As the night progresses, I find myself growing more and more weary. I need to eat – I know that. But I feel too ashamed to ask for any food, even though I know there’s plenty. And I don’t want to have to answer as to why I haven’t been eating, even when I knew I should have. I want to call Leda so bad – but I have a feeling she’s with Austin right now, and I don’t want to ruin her evening with my petty whining. Chances are, she was probably feeling a whole lot worse than I was; it was stupid and utterly selfish of me to be acting this way. I had no real reason to, other than Anthony raped me. But he had done the same to Leda for who knows how long.

By the time the firework show is about to start, I find myself feeling so weak that I have to lie down. I curl up in a ball in the corner of the couch; a few tears make it past my closed eyelids, dropping onto the bare skin of my ice-cold hand. It made me realize how much I wanted to be able to feel again – I had been so numb, the only thing I could feel now was pain.

And that scared me.

“Tummy?” I open my eyes just a crack in the dark. I can see Gus looming over me; I begin to shake. The only thing that’s on my mind right now is Anthony. But I try not to let that get to me. “Are you awake?” he whispers. I nod. “What are you doing in here?” he asks gently.

“I’m so tired, Gus. I can barely feel anymore.” It’s the most honest thing I’ve said all day.

He turns on the lamp nearest to him, and I blink as my eyes begin to adjust to the light. He walks around the couch and sits right down beside my feet.

He doesn’t say anything for a minute or two.

“What happened, Tums?” I don’t say anything. “I know something happened – don’t try to deny it. C’mon Autumn; you can talk to me. You know you can.”

But I can’t.

I begin to sob and Gus holds my hand comfortingly “Autumn, I can’t help you if you don’t tell me what’s wrong.”

“I can’t tell you,” I cry. “It’s bad, Gus – it’s really bad.”

“Why can’t you tell me?” For once, his naturally calm tone doesn’t bother me like it usually does. Instead, it seems to calm me.

“I just can’t, Gus. You wouldn’t understand.”

“Did someone hurt you?” I don’t hesitate to nod, which may or may not have been a mistake. I can tell from the look in his eyes that the wheels in his head are turning; going through every possibility. “Did someone hurt you… sexually?”

Damn, he was good.

He sighs and rests his head in his hands. “Who?” he asks. “When – how? Matt’s barely been letting us out of the house. Did you sneak out?” I can barely make out the look on his face through the tears in my eyes. “Oh god… See, this is why you don’t sneak out!” I let out a sob, but he just shakes his head. “Who did it?”

“No one you would know,” I mutter. He lets out a long sigh.

“We have to tell someone…” I sit up so fast that black spots begin to dot my vision.

“Gus, you can’t!” He gives me a shocked look.

“Autumn, I’m not about to sit back and watch my baby sister’s mental state deteriorate – I mean, for god’s sake; look at you! He grabs my shoulders, shaking me slightly. “You’re dying; I can see it in your eyes.”

“I’m not dying Gus,” I growl. “I’m fine. The last thing I need is for you to tell someone.”

“I can’t keep a secret like this, Autumn. This is even more serious than a silly little crush, or even who our mother is. This is something that scars people for life – it fucks up their head; it makes them do things to themselves they wouldn’t normally do. And the people who do it get away with it, because idiots like you blame themselves for it, when it was never their fault in the first place. It’s only the fault of the sick-minded fucks who think doing things like this is okay!”

“I’m not going to hurt myself, Gus, if that’s what you’re worried about,” I snap. “And it doesn’t matter if we tell someone or not, because the person who did it will probably get away with it anyway.”

“Who did it?” His eyes are filled with an unfamiliar fire that I do not recognize. It scares me; I want it to be put out, but I know that I’m incapable of doing so. “I swear to god, Autumn – I will kill whoever killed you.”

“I’m not dying, Gus,” I repeat myself angrily. He shakes his head.

“You’re right. You’re not dying. You’re already dead.” Tears begin pouring from his eyes and rolling down his cheeks. “You’re gone, Autumn. My baby sister is gone. My innocent little sister – I was supposed to protect you!” I was beginning to get rather sick of everyone claiming they were supposed to protect me – I never asked them to do that, so why did they feel so obliged to?

“I never said you had to protect me, Gus,” I say.

“I don’t need your permission. I just need my own – I’m supposed to protect you, because I love you. I don’t want you to think that I love you any less because I failed you.” Overwhelmed with emotion, I throw my arms around him and begin sobbing into his shirt.

“You didn’t fail me, Gus,” I tell him. “You could never fail me.”

“But I did. And now I have to make up for it.” He makes a move to get up, but I practically scream at him not to.

“If anyone’s going to tell anyone, it will be me,” I yell. “I understand that you want to ‘protect’ me, or whatever. But I’m not a little girl anymore – I can take care of myself.” He scoffs.

“And look how that turned out.”

“But it’s different now, Gus!” I argue. “God, I fucking hate it how you and everyone else thinks I am so ‘immature’. That I can’t take care of myself and that I need constant protection – maybe that’s how it happened in the first place. Maybe years of sheltering finally made me snap and do something rebellious for once, that all led up to this.” He stares at me for a minute. “You can’t keep treating me like a baby – I’m only a few minutes younger than you; not a few years. And I’ve clearly been through a hell of a lot more than you ever have.”

