A few weeks later

“Damn it, where is it!!”

Searched everywhere inside my car for that damn score I threw in my backseat a few weeks ago and so far I only got an empty pack of Marlboro and a… condom wrapper? Really? Nice… I couldn’t even remember when was the last time I used a condom here.

I was kneeling in the backseat, searching under my car carpets, desperate to know what those fucking notes were. This is delaying my work completely.

Yeah. I know I promised I wouldn’t use the sheet Emily wrote for me but… Hell, I was trying to guess those notes since then and she was the only one who knew it. And I still had my pride to start calling her for that. So the paper was my only salvation. And I fucking lost it. That’s great.

“FUCK!” I cursed loud, punching the seat before I felt a pair of hands sneaking under my shirt and travelling around my chest and abs.

I wanted to smile but the fact that I truly needed that paper made me forget about my sense of humor completely. She kept fumbling with my skin and my knees were hurting in that position already, so I stood up and turned to her, sighing heavily.

“Hey you…” I let my back bend on my car as I faced her with pursed lips and arms crossed. I noticed she was wearing the silkiest and shortest dress she had, allowing me to see everything a man would want.

Michelle looked stunning tonight. And I still had nothing to offer to her?

“Hey. It seems like you lost something. Can I help you find it?” she licked her lips with a half smirk, coming slowly to lean her body on mine, forcing me to place my arms around her waist.

No, not really forcing… I did that cause I wanted to, okay?

“Well… I don’t think you can. I guess I really lost what I was looking for and have to come up with something new now. There’s no turning back…”

Why did that conversation sounded more meaningful than it really was?

“New is good. Might be even better than the previous.” With an inviting grin and sexy voice, her lips talked very close to mine and end up that sentence stealing a long and ardent kiss from me as her waist began to wiggle against me.

She was moaning quietly as our tongues danced and when I noticed where she probably wanted to take this making out session, I pulled out slowly and stopped her. She got my cue and backed out too. But not her hands. Those kept climbing up my chest until her fingers were brushing my neck and grabbing my shoulder, eagerly as she wanted to take a piece out of me to take it with her.

“Hey, I miss you. You’ve been working too much lately, we barely see each other. Just take the night off.” She kissed me again and this time she lowered my hand to her butt, making me notice she wasn’t wearing anything underneath the dress.

“I can tell you need it. Look at all this tension in your shoulders.” She massaged me there for a while and it felt too nice, I had to close my eyes to relax.

I could really use a masseuse. But I had no intention of giving her the happy ending she probably wanted from me. Not tonight, at least. I was too damn worried about that song. It was driving me crazy.

We haven’t hit the bed together yet since we decided to try again and she clearly wanted to end our drought now but I couldn’t want her less. What’s wrong with me…

“Wow, this is great. How much do I owe you?” I joked when I opened my eyes again but she wasn’t laughing. Her lips were apart as one of her hands slid quickly straight to my belt and then…

“You owe me this.” God, she grabbed my junk and squeezed it through my trousers, trying to tease me to the bone, looking deep inside my eyes with a naughty beam. But not a sparkle moved in my belly.

Why… why can’t I just finish with this and give her what she wants so she can leave me alone to work? Well, when your head is working far away, it’s impossible to concentrate on sex. And what good it would bring me anyway? It’s not like I could talk about solo scales and Gregorian modes while I banged her. That’s just not how it worked with her. That’s how it worked with someone else. That one I should keep my mind away from.

God… Would she ever leave my mind? Will I ever stop comparing every single woman in the planet with her?

“Chelle, I… I really need to keep focusing on my work now. Can’t we just…”

“Why you’re always blowing me off when I show you how much I want you?” she was straight to the point, her words still sounding sexy as hell but it made me feel threatened somehow.

I shook my head and couldn’t think about any good excuses. The only excuse I had was the one I would deny until I had her out of my system.

“Sorry, Chel… I really need to write songs now, I’m not in the mood. My mind works better at night and I can’t lose any more time. Can we just… reschedule this encounter here in… my garage?” I smirked and raised one brow seductively, trying to convince her I needed more time without actually saying it.

