Emily kept staring at her phone and checking it from time to time before they could hit the stage in Portland for the last concert there. Just waiting for a promised call that would never come. Zack was waiting for that too, but he had a big bottle of Jack just beside him to help him with the wait. After all, Matt had to allow him to drink at least a little before the concert this time, or he just wouldn’t hold it together. He was a mess.

He was in absolutely no condition of playing tonight. In fact, none of them were. They had barely slept, were physically and mentally tired and damn worried about Jess. Emily would give anything for Larry just call it all off, ask the fans to accept their money back and go to their homes. But he wouldn’t cancel anything unless it was about the death of one of the band members.

Jimmy was sleeping in Emily’s shoulder for too long now, and it was starting to get numb, so she moved him to the side slowly and stood up, stretching her tensed back muscles right after. The backstage room was so silent she could hear everyone’s breathing, so different from what was happening outside with their crowd.

When she was about to go to the back gather with her band, she heard a really well-known breathing coming closer.

“How are you holding up?” Brian asked quietly, trying not to get so close and trying not to sound so worried. After all, they were still supposedly mad at each other.

“I sincerely feel like helping Zack ending that bottle right now so...” they both observed him and noticed how hopeless he looked, dragged in that couch, staring at nowhere with his phone in hands.

“Maybe she’ll be… better off without all of this, you know?”

“Yeah, she definitely will be. Life on the road is just too tough for anyone to handle. Even for the strongest person.”

“Agree with that. Hey, you know what?” Brian moved his eyes quickly to Jimmy apparently out on the couch and faced Emily again. “I bet I can put a smile back on those lips.” he had to travel his tongue on his mouth.

“Really? Try me, I’m made of steel right now.” Emily wasn’t aware he was staring intently at her lips. She was far from thinking about anything sexual now. And as much as he wanted her, he wasn’t thinking about sex either. He just wanted to make her feel better.

“Come here.” he grabbed her hand and pulled her through the corridor next to the couch, where their guitars and equipment were kept. “Look.” he opened his box of guitars and pointed to a particular one, the red and black Schecter. Her favorite. And there was a white tape with a letter written just below it.

“E? Okay, standard tuning. Nothing new there, you gonna have to do better than that.” she crossed her arms and he smiled sweetly.

“No, you silly. It’s E for Emily. I finally decided to name her before the beginning of this tour. In fact, I decided to name her just after our first night together.” He said it quietly, almost in a whisper and now she was the one with eyes stuck on his lips, feeling so flattered from head to toe. “She’s feisty and explosive. I can barely handle her, she just mess with all my techniques and only responds to my commands when she wants. I can’t find a way to dominate her. But somehow, all of this makes me like her more, you know?”

His speech penetrated her skin like a magical breeze. She could feel passion at each letter he pronounced and she knew he wasn’t just talking about guitars now. He was describing her. How couldn’t she smile to that?

“You like the challenge, huh?” she smirked and lead her thoughts out of her worry for Jess for the first time since she left.

“Yeah, I do.” He smirked back and before they could get dragged inside the trance of their gazes for too long, Emily interrupted the silence.

“Look… Brian, we didn’t have the chance to talk after what happened in San Francisco and I really want to apologize to you for… you know, all the trouble we caused. You were right to be mad at us. And… well, I’m sorry for what I said that day, I didn’t mean it.”

“We both said things we shouldn’t. Let’s just put it behind us, it’s past.” Brian moved a few steps further and Emily knew she should back out but she couldn’t. His warmness was all she needed then. “I miss you…” he mouthed.

“Brian…”

“Say you don’t miss me and I’ll leave you alone.”

She sighed and looked at the ground. Maybe like that she could lie to him. But it wasn’t that easy.

“I do, I miss you like crazy, Brian, but look what happened last time we were together. We can’t keep fooling him like this. I’ve worked hard to have him back now.”

“How many times I’m gonna have to ask you to break up with him?”

“You know I can’t.”

“Think about it at least. That’s all I’m asking.”

She was silent for a few seconds but his puppy eyes were begging for an answer.

“Alright, I will.” It was all she could think since she met them but she couldn’t really say that out loud to him. “Let’s get back in there or they’ll start to get suspicious again.”

He nodded and they walked back.

But little did they know that Jimmy wasn’t really sleeping on that couch, glued to the walls of the corridor they were. And he heard every single word they spoke, as quiet as they seemed.

---

“Go have some sleep, man. She’ll call you when she’s ready, just give her some time.” Matt tapped Zack’s leg as he sat beside him on the bus couch.

They had to spend the night travelling to make it to next venue in time to have soundcheck in the morning cause their gig would be earlier this time. That exhausting sequence of concerts couldn’t have happened in a worse time for them.

