Syn's Deep in My Blood
You Keep On Moving
‘You keep on moving
Far away, far away…’
After washing his face in the morning, Matt faced the mirror in front of him as million things rushed through his mind.
It’s been six months already. And it still felt like yesterday that he was gone.
Matt knew he was the one to do this. He was the only one who had the strength to get those keys, drive to their studio and finally open the room that has been closed for months. Neither of his band mates wanted to do that… ever again.
He took a deep breath as the drops of water fell down his face and finally decided to dry it up, as that act itself could dry his uncured and invisible tears and give him courage to carry on with that plan.
To do anything else was driving him insane. He fixed every inch of his house, walked his dog too many times per day and played videogame so much he had a permanent headache. He just couldn’t move on to the next step without closing this chapter for good. Or starting it again.
It all depended on his friends and their willing to keep taking Avenged Sevenfold project forward.
He left the bathroom, faced his bed and there she was. His rock.
He could’ve never made through the hardest months of his life without her. She had the brightest smile, having a contest with the morning sun entering the curtains. And that scene itself was a perfect reminder of the special times she made sure he would remember she was always the number one of his list. And he was the number one of hers.
“It’s Sunday, babe. Go back to sleep…” he whispered and gave her a peck. Her smile only grew.
“Do you really think I’ll let you go there alone?”
“No, I know you wouldn’t. That’s why I was trying to leave unnoticed.” He smiled at her and she made that angry and bossy face he loved and pushed his shoulder slightly. “Babe, I really need to do this alone this time. Seriously. It’s like going back to my sanctuary after all these months of negligence. I have a lot to reflect there.”
“Are you sure?” her blue eyes shone like the stars in uneasiness. Matt had a lot of ups and downs throughout these six months and the last thing she wanted now was to see him go through another down.
“Yes, I’m pretty sure. I had a lot of time to get me prepared for this. I’m ready. We need to close this chapter, Kim. It’s been too long…” he looked down and she brought his chin back up to face her.
“I’ll be here if you need me, babe. I’m a one phone call away.”
He nodded while bringing his fingertips to softly brush her messed hair back and pulled her for a real kiss this time. One of those that could make her knees buckle if she wasn’t lying in a bed. Then he stood up, leaving her breathless for a while.
“I’ll be back to take you to that Italian restaurant you love.”
“That I love?” Kim raised one of her eyebrows and laughed.
“Okay, that we both love and I love more.” He chuckled, grabbed his wallet and keys and winked at her before leaving.
‘You keep on moving
Far away, far away…’
“Baby... come on. Time to wake up.” Jess whispered in Zack’s ear softly and he just moved away in the mattress.
He was acting distant for months now. He went into a down spin like all his other friends after Jimmy’s passing, it’s no surprise. But he seemed worse than the others. He wasn’t leaving the house like the others. Nor gathering in bars, drinking or distracting. He just stayed in bed for most of the time. Jess thought he couldn’t keep going this way, it wasn’t healthy. She felt she should do something but she had tried everything in her hands. Nothing could cure him.
“Babe... Matt called. He’s going to the studio now and he asked if you wanna show up there later today.” She begun to brush his hair back as she whispered and he only answered with grumbling noises. “You should go along. It would be good for you...”
He didn’t answer for long lasting minutes. Jess felt her heart squeeze. Something had to wake him up to life again. If it wasn’t his music, she had no idea what could be.
“He would want you to move on, Zack. It’s time to decide what you guys will do next. You’ll feel better if you just go there and talk to your friends about it.”
“I dunno…” she heard his deep breath. “I’m gonna think about it, okay?” his voice sounded weary. Like he wouldn’t think about it at all.
Jess stood up and walked towards the bathroom, defeated. She knew he would end up staying in bed the whole day again. And with her head full of concerns with her fiancée, she didn’t even realize her phone had fallen off her pocket on top of the bed.
After some seconds, Zack heard a buzz coming from it. And another one. And another.
Everything could annoy him so easily now. So he just turned, puffed angry air and grabbed the phone to see who wanted to talk to his girl that badly.
He saw a number without a name in the screen. And the person had just sent a picture. He frowned at it, thinking the worst promptly. That she was cheating on him.
When he opened it, his frown was even bigger. It showed an ultrasound picture of a baby with those words with it:
‘Look at her little hands closed in fists! I think she’s holding drumsticks just like her father. So cute!’
Zack checked if Jess wasn’t coming back and searched for Emily’s name on the previous conversations. And yeah, he found what he was looking for. And his eyes widened at his discover.
