For the third time that year, they were all sitting on the emergency room, with their hearts almost jumping out of their chests. Matt was walking from side to side, thinking he could’ve prevented it all if he hadn’t accepted the invitation to play on that damn school. He could sense trouble in the air but simply pushed those instinctive feelings aside this time and he wasn’t sure why. Maybe he was just too stressed out like their band mates. But as the leader, he couldn’t forgive himself for letting this situation between Brian and Jimmy get to that point. The point of almost no return.

Emily was seating in a corner and Brian on the other, with a lot of empty chairs in between them. She couldn’t look at him now. He couldn’t look at himself. He had the girl, he had done everything right and everything was under his control finally, when for just a lapse of weakness, he threw it all away. Now he wasn’t even sure if Emily would ever want to speak to him again or forgive him. She wasn’t sure either. All she wanted now was good news coming out of that room they’ve been working on Jimmy for too long.

Zack and Johnny were just trying to avoid trading looks with Brian and Emily. They were deeply mad at them and way too damn worried about Jimmy to act out on their rage.

They didn’t even know how many minutes they were there. It was only noticeable when Val stormed out of nowhere to stop in front of Emily, exhaling anger through her heavy breathing and making everybody notice her entrance.

“I warned you! And you hurt him anyway!” those were the first words being pronounced in that room to cut the cold silence as Valary looked deep inside Emily’s watery eyes.

“Valary, I’m…” Emily couldn’t complete her sentence cause Val’s palm landed violently on her left cheek, making all the glances wide to her. She just hid her face on her own hands and felt the pain she knew she deserved.

“HEY, I told you to stay at Huntington! This isn’t time and place for that, Valary!” Matt rushed closer to his fiancée and struggled to pull her away from Emily’s sight. “C’mon, let’s get a coffee…”

When Matt was finally taking Valary out of the room, a doctor came outside Jimmy’s room. Everybody stood up promptly and they quickly walked back.

“Hello, I’m doctor Ross. I presume you’re all family of mr. Sullivan?”

“Yeah, we are. What happened to him, doc? Is he awake?” Matt inquired.

“Well, we ran a few tests and the answers are not so good, I have to be honest with you. We found really high dosages of heroin and cocaine on his bloodstream and his heart enzymes showed he was really close of having a heart attack.”
Everyone traded worried glances.

“Oh, so he didn’t have one?” Matt asked a bit relieved.

“No, he didn’t. But we found track marks on his arms so… due to his history of heart disease and his recurrent drug usage, I believe his body shut him down in a mechanism to maintain his life. I need to inform you he presented here in a comatose state already.”

A big frown appeared on all of their foreheads.

“So… you’re saying he’s… not awake?” their hearts froze to Matt's words.

“Yes. We’re running a few more tests to know the reasons he was led to a coma and we still need to check his head CT to see if there’s any brain damage, cause it’s possible too. We have to wait for the results, I’ll be back when I know more of it and I’ll let you know.” The doctor was almost turning his back when Matt called again.

“Can we… see him?”

“As soon as I move him to a room, you can see him.”

“Thanks.”

After the doctor went away, all worried glances turned into judgment ones towards Brian. Those weren’t good news at all. Now they didn’t even know when he could wake up, if he’s ever gonna wake up.

Brian could still feel the cocaine effects leading his thoughts and filling him with anxiety but he managed to control it. It was just one punch! One! And Brian couldn’t understand why his friend was in that state. He was just too perplexed to say anything but he really wanted to apologize, especially to Emily.

And when he was finally able to find her eyes, she squinted hers and shook her head. She saw something in his eyes she wasn’t used to see. She noticed he was high.

“Em, please…” as she was about to leave the room, he tried to hold her arm, but she pulled away with a killer gaze.

“I can’t believe…” and turned his back on him, even more pissed as she was before.

---

I begged to be the first to see him but they asked me to wait. Of course they were blaming me for this and I wasn’t sure who was guiltier, Brian or myself. I was done trying to find the one to blame inside my head, I just wanted to have the chance to say I’m sorry at Jimmy.

As nobody wanted to see my face around there, especially Valary, I went outside and called Brad to explain everything. They were still waiting for their flight back to California and he asked me if I needed something, someone. I thought he was gonna be so angry at me because I left the stage on our last concert but somehow he was really comprehensive with what I’m going through. He understood why I had to stay away for a while. In spite of everything, I owned him a lot. So I finished our conversation with an apology and a goodbye. Probably a permanent one.

When I was back, Matt told me I could walk in to see him and they were about to call Jimmy’s parents to let them know what happened and get their consent to move him to a hospital in California, as the doctor really confirmed he could take a day or even years to wake up, we couldn’t know for sure. At least his exams showed no brain damage, those were the good news.

I walked inside his room, found a chair and sat beside his bed. His skin looked pale as ever, his lips was cracked from dehydration, I could see his cheekbones just like last time I faced myself in the mirror. He was awfully looking like death; like me. It broke my heart.

My hand landed on his and his long fingers were cold as ice. I tried to warm them with my both hands as I was getting brave enough to start talking.

“James, I don’t know if you can hear me. But I hope you can.” I sincerely waited for some kind of sign, a weak grip of his hand, a heavy sigh, anything. But I had any.