She half smiled and gave a step back, away from my arms. I could sense her disappointment and that ended the night for me.

“Okay… if that’s what you want.” She nodded and it was her turn to cross her arms. “So… call me if you ever feel in the mood again. I’ll be stupidly waiting…” she waved goodbye and left my garage before I could have a chance to reply.

I had nothing left to say anyway… The best I could do was just let her go.

“FUCK!!!”

With a loud slam of my car door, I treaded back to my house to play that frustration away from me until sunrise.

---

I woke her up with tiny wet kisses all over her neck. She greeted me with a beautiful morning smile and closed her eyes again as my hands explored her skin under her gown. The gown that was gone from my sight in seconds.

I was hyped and turned on as hell after my early and secret speedball shot and every cell in my brain and in my dick was shouting for her. But she was too slow to be fully awake for my taste.

She let me wander down her neck to her breasts, getting busy with her nipples for a long while until she was finally letting out a few quiet moans, which still wasn’t convincing me I was doing the trick. And I really wanted to satisfy her now.

My head went downer and when I reached my destination, I kissed the path along her thighs slowly and tantalizingly to make ground for the next place I would be. Licked my lips while looking up at her and saw her watching and her hands holding the pillow tightly as she spread her legs more, ready for me.

I let my hot breathe blow on her clit through her panty fabric and her back arched as she panted loudly. I had to smirk. Yes, I needed noises, I needed her body responses and I needed more. My both arms encircled her thighs and my nose snorted her scent from her groin to her folds, making her shudder in my hold. But still no Jimmy coming out of her lips and no loud noises to encourage me. That was bugging me.

Time to start the real job here. I got rid of her panties and watched as her legs spread again and her sensitive skin blossomed to me. I didn’t wait longer, my hunger was overwhelming, I had this crazy urge to make her say my name.

I let my tongue slid everywhere first and then kept my attention strictly on her clit, sucking it and kissing, playing until she was biting her lips and closing her eyes in pleasure. Her waist began to move against me, one of her hands grabbed my hair and pulled it as I licked her more. I could tell she was close, but still not much of the excitement I wanted from her.

Damn, when she was high she was different. She looked on fire, like a hungry tiger in bed. Screaming my name, moaning loud, full of energy and moving so loose and sexily. Now she just looked… shy and… sober.

So I decided. When I felt she was close by the intensity she grabbed my hair, I just stopped my moves to make her angry for delaying her climax. She looked down at me puzzled, her mouth opened wide and her breasts pressed against her own hands, just waiting for me to get back and I didn’t. Instead I went for her mouth, kissing her as I slammed myself hard inside her, not caring if she was ready or not.

She moaned loud when she felt me leaving the nice and easy way to a roughest one. And her eyes were stuck on mine, asking why.

“I wanna be inside you when you come.” I mumbled in her ear and thrusted fast and unmercifully, finally tearing out some expressive and lusty sounds from her throat as her eyes rolled.

In fact, I wanted to be inside her heart again. I knew it was a tough road, but I would. I would get her fully back to me.

I held her both thighs up and went deeper, almost getting in with my balls. Her belly muscles were tensing a lot under me, her body was quivering but she still wasn’t the same. Why… why couldn’t it all be the same again? Why couldn’t we just get high together and have that amazing sex again?

When her hands buried in my neck and held me against her, I knew she was there. Her walls tightened me and her pants decreased as I kept going on full speed to make me cum. And I knew it would be hard this time to get there cause I had speedballs running in my veins, so I took a little longer than usual but I was able to unload without her suspecting anything. My orgasm was way better like that than when I wasn’t high and that was worth the shot.

“Wow… that was a very nice wake up, babe…” she smiled to me, still panting, and we kissed once more. “Thank you.”

I fell over her side, trying to catch my breath and she left the bed even before my dick softened.

“Hey, where are you going?” I asked annoyed.

“Gotta go early to the studio today. There’s this kinda famous band showing up and we need to prepare everything. I have no idea who they are, they didn’t tell me.” Her voice came from the bathroom as I heard her turning on the shower.

