Dice’s POV

From the way Matt was watching me with the corner of his eye the whole ride to the studio, I figured he came to the revelation that he couldn’t crack me. A small smile crept on my lips. I was a tough case to crack and, please, if someone comes to a conclusion of what’s hiding under the mask – tell me. Whether it’s the rot or something far more worse – I deserved to know. Because, frankly, even I couldn’t crack myself.

Matt had to be a first-degree idiot for putting up with the nonsense I made him go through on a daily basis. It just seemed he was trying too hard to pull the good out of me and push it front row, but I was a stubborn cookie, and I didn’t like to be pushed around.

Hypothetically speaking, if the only choice you got is to do the wrong thing in order to keep your head above the water, then would you really question if that’s the wrong thing to do and you could’ve done better? No. It’s more of a faith. You don’t question your survival instincts and with Matt, each day felt like survival for the sadistic freak – Dice. If I gave in, finally shut down my defense mechanisms, there would be no need for Dice, a person who protected me from all my anxieties. But the harsh truth – she didn’t wish to die just yet. There was a single job left to do.

Metallica’s Nothing Else Matters came on the radio and I noticed him shift in his seat, probably remembering the same thing I did. Our first and only dance which lead to blessing the hood of my Mustang. He sighed. „Dice—„

„So how’s the recording doing?” I decided to check the glove compartment just to avoid his stare. A pack of cigarette’s, some spare change... nothing out of the ordinary if only... what’s this? I pulled out a photo of me and him. Where did he get this? I didn’t even know a photo like this existed... And I looked happy... He looked happy. Was this right after we kidnapped MJ back from her brother? It looked like the next day. Matt was sitting on the hood of my black beasty and I was between his legs, leaning back in his chest, smiling up to him. Was that Brian’s white fur-ball in the picture too? I bet MJ was the one to take this picture, she knew how much I hated to be photographed so she figured it was wise to play a sneaky paparazzi. That’s right – she was running around with a camera all day, snapping whatever the hell caught her eye. I figured not to question why he had the photo or what was it doing in his car and just placed it back in it’s spot. I didn’t know if he had answered to my question, but then again, I wasn’t that interested in the whole thing.

„Dice, we really need to talk...” He finally said as we pulled in the parking lot of the studio.

„Is it about that old Slayer shirt?” I questioned, desperately trying to avoid the upcoming subject.

A deep wrinkle formed between his eyebrows, „...what about my shirt?”

I stared at him for a moment, remembering that I had mistaken the shirt for a rag of some kind and after changing the oil in my Mustang baby, I kinda wiped my hands in it. It was chilling in the garage for Christ sake! My mouth opened and then closed. „Good talk,” I nodded to myself and quickly disappeared from the car.

„Dice!” I heard him yell after me and I knew I’d be in a whole lot of trouble since that was his favorite shirt his dad gave him all those years back. See? I knew things about Matt. I wasn’t that ignorant. However I played ignorant and ignored his shouts. I rushed inside the studio and instantly crashed in Jimmy. He looked too excited for my sleep deprived morning.

And, man, has it been a wrong idea to rush to the studio, just to fall in Jimmy’s sadistic ways. I couldn’t believe what he wanted for me to do...

„Jimmy, I can’t fucking sing this,” I said from the vocal’s recording booth, my eyes scanning over the lyrics he gave me. It wasn’t only that I couldn’t sing what he had given me – I couldn’t sing at all. Like when I say I can’t sing for shit, I really mean it. I was very well aware that I sounded like a goose dying put on record and then played backwards each time I attempted to sing along to one of those catchy pop songs. I couldn’t do Lady Gaga, I couldn’t do Beyonce, I couldn’t do Rihanna, hell I couldn’t even do a Taylor Swift song, which was a major kick below the belt to my self esteem, knowing Taylor Swift wasn’t one of the best singers.

„Just sing the goddamn thing,” Jimmy glared at me, his lips forming in a single tight line. The look was almost comical, which made me raise my hands in a mock defense.

