me too." I didn't reply and he took a deep breath. "Bekah, I'm doing my best to stay calm about this and I really think I've done a good job. That prick deserves to be six feet under, he shouldn't be allowed on the street. The only reason I haven't killed him yet is because you asked me not to and because I can't bear the thought of leaving Val to spend time in a jail cell. I don't know how much longer I can keep up this façade that everything is okay, because it's not. And I keep getting the feeling that you're not telling me everything. I mean...I know you said you did but what Jake said about you sleeping around just has kind of stuck with me. And, there's no judgement, really - you're a grown ass woman, you can do what you want. But if there is something more than that going on, please tell me.”

I nibbled on my lip. I didn't - I couldn't - lie to him again. "Can we talk about this later?" I asked him. "I want to tell you everything but it has already been a long day. I'm exhausted, please."

Matt stared down at me for a seemingly long time. I could tell he didn't want to leave this room without knowing what else was going on but he gently nodded regardless of his internal thoughts. “Of course," he told me. "I'll let you get some rest. Make yourself at home; this is just as much as your home as it is mine and Val's. You have your own bathroom though that door there, closet is that door there."

I nodded and smiled at him. "Thanks again, Matt."

"You're welcome," he said and began to walk out of the room.

"Hey, Matt," I called and he turned around. "I don't want anyone else to know that I haven't told them everything. Not yet, anyways. I'll tell you because I don't want to lie to you again, but I'm just not quite ready to tell everything to everyone."

Matt nodded. "I understand. Get some rest; we'll talk about it later." And with that he walked out of the room, shutting the door behind him.

I turned and stood alone in the room for a moment deciding if I wanted to go to bed or take a shower first. I decided a shower would be best and walked to the door Matt pointed out as the bathroom. I walked in and shut the door behind me. I took off my tank top and pants. I studied my reflection in the mirror for a moment and traced the outline of the faint but still visible bruises that covered me.

I took off my bra and panties and looked away from the mirror. I bent down and turned on the water for the shower, but a bottle of bubble bath caught my eye and I decided on doing that instead. I pulled my hair down from the bun I had it in while I waited for the bathtub to fill up.

Before I met Jake, my hair was long enough to tuck into my jeans. I loved it, I took pride in it. After Jake and I started dating, a random man at the mall complimented it and said he loved women with long hair. Jake overheard and when we got home that day he demanded I cut it. Of course, I refused. It was my hair, and he was just some creepy guy that complimented me. It didn't mean anything to me, and I loved my hair so there was no way I was going to cut it. So, Jake pulled me into the bathroom by my hair, and proceeded to completely butcher it.

That should have been my cue to leave; I don't know why I didn't. The next day, I went to the hair salon and told the lady I was babysitting my friend’s kids and they thought it would be funny to take scissors to my hair in the middle of the night. She laughed and fixed it for me, no one ever found out the truth of what happened and Jake never brought it up.

I ran a hand absentmindedly though my hair. It was now a few inches past my shoulders, which was much longer than it was when I got it cut so I guess I couldn't complain.

I turned the water off and climbed into the tub. The water was hot, and I felt my body begin to relax immediately. I lay down in the tub and laid my head back against the tub wall and closed my eyes.

I woke up sometime later. The bath water was not yet cold so I knew I wasn't out for too long. It took me a moment to remember where I was, and then I got out of the bath. I drained the water and grabbed a towel and wrapped it around my chest. I walked out of the bathroom and opened one of my suitcases. I pulled out a shirt and some underwear.

After getting dressed I pulled the phone Zack got me out of my purse. Its screen was still shattered but it still worked fine. I had an unread text from Zack. I opened it. "Text me if you need anything or just want to talk. I'll come by tomorrow to check up on you."

I smiled slightly before locking the phone and putting it on the night stand. I yawned before crawling into bed and going back to sleep.

**


The next morning I woke up to sunlight peeking through the curtains. I rolled over, half expecting Jake to be sleeping beside me. It was easy sleeping alone in the bed, Jake was always working late or out with friends, so it was often that I fell asleep alone at night.

I lay in bed and thought about him and what he was doing. I wondered if he missed me as much as I missed him. I wondered if he already had another woman in bed with him. My chest ached and I rolled back over and closed my eyes hoping to fall back asleep but my mind was already awake.

I knew I deserved better than Jake. I knew getting out of that relationship was the best thing for me even though it was the hardest thing I ever had to do. I knew it, but I'd be a liar if I told you I wasn't hoping to wake up to a text from him asking me to come back to him. Of course, he didn’t have my number with this new phone, so that was a foolish thing to hope. What I wouldn't do to hear him say he was sorry for all the pain he had caused me, that he didn't mean it and he wanted me to come back. Although, hearing those words wouldn't be enough - he would actually have to mean them, really, really mean them.

I pulled the blanket tighter around me, attempting to give myself a better sense of security. Love was an awful thing. To love someone and them not love you back was probably one of the most dreadful feelings known to the human race. Not only was it completely heartbreaking, but it was downright soul crushing. And to love someone who isn't worthy of your love at all and them still not love you back...well, I don't know if that is something absolutely agonizing or just something utterly fatuous. Or both.

I pulled myself out of bed and stretched, I couldn't allow myself to stay locked up in the bedroom all day no matter how bad I wanted to. I grabbed some clothes out of one of my suitcases and headed to the shower.

After my shower, I used my makeup to cover what little body bruises you could see. I knew Jake wasn't around and I wasn't forced to cake myself in makeup everyday anymore, but it was habit and I didn't really want to go around sporting how damaged I was. I towel dried my hair and decided to join whoever was up downstairs.

