Those images again. The woman I love. The man that was supposed to be my best friend. Together. It made me sick to my stomach.

All those times I doubt them, I was damn right. Why did I get so deep into this? Why did I insist on something that was destined to go wrong? Well, she was just there that night, when I thought I had to leave from another concert venue alone after having hundreds of people watching us perform. I really thought that that fire-haired girl, who was pucking on a dark alley after having too much, looking as messed up and lonely as I was, was finally sent especially to end my incurable loneliness. But I was wrong. She was brought to me so he could take her away. I was just a fucking middle man for the universe.

The thing is… I fooled myself thinking I could make her love me. But I can’t deny we have a killer chemistry and we built a special bond I never thought I’d be able to find with a woman. Looking at her was like watching my own reflection on the mirror, where I could find all the answers I still didn’t have inside of me. She was my best friend when no one cared to play that role. She was my best lover when I thought I’d never feel anything beyond that momentarily seminal pleasure. She satisfies me in ways I didn’t even think that exist.

But somehow, he was always there, on the background, breaking every single tie that held us together, one by one, silently. And I made sure she was delivered in a silver platter to him when I did that stupid thing to hurt her.

God, I need her back. – a punch on the pillow.

But I know I don’t have the right. I was the one to break us off. It hurt deep within my soul but I had to set her free, she was miserable with me. I prefer to suffer in her place.

Fuck, it really hurts. My chest felt heavy with anguish. My heart was beating slower.

And I know this pain wouldn’t go away if I didn’t take a part of her into my veins. The only thing that could give me the feeling of being inside of her, her closeness, her warmness again. To fill this painful emptiness with my sweet white venom.

My heroine.

---

“There they are. I asked Jason to bring them to me carefully not to let anyone see him.” I got inside the room and shut the door, locking it after and placing the acoustic guitars on the floor. I thought it would be good for us to play and get distracted for a while. “And I brought food too. You’re not fooling me this time, you’re eating even if…”

I stopped talking when I noticed Emily pacing around the room impatiently. I don’t think she even realized I was talking to her.

“Hey, what’s the matter?” she brushed her hair anxiously and began to scratch her left arm uncontrollably while I got closer. Her almost healed track marks were all red now.

“My body itches as if I had bugs all over me. I’m shaking, I’m in pain. I’m craving. It’s driving me insane.” she kept walking and didn’t let me get close or look inside her eyes once. “I… I need some.”

“That’s the last thing you need now, c’mon, let’s try to eat.” I tried to grab her hand but she pulled away as if I was about to hurt her.

“You don’t understand… what it’s like, Brian. You don’t know anything about this.”

“I know you need to eat.” I went towards her again but she diverted, walking to the other side of the room, close to the window.

She warned me it was gonna be like this. All I need was to try to calm her down.

“To hell with food. I need to get out for a while. Gimme the key.”

“What are you talking about? No way!”

“Oh, so you’re keeping me here forever now?”

“No, but you’ve been sober for just a day. I won’t let you get out of here before you take it all out of your system for good.”

“I need to… talk to Jimmy. I… he doesn’t know where I am, he must be really worried. I need to tell him I’m okay.” she continued to pace around, more nervously, biting her nails now, never looking at me. She was like paranoiac.

“You really don’t know how to lie to me, Emily. You didn’t mention a word about Jimmy until now. You wanna go out there to buy and there’s no way I’m allowing this.” I had the key inside of my back pocket, she would never get her hands on it. And I could see she was getting really pissed off at my reluctance.

“Who do you think you are to keep me locked inside this prison, huh? You’re not my mother and you’re not my boyfriend. You’re nothing to me.” she shouted but I could tell she didn’t mean a single word. She was just trying to hurt me so I would back out. I was prepared for that.

“You won’t get to me talking shit like that, Emily. Just sit here and chill, let’s play something. This anger you’re feeling, it’ll go away soon.”

Instead of coming to seat with me on the bed, she sat on a chair close the window and opened it a little as she encircled her legs with her arms and kept staring at the parking lot. She was silent all of a sudden and I thought she was finally cooling it down.

“Jimmy would never treat me like that, you know? He’d let me do anything I want, including letting me have all the dope I want.” I nodded sarcastically. “You’re not even close to what he was for me. Why don’t you just wash your hands, get rid of this burden, and let me go, so you can be free to do your stuff and go back to your groupies. They’re probably wondering where their man is.”

I got a little angry at that but I wouldn’t let it show. She was letting her urge do the talking now.

“I won’t bother to answer that.” I pursed my lips.

“You shouldn’t bother with me at all! Why do you even care? Huh? Tell me! I have nothing special. I’m a failure. Just gimme the fucking key!” she stood up promptly and came to stop in front of me with her hand outstretched.

