Day Three

When I thought I couldn’t feel weaker, this morning I had to make the biggest effort even to open my eyes. Thank god that the effort was worth it. Cause I had the best landscape I could ever wish for staring back at me. And he just threw his perfect half smile to weaken me more.

“What are you doing awake? It’s early, isn’t it?” I murmured, brushing my fingertips on his cheek.

“I couldn’t sleep.”

“You… you spent the entire night awake?” my brows furrowed. He looked so worn out.

“Too many thoughts in mind…”

“You were afraid I’d get away, right? After everything I said and did yesterday, it’s no surprise…” God, the way I treated him yesterday. I was so ashamed now but I just couldn’t control my mood swings.

“Yeah… that too.” his eyes wanted to tell me more but his mouth kept it to himself. “And… well I was just thinking about a set of notes I’ve been trying to work on lately and I wanna show it to you. Can I?” now his smile was fully drawn to me, as if nothing had happened. He was being so comprehensive.

“Stop asking me those obvious questions.” I grinned back and as I watched him unpack the guitars, I stretched my body. It was like a train had run over me.

He sat back on the bed and with the sunlight illuminating his strong naked chest, he began to play those notes that had the power to talk to me when he couldn’t. I imagined strings in the background, it would fit really good harmonically to that dark and full of meaning melody.

He ended up with two beautiful acute notes made with his right hand and it got my mouth watering for more of that.

“That’s it. That’s all I have until now. I can’t seem to figure out how to develop it.”

“It’s beautiful, Brian. It’s… really deep…” I got all the strength I had and sat up to be in front of him. “No drums, no bass, only you and maybe a few strings in the back. Can you play it again?”

He nodded with a beautiful smile and went on again. I observed how he was charmingly supporting his right hand with his pinkie to finger the strings and remembered how good my soul felt when I’d hear him. I even forgot the tremors and the pain I still had in my muscles. They were constant now.

“Just after this intro, there’s space for another one, but then with the drums coming in and Zack making one of those duos with you. What you think?” I couldn’t help but imagine ahead.

“So this is gonna be a fucking ballad?” he sounded upset.

“No, not necessarily. It can progress into something more aggressive, you used a perfect tone for that. It’s up to you. C’mon, gimme the other guitar, I’m gonna make a simple rhythm base with those notes and you play the first thing that comes into your mind.”

He took a while to handle the guitar to me and when he did, his eyes locked with mine and they were glowing. “What?”

“I didn’t know my magic could work that good on you.” He smirked and I had to admit I missed that cockiness.

“Arrogant asshole…” I pushed his shoulder jokingly, mumbling my favorite nickname for him in bed. He knew very well how he could always mess with my emotions. “Shut up and play.”

He chuckled on that warm and sexy way and brought his fingers back to work on the strings quickly. When he finished the first intro, I threw a few notes as a background and he improvised on it. He played simple and beautiful notes and as I traded glances between his fingers and his face, I couldn’t contain my urge to abandon the rhythm and create the second guitar along with him, as Zack would do.

He lifted his brows quickly and left his eyes on mine for a few seconds as I tried to follow his fingers without losing his eye contact. We only reach that level of mental connection before when we were making love.

“Oh damn, we should’ve recorded this!! I have my recorder here somewhere and…” I got so thrilled with our moment that I stood up too quickly and felt the entire room spinning around me.
I had to bend on the bed and closed my eyes when I remembered how fragile I still was, even if those moments with him made me feel so strong.

“You okay, babe?” he put the guitar aside and kneeled on the bed to reach for my arm with those wide worried eyes.

“Yeah, yeah, I just… got carried away. I need to lie down a bit.” I opened my eyes to him and smiled a little, letting my weary body fall on the mattress and my head on the pillow.
He picked up the guitar again and sat towards me. He looked even more perfect with that piece of wood in hands.

“Play for me.”

He brushed his messed longish hair back, thought about my wish for a while and started this one looking deep inside my eyes.
I giggled quietly at his serious expression towards me and when I thought he was only playing that song to mock me or something, he began to sing it. Like I never thought he would.

‘Saying I love you
Is not the words I want to hear from you
It's not that I want you not to say, but if you only knew
How easy it would be to show me how you feel
More than words is all you have to do to make it real
Then you wouldn't have to say that you love me
Cause I'd already know’

His voice was so soft and had the perfect natural vibrato even if he had just woken up. It got me so mesmerized that I didn’t even miss the lack of second voice there, his voice only was enough to make me all warm and complete inside. I closed my eyes and started to have the best trip in the world. The kind you don’t need drugs to be in.