He started connecting the dots in his mind. And he figured that Jess was probably the only one who knew about this and hid from all of them. Including Brian, even after he asked several times for her contact number or any news about her.
Well, he knew Jess very well. She would never betray Emily’s trust. Even when she saw how bad Brian was doing lately.
And as his friend, he needed to do something with that info. He needed to tell Brian.
For the first time in days he truly felt like going out of bed to do something useful. And maybe go to the studio after.
Maybe…
“Wow! You’re out of bed?” Jess was impressed when she walked out of the bathroom and Zack was fully dressed.
“I’m going to the studio. Do you wanna come along?”
“Yeah… sure.” She answered and thought about something. Someone that was going just as bad as Zack and could use a day on the studio with them. “Can we bring Mei along? I think it would be a good opportunity for her to socialize again, she doesn’t get out much anymore.”
“Of course. Tell her we’ll be picking her up in half hour. I gotta go to Brian’s house first.”
“Okay. I’ll call her.”
‘Everyday… wheels are turning
And the cry… still returning’
As usual, Zack got Brian’s keys hidden in the vase and went inside, very sure of what he would see inside his house after ten minutes of ringing the bell and no one answering at 1 pm. He knew he was there, his car was in the garage. So he had to go in uninvited.
The house was a mess, as expected. Brian was a mess. But he wouldn’t admit it to anyone. Whenever he felt too lonely, too sick of his misery or missing her, he’d just drink until he could be with another woman and drink more until he would pass out after.
He had more than Emily’s and Jimmy’s absence to forget now. He needed to pretend that there wasn’t some stupid and powerful substance that could erase his pain for a while. He needed to forget he ever tried that thing that killed his best friend and took his love away. Once in your system, it’s impossible to erase that feeling.
But he was stronger than that. He wouldn’t surrender easily. So he just gave himself to all the women, booze and cocaine he could take. Until he would find out how to keep going without it. Without them.
Zack walked by all the bottles spread across the way to Brian’s room and thought he really must’ve thrown a party there the night before. Luckily everyone had already left.
When Zack finally crossed Brian’s bedroom door calling for him, the first thing he saw was a very white butt and his friend’s naked forms passed out on the bed like a stone. A snoring and sleepy stone.
“Hey bro!” Zack came closer and threw a sheet on top of him as he still wouldn’t wake up. “Brian, yo! Wake up, man!”
Brian finally moved his head to the side and then let it fall in the pillow again, grumbling like he was in pain. He probably was.
“Leave me alone…” he drawled after a few seconds.
Zack pursed his lips and took a look around. Whiskey bottles everywhere and white powder still spread on his nightstand. Everyone knew that was a dangerous combination. And Zack didn’t think he could deal with losing another friend like that.
“No, I won’t leave you alone. Just… put some boxers on and pretend you wanna listen to me for a second, would you?”
“I can’t pretend that…” he was obnoxious as hell.
“Well, I’m gonna start talking anyway. Matt called me today. He’s going to the studio now and I thought you could be interested on going along and… I dunno, talk about what’s next for us.”
Brian was dead silent all of a sudden. Not even his breathing was audible. And after some seconds he finally turned his face to Zack and covered himself with the sheet.
“There’s no us. There’s no next, Zack.” His tone was dark.
“What… What do you mean?”
“It’s over. I mean… I can’t…” he shook his head several times. “I can’t think about music now. None of us can.”
“Maybe that’s what we need instead of feeling sorry for our asses and drinking and snorting our brains out.” As soon as Zack finished his sentence, he caught a glimpse of two bras on the floor. Grabbed them and showed to Brian. “And doing senseless threesomes, apparently…” Zack threw them on his bed and he rolled his eyes.
“Speak for yourself… Cause that’s exactly what I need…” he turned his back to Zack and pretended he was back to sleep.
“Okay, alright, you’ll play hard to get as always… But I have some news that you might enjoy knowing… Maybe that’s what you really need.”
“I don’t give a shit whatever it is right now. I just wanna go back to sleep. Is that too much to ask?”
“I know where she is.”
Brian was silent again, processing that info. Trying to figure out if he should feel happy about it or deeply mad about it.
“Keep it to yourself, okay?” he breathed deeply. “I don’t wanna know.”
“She’s still in touch with Jess, I found out this morning going through her cellphone. And with her phone code, I know in what state she is at.”
“Wow, you’re a genius, Zack, I’m impressed. Now get the hell out of my room, I need to sleep.”