“I can’t sleep without hearing her voice first.” Zack sounded really wasted but he didn’t have a single drop of sleep in him. He wanted to abandon this whole thing to just to go hug her and never let go again. It was just too hard to be apart from her like that.

“You haven’t slept last night, now you’re gonna spend another night awake? We have to play later today, Zack. Go get some rest at least. Let me take care of your phone, if she calls I’ll wake you up. We have four hours of road ahead of us.” Matt tried, he had slept earlier, he rather be awake on bus travels.

This time Zack didn’t answer, he knew Matt couldn’t understand what he was going through now. So many questions left in the open, so many things he wanted to say to her and there was no way he could get this out of his chest without talking to her. He needed to soothe her, to say they’d be alright and that he loved her but she was miles away from him.

“What are you doing in there anyway? You don’t get out of this notebook anymore, our fans are starting to ask why you always leave meet and greets earlier than us. Must be a hell of a porn…”

“Nothing much really, I’m just… reading a novel. You know I like to read in my time off.”

“A porn novel, I suppose.”

“Go to sleep…” he looked with the corner of his eye and Zack stood up.

“Yeah, I’ll leave you alone here to do whatever you want. I don’t wanna be in your way.”

“Hey, do you wanna read too? Maybe it can distract you. It’s about us…”

“No, thanks.” when Zack answered, he was already dropping his tired body on his bunk, on top of Jimmy’s. Still waiting for that call.

---

I was waiting for Jimmy on the bigger bed of the bus for a few minutes but he never showed up. He had probably forgotten we had the room for us. I fixed my sleeping clothes not to appear too revealing and went outside to search for him.

When I see the curtain of his bunk closed, I walked by. Yeah, he forgot.

“Babe?” I sat on his bunk and lay by his side when I noticed his eyes semi-opened. “Are you awake?” he didn’t answer.

Damn, was that so hard to get anyone to talk to me around here? I had to get used to not have Jess around to fill that place.

My hands stroked his chest until I could reach his right hand and when I did, he had an empty syringe in between his loose fingers. Then I saw the sheer envelope empty either. I could only conclude that he had used both his share and mine, we always used half of it for each of us. That explains why he’s not even aware of my presence there.

“God, Jimmy, you didn’t leave any for me?”

“I… really… needed more... this time.” he drawled. I got pissed.

“Oh yeah? Cause my friend just left us without saying goodbye, she’s not really answering my calls and I really needed some more too. But you had it all, apparently.” I lost my patience for a second when he didn’t even flinch in face of my angry tone.

“Sorry.” After he dragged this apology out of his mouth, I regretted the way I was treating him at the same time. It wasn’t his fault Jess left. And he looked sadder than he should be, this is not right.

Maybe we just needed to fuck all that sadness surrounding us away. And I hoped he still could do it even after all that amount of dope he had injected.

Without saying a word more, my lips attacked his neck slowly, drinking his scent along the way until I tore a few moans from him. I knew his hands were really heavy now but somehow he managed to bring them to my hips and help me get on top of him. His eyes were still closed, almost rolling over his head, he looked way too passed out and that was starting to annoy me.

I rubbed and pushed my waist on him for a while but didn’t feel a thing replying me down there. As I placed my lips onto his, he could only open it for me and then… nothing, his tongue wasn’t moving with mine, his lips wasn’t even responding while his hands were drop dead on my back. I went desperate out of the blue.

“James??!” I whispered on his ear and stopped all my attempts to turn him on. He was clearly blocked from all of them. “You don’t want me?” I was suddenly afraid of the answer.
He took a little while to reply and opened his eyes a little more as I stared into them deeply.

“I’m just… I’m not in the mood.”

I could handle rejection, I did it before, but Jimmy had never refused me before and I could never expect that from him. I felt so loved when I was in his arms but now… all I could feel was coldness.
I let my body fall down by his side and elbowed myself while observing him. There was no way I could read him like this.

“What’s wrong, hun?” he turned his face away from me and I began to caress his hair softly.
“Please, talk to me.” I wasn’t sure if he was conscious enough to talk but I needed to try.

“You wanna leave me, right?” his voice was hoarse and I frowned at that. What was that all about? I was just trying to have sex with him, how could I want to leave him?

“What makes you think that?”

“You told him you’d… think about it.” my eyes widened at the same time.

Fuck. How stupid am I? He heard us! And he… he knows it all now. God.
Even though Jimmy wasn’t really watching me, I had to hide my eyes in my hand. I couldn’t believe I let this happen.

“Look, Jimmy, I… I just said that so he could…” he snapped his head back at me and I saw desperation crossing the brick wall he had on his blue eyes. Then he just interrupted me with his drawled mumbled words.