‘Now that I've tried to talk to you and make you understand
All you have to do is close your eyes and just reach out your hands
And touch me, hold me close, don't ever let me go
More than words is all I ever needed you to show
Then you wouldn't have to say that you love me
Cause I'd already know’

I never wanted more a song not to end as I wanted now. I could feel the sound waves working to heal my body and soul as he was beautifully serenading me, meaning every word he sang. As much as I wanted to keep fighting for my life now, I felt like I could die in peace with him by my side.
At the guitar show-off part of the song, I had to shake my head with a silly smile to his incredible ability to make me dumbfounded every time. He grinned and winked at me before finishing the song.

‘More than… words…’

And yeah… he ended with his eyes closed, as immersed in the song as I was. And the first thing I did was to kneel on the bed, get that guitar out of my way and wrap him in a lovingly embrace as our noses played and our mouths teased each other to finally began with the love making of our tongues. God, how much I need that man.

“Wow, look what you do to me. Just one song…” I interrupted him, had to kiss him again, hearing his moans echoing in my lips. “…and I’m all sweaty. I gotta take a shower, babe.”

“Nice song choice by the way. The way you sing it, you could easily get laid whenever you want. Do you want some company in there?” we traded smirks but his eyes quickly changed into sad ones.

“We… we shouldn’t do this now, Em. I want it too, believe me, I want it so bad but you’re really weak, you’re not eating, you’re not drinking water. I’m worried.”

“Everything gets me sick to my stomach, Bri. I don’t know what to do.” I felt my eyes falling like his.

“Let me take you to a hospital, please Em, I’m begging you, they’ll know what to do there, they’ll give you the right medicine.” He placed his both hands on my cheeks to hold my head up to him.

“I’m… I’m getting better, babe. I promise you. I think the hardest part is over.”

“Are you sure? Cause you weren’t even breathing properly last night and…” I shut him up with
a kiss.

“I’m sure.” We ended up swimming on each other’s gaze again.

I wanted him to believe me and I could tell he wanted too but the truth was I was clueless about what could happen with me in the next five minutes or ten. I felt really worse than the last two days of withdraw. But he didn’t have to know that, it would only startle him more.

“Go take a nice hot shower to renew your energies, babe. I’ll be here. Go.”

He kissed me one more time and rolled out of bed to go to the bathroom. When he was finally gone I could burst out in silenced tears.

---

“Where’s he…?” Matt looked at his clock for the eleventh time since they arrived at the hotel conference room. “Damn it, I think we should go up there.”

All the band crew was there along with Matt, Zack and Johnny. They had finally got the announcement from Rock am Ring organization and other stuff to discuss.
The ones who knew what was going on with Jimmy had that apprehensive look on their eyes waiting for him to arrive.

“He’s only 20 minutes late, man. Let’s wait a little more.” Zack mumbled to him and Johnny nodded.

Matt looked at all those people around them. Most of them had no idea what was going on and he had to hold it together, but his heart felt like exploding on his throat. He was beating his fingers on the table, ready to stand up and go upstairs when Jimmy finally appeared through the door wearing his aviators.

The three friends breathed disguisedly heavy and faked a smile to a lifeless Jimmy approaching and sitting beside them without saying a word. He looked more than whacked. But he showed up and that was good enough for them.

“So… now we can start.” Larry gazed at Jimmy and noticed how pale he was but he had other things to worry about now. The less people knew about it, the better, so they weren’t planning to tell him anything for now. “About Rock am Ring, they decided to fill the lineup with another band, a cheaper one, so we won’t have to fly to Germany this year…”

The silent room was now filled with exciting voices of ‘we’re going home earlier’ and ‘let’s celebrate’. They were all relieved of not going, especially Matt, Zack and Johnny, who knew they weren’t in the best condition to travel and play now.

“But…?” Matt gasped jokingly, hoping they would be heading back to Cali tonight. Johnny frowned at him. “What? There’s always a but…”

“Yeah, you’re right Matt, there’s a but. The local high school is promoting a graduation event this weekend and they called me to see if you guys were available to play on their prom tomorrow night.”

“Shit, a school prom? We didn’t even attend to our own prom…” Zack grumbled, feeling bored and frustrated already.

“It brings good visibility to you here. And the payment is not bad either. I suggest you to accept it.”

Matt glanced at all his band mates, stopped at Jimmy for a while and thought this was the worst idea. Zack was dying to go home to find Jess. Johnny was missing his wife and daughter. Jimmy was losing it.

“No way, we need to go home, Larry. We had enough of touring this year.”

“The problem is… the school is already giving out pamphlets and announcing you as the main act.” they all widened their eyes. “Yeah, I told them not to do that.”

Matt shook his head several times and felt terrible, but he had to agree.