“I’m so sorry. I don’t have much to offer you right now but I hope you can… forgive me for… everything I put you through and…” my whispers were interrupted by the door click and footsteps coming in.

I didn’t turn my back to see who was walking in but just by the muffled breathing, I knew who was there. And he was really the last person I wanted to see now.

“Hey…” Brian came closer and stood by the other side of Jimmy’s bed, gazing at me. I refused myself to look back, I just started to set Jimmy’s messed hair out of his forehead. “You gotta take your pill.”

He showed me the bottle and I had to find his eyes to pick it up. His pupils weren’t huge as they were a few hours before. He looked tired and worn out as hell.

“Thanks, I can take it from here.” When I pulled the bottle to me, he held it strongly and didn’t let me take it. What the hell?

“I won’t leave all those pills with you. You take one and give me back.” He opened the vial and got just one pill out to handle to me. I shook my head in disbelief and stood up with my blood boiling.

“You were high to go on that stage, weren’t you? You were fucking loaded when you punched him and did this to him!! I saw it in your eyes! And you still have the balls to come here and say to my face you don’t trust ME to handle my own pills? I don’t trust you now!!” I said it all as quietly as I could, walking around the bed until I reached Brian. We were staring eye to eye all the time.

“I had no condition of playing tonight, Emily, I was 48hrs awake scared of what could happen to you! We had an argue, he threw me in the bus, I lost control and I hurt my friend. If I could I’d take everything back, but I can’t. I’m sorry, okay? All I wanted was to protect you.”

“Well, you did a wonderful job! He can’t talk to me or anybody else now, can he? That’s exactly what you wanted!” I pulled the pill and the bottle from his hands harshly and set them into my pocket. He didn’t fight me this time, his eyes dropped to the ground and he didn’t answer. “I’d appreciate if you leave now…”

He nodded still facing the floor and left the room. I sat back on my chair and grabbed Jimmy’s hand again. It was hot this time. I had my vision completely watered.

“I’m so sorry, babe… please… I…” my eyes exploded in tears as I let my head drop in the bed and I got a tight grip of his hand. “I’m so sorry…”

---

“Are you planning to forgive her someday?” a sweet voice with a British accent emerged from somewhere inside my own head.

I knew that voice but I just couldn’t figure out who was talking, I couldn’t really see him or anything around me, I could only see my body from above and Emily holding my hand. I couldn’t even feel her touch. And I missed her so much…

“I don’t know… maybe.”


“Are you planning to go back?”

“Who are you? And why do you care?” I just wanted to be alone now, to think. And hell, not even stuck inside myself I had peace. I had this voice interrogating me now.

“I’m just a friend… who had been in your position a few years ago.”

“Oh, really, a friend? Who gave you permission to invade my thoughts anyway?”

“You gave. You know who I am.”

“You sound familiar but… I have no idea who you are. So, if you’d excuse me…”

“I’m your mind, Jimmy. I’m here to help you choose.”

“What’s there to choose? The woman I love is right here crying for me because I might never wake up again. But I know she loves someone else. She’s in love with my best friend. Would you go back?”

“Well… as I can see, she’s suffering. She’s apologizing. Maybe you’re wrong, maybe you should give it another try.”

I sighed. I was really tired of thinking about all of this. I needed a break.

“I’ve seen the world, I did everything here, I know every little secret life could show to me, I felt all kinds of sensations it’s possible to feel. But I have no patience to keep searching for true love. I don’t want anybody else. I want her to love me again. But I can’t force her. So… what’s the point of going back, really?”

“I used to think I’d seen and felt it all either. And I didn’t get the chance to see my son growing up to be the hell of a drummer he is now. I didn’t get the chance to raise my kids with my wife. I didn’t get the chance to say I love you to them again. I just left in a night of pure excess without even thinking about the consequences of my absence. Is that what you wanna do?”

“I don’t have kids. I don’t have a wife. So…”

“But you still can have it all. Don’t you wanna start a family someday?”

I thought about it for a while. Of course I wanted to be a father. But I wanted Emily to be the mother of my kids. I wanted to grow old by her side. And that was completely out of reach now.

“We have terrible lifestyles. I don’t think I can bring someone to this world like this, you know?”

“Don’t you wanna try at least? You can have a second chance… I couldn’t.”

I let those words echo in my mind and kept staring at Emily.

Will I ever be able to make you love me again? Can I be the man you need by your side? Can I make you happy? Will I… ever be happy again?

“You can only have those answers if you try again.”

I started pacing around the room, trying to control my urges to touch her again, to breathe in on her scent. It could be so much easier to stay here and let her be. She would be happy with Brian. And I could be finally out of their way.

But why was that so damn hard?

Fuck, I need to choose. But I need more time.

Notes

For those of you who doesn't know the guy in jimmy's conscious here, well, u gotta wait for when he finally figure out too, I wont reveal his identity before =p
For those of you who know him, you know what I'm trying to do here ;)
I spent a lot of time imagining how would be their talk on heaven, god, it would be so epic! So I figure, let's try it here =p

Soo...girls, will Jimmy want a second chance?

We all wish he could really have had one, right? :'(

So this is for you Jim! I hope you're raising hell up there!!
foREVer in our hearts
love you <3