Dani's POV

"BITCH YOU BETTER GET YOUR HEAD IN THE FUCKING GAME!" I screamed into my headset as I frantically pushed buttons to shoot the opposing team's men that were surrounding me. "They are closing in on me!"

I was sitting on my couch in my fleece Hello Kitty bed pants and Harry Potter T-shirt playing COD with my gaming partner, Simone also know as SimSlayer, who at this moment seemed to be taking a fucking nap. I quickly grabbed the can of Red Bull next to my foot and downed it just as Sim's character made her grand entrance.

"'Bout fucking time, princess! Now let's MOVE!" The energy drink soared through my veins, giving me my desired high as put everything I had into this battle.

"Calm the fuck down, Slingah," Sim's cocky voice taunted throughout my ears. My eyes scanned the screen, darting back and forth between enemies as I decided who to kill first.

"Die you motherfucking mouth breathing bastards!" I yelled, taking out the rest of the ugly dudes just as we won the round. "Yes! Take that bitches!" I danced around my spotlessly clean living room only to hear the Imperial March sounding multiple times on my phone. "See ya Simmy--oh, my phone!" Without missing a beat, I threw my headset on the floor and dove for my phone on the coffee table.

Last night, out of some miracle, Match.com finally paired me with someone who didn't seem like a complete and total douche bag or pervert. I know right? Tickle me surprised! I was a bit skeptical when I first looked in my inbox and saw a message from Z_EMO_Vengeance and worst profile picture I had ever seen. Against my better judgement, I threw caution into the wind and found a very well composed and grammatically correct message. Now, that was a first! All these other assholes on this site were more than a few fries short of a Happy Meal which was a huge turn off. Gentlemen, if you want to tickle my lady parts, you better know how to write a god damn sentence.

To add to my surprise, Z_EMO_Vengeance turned out to be none other than fucking Zacky Vengeance from Avenged Sevenfold: one of the guitar gods! We ended up messaging for a good portion of the night between my tattoo session.

I bit my lip and squealed as I looked down to see three new message from Z_EMO_Vengeance waiting for me in my inbox. As I picked up my phone, I danced around the room again to the COD music blaring in the background. Suddenly I froze, glancing over at my black rabbit, Ursula, as she stared at me with her head cocked to the side. You could blame her beautiful name on my strange obsession with the Little Mermaid, hence my wickedly red hair.

"Whoa, you're right, Urs! what if this is all some kind of hoax?" I asked her as my eyes grew wide with concern. I didn't even notice that I had dropped my phone and hadn't even bothered to read the messaged. "What if it's some crazy emo wanna-be that wants to fuck me and kill me...like one of those sick and twisted shows on ID Discovery?" I began to pace, looking at Ursula as I spoke like we were having an actual conversation. She kicked her back legs as if to say, Calm down, Dani, he explained that it all started out as a rouse from his band mates.

"You're right....how else could he have explained that monstrosity of a profile? It had to have been the doing of his band mates..."

Sure I had met all of the guys from a Avenged Sevenfold in passing at Johnny's Saloon, but I had never actually thought I had a chance with one of them. Then again, I had never actually spoken to any of them while they were sober either. Riley, one of my coworkers at HB Ink and a bar tender at Johnny's, always warned me to stay away from the drunken savage beasts. Though I couldn't help but let my eyes wander to their corner when they were there. All five of the guys were ridiculously attractive but my eyes always seemed to linger on Zacky the longest. There was just something about those brilliant green orbs, charming smile, and sexy snake bites that made me melt to the floor. Oh, the nasty things I could do to that man...

My bright green eyes wandered back and forth between Ursula and my phone that was screaming on the floor. Ursula's eyes looked back at me before she kicked her hind legs again.

"Okay! Okay! I'll give him a fucking chance!" I said towards her, hastily picking my phone off the floor and devouring the messages.

Good Morning Beautiful,
I had a really great time talking to you last night and couldn't stop thinking about you. Contrary to what my band mate Jimmy wrote in my profile, I really enjoy the beach and have been told that I am fairly romantic. Speaking of which, I was wondering if you might like to get diner tonight down on the peer? I would love to meet you in person.
Z

I screamed and jumped up onto the couch in delight. This would be the first date I have actually decided to go on from this website, and about fucking time too. I had been on this site for months now with dud after dud...Is that a fucking spider web in the corner?! I quickly dived off the couch and fetched the broom to knock that bastard down. I would be damned if some spider was going to be crawling around my home. Hell. Fucking. No!

"Shit, Zacky!" I said, reaching for my phone before bursting out laughing at his next two messages.

I know it seems really fast to meet but I can't get you out of my head. However, if you don't feel comfortable meeting yet, then I can wait. We could even text if you'd rather. I hope you agree to dinner and make me the happiest man alive!
Z

Oh, and I guess we have some friends in common. ;) I'm sitting here having breakfast with Riley and Kayla from Johnny's and they said they know you. What a small world.
Z

"Those lucky bitches!" I chuckled as my fingers took the keyboard to formulate my response.

Morning? More like its two in the afternoon! Though I'm glad you're starting your day the right way, with breakfast and two sarcastic bitches. That combo should keep you going until you pick me up at six at HB Ink. ;) I've got a two hour break from 6-8 in my schedule so I will pencil you in. I can't wait to meet you in person specially since I had a great night talking with you. See you soon!
Dani

After sending the message, I darted to the kitchen to grab another Red Bull out of my nearly empty fridge. "I've got a date!" I giggled, taking a sip from the little blue and red can. I couldn't believe my recent luck and I just hoped that it wasn't a fluke. I tapped my blood red nails on the counter just as I realized what time it was. "Fuck I'm late!"

