Enough

Have you ever loved someone so much that you would do anything for them at the drop of a dime? I have. Honestly, it's not as romantic as I thought it would be. I never realized that loving someone so much could be a bad thing. Maybe it's just who you love that much that matters. Maybe if you love the right person things would be okay, but in my case the person I would have died for took advantage of me.

A year ago if you would have asked me I would have told you I was the happiest person in the world. I had just had my Pinning Ceremony and was officially a nurse. My five best friends surprised me at the ceremony. They had been on tour and talked their manager into letting them fly back home to celebrate with me. Seeing Matt, Johnny, Jimmy, Zack and Brian stand up in the audience and whoop and holler brought me to tears. Yeah, if you would have asked me then I would have told you I was the luckiest girl in the entire world.

I began dating Jake shortly after Pinning Ceremony. The guys left to go back on tour and regrettably we began to drift apart. Most of the fault was of my own. Jake didn't like me talking to other guys. I insisted that the guys were just my friends, and attempted to keep in touch with them but after a while Jake began to get more controlling and before I knew it, he had suspended my cellphone contract and got me a phone on his plan where he could keep an eye on who I was talking to. Soon after that, he had blocked all of the guys' phone numbers.

I accepted that Jake was a jealous man but things only got worse from there. Jake began to hit me, he made me quit my job, introduced me to cocaine, and started making me sleep with his friends for money. I blamed everything that was happening on myself. If I didn't make him angry, he wouldn't have hit me; if I didn't work so many hours he wouldn't have made me quit my job; if I wasn't so boring he wouldn't have asked me to try cocaine with him; if I had a job, I could help bring money into the house.

Things spiraled out of control, but I stayed. I stayed because I loved him, and I knew he loved me.

It's been six months since I've talked to the guys at all. I miss them so much, but I wouldn't dare try to contact them, I don't want to hurt Jake or betray his trust. They're supposed to come home in a few days, and I don't know what I'm going to do. I don't think they will stay away, and I don't know if I want them to either.

1. 01: A Needle in Your Hungry Eye

2. 02: Assured Sevenfold

3. 03: Loose Lips Sink Ships

4. 04: Darkness Surrounding

5. 05: Life Changes

6. 06: It's Hurting You, but It's Killing Me

7. 07: Enough

8. 08: Let's Chase a New Horizon

9. 09: A New Tomorrow

10. 10: So Far Away

11. 11: This Means War

12. 12: Rather Waste Some Time with You

13. 13: I Was All for You

14. 14: I Swear to God My Intentions Were Gold

15. 15: Because You're Mine

16. 16: I'll Make a Man of You, Boy

17. 17: We Could be Made for This

18. 18: Because Days Come and Go

19. 19: Tonight the World Dies Part I

20. 20: Tonight the World Dies Part II