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Digital Debauchery

Drunk, Wet, and Busted.

BRIAN

"Come on, man! That shit's not fucking right!" I laughed, trying to snatch my spiking glue out of Matt's hands as he ran off down the hall. He was desperately trying to sabotage my date tonight with the lovely Simone Reaghan, and he knew that my hair was the perfect target for his sick games.

Have you ever seen a 6'1" grown man giggle? Well, this is the fucking shit I was having to deal with at the moment, making it even worse when he tossed the bottle over to Jimmy. "Jimmy, come her you lanky fucker! I've only got 45 minutes before I'm supposed to be at the damn restaurant!" I shouted, trying to find a way to head him off.

Finally, I decided to take a leap of faith, literally, and vaulted myself over the stair railing and onto his bony ass, taking us both to the floor and crushing my glue under his body. "Ewww, yuck!" Jimmy groaned, shoving me off of him so that he could sit up. He stuck his hands to his chest and pulled them away, the white, sticky spiking glue trailing away from his body by his fingers.

Zacky and Matt roared with laughter, and Johnny took his moment to get in his payback. "Jimmy, come on man, you're supposed to shoot it in a fucking tissue!" He guffawed from his position on the back of the couch, and Jimmy launched his show across the room, knocking him backwards from his perch and sending him crashing to the ground. "FUCK YOU, SHORT SHIT! IT WAS BRIAN'S, NOT MINE!"

At this point, Matt and Zacky were clutching each other's arms, barely holding the other up as their faces displayed various shades of red from laughing so hard. My bottom lip jutted out as I picked up what was left of my precious styling product, cradling it in my hands like a fallen brother-in-arms. Zacky stumbled over to me and helped me up off of the floor, narrowly avoiding Jimmy's stick outstretched hand. "Come on, Gates, you can use mine."

He dug it out of his bag and handed it to me, making my eyebrow shoot into my mussy hair. "You carry styling wax around in your bag?" I asked, reading the label as I walked into the bathroom. He scoffed. "Um, yea. Don't you?" I snorted and shook my head. I was down to half an hour and it would take me most of that to get my damn hair to do what I wanted. I would be damned if I let the guys cheat their way to victory, and using my hair care products was a low blow on their way to a cheap victory.

Twenty minutes and some eyeliner later, and I was ready to break a hundred speeding laws to get to the bar and grill that I had told Simone I'd be at by eight. She didn't seem like the type to wait around, and even though we kind of, sort of, not really knew each other, I wasn't sure if she'd leave or punch me in the mouth if I left her waiting too long. Either way would be no fucking bueno.

Luckily, I got to my keys before anyone could hide them, and my wallet was still in place with all of my cards and identification in it. I jammed everything I would need into my pockets and peeled out of the driveway as fast as I could, hoping to make it on time. Would you believe I made it with five minutes to spare? And believe me, the restaurant was not right down the street or less than ten minutes away. I was just lucky that the cops weren't especially vigilant tonight.

I adjusted my leather jacket as I strolled into the restaurant, giving my name to the stewardess so that she could confirm my reservation and sat me down at a nice table on the patio in a fairly secluded corner so that neither of us would have to deal with raging fan girls and boys all night long.

I had just received my beer from the waitress when I glanced up, my eyes widening over the rim of my glass as I drank her in. Simone had just stepped out onto the patio, and god DAMN she looked amazing. Her black and blonde hair was curled into loose, beachy ringlets and her make up was simple, yet complex and striking with all of the focus on her beautiful eyes. She wore leather designer leggings, heeled boots, and a black leather biker jacket over a fairly simple billowing white top. She was fucking breathtaking.

I waved her over and she took a seat across from me, clicking her nails gently on the table and crossing her legs, watching me with an amused smile. "You might want to pick your jaw up off the floor before someone trips over it," she said with a smirk, and I quickly shut my gaping mouth. I laughed, setting my beer back down on the table just as the waitress came by and sat a glass of unmistakeable liquid in front of her. "Jameson?" I asked, regretting my decision.

