Emily spent the three hours they had to sleep thinking about how to make a wise decision about her future with Jimmy. She really thought she had gotten him back that night but he was still fading away somehow. She couldn’t keep fooling him like this, on the other hand, she couldn’t simply abandon him. He still loved her, despite of everything. But he had a big wound in his heart and she had no idea whether she could ever cure what she had helped to destroy inside of him. Maybe to set him free would be better for both of them.

She checked her phone, 6:20 in the morning, still no calls from Jess. She sighed. She knew she had to give her some space but at the same time, she needed to check on her someway. Emily hated the idea of leaving her friend alone like that. She could only think of a way to get some news: contacting her closest friends by messages and let them know what is happening, maybe she would talk to them and send some news.

When she was about to text one of them, a really drowsy Brian appeared in the living room of the bus, leaning on the walls not to lose ground with a few road bumps. The others were still sleeping.

“Hey.” he breathed as she set her phone back on her pocket and stood up while he came slowly closer.

“Hey you.” she remembered how special the glow of his eyes, his smile was in the morning and before she could say something else, he pulled her waist against him and went for a kiss. Awkwardly, on the cheek.

“G’morning.” he whispered and she flushed instantly when they both moved their heads to the same side two times, not really sure how to greet each other if it wasn’t by a hungrily mouth-to-mouth kiss.

Brian chuckled lightly with the confusion and peeked behind his shoulder one quick time before he could get back to her and notice he was still holding her waist on him. No one was around, why not enjoy that little time alone?

“I made coffee.” Emily whispered, sneaking her arms around his back. The sun was beaming on the locks of her red hair, making it as crimson as the fire burning inside him, and he wished he could have that view more often in his mornings.

“Great.” he slanted his head towards her and the kiss they didn’t really share before, their noses were taking the chance to do it.

“I need to talk to you later, Bri. Away from everybody. Okay?” she looked mysterious but he had a slight suspicion that she was actually thinking about breaking up with Jimmy and was planning to tell him that. Or the other way around, he wasn’t sure.

“Just tell me where and I’m there.”

Brian opened his lips slowly, still staring intensely inside her eyes, ready to take her breath away with his kiss, when a throat noise made its way on their ears and forced Emily to back off in a jolt, turning her back to the door, while Brian let her hips go in a swift move.

Too late for excuses or disguising now. Whoever was behind them saw enough.

Matt was the owner of that powerful throat. And he didn’t even look at them, he just asked for space to get him some coffee, not really showing surprise. Emily wasn’t sure where to be or where to place her eyes now, she was so embarrassed and that bus seemed quite small now for all that tension revolving them. They were being way too careless.

“Can I talk to you for a sec?” Matt asked Brian harshly and took a sip. He was staring at the ground, arms crossed on his chest, relieved enough it wasn’t Jimmy there. “Alone.”

“Sure.” Brian shrugged, obnoxiously. He glanced quickly at Emily and she walked to the opposite side of them, taking the cue.

Matt looked back, saw Emily distanced enough, and started his quiet speech.

“The worst of all is not the fact that I just walked on you two here. Is that Zack told me he heard you fucking while Jimmy was sleeping just beside you. That is… that is just way beyond limits, Gates, even for you. What the fuck are you doing?” Matt sounded perplexed.
Brian rolled his eyes. They were two times busted now.

“Zack saw what?” he chuckled. “He’s fucking wrong, that nosy son of bitch, we were just talking. And here, you just caught us when I was greeting her, nothing more, nothing less.”

Matt smiled sarcastically, shaking his head.

“Save the trouble and stop denying it, Gates. We’re done pretending we are blind so you two can play with Jimmy’s heart as many times as you want. We are fucking working here, man, this is serious shit! Our band is a wreck, we’re not giving our best onstage, our fans are paying for the shit you do. Zacky’s already a mess and don’t you see how Jimmy is acting lately?”

Brian bit his bottom lip and didn’t answer. He knew better their band wasn’t playing their hundred percent, but it wasn’t his fault only.

