Famous Last Words

Anthony’s room is nothing like I imagined it to be.

I suppose I expected something a little more stereotypical – empty, gray, nothing but a single mattress lying on the floor… Nothing that would pass a health inspectors test. However, I was very wrong, when I found that his bedroom was basically immaculate; not a single thing seemed out of place.

I still am not quite over this, even after he locks the door behind him. Leda continues to cry beside me. She’s wearing nothing but her black bra, having abandoned her alcohol-soaked shirt in the kitchen pantry. Scars that I shouldn’t have been so surprised to see adorn her body and arms, and I probably wouldn’t be surprised if there were some on her legs as well.

“Anthony,” she whimpers once he turns back towards us. “Anthony, please don’t bring her into this. Please… Please don’t do this…” Glaring, he raises his hand, hitting her right across the face. She falls silent, but she continues to shake.

He then turns his attention towards me. The look in his eyes is not something I recognize – and it’s definitely not something I want to learn how to recognize. He grabs my hair roughly, and I try not to cry out in pain as he drags me over to the bed.

I’m still not quite registering what’s going on as he grabs my arm and pulls out a pair of handcuffs from his back pocket. As soon as I see the metal device, I let out a bloodcurdling scream, which only causes him to hit me as hard as he had with Leda moments earlier. I try desperately to fight him as he cuffs me to the bed, but he’s too strong for me.

“Oh, would you shut up?” he yells. “Save the screaming for when I’m inside you, sweetie.” This only causes me to scream louder. As soon as he’s gotten my other hand cuffed to the bed, he shoves a piece of fabric in my mouth that finally shuts me right up.

“Anthony? Anthony, please stop. Let her go – let her go and do what you want to me. I’ll do whatever you want; just let her go!”

He just laughs at her pleads before yanking her to her feet by her hair as well. Then, he throws her up against a wall, and she crumbles to the floor like a lifeless doll. Knocked out, Anthony begins undoing his pants before tearing her black leggings off of her. I close my eyes, not wanting to witness what was about to happen. Soon, I hear him breathing heavily, and after a couple of seconds, I hear Leda groaning, begging him to stop. This just seems to make him go faster, and in a matter of minutes, I hear him let out a long, satisfied breath, that drowns out Leda’s tears.

I refuse to open my eyes as I hear him make his way over to me. My heart begins to pound at what was about to happen. I feel him yank the cloth from my mouth, and I begin to cry.

“Please,” I whisper. “Please… Don’t do this.” He strokes my face with his finger – it was almost a loving gesture.

“Sh, sweetie… Don’t worry; it’ll all be over before you know it,” he whispers back, pulling down my shorts. I squeeze my eyes together, bracing myself for the pain that was sure to come.

As soon as I feel him enter me, there comes a sharp pain that causes me to scream. Never before have I ever felt something like this before – I had never even experimented in that department before, and here I was; losing my virginity in one of the most disgusting ways possible.

The pain is unbearable. Every second of him pumping in and out of me seems to hurt even more. It feels like I’m being torn apart from the inside out; it makes my insides burn and my hips ache. I scream, begging him to stop; but just like with Leda, each time I say stop, it seems to make him go a little faster.

Finally, after what seems like forever, I feel him let out a final cry of ecstasy – what I can only assume to be his climax. I feel something warm fill my insides, and for a flash of a second, I can’t help but wonder if I’ll end up pregnant from this.

Then I realize that this, meant me being raped.

I was just raped.

By my best friend’s brother.

And she was raped, too. By her brother.

Just this thought alone is enough for me to throw up all down my front. Anthony doesn’t seem too disgusted; he was probably used to things like this by now. I however felt like I was just given another reason to cry. Which I do.

This is causes him to give me a disgusted look. He then looks down at Leda’s half-unconscious body before shaking his head. He picks his boxers and pants off the floor and replaces them, before shaking his head at the both of us one last time and leaving us.

As if it would make any difference, I start to scream after him. But a few seconds later, I hear the front door slam shut, and I realize that he’s gone.

Leda groans on the floor, and it’s just then I realize that there’s no way she’s in any state to get up and find the key to unlock the handcuffs keeping me to the bed. I try calling out again, which only causes Leda to groan again. None of my pathetic attempts were going to get us out of this mess.