“She’s in Georgia, man. In that small city we played last year.” He wouldn’t give up. And it made all the sense in the world to Brian now. But he wasn’t interesting in anything related to the woman who stole his heart and never returned it back.
“Hell, I told you I don’t wanna know about it! I don’t fucking care where she is or what she’s doing.” Brian suddenly turned to him, kneeled on the bed and set his palms together, like begging. “Just please… Zack, leave!”
“Okay man, I’ll leave.” He raised his palms in surrender.
“Thank you!” He threw himself back in the bed.
“But not before telling you one last thing.” Brian brushed his face in despair. “She sent Jess an ultrasound picture this morning. She was pregnant when she left.”
Brian sat on the bed this time and placed his elbows on his knees. Confused. Hurt. Jealous. A mix of emotions flowing his hangovered brain out of the blue. But wanting to find her as bad as in the day she left. Everything changed after that info.
“What? How do you know that? How...?” He had a big frown now. “You’re telling me she’s gonna have... Jimmy’s kid now?”
“Yeah, I read a little of their chats. I’m pretty sure I got that right.”
He didn’t know what to say.
“Thanks for… telling me.” He was stunned. All the anger he held for her until now had just given space to a big concern feeling.
“Are you gonna… go after her?”
“No…” he answered promptly, brushed his hair and shook his head, like fighting with himself. “I don’t know…”
“Okay, you tell me when you decide. I’m… heading to the studio. Are you coming?”
“No, Zack… to be honest, I’m not planning to go there anytime soon.” He was as dry as a rock.
Zack took a deep breath and tapped his friend shoulder before heading to the door.
“Okay, we’ll be there if you change your mind anyway... See you, man.”
Brian heard Zack leaving his room and then his house without saying a word more. And after spending several minutes without moving from the same position, thinking about million things, the first thing he did after Zack left was to search for a private detective’s number.
He had to find her. Fast.
Mei had to think a hundred times before accepting Jess’ invitation. But she knew if she didn’t, Jess would be knocking at her door to pick her up anyway. It was a lost battle. She would just go there and pretend everything was okay like everyone was doing lately.
Those last months were the hardest she ever had to go through in her life. Not even her divorce was that difficult. She lost herself and her will to live in a deep depression that she couldn’t really get over before her friends took her to professional help. And now she was living day by day, trying to stop blaming herself, trying to get her sanity back. And her life.
When they arrived at the studio, the memories came back to her instantly. How incredible was to see Jimmy playing again that day, as fast and perfect as always. But she could tell he wasn’t satisfied with his playing. Until he flipped. And the noise of his drumsticks crashing on the window they were all staring at came in a jolt to her head. Her body jumped when Jess touched her arm.
“Are you okay? You seem…”
“Yeah, yeah, I’m fine. I was just thinking about… the last time I was here.” Mei tried to smile but she wasn’t convincing anyone. The place obviously had a power over her.
“Do you wanna go? We don’t really need to stay if…”
“Jess, I’m good! It’s good to be here. Really.” Mei was able to smile truthfuly and Jess believed then. “I don’t see Kim anywhere. Matt didn’t bring her?”
“I guess not. I’m gonna call her and tell her to come.”
They all chatted a little before they could finally check their instruments and their equipment. By the time Kim and Johnny arrived, they were listening to their demos for the album they were almost finishing.
“Can you please explain me why almost everyone is here and I was forbidden to come?” Kim promptly threw the question at Matt, who was seating in the master chair, where he could control the audio.
“I had no idea they would bring their acquaintances with them. I thought this was a band reunion, honey.” She looked at him with a grimace and then smiled, forgiving him with her eyes and kissing him passionately.
“It was practically our second home, Matt. You should’ve brought her.” Zack played even though he was pretty serious. Brian still wasn’t there. “I don’t think my right handed fella is coming. So we should start listening.”
“Yep… let’s do this. Let’s hear it.”
Matt pressed a few buttons on the mixing table and the songs were blasting through all the speakers. Zack and Johnny were initially tapping their feet and banging their heads for Welcome to The Family. Everyone remembered how Jimmy went on and on about making a song for the fans, to thank them for their support and to tell them they are not alone in the battle, even though we can’t really win this fight in the end.
The song was nearly ready. They could tell the drums were rough cause Jimmy never had the chance to record it officially. But it was so good that Matt felt like finishing the album and just putting it out to the world exactly like that. But it didn’t depend only on his opinion and want.
They listened to all the tracks very thoughtfully. And when that track started, the one Brian wrote for his grandpa, the mood got intensely heavy. All the people in the room traded glances as they heard the lyrics and they all had the same feeling. It precisely represented their hearts and their feelings after those six months of grieving. The girls had tears in their eyes. The guys were just trying to hide their watered eyes.