“No, you don’t see it cause you’re not even talking to your best friend, because of her! What you’re doing is wrong, man, and now I’m asking you, from friend to friend, put an end on this at least until we’re done with the tour. That’s all I’m asking from you.”

“We are just friends, Matt.” Brian insisted even though he knew it was worthless to fight with Matt about something he was right.

“What’s going on here?” Emily couldn’t take it anymore, she could hear it all, she was pissed with the fact that Matt was meddling on their life. So she walked back and crossed her arms, talking quietly but in a threatening kind of way.

“I’m trying to put some sense into his mind. Something you’re clearly taking away from him.” Matt replied just as sharply as he was talking to Brian. He was done treating her with respect since she was showing none for Jimmy.

“You know what I think? I think you should stop trying to control our lives and prying on it like you owned us cause this is not your band, this is our lives. I sincerely think you shouldn’t stick your nose on things that don’t concern you, Sanders.” Emily tilted her head up and Matt looked down, both standing face to face, while Emily pointed her index finger boldly towards his chest.

Brian couldn’t believe she was really confronting him like that, he could see the sparkles coming out of their eyes.

“Things that doesn’t concern me?” he chuckled. “Let me enlighten you for a bit. I’m responsible for the integrity of my band mates. And if you didn’t notice, you’re the main source of most of our problems, Emily, and I knew you’d be trouble from the beginning. You’re literally fucking my band and my best friends, so you better reconsider what you’ve been doing around here.” his tone was a little more aggressive this time, but he kept mumbling.

She stepped even closer and practically tip-toed to get closer to Matt’s face. Brian was starting to think he’d have to set them apart really soon. Turns out Emily loved to confront intimidating men like Matt.

“If I’m such a burden for you and your band mates, why don’t you just fire my band, huh? You were the one that called us in the first place!” Emily actually hoped he’d really throw them out of the tour now. She was sick of the road as she never thought she could be.

But instead of answering right away, Matt frowned and shook his head.

“What are you talking about? I didn’t call your band! Look, Jimmy set this whole thing up, he practically begged me to do it cause he had a deal with Brad.”

Emily’s time to narrow her eyes at him, then at Brian.

“Deal? What deal? What are you talking about?” Emily finally backed off from Matt, who traded a few glances with Brian and he sighed heavily before he could reply.

“I shouldn’t be telling you this, Jimmy asked us to keep it a secret, but I think it’s time for you to know. Jimmy made us agree we’d call your band to open for us if Brad would throw out the other guy to take you back as main guitarist. He did all of this by himself, for you, so you could have your job back and he could have you around him. So… if you are incapable of showing some respect for me, at least try to show it for Jimmy, alright? I think he deserves a lot more from you.”

Emily had her lips opened automatically, flabbergasted. She had no idea Jimmy had blackmailed Brad like that for her. She should be enraged at Jimmy right now but all she could think was how thoughtful that act was. In fact, she was actually angry with the two guys she was staring at then.

“Oh my god, you… you knew about this?” she turned to Brian and his gaze fell on the ground before he could nod in agreement. “I… I can’t believe you… you didn’t tell me, Brian.”

They all made her believe she was there because she earned her place back on the band. She really thought Brad wanted her back but now she realized it was all just role playing. He threw Scott out for the money not because she was better than him and that info made her stomach churn. She felt used, fooled, stupid. And betrayed for them, the only two men she thought she could trust in her life. They both deceived her at once.

“He made us promise you wouldn’t know, Em.” Brian wished he could take away that disappointment look on her face with light kisses all over her but he knew he couldn’t. “I’m sorry.”

“Sorry doesn’t make things right.” with that she moved away from them, seating in a place secluded from them. Brian was about to go after her when Jimmy crossed the door from the bunks, giving an intentional shoulder push on his arm to pass through him.

They made eye contact and the warfare was set. Without a word, they understood the rage they held for each other now. This was far from the friendship they once have before Emily. But if one of them wouldn’t dare to attack first, the other wouldn’t do it either.

