No one questioned it; no one seemed to care that I decided to spend that whole day in bed. After Gus woke up, I forced myself to crawl into my own bed, where I spent the day staring at the wall or ceiling. I had no motivation to do anything; my mind was on constant replay, forcing me to relive the memories over and over again. I refused to eat, claiming I was still feeling sick, and when Gus finally came to bed, I slept in his room again.

The following day, however, I learned that me spending the entire day in my room like I planned, was unacceptable. We would all be heading over to Brian and Michelle’s house, since it was the Fourth of July.

Oh, joy.

I didn’t want to risk leaving the house, but I also didn’t want to risk being alone. I was tempted to continue playing it off as sick, but that excuse would only work so many times, and I could tell Matt and Val were beginning not to buy it. So, reluctantly, I get dressed and sit in the car for the five minute drive over.

Gus can sense my distress as soon as we step foot in the house. Like on the day we went shopping with the guys, he wraps a comforting arm around my shoulder, silently promising that he wouldn’t be leaving my side tonight.

Michelle is the first one to greet us as soon as we get to the kitchen, where she and Lacey are talking and drinking already. She runs up and hugs her sister, before turning to us. She hugs Gus, and then takes a moment to study me before engulfing me in a hug as well.

“Are you feeling alright, Autumn?” she asks, concern filling her voice. She pulls away and studies my face again. “Have you been getting any sleep at all?” She looks up at Matt skeptically, and he raises his hands defensively.

“If she isn’t, then I don’t know what’s up,” he replies, sounding slightly intimidated. She just hugs me again.

“You know, you can always talk to me, right?” she whispers into my hair.

I bite back a wave of tears – I wanted to tell her so bad. But something was holding me back. Maybe it was the fact that I hadn’t told Gus yet. I almost felt obligated to tell him first; I always told him everything first.

“And if you ever feel like you need to lie down,” she continues a little louder, “Then the guest room upstairs on the right is always open.” I nod again, grateful for her offer.

I pull away again, and Gus replaces his arm around my shoulder, steering me outside. I can tell he wants to be social, and to be honest, I didn’t mind in the slightest; it was the least I could do after all he’s done for me.

He walks right up to where Zack and Johnny are standing. Immediately, both men greet him excitedly, and I feel a twang of jealousy. Chances are, he probably knew more about them than I did by now – which was definitely saying a lot, as stalkerish as that sounds.

“Hey, kiddo,” Zack greets me, catching me by surprise. I had hardly expected him or Johnny to acknowledge me. He nudges my shoulder gently with the hand that’s holding his beer. “How are you feeling?” It’s a simple question, but considering that Johnny was looking at me with equally as much concern, and that Michelle had determined earlier that I looked like I wasn’t getting enough sleep, told me that I must’ve looked like absolute shit.

I probably should’ve checked my appearance before I left.

“I’m fine,” I lie. “I was just sick the last couple of days. But I’m fine now.” Johnny shrugs in acceptance, but Zack doesn’t seem to believe me. The way he continues to look at me even after the subject has been dropped brings a new discomfort that is completely foreign to me; it makes me want to curl up into a ball and cry my eyes out.

“Has Matt said anything to you about your mother yet?” Johnny asks suddenly. I notice Gus shake his head.

“He’s still trying to find her for us,” he tells them. “But because he’s been so busy in the studio, he hasn’t really been able to.”

“You know,” Zack says, finally taking his jaded-green eyes off of me. “If you want, I could always try and see if I could find her.” By the way Gus remains relaxed, I assume they’ve had this conversation before.

“Its fine,” he promises them, rolling his eyes. Then, they look over at me.

“Autumn?” Zack says. I can tell he’s expecting me to request his help; he’s counting on me to. I can tell that they’re just as curious as I was to know. If they had at least one of our blessings, they would probably look into it themselves.

Plus, it was unfair to Michelle. This secret was eating her alive, and if Matt couldn’t see that, then I almost felt ashamed to call him my father.

“Autumn?” Zack narrows his eyes at me. Gus has long since tensed up beside me and was looking at me nervously.

I shake my head.

“It’s alright,” I tell them. “I can wait.”

~

It’s almost as if she knows that I’ve betrayed her. Every time she looks over at me, whether it be from across the yard, or across the table when we’re eating, I just feel so guilty for telling Zack and Johnny only what Matt would’ve wanted me to say; not what needed to be said.

Speaking of, Matt places a hand on my shoulder and pushes my plate with the untouched cheeseburger towards me. I want nothing more than to shrug him off and push eth plate further away than before.