“Alright, we’ll do it, we’re already here. Right guys?”

They could only shrug. Now the room was filled with disappointed echoes.

“The soundcheck there will happen a few minutes before the concert at nine so you don’t need to worry about it. As for the rest of the crew, you start setting the equipment by six. Any questions?” no one had any, they all knew the protocol.

As the people started to get out, Matt stood up and stayed close to the door until there was only his band, Matt and Jason left on the room. Jimmy was about to get out without pronouncing a word when Matt closed the door before he could go out, making him stop abruptly.

Time for intervention.

“What… What is that all about?” Matt walked towards him and made him back out from the door to come back to where they were seating. His band mates were all standing up now, facing him with serious traits.

“We wanna talk to you now, bro. Why don’t we all sit here and…”

“I don’t wanna sit. What do you want?” he crossed his arms, surly as hell.

“Look… we all know you’re going through some stuff with Emily and we just wanted you to know we… we are here for you, man. For anything.” Johnny stepped closer and tapped Jimmy on his shoulder.

“Thanks for the concern. Can I go now?” he was cold like a stone.

“No, actually you can’t. We’re not finished yet.” continued Matt. “I’m gonna go straight to the point. We know, Jimmy, we know about the heroin, we know Jason has been secretly helping you and Emily to score while we were touring, but most important of all, we know you’re not okay.” Jimmy glanced to Jason quickly and shook his head discreetly. Another traitor.

"Really, Matt? If that’s all as obvious as you said, why don’t you just save the trouble and tell me where the hell she is? You know that’s all I need to know.”

“I don’t fucking know where she is, man. I met Brian in a dinner when I gave him their stuff, he didn’t tell me anything. I wouldn’t lie to you, Jimmy.”

“We wanna help you, Jim. We’re brothers, man. Look at your skin, it’s blue, look at how skinny you’ve got. This is eating you alive!” Zack tried.

“What do you want me to say? That you’re all little saints and I’m the only devil here? Whose girlfriend ended up hooked on ecstasy because of you, huh?” Zack clenched his jaw and turned his back, trying to calm his nerves. Matt warned them he was on defensive mode permanently now.

“Listen, Jimmy, here’s the deal we have for you and we hope you accept it. You gotta get clean if you wanna stay with us in this band. And we’re all here right now to show you we’ll help you through this no matter what. But you gotta let us help you. Will you?”

“How many times do I have to say I don’t fucking need any help!? I just need my girlfriend back, is that so hard to understand?”

Matt traded looks with all of the guys in the room and they gave him assurance to keep up with the plan. As much as it hurt them, that’s how it could work to convince him to quit.

“So… that’s it Jimmy, tomorrow is officially your last concert with us. Are you sure that’s what you really want?” Matt had his hands shaking and sweating, praying for Jimmy to change his mind.

Jimmy snorted a laugh, nodded several times indignant with all those people that acclaimed to be his friends and left the room without saying anything else, slamming the door on them.

---

When he left the bathroom I pretended I was asleep. I wouldn’t miss a chance of peeking at him getting rid of that towel sexily hanging on his waist and dressing in front of me. Who would?
When he bent down to get his clothes on his bags and gave me the best angle to his butt, I ended up blowing my cover with a muffled laugh. He stood up and turned to me at the same time.

“I thought you were…” he placed his hands on his hips while my gaze travelled around his chest and fell directly to his lower parts. He could tell I wasn’t really hungry for food now cause he chuckled at my expression.

“Bri… come here.” I tapped his side of the bed, licking my lips and smiling seductively. He rolled his eyes and turned his back for my dissatisfaction.

“Wait, I’m gonna put on some clothes first.”

“No, just… stay like this. You have no idea how hot you look on that towel.”

“Wow, are you getting better or what?” he smirked and finally came to lie by my side. And so did the delicious smell of shampoo and soap emanating from his body to arouse every cell I still hadn’t killed inside of me.

I didn’t answer him right away. I couldn’t keep lying to him. My smile faded quickly.

“No, not really.” I lifted my body and jointed on his warm bare chest. He took me in tightly and spread a few kisses on my hair as I tried to avoid looking on his eyes. “But I know something that could make me feel better.”

My fingertips ran throughout his arm, shoulder and my index finger began to draw around his nipple. He breathed heavily.

“Emily, I told you we…”

“What if I say I don’t think I can make it through another night…” he didn’t reply and I knew I was scaring him even more now. “It’s winning, Brian.”

“So… you’re just gonna let me watch you die and not let me do anything to help you?” I went back to the pillow and he elbowed himself to shoot that intense and worried glare on me again. More intense and worried than ever.