“Hey guys, ten minutes and we are there.” the driver shouted for them as Zack and Johnny appeared too and gathered around on the couches, breaking another moment of tension.

“Thanks man.” Matt replied and greeted his friends, noticing that Zack was even more tired than before. He could tell he hadn’t slept.

Jimmy got him a cup of coffee and sat beside Emily quietly, staring at his own hands.

“Slept well?” she asked without facing him.

“Yeah, like a stone.”

“So you don’t really remember our talk, do you?” this time she turned to him, afraid of his answer.

“No, not really. I had a little more than I should yesterday. What did I miss?”

She breathed in relief before answering.

“Nothing important.” a forced smile crept up on Emily’s lips and his eyes stayed on hers for quite a while.

She couldn’t tell when he was lying or not anymore. He couldn’t tell either.

But she had finally realized Jimmy would do anything just to make her happy. She could never break up with him, she was done with breaking his heart. And it was time for Brian to know her permanent decision.

“Please tell me she called you.” Zack sat in front of them and they could see hope in his red eyes. But when Emily shook her head, his forehead fell on the table and all the hope was washed away with it.

“I had an idea, Z. I’m gonna talk to her friends, maybe she’ll want to talk to them.” Emily grabbed her phone again and found Mei’s number first.

“Yeah, that might help.” Jimmy agreed for Zack, who could only make a weird noise to reply.
Emily tried to explain shortly everything that had happened by a text message cause she thought it would be really painful for Zack to hear it all again. Mei promptly replied:

‘God… It’s hard to believe that this all happened in such a short time. I’d just pack my bags and go find her if I could but you know I can’t. Not right now at least. But I’ll surely try to talk to her. I’m sending a text right now just to confirm she landed safely, then I’ll let you know and I’ll call her to get more details. Don’t worry, I won’t tell her you contacted me. I’ll return to you as soon as she replies. Mei.’

“She’ll try to reach her, Z. We just have to wait a little more now.” Emily patted his shoulder and they kept waiting. That was all they could do.

---

After all of them had gotten out of the bus and took their stuff to the hotel, Emily stood back close to the bus and asked Brian to stay too. But there was just one thing she was worried about: she didn’t see Jimmy get out so he could still be inside the bus, she wasn’t sure. They had to be quiet and quick… again.

“Can I ask you something first?” Brian leaned his hand on the bus after he took his bags out of the trunk and stared at her through his aviators.

Emily looked back quickly, no sign of Jimmy. He was probably on their room already.

“Yeah.” she shrugged. He took off his glasses and threw his charming sad face over her.

“Why you said that?” he squinted his eyes a little.

“What?”

“That… that I’m using you. Fuck, I’m not using you. Where did that come from?” he opened his palms up, clueless about that particular sentence that was pounding on his head since she said it.

“Oh c’mon, we both know you’re not exactly the pope here. Everyone told me to be careful with you, including Valary. She told me you can’t handle serious relationships. What do you want me to believe? That you want me to break up with him so you can be with me?” that wasn’t the way she had rehearsed that conversation on her head but it got out like that anyway.

“Valary did what? Oh shit, that woman keeps getting in my way even after…” he scratched his head in a nervous way while closing his eyes. He really didn’t wanna have to explain all his past with Michelle to Emily now. “She said that cause I was dating her sister before and…”

“I know the story, Brian.” she interrupted him, not really interested to hear that again.

“Valary hates me, you can’t really care for what she says about me.”

“But she’s not completely wrong, is she?”

He was silent for a while, just staring inside her eyes, trying to understand where this talk was leading them. And he knew if he really wanted to have Emily, he would have to be honest with her about his feelings from now on.

“Michelle wasn’t the one.”

“And you think I am?”

He didn’t answer promptly, and he was getting nervous and anxious. He was regretting he had started that subject in the first place. To hell with his pride, he’d just say everything that was stuck in his chest and she’d be the one to decide what to do with it.

“I just… I can’t stop thinking about all the times we were together, every inch of you I kissed and touched. I can’t keep fighting this, I need more of you.” he was almost whispering in a really intense way.