„Okay, okay... But you’ve been warned, knife master,” I rolled my eyes and sighed, putting the headphones on and hearing the song for the very first time. I had no idea what they were going for, but this was exactly what I was talking about when I said they were over-produced. I mean, violins? What the hell were they creating? Some symphonic metal? „I will suffer for so long,”

„What will you do, not long enough,” I swear to god I did my best attempt at this, but knowing I hadn’t slept, my voice felt hoarse, I really wasn’t sure what Jimmy possibly could use, ‘cause this was a one time thing and I’m not redoing any of this shit. He could just come here and sing it himself.

„To make it up to you,” Matt’s vocals blared through the speakers and I could admit he had an amazing voice.

„I pray to god that you do,”

„I’ll do whatever you want me to do,” My eyes were firmly on the lyrics sheet. I had no idea who had come up with the words, but it felt like a strong kick below the belt. Did Jimmy know what was going on between me and Matt and this was his way of clear the storm?

„Well then I’ll grant you one chance,”

„And if it’s not enough,”

„If it’s not enough, if it’s not enough...”Then it will never be enough...

„If it’s not enough,”

„Not enough,”

„I’ll try again,”

„Try again,”

„And again,”

„And again,”

„Over and over again...” By the end of my little part I was both emotionally and physically drained. Matt really did try, he did his best, but I just pushed him away. Believe me it hurt me more than it hurt him, but I’ll never admit it. I never did want to hurt him and at first I didn’t even think that was possible, just look at the guy! He’s six feet of pure masculine strength.

When I raised my eyes up from the lyrics and put the headphones away, I noticed Matt standing beside Jimmy with his arms crossed as they talked something over. All I wanted to do was tell him how sorry I was and give him a big hug and that was exactly what I did, hence the apology. I just hoped he wouldn’t get this the wrong way. As soon as I walked out of the booth, I walked up to him and just wrapped my arms around his waist.

„Uhmm... what’s this?” For a moment I thought he’ll just leave me hanging there and won’t return my attempt of showing some kind of feelings, but as I was about to pull back, his strong arms snaked around my shoulders, keeping me close.

„I needed a hug,” I mumbled against his chest.

„Oh come on, it wasn’t that bad,” I heard Jimmy argue behind Matt.

„Oh yes it was,” I scoffed, rolling my eyes. „I’m never ever doing that ever again... ever.”

„What? Dicey-poo, you still have to say ‘I do’!”

„What?!” I exclaimed with a great frown as I pulled back from Matt just to see Jimmy’s excited smile. I fucking do? To what? My eyes grew wide and I shook my head, stepping back from Matt, eyeing both him and Jimmy like they were insane. „I’m not fucking saying those words!” I felt myself starting to hyperventilate, as the panic grew somewhere deep inside me. No... no, no! I’m not doing that... I started pacing the room, ventilating myself with the sheet of lyrics. They both looked at me with very deep frowns. It was like Jimmy’s words had been the trigger to the bomb which went off in my head and right now I was in full blown panic.

„Dice, calm down...” I felt Matt holding me by my arms as I tried to calm down and rid myself of the anxiety. I shook my head and yanked out of his reach.

„Don’t touch me...” I hissed, feeling the room starting to spin because of the fast tempo my heart was working and the lack of air I sucked in with those shallow breaths. I was scared, terrified... no, petrified of the commitment to an extent where it mixed with insanity. Why? ‘Cause I didn’t want to end up like the drunk father and the control freak mother. I had one simple rule – don’t get involved in more than satisfying the basic bestial urge, but it seemed at one point in my life I just threw my rules out the window. And the odds were I’d go that way too. The very last thing I knew, before everything went black and I couldn’t breath anymore, because of the anxiety clutching at my chest – the floor was enclosing on my face... really fast.

Brian’s POV

Do I want anything? How about to smash Zack’s skull in? How about that? Seemed as tempting as anything at the moment. I crossed my arms, leaning against the wall, my eyes firmly on MJ. Was there something going on between them? What happened to bro’s before hoe’s bullshit? As far as I knew she was still living with me, and hell, that counted as she was with me. Whether I was a possessive bastard or not, whether I really wanted her by my side or not. Yes, she was mine until I said otherwise. And judging by the way she was acting, she knew that. I snorted, pushing myself off the wall and shaking my head, „No, I’m good.”

MJ’s blues raised to meet mine and I knew she realized what my stare meant. I’ll let her go with Zack, but if I hear as much as about an innocent peck on the cheek, I will murder her along with Zack. It looked like she understood me. Good. I’m glad we had this word-less conversation.