‘How do I live without the ones I love?
Time still turns the pages of the book it's burned
Place and time always on my mind
I have so much to say, but you're so far away…’
Mei fell in love with the chorus. She wrote it down on her mind and she knew it would never disappear then. That was exactly how she felt. She had too many things to tell him. And he was gone too soon.
“Hey, Mei, can I ask you something?”
“Of course.”
“Do you… do you have a back tattoo or something?”
She remembered that dialogue vividly. Like he was there right then. And she never understood where that question came from. It remained a mystery to her.
But she never had the chance to tell him that she always wanted a tattoo in her back. And he just happened to read her thoughts.
When the song ended, she whispered to Jess and Kim:
“I wanna make a tattoo with you girls.” She cleaned her tears and smiled to her both friends who frowned to her sudden wish. “I know exactly what I want and I don’t take no for an answer.”
‘Dance across the seasons
To a place that no one knows’
Georgia
Of course. Why didn’t I think of this place before? As soon as Zack said she was in Georgia, it clicked me. I told her I found out I was in love with her here. It meant something to me. And apparently meant something to her too.
I drove the rented car by the shore and had that outstanding lighthouse where we slept that night as my sight for several minutes before I finally arrived at my destination. A diner a few streets before the lighthouse entrance.
I parked in the other side of the street and observed her working from outside for what felt like hours. My legs didn’t seem to have the bravery to move out and just confront her.
She had a very big belly but it didn’t prevent her from walking around nimbly like she always did. Her tattoos were all covered with her uniform. But her smile was shinning brightly. She was glowing. And it almost made me forget how easily she could pretend everything was alright.
I knew it wasn’t.
She had no one here. She didn’t have anyone to lean on and to help her raise her baby. She just ran away with all that weight in her shoulders, expecting we would never find out about it. Probably thinking we would judge her or have pity.
I couldn’t let her keep doing this.
And with that thought I had the strength to step out of my car and finally get inside the diner.
I sat on the table I knew she would be serving and waited. I was so anxious I could even hear her footsteps coming towards my table, and when I felt her presence by my side and her voice, my heart was pumping as fast as ever.
“Sir, can I get you anything?”
My mouth felt dry to answer it. I could just look up at her and purse my lips.
“Hey…” I got rid of my glasses and she looked disconcerted.
Our eyes crossed. And it made me remember, as swiftly as that eye contact was, how much I still loved her.
She promptly turned away but I held her wrist before. I knew she would leave and disappear on me again so I couldn’t miss this opportunity. She stayed and only closed her eyes and breathed deeply.
“How’d you find me?” she finally whispered and opened her eyes in the end of her question. But she couldn’t look into my eyes again.
“We shared our first kiss here. I realized I was in love with you here. It wasn’t so hard to guess...” Yeah, I had to lie a little. For the sake of romanticism and my credibility with her.
She looked ashamed out of a sudden, after my gaze lowered to her big pregnant belly.
“Please just… leave. I can’t do this right now…” she said it sharply, with eyes on the ground.
“Emily, we need to talk.”
“I’m… I’m not ready.” She kept looking down, but when her voice cracked in the end, she moved her eyes up to mine again and I saw how watered they were. “Just go…” her murmur said it all.
I set my glasses back on, stood up and decided to respect her wish.
But no, I wasn’t gonna give up that easy. I sat back on the car, found a better parking space and waited the whole day until her shift would end.
Far away, far away…’
After washing his face in the morning, Matt faced the mirror in front of him as million things rushed through his mind.
It’s been six months already. And it still felt like yesterday that he was gone.
Matt knew he was the one to do this. He was the only one who had the strength to get those keys, drive to their studio and finally open the room that has been closed for months. Neither of his band mates wanted to do that… ever again.
He took a deep breath as the drops of water fell down his face and finally decided to dry it up, as that act itself could dry his uncured and invisible tears and give him courage to carry on with that plan.
To do anything else was driving him insane. He fixed every inch of his house, walked his dog too many times per day and played videogame so much he had a permanent headache. He just couldn’t move on to the next step without closing this chapter for good. Or starting it again.
It all depended on his friends and their willing to keep taking Avenged Sevenfold project forward.
He left the bathroom, faced his bed and there she was. His rock.
He could’ve never made through the hardest months of his life without her. She had the brightest smile, having a contest with the morning sun entering the curtains. And that scene itself was a perfect reminder of the special times she made sure he would remember she was always the number one of his list. And he was the number one of hers.