I walked down the stairs and saw Matt, Val and Michelle sitting at the kitchen table. When they saw me they smiled and Val got up from her chair.

"Let me get you some coffee," she said, grabbing a coffee cup.

"I can do it," I told her gently, grabbing the cup from her hands and pouring coffee from the coffee pot into it. She handed me the creamer before taking her seat back at the table.

"Bekah, we were thinking about going and doing a little shopping today," Michelle said when I joined them at the table. "Do you want to come? Gena and Lacey are coming too."

I nodded, "Yeah, it'll be just like the old times."

Val laughed, "Yes! Oh my gosh, we skipped school so much to go hang out at the mall, it's a wonder that we graduated!"

Michelle and I nodded in agreement and Matt stood up and put his coffee cup in the sink. "I have to get going the guys and I have a thing in L.A." He kissed Val. "I love you."

Val smiled. "I love you more."

Michelle made an exaggerating gagging noise and Val flipped her off.

"See you when I get home, Bekah. Bye Michelle!" Matt waved before leaving the kitchen.

Michelle's phone dinged and she grabbed it and unlocked it. "That's Gena. She said she's finishing up breakfast with Zack and then she'll be on her way. Have you called Lacey?"

Val nodded. "She should be here any minute. I'm going to go get dressed."
Val left the room and Michelle and I sat silently at the table. I finished my coffee just as the doorbell rang. "I'll get it." I said as I stood up, placed my glass in the sink and walked out of the kitchen.

"Bekah!" Lacey smiled and hugged me when I opened the front door.

"Lace!" I smiled, tightening the hug.

She walked in and turned to me. "It's so nice to see you around again. I didn't get to talk to you last night but we have all really missed you!"

"I've missed you guys too." I told her and Michelle met us in the living room.

"Today is going to be so much fun," Michelle said. "How long has it been since we were all together?"

"Well over a year," I told her. "Do you guys hear from Leana much since Jimmy's..." I couldn't finish my sentence. I hadn't spoken about Jimmy since before his death.

Michelle and Lacey both looked down and shook their heads. "She needed time after the funeral, and she just never really came back to us. I think it still hurts her that he's gone. And I think being around the guys and the band stuff is just too hard for her." Michelle said.

I nodded but didn't know what to say. Thankfully, Val walked downstairs and interrupted us. "Gena is just going to meet us there. Are you guys ready?"

Lacey and Michelle nodded. "I'll meet you guys outside, I just have to go put on some shoes."

"Okay," Val smiled before grabbing her purse and car keys. I ran up the stairs and into the guest room. I slipped on some flip flops and grabbed the phone Zack bought me before leaving.

**


Gena was waiting for us inside the mall when we arrived. "Bekah!" She smiled and embraced me. "I'm so sorry I didn't see you last night when you arrived!"

"Oh, it's fine. I was exhausted anyways." I told her.

Val nodded. "She slept for like fifteen hours straight."

Gena nodded, "Yeah, I guess after a year like that you need your rest, huh?"

I smiled gently and wished everyone would stop treating me like they knew how my life had been the past year. I didn't have a problem sleeping next to Jake; it was honestly the last few days with the tumble down the stairs, the hospital and my last encounter with Jake that had me completely drained.

"Can we please go to do some shopping, please?" Lacey whined and we laughed. I was grateful for her change of subject.

"Yes!" Val said and linked her arms with mine and her sisters. Michelle grabbed Gena's and Gena grabbed Lacey. We walked like that all the way to store before we broke apart and the girls began to shop.

I tried to seem interested in the clothing and shopping all together, but knowing I had no money to my name at all didn't really put me in the mood. Window shopping wasn't all that fun when you were the only one doing it.

"How are you and Zack doing, Gena?" I asked her.

She nodded. "We're doing well. It was a little bumpy there for a little while but I think we've finally gotten past it."

"Yeah, I'm surprised the punk hasn't proposed to you yet."

Gena bit her lip and I could tell she was tossing words in her head. "He did."

"Oh!" I exclaimed. "When? I didn't see a ring..."

She interrupted me by shaking her head. "That's why things were a little bumpy for a little while. I, um, I told him I wasn't ready."

"Oh," I said. "But...why?"

She shrugged, "I don't know. I love him. I love him more than anything in the world and I know he loves me. I just want to wait before getting married."

I nodded. "I understand. He didn't though?"

Gena shook her head. "No, not at first anyways. I think he was hurt, and I'm sure I bruised his pride. But I think we're good now. I think he knows that I wasn't saying no and that I wasn't trying to hurt him."

"That's good." I told her unsure of what else to say. I silently wondered why Zack never told me and I felt a rush of guilt when I realized he probably tried to call me before and after it happened and I didn't answer.

I had been such an execrable friend to Zack and the others and they still came to help me when they knew things were wrong. I didn't deserve them, any of them, but I was glad they stuck by my side.

Notes

I have a question for you guys. I've been debating about whether or not to write this as another story in Zack's POV. I was wondering if anyone would be interested in reading something like that. It wouldn't be as long as Rebekah's POV (this story/20 chapters), it'll probably be around the 10-15 chapter mark. I could post it as a sequel or I could start posting it before this story/Rebekah's POV is over. Of course, there would be no spoilers in Zack's POV, aside from his own doings and secrets.

Anyways, it was just an idea. Let me know if you're interested. Also, shoot me some story titles. You'd get full title credit for it (unless it's a song title, then you'd get partial credit).

Thank you for reading. Please comment, subscribe and vote!

Title credit: Luminate "New Beginnings"