Suddenly Jimmy appeared from nowhere, grabbing MJ by arm and dragging back in the studio. This wasn’t him being enthusiastic and about to force MJ do something with those crazy animations, it was like he was stressed out... Nervous.

„What’s going on, Jimmy?” I heard her say and I could say things just got interesting. Before following them back inside, I gave Vengeance a pointed look, telling to stay the hell away from MJ if only he didn’t want to go through the recording with broken fingers and a smashed face.

I turned on my heel and went back inside. Zacky knew I wasn’t kidding and I swear if he only makes a move on the blondie, he’s as good as dead. That’s how I play this game. Yea, sure, call me a hypocrite – I sleep around endlessly, but could MJ do it? Fuck no. I couldn’t supervise on what the hell she was doing, maybe the guy was hurting her, maybe he’d knock her up with a kid and I couldn’t simply allow that. I could control myself around her if I really had to, but I couldn’t say the same for all the douche bags out there. It specially Vengeance. I knew him way too good, to know that under that gilded mask, there was hiding the same kind of beast as was I.

I managed my way to the recording room, only to see Dice on the leather couch out cold and Matt anxiously sliding his hands over his head, while Jimmy was nervously biting his lip and MJ had bent down my her side. „What happened?” She asked.

„We were recording and she just—„ Matt started, but Jimmy cut him off.

„It’s all my fault!” He exclaimed, falling to his knees and taking Dice’s lifeless hand in his, „No, no, no... Knife mistress, please, please don’t leave me...”

„Relax, Jimmy, she’s not dead,” I said, fixing my eyes on Red’s pale features. Although she really did look like she’s dead, but the rising chest proved me otherwise. What the hell did they do to her? Not even six bottle of wine could knock her out, but here she was – sober and passed out.

„Can someone pass me a beer?” MJ asked after checking her pulse.

„I never considered you a 1 pm drunk,” I smirked.

„Gates’ this is no place for jokes,” Matt frowned. Oh chill out, man, it’s not like Dice is dying here. And I still don’t get how the hell did she pass out.

MJ shot him a look, before replying very slowly, „Just... trust me, okay?”

And with that Jimmy practically flew out of the room and returned with a Bud Light, passing it immediately to MJ, who just brought the can to Dice’s face and for a second I thought she’ll gonna try and get a passed out person drunk. But then I remembered we’re talking about MJ. She’s not with so low moral standards, right? MJ opened the beer can and right after the sound echoed throughout the room, Dice’s eyes flustered open. A satisfied smirk pulled on MJ’s lips.

„Is... is this hell?” Dice spoke weakly, her eyes fixing on the beer can. She let out a disgusted grunt, „Ughh... Bud Light... I must truly be in hell...”

After a moment of confusion, Jimmy flung himself around Dice, pinning her down to the couch, forbidding her to get up. „I’m sooooorrrryyyy!”

„Can’t... breath...” She wheezed under Jimbo’s weight, before he pulled off of her, letting her sit up, brushing her hands over her face. They slowly fell to her lap and she frowned seeing all the eyes locked on her, „What? Why are you all staring at me like that?”

„You care to explain what the hell was this all?” Matt snapped at her. Whoa, hold your horses, she just got back from the dead.

„Uhmm... Sleep deprivation?” She frowned, but I wasn’t buying it. I don’t know what the hell happened here earlier, but it sounded like major bullshit coming from Dice. Sleep deprivation my ass. She could go without sleeping for three days and that was a fact.

Anyhow, this was my moment to steal the beautiful MJ away for a moment, since I really didn’t want to let her go with Zack. That was gonna happen only over my dead body. I wanted to show Vengeance that I was the better man and she’d choose me every damn time over him. Yes, I had a competitive spirit.

„You’re going with Vengeance?” I pulled her aside from the drama central behind my back.

„Well, yea, that was the plan,” She blinked a couple of times, confusion written all over her face.

I smirked and shook my head, „Nah. You have a new plan.”

She frowned, eyeing me with a deep wrinkle between her eyebrows. „I do?”

„Yup,” I replied, „I’m taking you out to dinner.”

Notes