She felt truth in his voice but that wasn’t enough to prove it. Jimmy always showed her more than just words.

“What you need is an available woman to love you like you deserve. I’m not qualified for that. And there are plenty of them around you everywhere you go. I don’t understand why you just don’t choose one of them instead of me.”

“Cause I’m tired of fooling around, Emily. I’m done with one night stands and whoring around just to go home at the end of the tour and find anyone waiting for me there. I’m not a kid anymore.” he gave two steps and his fingers were suddenly entwining hers. “I really think this… could work out between us.”

She didn’t see that coming, she thought Brian was still enjoying his rockstar lifestyle. But she couldn’t really change her mind for the eleventh time this day. She made a decision and she wouldn’t back out now.

“Brian, look, I’m here to tell you I thought about it. About us. And this hours I’ve been thinking were enough for me to see that Jimmy needs me more than you do. And I need him too. That’s the way it gotta be, I don’t see it changing anytime soon. I’m sorry.”

He sighed and she felt terrible when he let go of her hand. God, there’s no way someone wouldn’t get hurt in this, is there? The more she tried to figure it out and fix it, the more painful it got.

“Matt is right. Now that he knows it all, we can’t keep doing this, Brian. Last night was our last… lapse of weakness. Don’t come search for me, I won’t go search for you anymore.” her chest got heavier at each word, like all the times she had to push him away before. But the feeling was stronger this time.

He brushed his hair angrily.

“Yeah, of course, until you fight with him again or you start fucking your life again, and when you come to me next time, I’m gonna say I told you so and I’m gonna turn my back on you for good, cause that’s what you deserve. Alright?” he didn’t even need to scream, his tone was already stinging like a sharp knife.

“FINE!” she crossed her arms and held back her tears. “Don’t worry, I’ll never bother you again.”

A disturbing silence built up among them. This wasn’t anything like Brian had expected of this talk. He was far from convinced she rather be with Jimmy but she was choosing him again and he just couldn’t figure out why. That was killing him.

“Do you even love him?” he asked that again, hoping that he’d have the answer he expected but he knew he wouldn’t.

“Yes.” their eyes locked again and he saw certainty on her brown irises. She answered too quickly.

But he still had one more question, and this time he wouldn’t let that one go like he did on that night at the lighthouse. Or it would just smother him.

“Do you love me?” this time he dared to ask it, cause it really felt like she loved him when they were sharing the deepest moments together.

“Yes, Brian.” she answered even faster. She was sure of this from the first time they kissed.

He raised his eyebrows in an impressed nod, he found hard to believe someone could be in love for two at the same time. But he had his next question ready on his lips. That one would do the trick.

“Do you love him more?” her eyes shut and she thought a little. There was only one way she could get rid of him, and that was lying to him.

She took a lot longer to say it now and it felt like an eternity for both.

“Yes.” she mumbled it and turned her back at the same time. The tears were blurring her vision again, she didn’t wanna have to see his face getting even sadder, she didn’t wanna show him she was weak. Why was so damn hard to do the right thing here?

Her phone buzzed. She froze more and checked it quickly. Jess was safe and at home with her parents, yeah, that’s was the only thing that could make her feel better now. But she was powerless to show any joy.

Brian had no more questions now, he was just too disappointed. It was time for him to move on, even if he didn’t want that, he knew he had to.

Emily only needed a minute to gulp all her emotions and walk away from there but before this minute was over, Jimmy appeared climbing down the bus stairs, wearing his aviators and a dark expression.

Did he hear it all this time either?

She hoped he did. And just by the way he walked to her and pulled her tight on his lovingly embrace to take her away from Brian’s view, she presumed he knew he had won again.

Brian was left there, standing still, only one thought filling his mind besides anger.

That’s it, I’m sick of this! I’m moving on...

Notes

Team guitar? Hmm, not this time, girls. Sorry to give you false hopes.
But you don't really think this is all over, right? =p

Ready to see it all sinking deeper? I hope you are. *evil look*