"Stop lying to me.”

I didn’t have words to that.

“I can share you with him, if that makes you happy. But please, I don’t wanna be alone again. I don’t wanna lose you. I love you.”

I knew he would never say those things if he wasn’t that high but… he was certainly pouring his heart out to me like he would never do if he was sober. And I just didn’t know what to say back, I felt like crying, I felt like screaming, I felt like killing someone, killing myself. I couldn’t bear hurting him, it hurt twice on me.

“You won’t lose me, babe, you won’t.” I managed to control my rage but my sorrow was flowing out of my eyes. “I’m so sorry…”

I didn’t wait for his reply, I jumped out of his bunk and cried in my hands, trying to be as quiet as possible not to wake Brian and Zack there. I walked from one side to another on that small corridor, holding my nerves not to completely lose it.

All I wanted now was to get away from all this drama and go help my friend back home. But that wasn’t an option and it was driving me insane.

I lean my head on the bed just above Brian’s and cried more. Just another month, just another month and this would all be over. And I’d never have to do it again. That’s it, I’m giving up on this life. I’m gonna find a real job and start fixing everything I screwed up along the way. Including my friend’s life.

My thoughts were going wild in circles when I felt a hand full of warmth get a grip on my thigh from the lower bunk and start caressing my skin friendly. He wasn’t trying to grab it, he wasn’t trying to reach my butt, he was like… comforting me.

My soul was screaming for someone to talk to and he was right there, just willing to offer me that and inviting me in. I needed him, I needed more than I was aware until now. So I kneeled down and opened the curtain that was covering his bed and asked in a whisper:

“Can I…?” I asked when his eyes caught my teary ones.

“Yeah, sure, come on in.” Brian set his body back to give space for me and I wasn’t sure if I was doing the right thing by laying so close to him like that but I went for it without hesitating.

He was shirtless, on gray sweatpants, emanating that manly scent that could make me lose my mind in a second. Oh, how much I needed that.

“Did I wake you?” I asked quietly, setting my head comfortably on the pillow we were both sharing now. I shut off the curtain and it suddenly went dark and hot in there. We could barely fit together in that small bed but I was as comfy as I could be around him.

“No, not really. I couldn’t sleep.” he opened his right arm for me to fit better and pulled me within without a warning. I could only rest my arm on his chest. “Any news from Jess?”

“No. I think Zack gave up either, he’s finally having some sleep. I called her parents’ house several times and they are not answering too. I’m sure they think it’s my fault their daughter is a mess.”

“You’re not her babysitter.”

“They always looked at me like I was the worst influence to her. And I can’t blame them, at the end, I couldn’t take care of her. They are right, I ruined their perfect daughter, Brian.”

I wiped a tear away from my cheek but I couldn’t prevent another from falling on his chest. He held my arm tighter and I felt his lips and his breath brushing softly on my temple.

“It’s not your fault. She’s safe now, give her some space. It’ll take time, but she’ll be okay and you’ll be either. Just a couple of gigs and we are free from this.” he mumbled really close to my ear, my whole body quivered. “Just hang in there.”

“I’m trying, Bri. But all of this just got to a point that…” my deep sigh was trembling and it hit his skin, making him shiver too. I needed to tell him. “Jimmy heard us talking before.” the slow movements he was making on my arm ceased promptly.

“He was sleeping, how could he…”

“Yeah, he heard it all. He’s passed out in his bed now, as high as outer space and the only words he could say were to beg me not to leave him.”

I didn’t hear a word back, only a heavy breathing on my hair.

“Can you believe he… he said he was willing to share me with you if that was what I want? I feel so guilty, so ashamed. He couldn’t even… he rejected me, Brian.” I turned my head up to face him and begged him to send me away. God, I shouldn’t be there!

“So when things go wrong with him, you come running to me?” his expression was unreadable. I even had to elbow myself for what I was about to say. I was tired of hiding my feelings for him.

“Yeah, cause I need you, damn it. I need your words, your voice, your arms, I need you when things are all upside down in my life. I…” he completely shut me up with his lips crashing on mine as he pulled the back of my head against him, forcing me to deepen our kiss, all in a surprising rush for me.

I pulled out for a brief moment and found his eyes staring intensely at me. He needed me just as urgently, I could tell. My eyes lowered to his gaping lips and he did the same, going back and forth all over my face.

“God, I missed you.” I breathed those words and couldn’t stay away from his taste any longer, I quickly went back to his lips and as he dragged my hips on top of him, I explored every inch of his mouth with all the passion I had inside me.

That’s exactly what I needed. I knew Brian could send my sadness away and there was nothing in this world that could make me back out now. Not even the fact that we were about to make love in that bus surrounded by his friends and my boyfriend.