“Make love to me, Brian.” I circled my hands around his neck and caressed his skin. “If I’m going, your arms are the only place I wanna be before I leave.” I pecked his gaped lips and he didn’t move, he was perplexed with my words. “Please, it’s my last wish, I promise.”

‘I think I've been misunderstood
Not all of my choices have been good
In the fading light
So we should put this one to bed
Before it bursts out my head
Ready for the fight’

Her hand slipped slowly from my neck to my chest and only stopped to rub my member through the towel softly. I closed my eyes and my breath quickened. I thought about stopping her a thousand times but her last words didn’t stop pounding in my head to torture me. Her last wish.

‘So when it gets too late
And I find my place
Who will save your soul to love me here?
When it gets too far
Well let down your guard
Who will save your soul to love me here?’

I felt his skin filling with blood and hardening in my grip as I kept caressing him. He wasn’t relaxed at all, his eyes closed and the lines on his forehead were showing how much fear he held now. He wasn’t even able to touch me before I finally unraveled his towel.

“Relax babe… just relax. It’s okay.” I kissed him passionately until I felt his tensed body losing up and fitting gently on top of me.

‘Inside of another tiny life
Full of big ideas
It strikes me with a baggage left behind
I could dry those tears’

My hands finally got the courage to start moving on her skin, under her gown. I had the chills when my fingers reached her ribs and I felt every bone poking on them. I could feel her bones everywhere. And I couldn’t just relax if I knew that at the slightest move I could hurt her with my weight.

God, she’s so fragile now. I had to fight hard to hold back my tears to keep doing what she wanted me to do.

‘All of my secrets they are free
And I watch they tumble out of me
Into better days
So save those homiletic tones
And conjure singing from your moans
And you'll hear me say’

Brian was touching me hesitantly and I knew well why. I just wanted to turn back in time and prevent me from reaching this point but I couldn’t. If I ever said I could taste death in me, I didn’t know what it really was until now. But his skin pressing on mine could make anything taste better, even death.

I pressed my hands harder on his, forcing him to grab my breasts the way he used to do when he was desperate for my flesh. It felt wonderful.

‘So when it gets too late
And I find my place
Who will save your soul to love me here?
When it gets too far
Well let down your guard
Who will save your soul to love me here?’

She moaned inside my ear and gasped when I thrust my hips as carefully as I could on her. My body was responding to her touch as always but my mind was begging me to stop. What if I’m just wearing out the last bit of energy she has left? What if I…
God, I have to do this, gimme strength. It’s what she wants.

‘So step away from castle walls
Those voices calling in the halls
They are moving on
So I'll keep my side of the street
Cleaner than where our pound the feet
Ever walked upon’

Our eyes locked as he was lowering my panties and he gulped hard gazing at me when my legs encircled his waist.

“Don’t be afraid to love me.” I mumbled and he finally went inside me slowly, making my heart beat faster than ever. “C’mon, I need you to move, please babe. It’s okay, trust me.”

I took his lips into mine and he started thrusting on me tenderly. His chest was moving really fast and when I felt his lips trembling on mine, I opened my eyes and witnessed the tears strolling down his face to shed in our kiss, salting that bittersweet moment we were sharing.

‘So when it gets too late
And I find my place
Who will save your soul to love me here?
When it gets too far
Well let down your guard
Who will save your soul to love me here?’

I got a good pace when I finally let my emotions out to her. I was fucking losing the woman I love in my arms! How in heaven’s name could I feel any pleasure out of this? But I had to try for her. I tried as hard as I could and the only thing that was making me keep going was her beautiful face showing me the pleasure she was having.

“I love you so much… so, so much…” she breathed in my ear and I kissed her deeply cause I knew my voice wouldn’t come out clear to declare my love back.

Her hands gripped my back tightly and I knew she was close. Her smile was giving me strength. And when she opened her lips widely, I let go at the same time.

“Ahh, Brian… Thank you, babe. I love you.” she gasped weakly with a bright smile and I felt so relieved I could still feel her heart beating against my chest.

Next thing I saw was life vanishing away from her eyes. Her breath ceased. Her heart stopped.

My world crumbling before my eyes.

Notes

Heeey giirlss!!! Bigger chap this time, I couldn't help I had to stop there. =p
That was another special chap I was thinking about for so long, hope u enjoy it as much as I did writing it <3

She'll survive on this?

Songs used:
Buried Alive

Extreme - More Than Words (My ex used to play More Than Words and we’d sing it together until I finally got what he meant with that song =/ well, good memories though… haha)

Jamie Cullum - Save Your Soul (in my head, perfect for that moment on Brian's point of view)

hm, hope you liked it <3
need comeeeentss please pleaseee!!