I try to calm down, slowly coming to the realization that crying wasn’t doing anything. Nothing I was doing was working. I couldn’t stop the sobs that echoed throughout my body, and what made me feel even worse was knowing that Leda was in a much worse situation – I had a feeling that this wasn’t the first time Anthony had raped her either, and what with her eating problems and self-harm issues, it must have hurt a hell of a lot more to have something put forcefully inside of her that didn’t belong. If Anthony could make her feel any way like he made me feel, I was surprised he hadn’t completely broken her yet.

I squeeze my eyes shut like they were before, trying to ignore the stench of vomit and sex filling my nostrils, and the pain still filling my lower section. My mind begins flicking through all the possibilities – Anthony would never come back for us; he would never let us out of here; we’ll die alone in here; I’ll never be able to make up with Gus, or see Dillon or the guys again. I would never be able to build a relationship with Michelle, or save my failing relationship with Matt.

And even if I did survive, what was the point? My life was basically over – even if this pain did go away, that would be nothing compared to the mental pain that comes after.

And who was I supposed to tell? I almost felt like I couldn’t tell Matt – I almost didn’t want him to find out I had snuck out when I knew I shouldn’t have. I didn’t want to disappoint him, even if he had done almost nothing since I’ve gotten to California except be a secret-keeping asshole.

I wanted him to be proud of me. Going out and getting raped by my drunk best friend’s brother is definitely not a way to make your father proud of you.

Suddenly, I feel the bed shift, and I begin to scream, thinking Anthony’s already back.

“Sh, Autumn; it’s okay,” I hear someone whisper.

I open my eyes to see Hunter leaning over me. He’s holding a tiny key in his hand, and I can tell he’s purposely trying to avoid looking down at my lower area, which was still lying completely exposed on the bed. For some reason, even though I had just been violated in the worst ways, I felt more embarrassed having Hunter see me naked, than Anthony.

He begins unlocking the handcuffs, which have by now dug into my wrist, leaving red marks around them.

“Go ahead and take off your shirt.” I feel my face turn completely red. “I won’t look; I promise.” Sighing, I tear off the shirt, throwing it onto the floor. I almost feel bad for throwing my vomit-covered shirt onto the spotless carpet.

Almost.

“I’ll find you something to wear,” he whispers, hopping off the bed.

“What about Leda?” I manage to ask. He pauses for a moment.

“She’ll be fine. I’ll take care of her in a minute. Why don’t you jump into the shower real quick? I’ll leave the clothes outside the bathroom door for you – make sure you lock it, in case Anthony comes back.” I nod obediently, even though his back is still turned towards me. Hunter glances one more time at his sister, before slipping out.

As he instructed me to, I crawl out of bed and make my way to the bathroom across the hall. I don’t waste any time turning on the water and waiting for it to turn hot. After checking for the millionth time to make sure the door is locked, I hop into the shower, not bothering to turn down the temperature as it burns my skin.

In a way, it feels good. It feels like Anthony is being washed away completely, and even though I know that will never be the case, for now, it’s good enough for me.

An hour must have passed by the time I finally step out of the shower. The water has gone cold by now, but I don’t care; I wasn’t quite ready to face my problems just yet. But I knew they were inevitable – plus, I wanted to make sure Leda was okay.

I wrap one of the white towels hanging outside the shower around my body, thankful that the mirrors had steamed up so I couldn’t see what marks Anthony had left. I poke my head outside the bathroom door cautiously, glancing around to make sure no one’s there. Once I’m sure the coast is clear, I look down to see the clothes Hunter left for me. I gather them up in my arms and shut the door behind me, locking it again.

Once dressed, in the black sweater and black leggings, which he must’ve gotten from Leda’s room, I finally leave the safety of the bathroom. For a moment, I’m unsure of where to go, but I can hear the coffee maker going in the kitchen a few feet away.

Sure enough, Hunter is standing at the coffee maker, the mess from an hour or two ago completely cleaned up. I can only assume that he spent the last hour while I was in the shower cleaning it up. I immediately feel bad; I have a feeling that, if I wasn’t so sore, I probably would’ve offered to help.

I sit down awkwardly at the dining room table, biting my nail nervously. He doesn’t even look up at me, or acknowledge my presence, until the coffee is finally done. He pulls two mugs out of the cabinet, pouring one full of coffee before going to the fridge and filling the other with water. He grabs a bottle of Tylenol and shakes out a few pills, and brings them and the water over to me. I down both silently, not bothering to make eye contact with him.