“It’s Sunday, babe. Go back to sleep…” he whispered and gave her a peck. Her smile only grew.
“Do you really think I’ll let you go there alone?”
“No, I know you wouldn’t. That’s why I was trying to leave unnoticed.” He smiled at her and she made that angry and bossy face he loved and pushed his shoulder slightly. “Babe, I really need to do this alone this time. Seriously. It’s like going back to my sanctuary after all these months of negligence. I have a lot to reflect there.”
“Are you sure?” her blue eyes shone like the stars in uneasiness. Matt had a lot of ups and downs throughout these six months and the last thing she wanted now was to see him go through another down.
“Yes, I’m pretty sure. I had a lot of time to get me prepared for this. I’m ready. We need to close this chapter, Kim. It’s been too long…” he looked down and she brought his chin back up to face her.
“I’ll be here if you need me, babe. I’m a one phone call away.”
He nodded while bringing his fingertips to softly brush her messed hair back and pulled her for a real kiss this time. One of those that could make her knees buckle if she wasn’t lying in a bed. Then he stood up, leaving her breathless for a while.
“I’ll be back to take you to that Italian restaurant you love.”
“That I love?” Kim raised one of her eyebrows and laughed.
“Okay, that we both love and I love more.” He chuckled, grabbed his wallet and keys and winked at her before leaving.
‘You keep on moving
Far away, far away…’
“Baby... come on. Time to wake up.” Jess whispered in Zack’s ear softly and he just moved away in the mattress.
He was acting distant for months now. He went into a down spin like all his other friends after Jimmy’s passing, it’s no surprise. But he seemed worse than the others. He wasn’t leaving the house like the others. Nor gathering in bars, drinking or distracting. He just stayed in bed for most of the time. Jess thought he couldn’t keep going this way, it wasn’t healthy. She felt she should do something but she had tried everything in her hands. Nothing could cure him.
“Babe... Matt called. He’s going to the studio now and he asked if you wanna show up there later today.” She begun to brush his hair back as she whispered and he only answered with grumbling noises. “You should go along. It would be good for you...”
He didn’t answer for long lasting minutes. Jess felt her heart squeeze. Something had to wake him up to life again. If it wasn’t his music, she had no idea what could be.
“He would want you to move on, Zack. It’s time to decide what you guys will do next. You’ll feel better if you just go there and talk to your friends about it.”
“I dunno…” she heard his deep breath. “I’m gonna think about it, okay?” his voice sounded weary. Like he wouldn’t think about it at all.
Jess stood up and walked towards the bathroom, defeated. She knew he would end up staying in bed the whole day again. And with her head full of concerns with her fiancée, she didn’t even realize her phone had fallen off her pocket on top of the bed.
After some seconds, Zack heard a buzz coming from it. And another one. And another.
Everything could annoy him so easily now. So he just turned, puffed angry air and grabbed the phone to see who wanted to talk to his girl that badly.
He saw a number without a name in the screen. And the person had just sent a picture. He frowned at it, thinking the worst promptly. That she was cheating on him.
When he opened it, his frown was even bigger. It showed an ultrasound picture of a baby with those words with it:
‘Look at her little hands closed in fists! I think she’s holding drumsticks just like her father. So cute!’
Zack checked if Jess wasn’t coming back and searched for Emily’s name on the previous conversations. And yeah, he found what he was looking for. And his eyes widened at his discover.
He started connecting the dots in his mind. And he figured that Jess was probably the only one who knew about this and hid from all of them. Including Brian, even after he asked several times for her contact number or any news about her.
Well, he knew Jess very well. She would never betray Emily’s trust. Even when she saw how bad Brian was doing lately.
And as his friend, he needed to do something with that info. He needed to tell Brian.
For the first time in days he truly felt like going out of bed to do something useful. And maybe go to the studio after.
Maybe…
“Wow! You’re out of bed?” Jess was impressed when she walked out of the bathroom and Zack was fully dressed.
“I’m going to the studio. Do you wanna come along?”
“Yeah… sure.” She answered and thought about something. Someone that was going just as bad as Zack and could use a day on the studio with them. “Can we bring Mei along? I think it would be a good opportunity for her to socialize again, she doesn’t get out much anymore.”
“Of course. Tell her we’ll be picking her up in half hour. I gotta go to Brian’s house first.”
“Okay. I’ll call her.”
‘Everyday… wheels are turning
And the cry… still returning’
As usual, Zack got Brian’s keys hidden in the vase and went inside, very sure of what he would see inside his house after ten minutes of ringing the bell and no one answering at 1 pm. He knew he was there, his car was in the garage. So he had to go in uninvited.