“I promise it’s not us…”

“Hey, I toured with you guys, you’re not that famous to me anymore.” She chuckled.

“Ha-ha-ha. Very funny.” I stretched myself in the bed. “At least promise me you won’t trade me for their guitarist.”

She took a while to answer and I regretted my stupid joke right away. There’s a subject I could never joke about and his name was Brian.

I heard her turning off the shower and when she finished drying, she came back to the bedroom completely naked and stared deeply at me, also naked.

“You can rest assured I would never do that.” She said it slowly and as serious as I ever heard her, making me notice I had hurt her. And it wasn’t my intention at all.

“I was just joking, Ems.” I smiled to make things better.

“Okay.” She tried to smile back.

We went silence until she came to kiss me goodbye.

Well… me? I had a whole day of practice ahead of me… And needed to snort a row to start.

---

When I got in the studio, I saw a lot of black cars arriving and parking around. Lots of body guards spread, making my brows raise. Then I saw a long haired man stepping out of one of the SUVs. Was that… David Coverdale?

I got in with my identification card that had to be checked by more people than I could count and found my other coworkers already busting their asses off to get everything set for the so called band.

“Hey Greg! What’s all this fuzz about? Did I just see Coverdale coming in?”

“Yep, you did. I didn’t tell anyone before so the news wouldn’t leak, but yeah, Whitesnake is recording here. Big time for us, if you know what I mean.” He brushed his fingers to me, signing more money.

White-fucking-snake was here and all he could think about was money? Really? I always wanted to audition when they needed a guitarist but well… yeah, I didn’t have a penis to be taken seriously.

“Well… can we at least watch them today?”

“I guess I can pull some strings for you.” He blinked at me and I shook my head. Nah, I knew he wanted something from me in return, I hated favors.

“I won’t have a date with you, I have a boyfriend.”

“Oh, c’mon! Not even a quickie in the bathroom later?” he started laughing as he carried the bass drum in the right place and I could only roll my eyes. He was joking. Seems like everyone wanted to make bad-taste jokes to me today…

“Nervermind. I’ll stay in the front if you need me, gonna check them in.”

And there I went, to my place in the counter, making their reception. Greeted all the band members, their staff and everyone seemed nice, even David himself. I showed them the whole place, where their record room was and if they needed I would be there in the front. Not able to see or hear anything… It sucks to be me today…

The whole studio was only reserved for Whitesnake today so my day was boring as hell. No one was showing up, they wouldn’t leave that room and all I could hear was bass drum and muffled guitar sounds along with Coverdale’s howling. My fingers were itching to be there and just go jam with them until my hands give out. But I know I couldn’t. And it made me miss that life so much…

I know I was in a bad shape when I toured with Avenged. I just wanted to get high, the pressure was enormous. Bigger than myself. But what if it was just about playing and nothing else? What if now I could just hit the stage and not feel insecure again and not feel like the crow would eat me alive? I feel somehow stronger. But the thought of going back to music now scared the hell out of me. I couldn’t risk it. I couldn’t go through everything I went through on the road again.

“Miss…? Miss?” I looked up and my thoughts vanished right away when I saw Reb Beach, Whitesnake lead guitarist standing right in front of me and… talking to me?

“Oh… Hi, mr. Beach. Do you need anything?”

“Yeah, we’re having a break and… I was wondering where is your refrigerator machine.” He was very nice to me, with a smile.

I stood up and asked him to follow me as I took him to our dinner.

“Here it is. There’s coffee in that machine and soda here. Liquor and beer in that one. The place is yours.”

“Thank you.”

I was about to head back to my desk when his throat noise stopped me.

“Sorry… what’s your name again?”

“I’m Emily, sir. Emily Clarke.” I grinned shyly.

“Oh, I think I… remember you from… You toured with a band last year, didn’t you?”

I breathed deeply and answered. What are the chances of someone recognizing me? Maybe the hair?