Johnny's POV

"Where the hell is Short Shit?" Jimmy screamed as he chased the redheaded chick from Johnny's Saloon around the pool. "I need his head to be a fucking buoy so we can play Marco. Polo!"

After breakfast, we decided to play a rousing game of strip poker and they were all just pissed that I won. I may be small but I fucking knew how to play cards! I smiled as I looked over at the girls in their nearly naked state. Weasley girl, as Jimmy so affectionately referred her, was lousy and cards and was now reduced wearing nothing but her bra and panties, though she didn't seem to mind nudity. I smirked as my eyes fell over her smokin' body and lingered on her luscious ass before looking over at Riley. Now that's what I call a hot tamale. She was down to her ripped denim short and her see-through black laced bra which was now transparent from Matt throwing her in the water. Damn, Shads was all over her and was definitely trying to get him some of that ass.

"He's bobbing underwater in the shallow end because he's too short to touch the bottom," Zacky snorted, looking up from his phone with a smirk. "By the way dickwads, I've already got a date tonight! Looks like I'm gonna beat all of your asses!"

Jesus, when were they going to stop with the wise cracks about my height? I've been this tall for what, seven or eight years now? "I'm over here asshole," I said, throwing a cigarette butt at him from the other side of the table.

"What's that? I can't see you, stand up," Zacky said with a serious face.

"I am standing," I said, raising my hands at him as my phone vibrated in my pocket. What the hell was he doing now.

"No seriously, STAND UP!" He laughed before I flipped him off.

"Asshole," I muttered, looking down to see a message from someone on match.com. What the fuck? I didn't sign up for this shit...unless this was what Zacky and the guys had been whispering about all morning. God damn it! why was I always the last one to know anything? I'd fucking show them! I'll win the damn bet, whatever it is.

"Well you would know," Brian said lazy as he flicked ashes into the tray, his eyes not even looking up from his phone. He must have been hard at work getting a date too. What was it, the first one with a girlfriend wins? "You can't spell bass without ass."

"You guys are hilarious," I scoffed as they all exploded with laughter. When would they learn that their short jokes weren't funny. Shaking my head, I got up and made my way over to the side of the pool. I'll show them...

I opened an email and followed the link to my profile. "Gnome_4_hire? Are you fucking kidding me Jimmy? And clowns?! How am I supposed to score with this shit?"

Jimmy smirked wickedly at me before he scooped the screaming redhead into his arms and dived into the pool. The next thing I knew, Rev had her pressed up against the side of the pool and was too preoccupied to answer my questions.

"Well at least you don't have chicks begging to see your fucking cat tattoo or adopt a furrever friend with her...I fucking hate cats," Gates hissed, still not looking up from his phone as we roared with laugher.

"Aren't you allergic, Haner?" Matt asked, appearing out of nowhere with Riley close behind him. Did that sly dog sneak off and shag that little fine piece of ass? Why did he get all the glory? Fuck you Sanders.

"Yeah, but looks like I got a date." There was his infamous smirk. Fuck you too Haner.

"With who? What girl wants to see your cat tat?" I asked in disbelief.

"Simone Reahgan from Until Again...you know the smoking hot blond that almost tramples over you ever time we go in the studio?" He chuckled and all I could do was flip him off and turn my eyes toward the email from Bookgurl_ryn. Book girl? I fucking hate reading. I was so pissed that one year when I got books for Christmas. Wha the hell do I have to lose? This competition wasn't about real love!

Dear Gnome_4_hire,
I stumbled across your profile in my matches box and decided you looked like a guy that knows how to have fun. Though, I do have to ask: What's with the profile picture?

Anyway, my name is Ryn and I live in Long Beach, CA. I am ex-military and love any and all forms of music. I'm new to this site so if you may be interested in talking, message me back. Hope to talk to you soon.
Ryn

"Well, she doesn't seem bad...and she's fucking hot," I muttered to myself, ignoring the screaming around me. I quickly typed back a message and pressed send before someone grabbed my ankle and pulled me into the pool. Luckily my phone dropped out of my hand and landed on the pool deck.

"What do you got here Johnny boy?" Jimmy asked, grabbing my phone from between his feet on the pool deck. I coughed and spit water to find Riley smiling wickedly at me in the pool.

"Hey Ryn, you seem really cool," Jimmy snicker reading my message out loud like a newspaper headline. "This whole profile thing was a joke set up by one of my friends but I think branching out maybe a good idea. My name is Johnny and I'm not very much into writing. I would like to meet you in person to get to know you better. How 'bout coffee sometime? I promise I'm not some crazy stalker guy looking for fresh meat...hope to see you soon?" Jimmy read, rolling with laughter. "You really fucking sent this? 'I don't like reading and I promise I'm not out to rape you'? What kind of girl is going to respond to this?!"

"What? I thought it was sweet!" I argued, sitting up on the side of the pool in my dripping wet clothes.

"No dude, it fucking sucks..." Jimmy's girl said to me with a slight grimace. "But best of luck and hope she replies!"

Fuck you all...

Notes

Well now we've met Ms. Dani and we have one more gal to meet! Hope the dates go well! What are Matt and Riley up to? How bout Kayla and Jimmy? Will Ryn text Johnny back after that awful message?