“Yeah, you’re right! You’re a failure, you’re all bad, there’s nothing good about you, there’s nothing lovable. But I’m still here. Explain that.” I crossed my arms.

“I have no explanation to your stupidity.”

“Go ahead, insult me more if that makes you feel better. I can take it.”

She shot her evilest glare down at me and I saw her jaw clenching hard.

“You son of a bitch, you think you know what you’re doing, but you fucking don’t. I don’t want you here anymore, I can handle this by myself, GET OUT!” she pointed to the door with her index finger still in front of me.

“I told you a thousand times before. I’m not going anywhere.” I didn’t raise my voice once and she seemed to be annoyed with my tranquility cause her breathing accelerated.

“Oh, alright, FINE! So maybe if I SCREAM FOR HELP THEY WILL THINK YOU’RE KIDNAPPING ME! WHAT YOU THINK ABOUT THAT?” She ran to the door and before she could knock and yell, I grabbed her waist and shut her mouth with my hand.

She started to flounce and kick in response so I dragged her away from the door in a swift move.

“Promise me you won’t scream.” I mumbled on her ear and she stopped her movements to nod. I let her go at the same minute.

“Please. Give me the key! I’m suffocating here, I need fresh air. Please, Brian.” not even those puppy eyes would convince me.

“I can’t take that risk, babe.” I softened my tone and my gaze which only made her turn her back to me for a second and hide her face on her hands. Well, there it goes, it’s easier to deal with her when she’s crying than when she’s angry. Better like that, unfortunately.

I gave a few steps towards her, ready to take her into my embrace when she turned to me again and went directly to my pants pockets. She tricked me.

I tried to fight her away and not hurt her at the same time but it was getting kinda impossible when she was kneeled on the ground and encircling her arms around my waist trying to reach my pockets like that. I brought her up by her arms and held her hips strongly against me as she started to punch my chest and push me.

“HANER, LET ME GO NOW! GET OUT OF HERE! GET OUT OF MY LIFE!!”

Wow, where did all that strength come from?

---

‘I'm chained like a slave’

I wrote the first words that came to my mind. I had no paper there so I used the walls and a marker. My whole body felt really heavy and numb and I wasn’t really having the best kick of my life, cause getting high without her just didn’t feel the same anymore. So I’d just let all my feelings burst out of me in that wall now.

‘Trapped in the dark
Slammed all the locks
Death calls my name’

“Jimmy??! Open up, please, we just wanna talk to you.”

The voice that appeared in my mind was so distant I couldn’t pinpoint who was calling me. I just sat on the floor and kept writing, ignoring all the rest but the paths my mind was taking me into words.

‘It seems I’m buried alive’

I felt like someone was throwing clay in my face, covering my vision and my air ways. I couldn’t breathe properly. I had to bend my head on the wall to keep writing.

‘I can't live in here for another day
Darkness has kept the light concealed
Grim as ever’

I felt so alone. I never wanted to feel this way again. Where is she? Where…

“JIMMY! ARE YOU THERE? ANSWER ME, DAMN IT!”

---

“DAMN IT, EMILY, STOP IT!” she kept flouncing in my arms more and more. Now she was crying and her face was really contorted in desperation.

“HELP! SOMEONE! I’M STUCK HERE WITH A FUCKING MANIAC! LET ME GO!!!” as if it wasn’t enough punching my arms and my chest, this time she went for my face. She slapped me hard and it stung like hell. If the next step was the obvious one, to kick me in the nuts, it was time to try a different approach there.

‘Take you down now
Burn it all out
Throw you all around
Get your fucking hands off me!’

When she slapped me again, on the other side of my face, I had to take her down on the bed and lock her under my body weight. I had to do something to control her. I held her arms up her head and kept staring at her until she’d stop shaking her head and squeezing her eyes, trying to disentangle from me.

‘What you feel like?
Took the wrong route
Watch it fall apart
Now you're knocking at the wrong gate!’

“Get off of me, Bri… please.” she pleaded with a weak and cracked voice.

“Calm down, babe. It’ll pass. I’m here.” as she stopped her head, I kissed her soaked cheeks, then kissed her forehead, the tip of her nose, her chin, everywhere. I didn’t know what else to do.

‘For you to pay the toll
A price for you alone
The only deal you'll find
I'll gladly take your soul’

“It hurts so much, Brian. Please, I need a fix, I’ll do whatever you want, I can blow you, I can be your slave, I’ll do anything. I can’t take this anymore!” her gloomy eyes were stuck on mine now. I felt like giving in.

“Shhh, all I want is for you to get through this.” I kept kissing her and tried to forget about my own fear.

‘While it seems sick
Sober up quick
Psycho lunatic
Crushing you with hands of fate’

“Run away, Brian. Run while you can.” I kissed her lips so she couldn’t say anything else. I could tell she didn’t have any energy left to keep fighting. “I’m dying, I don’t want you to see this.”