The house was a mess, as expected. Brian was a mess. But he wouldn’t admit it to anyone. Whenever he felt too lonely, too sick of his misery or missing her, he’d just drink until he could be with another woman and drink more until he would pass out after.
He had more than Emily’s and Jimmy’s absence to forget now. He needed to pretend that there wasn’t some stupid and powerful substance that could erase his pain for a while. He needed to forget he ever tried that thing that killed his best friend and took his love away. Once in your system, it’s impossible to erase that feeling.
But he was stronger than that. He wouldn’t surrender easily. So he just gave himself to all the women, booze and cocaine he could take. Until he would find out how to keep going without it. Without them.
Zack walked by all the bottles spread across the way to Brian’s room and thought he really must’ve thrown a party there the night before. Luckily everyone had already left.
When Zack finally crossed Brian’s bedroom door calling for him, the first thing he saw was a very white butt and his friend’s naked forms passed out on the bed like a stone. A snoring and sleepy stone.
“Hey bro!” Zack came closer and threw a sheet on top of him as he still wouldn’t wake up. “Brian, yo! Wake up, man!”
Brian finally moved his head to the side and then let it fall in the pillow again, grumbling like he was in pain. He probably was.
“Leave me alone…” he drawled after a few seconds.
Zack pursed his lips and took a look around. Whiskey bottles everywhere and white powder still spread on his nightstand. Everyone knew that was a dangerous combination. And Zack didn’t think he could deal with losing another friend like that.
“No, I won’t leave you alone. Just… put some boxers on and pretend you wanna listen to me for a second, would you?”
“I can’t pretend that…” he was obnoxious as hell.
“Well, I’m gonna start talking anyway. Matt called me today. He’s going to the studio now and I thought you could be interested on going along and… I dunno, talk about what’s next for us.”
Brian was dead silent all of a sudden. Not even his breathing was audible. And after some seconds he finally turned his face to Zack and covered himself with the sheet.
“There’s no us. There’s no next, Zack.” His tone was dark.
“What… What do you mean?”
“It’s over. I mean… I can’t…” he shook his head several times. “I can’t think about music now. None of us can.”
“Maybe that’s what we need instead of feeling sorry for our asses and drinking and snorting our brains out.” As soon as Zack finished his sentence, he caught a glimpse of two bras on the floor. Grabbed them and showed to Brian. “And doing senseless threesomes, apparently…” Zack threw them on his bed and he rolled his eyes.
“Speak for yourself… Cause that’s exactly what I need…” he turned his back to Zack and pretended he was back to sleep.
“Okay, alright, you’ll play hard to get as always… But I have some news that you might enjoy knowing… Maybe that’s what you really need.”
“I don’t give a shit whatever it is right now. I just wanna go back to sleep. Is that too much to ask?”
“I know where she is.”
Brian was silent again, processing that info. Trying to figure out if he should feel happy about it or deeply mad about it.
“Keep it to yourself, okay?” he breathed deeply. “I don’t wanna know.”
“She’s still in touch with Jess, I found out this morning going through her cellphone. And with her phone code, I know in what state she is at.”
“Wow, you’re a genius, Zack, I’m impressed. Now get the hell out of my room, I need to sleep.”
“She’s in Georgia, man. In that small city we played last year.” He wouldn’t give up. And it made all the sense in the world to Brian now. But he wasn’t interesting in anything related to the woman who stole his heart and never returned it back.
“Hell, I told you I don’t wanna know about it! I don’t fucking care where she is or what she’s doing.” Brian suddenly turned to him, kneeled on the bed and set his palms together, like begging. “Just please… Zack, leave!”
“Okay man, I’ll leave.” He raised his palms in surrender.
“Thank you!” He threw himself back in the bed.
“But not before telling you one last thing.” Brian brushed his face in despair. “She sent Jess an ultrasound picture this morning. She was pregnant when she left.”
Brian sat on the bed this time and placed his elbows on his knees. Confused. Hurt. Jealous. A mix of emotions flowing his hangovered brain out of the blue. But wanting to find her as bad as in the day she left. Everything changed after that info.
“What? How do you know that? How...?” He had a big frown now. “You’re telling me she’s gonna have... Jimmy’s kid now?”
“Yeah, I read a little of their chats. I’m pretty sure I got that right.”
He didn’t know what to say.
“Thanks for… telling me.” He was stunned. All the anger he held for her until now had just given space to a big concern feeling.