She shrugged, taking a healthy sip of her drink and sighing contentedly at the burn I knew she was savoring. "Go big or fuck off, right?" She said, and I knew this was going to be one hell of a date. Thirty minutes later, we were six shots of Patron in and gaining an unnecessary amount of attention. "So come on, Gates, show me that sexy ass cat tattoo you're dying to get finished!" Simone said between puffs from her cigarette.

She took me off guard, I swear. I wouldn't normally cough and sputter through a shot of whiskey, nearly shooting it through my nose and all over her. Which, of course, some did sprinkle her in the face, causing her eyes to narrow and that perfect jaw line to clench as she stared at me. I felt myself shrinking under her gaze, unsure of whether or not this would be the end.

Until she threw her head back and roared with laughter, her hair cascading down her back and her eyes twinkling, shedding a beautiful, playful light on her normally intimidating facade. She wiped at her face, catching a few droplets of whiskey on her finger as she trailed it along her nose and under her eye, which was watering from her laughter. "This is by far the best fucking date I've had in a while!"

Apparently, fine dining establishments frown on drunken patrons who carry on louder than kids in a Chuck-E-Cheese, so were were quietly asked to leave. Which was fine, because after paying and leaving my car in the lot, we walked down the sidewalk that led in the direction of the beach, lost in our drunken stupor. This bet was going to be way easier than I thought it would be. It wouldn't be hard to stick with one girl for at least two weeks, would it? And even though everyone figured the odds were stacked well against me considering this was the Simone Reaghan from Until Again, bad ass guitar goddess and photography extraordinaire, we got along as well as any of my best friends, and way better than any blonde groupie I would sucker onto the bus for a little romp and roll after a shower. Way better.

I noticed her stumbling in the sand well before she nearly tripped and ate a mouthful, so I reached out and gently touched her arm. "Shoes. Off. Now." She looked at me confused for a moment, then arched a brow when I dropped my ass onto the ground and pulled my boots and socks off of my feet, rolling my pants legs up a little. I looked up at her from my place on the ground and gestured for her to follow suit. She shrugged and plopped down beside me, unzipping the side of one boot.

"Want to go swimming?" I slurred softly to her, flashing her a devilish grin, though I'm sure my eyes were lit up like a child's. There was a reason I was best friends with Jimmy, after all. She looked down at her clothes and gestured to her body. "In this? I don't have my suit." I threw my hands out dramatically and shouted towards the sky, "Why must you curse me and not don this fine woman with a bathing suit?! Whyyyyyy?!" Suddenly, I dropped my arms and leaned over, taking the chance and finding myself successful as I gently popped one bra strap that was concealed by the neckline of her top. "Well look at that, Sim. Bra and panties actually cover more than a bikini. It's a scientific fact."

I winked at her before jumping up and running towards the waves, throwing my shirt off in the process and unzipping my jeans so that they could fall where they may. Luckily, I didn't trip in them, though I did stumble a little. Not sexy, but what can ya do? I crashed into the water in my black boxer briefs, shivering momentarily and stopped a couple of feet from the shore, the goosebumps spreading across my body like wildfire.

Before I could turn around to confess my brilliant idea was terrible, I felt a nearly naked body crash into mine and send me sprawling into the icy water. I shot up and spun around on my knees, locking eyes with a cackling Simone as she knelt in front of me in a gorgeous red and black lace ensemble, revealing her amazing artwork and edible curves. "You lied, Gates!" She slurred, poking a rather sharp black fingernail into the center of my chest.

I grabbed her wrist gently and pulled her against me, her laughter dying down and our eyes locking. I heard her breath hitch slightly, and I'm pretty sure mine did too. Is this what they call chemisty, because I could have sworn that was Valentine's Day bullshit that Hallmark fed to the masses so that they could sell greeting cards. But no. This felt real.