“How are you feeling?” he asks quietly, and I resist the urge to scoff at him.

‘How was I feeling’? Well, for one, I feel like my life has been completely fucked up. I knew I was never going to get over what happened. I wasn’t even sure how I was going to tell anyone what had happened – that is, if I even said something at all.

“Look,” he continues, still keeping his voice quiet. “I know that’s not exactly what you want to be hearing right now. But I’m just… I’m trying to be nice. I’m trying to take care of you. I don’t know how you work, because I’ve only known you a little over a month now – I’ve known Leda pretty much my whole life; I know how she works, and what she needs. You… I don’t know you all that well. So just tell me what you need me to do and… And I’ll do my best.”



“I don’t know if there’s anything you can do,” I tell him, and he sighs.

“I understand. I can’t say I know exactly what you’re going through, but I understand. I’ve seen Anthony do it to Leda at least a hundred times, so I have some idea of what’s going on inside your head.”

“It’s funny,” I say, not meaning it to be funny at all. “When I first met you, I though you hated me – that you hated Leda, and she hated you.”

“First of all,” he begins. “I didn’t hate you. I may have acted like that, but I didn’t. I just didn’t know you well enough, and I wasn’t sure if I trusted you or not. The only reason why I started to trust you was because Leda did.

“And I don’t hate my sister,” he continues, frowning slightly. “I could never hate my sister. I love her to death; she’s all I have. I mean, sure; we complain about each other a lot, but that’s only because we only ever hang out with each other. When you came into the picture… I wasn’t really sure how I felt about it. Especially now – you seem like such a good person – so innocent. You didn’t deserve something like this to happen to you. I’m really fucking sorry, Autumn.”

“It’s not your fault,” I whisper. He slams his hand down on the table.

“Yes, it is my fault, Autumn!” he half-yells. “I was supposed to keep you safe. If I couldn’t keep Leda safe, I could at least keep you safe and… I failed.”

His eyes fill with tears, and mine do too. He grabs my hand gently, and even though it’s such a sudden, intimate gesture, I don’t pull away.

“I promised myself I would take care of you. And I couldn’t.”

The tears begin pouring freely from both of our eyes, and I look down at the table, still finding myself acting sort of embarrassed around him. I snivel slightly, and he kisses the top of my head. I stiffen slightly, but after a moment or two, I begin to relax. It amazed me how I was able to trust Hunter so easily – if anything, I should be doing the exact opposite, considering he was related to the douche bag who rape Leda and I in the first place. But then again, he had yet to give me a reason not to trust him. That, and just because he was related to Anthony shouldn’t automatically make me not trust him; after all, I trusted Leda just fine.

He sighs into my hair, making circles on the back of my hand with his thumb.

“I should get you home,” he mutters. Now it’s my turn to sigh; the thought of facing Matt or Gus after what had happened scared me. I knew I wouldn’t be able to own up to what happened any time soon; I was scared as to how drastically things were about to change.

“What about Leda?” I manage to ask, finally realizing how selfish I was thinking.

“Don’t worry about her. She’s sleeping now; I’ll take care of her when she wakes up. Anthony won’t be coming back any time soon,” he promises me, after noticing the skeptical look on my face. “He never comes back after.”

“I just… I don’t want to leave unless I know she’s okay.”

“Trust me. She’s fine. I’ve dealt with this plenty times before, alright? I know what I’m talking about. You just worry about you, okay?” I nod reluctantly. “Look, Anthony doesn’t know where you live, and I would like to keep it that way. You shouldn’t ever come back around here, and Leda should never go to your place. If either of you ever want to meet up again, make sure it’s nowhere near your house. Maybe you should just go to Austin’s.” I nod again, silently agreeing with him. “Seriously, Autumn. Now that he’s had his way with you, he’s gonna want to keep having his way with you. He’s probably going to do whatever it takes to find you again. I’m not saying that you’ll be safe forever if you avoid coming around. He’ll probably find you eventually, but the longer you try to stay out of sight, the better.”

“Why don’t we tell anyone?” I whisper, although I wasn’t sure myself if I was even ready to tell anyone.

“Because Anthony isn’t one of those people you can just put behind bars. He has connections,” Hunter explains. “We’ve tried calling the cops on him plenty of times, and he’s always gotten away. No; if he’s ever going to be brought to justice, it’s going to have to be through death.” The way he says it sends shivers down my spine.