“Are you gonna… go after her?”
“No…” he answered promptly, brushed his hair and shook his head, like fighting with himself. “I don’t know…”
“Okay, you tell me when you decide. I’m… heading to the studio. Are you coming?”
“No, Zack… to be honest, I’m not planning to go there anytime soon.” He was as dry as a rock.
Zack took a deep breath and tapped his friend shoulder before heading to the door.
“Okay, we’ll be there if you change your mind anyway... See you, man.”
Brian heard Zack leaving his room and then his house without saying a word more. And after spending several minutes without moving from the same position, thinking about million things, the first thing he did after Zack left was to search for a private detective’s number.
He had to find her. Fast.
Mei had to think a hundred times before accepting Jess’ invitation. But she knew if she didn’t, Jess would be knocking at her door to pick her up anyway. It was a lost battle. She would just go there and pretend everything was okay like everyone was doing lately.
Those last months were the hardest she ever had to go through in her life. Not even her divorce was that difficult. She lost herself and her will to live in a deep depression that she couldn’t really get over before her friends took her to professional help. And now she was living day by day, trying to stop blaming herself, trying to get her sanity back. And her life.
When they arrived at the studio, the memories came back to her instantly. How incredible was to see Jimmy playing again that day, as fast and perfect as always. But she could tell he wasn’t satisfied with his playing. Until he flipped. And the noise of his drumsticks crashing on the window they were all staring at came in a jolt to her head. Her body jumped when Jess touched her arm.
“Are you okay? You seem…”
“Yeah, yeah, I’m fine. I was just thinking about… the last time I was here.” Mei tried to smile but she wasn’t convincing anyone. The place obviously had a power over her.
“Do you wanna go? We don’t really need to stay if…”
“Jess, I’m good! It’s good to be here. Really.” Mei was able to smile truthfuly and Jess believed then. “I don’t see Kim anywhere. Matt didn’t bring her?”
“I guess not. I’m gonna call her and tell her to come.”
They all chatted a little before they could finally check their instruments and their equipment. By the time Kim and Johnny arrived, they were listening to their demos for the album they were almost finishing.
“Can you please explain me why almost everyone is here and I was forbidden to come?” Kim promptly threw the question at Matt, who was seating in the master chair, where he could control the audio.
“I had no idea they would bring their acquaintances with them. I thought this was a band reunion, honey.” She looked at him with a grimace and then smiled, forgiving him with her eyes and kissing him passionately.
“It was practically our second home, Matt. You should’ve brought her.” Zack played even though he was pretty serious. Brian still wasn’t there. “I don’t think my right handed fella is coming. So we should start listening.”
“Yep… let’s do this. Let’s hear it.”
Matt pressed a few buttons on the mixing table and the songs were blasting through all the speakers. Zack and Johnny were initially tapping their feet and banging their heads for Welcome to The Family. Everyone remembered how Jimmy went on and on about making a song for the fans, to thank them for their support and to tell them they are not alone in the battle, even though we can’t really win this fight in the end.
The song was nearly ready. They could tell the drums were rough cause Jimmy never had the chance to record it officially. But it was so good that Matt felt like finishing the album and just putting it out to the world exactly like that. But it didn’t depend only on his opinion and want.
They listened to all the tracks very thoughtfully. And when that track started, the one Brian wrote for his grandpa, the mood got intensely heavy. All the people in the room traded glances as they heard the lyrics and they all had the same feeling. It precisely represented their hearts and their feelings after those six months of grieving. The girls had tears in their eyes. The guys were just trying to hide their watered eyes.
‘How do I live without the ones I love?
Time still turns the pages of the book it's burned
Place and time always on my mind
I have so much to say, but you're so far away…’
Mei fell in love with the chorus. She wrote it down on her mind and she knew it would never disappear then. That was exactly how she felt. She had too many things to tell him. And he was gone too soon.
“Hey, Mei, can I ask you something?”
“Of course.”
“Do you… do you have a back tattoo or something?”
She remembered that dialogue vividly. Like he was there right then. And she never understood where that question came from. It remained a mystery to her.
But she never had the chance to tell him that she always wanted a tattoo in her back. And he just happened to read her thoughts.
When the song ended, she whispered to Jess and Kim:
“I wanna make a tattoo with you girls.” She cleaned her tears and smiled to her both friends who frowned to her sudden wish. “I know exactly what I want and I don’t take no for an answer.”
‘Dance across the seasons
To a place that no one knows’
Georgia
Of course. Why didn’t I think of this place before? As soon as Zack said she was in Georgia, it clicked me. I told her I found out I was in love with her here. It meant something to me. And apparently meant something to her too.