“Yeah, I… I was touring with Avenged Sevenfold. My band in that time opened for them. The Darkest Hour.”

“Yeah, that was the name I was trying to remember. You guys are good. You made a hell of a good version of Since I’ve Been Loving You. I thought people had stopped playing the good old stuff.” He grabbed a coke and faced me.

“Yeah, I thought so too… But we couldn’t help, it’s the kind of music we wanted to play. And we had a very nice opportunity last year.”

“You can definitely pull out your sound on that Gibson. It seems like you’ve been on this business for quite a while, am I mistaken?”

“Yeah, I was playing for ten years. Now I… I’m just not… playing anymore.” Why it almost hurt to say that?

“Wow, you stopped? Cause I was about to make a proposal to you. Our second guitarist is heading out for a while, he needs a vacation from touring, as he told us. So we need to find someone to tour with us next year, all over Europe. Are you interested on taking an audition?”

My eyes widened and I was ready to say yes but a lump in my throat stopped me. It would be a dream coming true playing with my idols and see all around Europe but… I couldn’t leave Jimmy. He needed me by his side more than ever, he was still unreliable alone.

“Well, I’m gonna be honest with you. If you were asking me a year before, I wouldn’t think twice to accept it. But now… I’m starting a family, I can’t…” I closed my eyes, feeling my life and my future slipping away before me. “I can’t leave my family now. I’m sorry.”

He pursed his lips and shrugged.

“Okay, I needed to ask anyway. Thanks for showing me around.”

He left the room and I could finally let out my deep frustrated sigh.

God… did I just refuse joining Whitesnake?

---

Later on, when I was almost sleeping in my chair, I heard them leaving the room. So I promptly stood up and stayed put for anything they might say or need. They said their goodbyes, one by one, and the last one was Beach. He shook my hand with a charming smile, his long hair falling on his shoulders, and handed me a card.

“If you change your mind. Give me a call.” I saw his number on the card and smiled back, nodding as he waved goodbye and left.

I stared at the card in my hand for several seconds, not really wanting to just rip it in pieces but knowing it was the right thing to do.

“What are you waiting for to get the hell out of here? They left, we’re done early. Go home, Ems.” Greg’s voice echoed from the room and I looked behind me to nod.

“Oh, good. I’m out. See you tomorrow, man.”

“See ya.”

I didn’t think anymore. Just teared the paper down and threw it in the trash before I picked up my purse and left, not really satisfied with the fact that I would probably go old in that stupid studio job but I had to prioritize Jimmy. I would always place him above all my decisions now.

I walked to Jimmy’s house kicking the ground and feeling down and when I got there, the place was weirdly dark and silent. I was supposed to be greeted with cymbal noises and bass drums shaking the walls but nothing. Not a single noise. Well, maybe he was out to one of the guys’ places.

“Jimmy? Babe, I’m home. They let us go early.” as I had no reply, I took a glass of water in the kitchen and ran upstairs.

There was a flash of light coming from our bedroom door ajar. I frowned. Well, maybe he was in a deep sleep. When I walked in, that sight almost made me run away but my legs were too shaky to move anywhere.

Jimmy was seating in the floor, with his back leaned on the bed, his head fallen back on the mattress and his eyes trying to open to all coasts. Then my terrified eyes moved to the syringe, the tourniquet and the spoon spread on the ground.

I gulped hard and stood there motionless, panicking inside, staring at him until he could notice I was there.

“Ems… You’re… you’re home early…” he drawled when he raised his head to see me, but he couldn’t focus at all. His eyelids were almost shut.

God.

“How… how could you…” I felt my stomach churning and my words just wouldn’t come out. I couldn’t believe. He promised…

“I’m… I’m sorry… babe…”

I should’ve… I should’ve listened to my instincts. I should’ve gone with him everywhere. I should’ve… I should’ve known better!

When I felt I could walk again, I just kneeled to the ground and grabbed the syringe and the stuff
straight to the bathroom trash.

And… what now? What am I supposed to… do now? I thought I was strong enough to deal with his relapse. But my trembling and sweaty hands were telling otherwise.