“You need to eat something, Autumn,” He says quietly. I don’t say or do anything. “I know you haven’t been feeling well these last few days, but the only way you’re gonna feel better is if you eat.”

“I’m not hungry,” I mutter back.

That was definitely not true. I hadn’t eaten in nearly two days. I was borderline starving and I honestly felt like I was going to pass out. But the thought of food still seemed to make my stomach churn – what was worse; starving to death? or forcing myself to eat food that would just come up later, also resulting in starvation?

“Autumn…” I ignore him, gently pushing his hand off my shoulder. I can feel him frowning at me, and I can also feel Michelle’s concerned gaze from across the table.

My stomach growls and my eyes fill with tears. I hear Matt sigh; he’s disappointed in me. I can tell. I don’t like it.

Just another reason not to tell him what had happened.

“Matt, why don’t you leave her alone?” Michelle suggests gently. He glares at her.

“I’m doing my job as her father, Michelle,” he hisses. Her gaze turns ice cold, and I can tell she’s itching to say something. He smirks, realizing that she isn’t going to say anything, before turning his attention back to me. “Autumn, can’t you eat something, sweetie?” I want to tell him I don’t appreciate him calling me that, but Michelle finally decides to speak up.

“Well, as her mother, I think you need to leave her alone, Matthew,” she retorts. Matt glances around fearfully, hoping no one noticed. The only one who seemed to was Gus, who simply raises an eyebrow over at us before continuing his conversation with Zack and Jason Berry.

“You need to be careful,” he spits angrily, still managing to keep his voice at a relatively low and secretive volume. I glance between the two, feeling dizzier than I’ve been all day.

“Why should I?” Her tone is challenging, and I can tell he’s still trying to find a good excuse. “Exactly.”

“Because it could tear our family apart, Michelle,” he finally says. She scowls at him.

“Oh, like them finding out about Autumn and Gus in the first place did anything bad.” He blinks, glancing nervously over at me. “You need to grow a pair, and tell them the truth.” With that, she stands abruptly. Brian looks over at her, before looking over at Matt and shooting him a glare – if looks could kill…

He gets up and follows his wife inside. Everyone seems to be noticing the tension now; the conversation has come to a complete halt, and they’re all looking at Matt and me curiously. He shakes his head and begins picking at his food, which is good enough for them. Though the conversation around me now sounds less natural, and more forced.

I stand, deciding I can’t stay at this table any longer. I feel like I’m about to pass out as I get to my feet, and I steady myself on the table. No one seems to pay me any attention; I walk slowly over to the house, shutting the screen door behind me.

Brian and Michelle look over at me. They seem to be in the middle of a pretty heated conversation – how come I always seemed to show up at the worst times? Neither of them seem rather annoyed; Michelle brushes away a few tears that were rolling down her cheeks. I feel angry at Matt for hurting her so much. But I also felt slightly annoyed at her; it wasn’t like he was holding her at gunpoint or anything – so what exactly was keeping her from saying something?

Before I can register what is happening, I’ve walked right up to Michelle and wrapped my arms around her midsection. This causes her to cry even harder than before, but I can tell this is exactly what she needs.

“I can’t let this go on anymore,” Brian mutters angrily from across the room. “We have to tell them ourselves – if Matt’s going to keep acting like them knowing is going to put their lives at risk or some bullshit…” I can practically hear him shaking his head at the thought. I pull away and look over at him. He gazes out the kitchen window at where everyone is sitting. “That’s it.” He make a move towards the door, but Michelle grabs his arm, stopping him.

“Brian, not tonight,” she pleads. He frowns over at her.

“’Chelle,” he begins; his voice strains in an attempt to keep it calm. “He can’t keep going on about how them knowing is going to ‘tear this family apart’, when the only thing that’s going to do that is him continuously refusing to tell them the truth.” He’s right, and I know that she knows this.

“But we can’t tell them tonight,” she insists anyway. “Now’s not a good night. It’s a holiday, Bri – we should all try to enjoy ourselves; we shouldn’t ruin their night with this.”

“The truth is not going to ruin their night –”

“No, but Matt will,” she points out. He sighs. “We can do it tomorrow.” I feel myself tense up for some reason. “You can have everyone over then, and we can tell them then.” He doesn’t really like the idea; I can see it in his eyes.

But he nods anyway. It was what she wanted – it was what would make her happy. He just wants her to be happy…

“Alright.” He agrees. “Alright; we’ll tell them tomorrow. But you can’t back out.” She nods.

“I won’t.”

I look between the two of them. I can feel myself shake – and this time, it’s not from lack of food.

It’s from excitement.

Notes

A/N: So I updated everything except this story today? Oops...

~WOLFY~