‘Shame to find out
When it's too late
But you're all the same
Trapped inside inferno awaits’

“It’s okay now, Em. It’s okay. You're gonna be okay.” I finally got the eye contact I wanted and I began to pray she could feel better now. That’s what I hoped the most.

‘Evil thoughts can hide
I'll help release the mind
I'll peel away the skin
Release the dark within’

---

“JIMMY!!! Are you okay in there? If you don’t answer now we’re coming in!”

‘This is now your life
What you feel like?
Strike you from the light
Let me take your soul’

“GO AWAY!” they are ruining my flow.

‘This is now your life
Die buried alive’

I wrote what I thought it was the last words coming out of me and crawled to my bed. All I wanted was to sleep now.

---

Matt traded glances with Zack and Johnny and they had the same worried expression as he had.

“We need to get in, I don’t think he’s okay, Matt.” Johnny stated, with one of his ears stuck on Jimmy’s bedroom. Everything was dead silent inside.

“I’m gonna go ask for the key downstairs…” Zack was turning his back when Matt stopped him.

“No, wait, I have his key. I just didn’t wanna use it and lose his trust again.”

“We gotta do something, man, we can’t just stay here watching him perishing!” Johnny shook his head. Matt knew that, he was just too scared to open the door and find things he never wanted to see there.

“Yeah, you’re right.”

He asked for Johnny to step back, took a deep breath and unlocked the door. They entered slowly and the first thing that caught their startled eyes was Jimmy’s figure lying on the mattress completely out. They gulped the biggest lump on their throats, traded glances and went closer.

“Jimmy?” Matt couldn’t help but let it out in a husky voice, careful to watch if his chest was still moving. It gladly was. “He’s sleeping.” Matt had to release a sigh as loud as he could. So did his friends.

“Hey guys, look at this.” Zack pointed to the floor, where they all could see things like a tourniquet, a spoon, a lighter, a needle and a syringe all spread across it. “Shit, this is serious, man.”

“Yeah, this is damn serious and real now, we gotta help him out somehow.” Matt crouched on the ground and started collecting the stuff to toss them on the trash can. “Hey, you two, start searching for his stash, I know he’s gonna turn into a devil when he found out what we are doing but we gotta get rid of it.”

Zack and Johnny did what Matt asked and they began to look everywhere. Drawers, closet, on his bags, on the bathroom cabinet. Nothing, they just couldn’t find anything.

Johnny stopped in front of a wall and Zack followed him. They were both reading what he had written. “Hey Matt, come see this.”

“Was he… writing a song?”

“Or poetry maybe.”

“Man, this is good. Should we take a picture?” Johnny asked and Matt raised one eyebrow, he liked the idea.

“Fuck you two! You’re damn insensitive! He just broke up with his girl, he’s going through a rough time.” Zack shot it at them. He knew well what it was like to be left alone with no further explanations.

“That’s when the best songs come out.” Johnny was already taking his phone out of his pocket to take a picture and Zack kept shaking his head in discontent.

“Hey, let’s go out now, wait for him to wake up, and then we confront him, alright?” Matt stated when the room was all cleaned. But somehow he didn’t wanna leave him there when he knew he had dope hidden somewhere they couldn’t find. “This can’t go on like this.”

They all nodded with saddened expressions before leaving the room.

---

Night was filling the skies and darkening the room when Emily was finally able to sleep again. I’ve watched her crying in excruciating pain for the last hours and that was really hurting my soul. Even though she was asleep, I could feel her body quivering in my arms, sometimes her body would jolt in a few spasms and all of a sudden she got so quiet I had to check if her chest was moving, if she still had a pulse on her neck, cause I couldn’t even feel her breathing.

God, this was too much… I wasn’t strong enough.

I couldn’t make her eat, I couldn’t sleep knowing she might not be alive when I wake up again, I couldn’t say anything afraid I was gonna hurt her or push her away, all I had to offer was my damn useless presence.

I thought I could handle it, I really did. But I was losing it every minute I had to look at her pale skin and the empty glare on her eyes, it was just a reminder I couldn’t do anything to help her. I couldn’t convince her to go to a fucking hospital. I felt like I was only there to watch her succumb.

I checked her breathing one last time, it was slower, but still there, and pulled my arm from under her to roll out of bed slowly. I walked to the bathroom, closed the door and let the shower run so it could muffle my sobs and my crying noises. I couldn’t help but expel all that weight out of my chest.



Please, God, give me strength to go on. She can’t die on my arms tonight. I promised Jimmy I’d take her back safe.

The more I asked for help inside my mind, the more I had tears running down my face.

I’m losing her…

Notes

This was getting too lovey dovey, right? yeah, not anymore... =p
Will they convince Jimmy to quit? Will Brian convince Emily to go to a hospital?

I really need to know what's on your minds girls!

<3