I drove the rented car by the shore and had that outstanding lighthouse where we slept that night as my sight for several minutes before I finally arrived at my destination. A diner a few streets before the lighthouse entrance.
I parked in the other side of the street and observed her working from outside for what felt like hours. My legs didn’t seem to have the bravery to move out and just confront her.
She had a very big belly but it didn’t prevent her from walking around nimbly like she always did. Her tattoos were all covered with her uniform. But her smile was shinning brightly. She was glowing. And it almost made me forget how easily she could pretend everything was alright.
I knew it wasn’t.
She had no one here. She didn’t have anyone to lean on and to help her raise her baby. She just ran away with all that weight in her shoulders, expecting we would never find out about it. Probably thinking we would judge her or have pity.
I couldn’t let her keep doing this.
And with that thought I had the strength to step out of my car and finally get inside the diner.
I sat on the table I knew she would be serving and waited. I was so anxious I could even hear her footsteps coming towards my table, and when I felt her presence by my side and her voice, my heart was pumping as fast as ever.
“Sir, can I get you anything?”
My mouth felt dry to answer it. I could just look up at her and purse my lips.
“Hey…” I got rid of my glasses and she looked disconcerted.
Our eyes crossed. And it made me remember, as swiftly as that eye contact was, how much I still loved her.
She promptly turned away but I held her wrist before. I knew she would leave and disappear on me again so I couldn’t miss this opportunity. She stayed and only closed her eyes and breathed deeply.
“How’d you find me?” she finally whispered and opened her eyes in the end of her question. But she couldn’t look into my eyes again.
“We shared our first kiss here. I realized I was in love with you here. It wasn’t so hard to guess...” Yeah, I had to lie a little. For the sake of romanticism and my credibility with her.
She looked ashamed out of a sudden, after my gaze lowered to her big pregnant belly.
“Please just… leave. I can’t do this right now…” she said it sharply, with eyes on the ground.
“Emily, we need to talk.”
“I’m… I’m not ready.” She kept looking down, but when her voice cracked in the end, she moved her eyes up to mine again and I saw how watered they were. “Just go…” her murmur said it all.
I set my glasses back on, stood up and decided to respect her wish.
But no, I wasn’t gonna give up that easy. I sat back on the car, found a better parking space and waited the whole day until her shift would end.
Notes
Heeeeeeeeey girrlsss!!! DId you miss meee??? =pYeees, I'm back with first part of my dear epilogue. Jim's bday inspired me to write the last arrangements tonight and I'm glad I can share this with you.
And yees yes I know you all still have a lot of unresolved questions, and the answers are coming in the next part I promise you hahaha I'm preparing the field ;)
About the song. I've been having this song for a while in the top of my playlists for inspiration for this epilogue, it's a 2014 Whitesnake version of a Deep Purple's tune. And I really think they made the song even better with that deep and dark set of notes they put on. Give it a listen while you read if you can ;)
So... what do you think its gonna happen?? Emily's gonna run again? Or she will finally talk to Brian? xD
Coming soon!
Thank for waitinggg <3 <3
Damn it! Where the fuck was I when you were writing this?? Just remembered I was rotting in hell(university!)
Anyways, I really wish I could have read it earlier because I'm sure nobody wants to miss out on a story like this one :)
It takes a lot of patience to continue doing something which is really beautiful and worth somebody's time. You have a lot of patience, girl! I wish I had some too:p
You should become a professional writer, this story has everything and every detail that any writer and I mean professional writer would put in her story. There's love, a lot of passion, music, pain and a tad lot of emotions (I'm running outta words, damn it!)
I honestly had no idea that Jimmy would leave in the end. I just kept on hoping that Emily might change him and my hopes were multiplied when Emily found out that she was pregnant. I really wish Jimmy could have met his little one :)
And Brian's unconditional love for Emily really, really touched my heart. It was really amazing how both of them held on to each other throughout the story. Some chapters brought tears to my eyes, some made me grin like a chesire cat and some particular chapters made me wanna smack Brian so badly!
The story of Jess and Zacky was really sweet. I loved the way Zacky helped her out. And then there's Matt and Kim. At one point, I thought they won't be together forever. But you surprised me! But I felt so, so bad for Mei. It just broke my heart to see her shatter when Jimmy left. But glad that she slowly moved on :)
This is beautifully written and every action done and every words said by the characters felt so real. Thank u sooooooo much for giving us something as special as this to read!!
8/3/16