"What did I lie about?" I asked softly, my lips only inches from hers as I reached up and gently pushed her curls off of her shoulder. I sighed softly, drinking in her sweet gardenia like scent that danced so well with the salty ocean air. I could feel her body shaking gently and I swore I had this shit in the bag. No one ever resisted this face, this touch, this kis-

"You don't have a fucking cat tattoo!" She shouted, shoving me backwards into the water and bursting out into drunken laughter.

MATT

I sat on the patio, my feet propped up on the glass table in front of me, and my beer resting in my lap. Gates had already left for his shindig, and who the fuck knew what else the guys were up to. All I knew was that for this second in time, it was quiet.

My phone chirped and I slide my finger over the screen, unlocking it and bringing up Match.com. Sure, I'd been having a great time with Riley. I mean, come on. That ass! But I did have a competition to win, and a vintage Mustang on the line. That 1967 triple black fastback was everything to me, and I'd be damned if I saw Gates or Vengeance behind the wheel. I'd include Short Shit, but after his Casanova fail earlier with his e-mail, I had already excluded him.

To: M.Sunshine
From: Photo-Finish

Hey, I saw you on my matches, and thought I'd shoot you a message. I'm not really sure what's up with your profile, but I'm hoping that you're not a psycho! Catch you later.
xo Dani

I clicked on the link to her profile and arched a brow, making a contented grunt as I scrolled through her photos and interests. She was really cute. Suddenly I stopped scrolling, immediately realizing that this would be the girl I would be choosing for the competition. She liked cars! She knew how to work on cars! Plus, she seemed to have a killer sense of humor, and after following a few links that she had provided on her profile, it seemed like she was a fucking gifted photographer, too!

Hey, Dani, no this was actually a profile set up by my good friend, Jimmy. He thought it would be a good idea to help me find someone nice. I always tend to have really bad luck picking the wrong chicks. And here's a better picture of me.
- Matt

I quickly attached a clear shot of myself and leaned back, taking a long drink of my beer. It wasn't long before my phone went off again.

Oh sweet! I've actually met you before. I did a spread for you guys in Rolling Stones a couple of years back. You probably don't remember me, but I was your photographer. It's crazy how small the world is! And that was really nice of your friend. Nice guys are hard to come by these days, too.
xo Dani

I smiled, going back through her pictures. I actually did remember her, and I remembered talking to her, but at the time I had my head so far between some plastic brunette's legs that I couldn't remember how it went over. Maybe this exercise of Jimmy's would be a good idea.

Yea, I remember you! That was a lot of fun back then, and I wished I could have talked to you more then. I never did get the chance though. I'd like to take you out to dinner some time. Catch up and hang out. You up for it?
- Matt

I waited patiently for a reply, checking out her pictures again, when suddenly I heard a clicking sound behind me. "Hey, Sanders, who the fuck is that?" I cringed and cursed myself silently, taking another long drag of my beer to dislodge the foot that was inserting itself quickly into my mouth. I coughed to clear my throat.

"Hey, Riles. What's up?"

Notes

Oh snap! You know, in a one-on-one, I'm pretty sure Riley could take Matt. She might be short, but damn, she's spunky! :)

And could Brian be falling for Simone already? It seems like he might have already found someone who could give him a run for his money!

Oh, and here's Simone's ensemble, if you'd like to know my inspiration! ->
Simone
<3

Comments

Just read this and I gotta say it's hysterical. I love the dating profiles. Such a unique idea!

what happened to this story? D:

simmister_gates simmister_gates
9/16/15

Dang I miss this story

simmister_gates simmister_gates
6/22/15

Hahaha! What a great concept for a story! Keep it going. I'm seriously digging it!

Syn Daily Syn Daily
6/21/15

Haha Aw please update :(

simmister_gates simmister_gates
2/16/15