“And how do you plan on doing that?” He shrugs in defeat.

“I don’t know. I haven’t ever thought of a way to get him killed without it looking like an accident. I’m working on it; I promise.” I’m not sure how I feel about the idea of him trying to kill someone, but at the same time, if that was the only way Anthony got what he deserved… “Come on,” he says before I can complete the thought. “I need to get you home. Do you think your dad will find out you were out?” I glance over at the clock above the stove. Its half-past five in the morning; Matt usually got up around six.

“Not if we go now,” I reply. He helps me to my feet; my hips still ache, and standing on my own is difficult. I’m thankful he’s there to help.

The drive back to Matt’s is silent, but not awkward. Even though it is a short drive, I am already half asleep by the time we pull up in front of the house. Before I can get out of Hunter’s truck, he grabs my hand gently again, and I face him.

As soon as his lips are on mine, I melt. The feeling almost makes me want to cry, since I had always imagined this moment with Dillon. But Dillon clearly wasn’t here; he was up in San Francisco, but that was eight hours away. Hunter was here right now, and Hunter was one of the few people who understood what I was going through.

And even though kissing him felt right, everything I had been through that night was enough to make me push him away.

He doesn’t look hurt or offended. He just smiles sympathetically and strokes my cheek with his thumb.

“Be safe, Autumn. I promise I’ll do my best to keep him away from you.” I nod, almost wanting to just curl up in his arms and cry my fucking heart out.

But I can’t.

“Thank you,” I whisper, stepping out of the car and stumbling up to the front door.

I unlock the door, shutting it quietly behind me. Every step hurts as I make my way up the stairs. Luckily, I don’t hear anyone, so I take that as a sign that they’re all still sleeping. I lock my bedroom door behind me, the tears I’ve been holding in all night trying to make an appearance. I manage to hold them in until I’ve gotten out of Leda’s borrowed clothes and slipped on a pair of pajamas. Ironically enough, they’re the ones I wore back up in San Francisco, after I had gotten sick.

I curl up in bed, the idea of sleep sounding so appealing right now. However, as soon as my head hits the pillow, the memories of how I was violated earlier begin circling around my head. I bite my lip so hard, I can feel the metallic taste of my own blood fill my mouth.

Needing sleep, I crawl out of bed and across the room to where Gus is sleeping. As utterly pissed as I still am at him I realize it’s time to put that childish anger aside. If I had to bed, I would.

I slip into his room. The morning sun is already on the horizon; it was July after all. I can see him sleeping; the steady rise and fall of his chest is so peaceful and soothing, that I’m tempted to just fall asleep right there.

“Gus?” I whisper, stepping over to his bed. He stirs slightly, having always been a light sleeper. I poke his leg, and he jumps, sitting up slightly and looking at me.

“Autumn?” he growls. “What the hell? What time is it?”

“Gus, I can’t sleep,” I say, ignoring his complaints.

“What do you want me to do about it?” he demands angrily. Tears fill my eyes.

“Gus, I’m really sorry for what happened,” I say, my voice breaking. “But I really need you right now – I can’t sleep. I can’t be alone right now – please.” He studies me for a moment, frowning slightly.

“Are you feeling alright?”

For a moment, I contemplate telling him. He was my twin; I told him everything. But the thought of him keeping the secret about our mother is good enough reason for me to hold it off for another day or two.

“I’m just not feeling well,” I tell him. “Something’s not right. I… I don’t want to talk about it right now, but I promise I’ll tell you later.”

“Tummy… You’re really scaring me…” I choke back a sob.

“Gus, please.” I can’t keep myself from crying anymore; it’s just too much. “Please…. Please…”

I feel him place his arms around me and pull me down on the bed beside him. “Sh… It’s alright, Tummy. Please don’t cry… It’ll be okay…”

But it wasn’t okay. That was the problem. It wasn’t okay, and it never would be.

“I’m scared, Gus,” I say, once I’ve calmed down a bit. “I don’t want to be alone. Promise me you won’t leave me? Please?” I can tell that he’s confused as to what’s going on; I feel bad for scaring him, but I need him now more than ever. And if pouring out all my emotions and making a complete fool of myself was enough to make him realize that, then it would be totally worth it.

“Of course, Tummy. I won’t ever leave you; I love you.”

Notes

updated: May 3, 2015

Description should've been "trigger warning" from the beginning. I apologize for not thinking of that at the time.

~WOLFY~