Should I… should I call someone? Should I throw all my fury and disappointment in his face right now, even if he wouldn’t recall it later? Should I just… slap him again?

Maybe I should just leave. Even if it was the most selfish thing I could do now, I felt I couldn’t stay another second in that house.

I went to the wardrobe, grabbed my bag, placed in the bed and started throwing everything I owned inside, all wrinkled, I didn’t care. As I paced angrily through the room, he stood up slowly and shook his head, looking a little desperate watching me pack my things.

“Emily… don’t… don’t do this…” he paced closer and I just showed my palms for him to step back. I couldn’t look at him right now. I knew I would just breakdown if I do.

He stood back, brushing his hair.

“You love this shit more than you love me.” I mumbled it and kept throwing things inside the bag. I wasn’t even thinking.

“No, it’s not true, I need you both… to survive.”

“No, you don’t need this!” I held his arm with the recent mark of blood to his eyes. “I thought we had talked this through, I thought you… You promised me, Jim…”

“I know I did but… I need it. My muscles hurt, I can’t play like I used to, I… That’s the only thing that can help me. Please, just… try to understand.” He tried to hold me closer and I just pushed him away.

“I can’t, Jimmy! You can die! You know that and you still…” I couldn’t hold my tears anymore. “I can’t do this anymore.”

“I know you want it too, stop fighting it.” He came closer again, a little more rougher and his body pushed me against the wardrobe. “Just get high with me, baby. I know you miss it like I do.” His lips were bushing in my ear and I kept shaking my head, trying to get rid of the feeling he was forcing me to rewind.

The numbness. The absence of everything but bliss running in your veins straight to your mind and to your soul. I let my eyes close when his lips moved to my neck and kissed me there.

“Remember the magical feeling of it flowing into your neck that night? Huh?” I breathed heavily and tried not to remember, but it was all I could think of now. It was the best feeling I ever had in my life and I knew I could just have it again anytime if I wanted. “Remember how we made love? How you felt in my arms? Our best times together were when we were high.”

No… No, I couldn’t let him get inside my head. I wouldn’t lose this fight. Not again. Not today.

“Stop it, James. It’s not who I am anymore. That woman is dead!” I tried to keep my tone calm, escaped from his arms and this time he really stayed away, pacing around the room nervously, seemed like he was lost.

When I finished packing and nothing more could fit there, I looked at him.

“Let’s go to a meeting with me. Please.” I was ready to beg him on my knees, my teary eyes were supplicant to his. I didn’t know what else to say or do.

“No, I don’t need this fucking crap, there’s nothing wrong with me!” he shouted loud and now it was my time to feel desperate. He was in complete denial as I feared.

“Please.” My cracked voice barely stood out in our silence. And he still shook his head.

I wiped my tears away enraged, grabbed my bag and left the room without looking back. I knew he was coming after me but I didn’t care, I still had one last place to search for his stash. And I would find it not even if I had to tear that place down.

I walked inside his studio and searched on his drums first, moving it out of place, kicking the hi-hats out of my way in anger. He just stood there in the threshold, staring at my moves.

“Where is it… James, WHERE IS IT!?”

He was in complete silence.

I just opened all the drawers, moved all the carpets away and went for the frames in the wall. I let it fall in the ground one by one and… there it was. I only felt it was really happening when I had in my hands. It was damn real. He was into that again.

I grabbed everything, took my bag and left his house. He didn’t protest.

The first thing I did in the street was to find a trash can to get rid of that venom in my hands.
And next thing I know, I was pacing aimlessly in the dark streets. I couldn’t even see where I was going. I only noticed I had reached somewhere when I stood in his front door, ringing his doorbell. I had no place else to go.

I was shivering in cold when he opened the door.

“Why are you here? Just… just leave.” He ignored my distress and was about to close the door when I stopped him with my hand.

“Please, Brian… it’s… it’s Jimmy. He’s… he’s using again.”

That was when I bursted out in tears.

Notes

ohh shit... she found out in the worst way...

And what about Brian now? Is he throwing her out? xD

<3