I breathe heavily, having finally gotten that off my chest after what? five – six months? He just continues to stare at me; mouth slightly agape and rendered speechless.

“There are other ways to show me that you love me,” I add quietly. “And one of them is acknowledging the fact that I’m stronger than you seem to want to think.”

“Autumn,” he finally breathes after a few minutes. “I’m so sorry – I had no idea you felt that way.” He continues to stare at me for a moment before he pulls me towards him; engulfing me in a hug.

I begin to sob into his shirt; all the emotions that have been building up inside of me since we first arrived in California come spilling out. From finding out M. Shadows was our father, to Val pretty much hating my guts; from my envy of Matt’s favoritism of Gus, to finding out what Leda had gone through. From finding out Michelle was our mother, to Anthony raping me.

All the betrayal; all the physical, sexual, and emotional abuse – all of it comes pouring right out. And Gus doesn’t even seem bothered by it.

A whole twenty minutes later, I finally begin to calm down. I’m so tired, but everything hurts and I don’t want to sleep.

“Gus, I’m hungry,” I mutter, rubbing my nose. He chuckles lightly.

“Hold on,” he tells me, kissing the top of my hair. “I’ll be right back.”

He gets up, and a few minutes later, he returns with two bowls of chocolate ice cream, a box of tissues, and a blanket. Even though my stomach is still churning, my hunger wins me over, and I begin practically inhaling it.

Gus raises an eyebrow at me. “Hungry much?”

“I haven’t eaten in nearly two days,” I admit. He sighs and sits down beside me again. He hands me the box of tissues and helps wrap the blanket tightly around me.

“That’s not good for you, you know,” he tells me quietly. He wraps his arm around my shoulder and pulls me closer to his body. “I know you’ve been through a lot, but there’s no use in torturing yourself over something that wasn’t your fault to begin with.”

“I wasn’t trying to torture myself,” I explain, stirring the brown mush into a bowl of cold soup. “I just could barely stand the thought of food. It made me feel sick.” He squeezes my shoulder gently.

“You seem to be eating fine now.”

“Yeah, because I’m far too hungry to worry about it.” Realizing that the bowl is empty, I set it down on the floor in front of the couch and rest my head on his leg. “I’m sorry for ruining your shirt, by the way.” Gus laughs.

“Don’t worry about it, Tummy.” He finishes his bowl in silence before placing it in mine and leaning back. “I love you, you know. Everything’s going to be okay.”

“I just wish everything could go back to the way it was before.” I turn my head slightly so I can see the look on his face. Sure enough, he seems deep in thought; such a simple statement could do that to him. “You know, before we found out about Matt and Michelle being our parents.” He nods.

“Yeah, I do too.”

“Gus,” I continue. “I don’t want to live with Matt anymore.” He doesn’t seem too surprised at this. “I wanna live with Michelle and Brian – so far, they seem to care more about me than Matt ever has.”

“You just haven’t given Matt a chance…–”

“Yes, I have,” I cut him off before he can lecture me. “I’ve given him plenty of chances, and so far, he hasn’t returned the favor.” I close my eyes. “I’ve given up on the idea of us ever having a relationship. Michelle on the other hand…”

“I guess it’s not really up to me,” he whispers, brushing a few strands of hair out from in front of my face. “If you want to stay the night here, I can tell them for you. I’m sure neither of them would mind.”

“Would you mind?” I ask. I’d hate for my decision to hurt him in any way. He pauses to think for a moment.

“Not necessarily,” he says slowly. I resist the urge to scoff at his reply. “I would miss you like hell. Just because you’re always locked up in your room, doesn’t mean I don’t feel like you’re there. Knowing that you won’t be there will be… difficult, to say the least. But I understand and respect your decision.”

It was such a Gus thing to say.

“I just don’t know if I’m ready to sleep alone.” He laughs at this, and I resist the urge to hit him.

“You’ll be fine, Tummy,” he promises me. “And if you ever do need me, I’m just a phone call – and a couple of streets – away. If it ever gets too bad, I’ll find a way over here to take care of you.” I can tell he’s being honest; I know I can trust him more than anyone – he was my twin. We had been together since day one; I loved him to death.

“I love you, Gus,” I whisper. “I love you so much.”

“I love you, too, Tummy.” He continues to play with my hair for a few minutes. “Try and get some sleep, okay?”

“I don’t know, Gus…”

“I won’t leave you. I’ll sit with you until you fall asleep, okay? And I’ll probably stay long after that.”

“Are you sure?”

“I promise, Autumn. I won’t leave you.”

I give a small nod and try to relax. I block out all the memories of the last few months from my mind – the ones that were weighing me down. Once my head is clear, sleep comes easy; I finally fall into one of the deepest, best sleeps I’ve had in weeks.

Notes

A/N: I may or may not update on Wednesday considering I'm a little blocked on writing this but I HAVE MY OWN COMPUTER NOW so I'm ten times more motivated to write now and maybe I'll finish writing this

Hope you all enjoyed

~WOLFY~