I adjusted my hips and straddled him swiftly, my back was hitting the top of the bunk but I couldn’t care less, I could only feel his eager hands roaming all over my shirt. I think he was searching for a bra but I wasn’t really wearing it. And when I felt his fingertips traveling my skin under my shirt just to squeeze my breasts I had to give out a little moan.

“Shh, we gotta be quiet.” he mouthed and I attacked his lips once again, nodding at the same time. He was right. I can get very busy while enjoying our tongue waltz, that should shut me up for some time.

Jimmy's mind was miles away from here, he’d never notice. But Zack, Matt and Johnny, they could find us any time. So we had to be quiet and quick.

While I spread kisses on his neck slowly, his hands grabbed my hips and guided me into circular movements and it tore a soundless groan from him on my ear. I could only hear the sound of his warm air to bring me shivers everywhere and feel his hardness pressing on my clit getting more bloated at each thrust.

I moved my back up as far as I could and began to untie the knot that was holding his pants. He got pretty occupied with handling my shirt up and playing my nipples on a way only he could. If I could I’d just let my head fall back to enjoy it more but there wasn’t any space for that.
When I finally achieved the difficult task to drag his pants along with his boxers down to his knee, he was busy trying to do the same with me. We could barely move but when he was done with the struggling to low my shorts and panties, my hips fell back on his body and we were in the perfect position to connect.

He was feeling my clit slowly with his fingers when I positioned him on my entrance and slid easily over him. That’s it, that was the sensation I was looking for all along, and to finally have it with him made me put aside all my desperation to give place to an overwhelming blissful heat encircling us both.

He kept playing with my button and moving his hips against mine softly but I couldn’t keep holding my back up that much longer, so I let myself fall back to his chest and my hips responded automatically to his dance, going up and down, back and forth, wherever his hands gripping on my butt wanted me to go.

Our breaths were getting louder, faster and unsteady and sometimes Brian would just hold my thighs so we could stop accelerating and recover our silenced breaths. After I finished playing with his bottom lip, I noticed I only had one sight in that darkened place: the glare of his eyes watching me.

“You’re using me.” he brushed those words on my lips and went for a rougher kiss this time.

Hell, I was using him. But he wasn’t a saint either.

“You’re using me too.” I went for his ear and bit it a little harder than I should. He whimpered and I felt his nails sinking on my butt along with a frown. Why was he frowning? I pretty much knew that he only wanted to fuck me and nothing else. I just didn’t understand why he keeps asking me to break up with Jimmy.

We didn’t share a word after that, we just kept moving and thrusting our bodies until I felt that
explosion finally coming to an end for me. My walls clenched uncontrollably around him and we both had to grimace and open our mouths to suppress the moans that needed to be let out from our throats. We just silenced each other with a long and lovingly kiss to wrap that moment up.

My soul was healed. And ready to be bruised again anytime. But the thought of breaking up with Jimmy wasn’t leaving my mind now. He was convincing me.

---

I lost count of how many times I had changed sides in that bed but sleep wasn’t even near my thoughts. Her sad voice kept playing inside my head in loop.

I’ll call you… I’m tired, Zack... I can’t keep doing this…

Over and over again and it was suffocating me.

Not even a text message to let me know she landed safely. Nothing. She must hate me for bringing her along to this hell. And I hated myself for doing that either.

I let a few tears escape from my eyes since nobody was around there when I saw Emily walking from side to side in between the bunks, apparently crying too. Yeah, we were in the same boat there, we should be going back home, not going to another damn row of concerts.

I was about to call her to see if she had any new from Jess but when I saw Brian’s hand touching her thigh, I stood still, just observing where that was going. We all knew on a way or another they have a thing and Jimmy just seemed to close his eyes to that, so we couldn’t just meddle in. But now… she was asking to lie down with him and Jimmy was sleeping just beside them. What the heck are they thinking?

It all went quiet for a while but then I could hear them moving and breathing loud. I definitely knew what was happening there and all my suspicions got transformed into a fact.
I shook my head when I saw Brian’s foot slipping out of the bed and I could see his fingers contracting while I heard little muffled moans here and there. They must be out of their minds to do that here with us all around.

And when all the disturbing noises finally ceased and I could finally have peace, I pretended I was asleep but I saw Emily walking out of there, with nothing covering her from the waist down, clothes in hands as she ran quickly to the bathroom.

Yeah, they are definitely out of their minds. And they just made me an accomplice of their sin.

Notes

zack saw too much, huh? And the siner couple went too far this time, didnt they? :p

earlier chapteeer this time, I couldn't help posting this, I've been living this particular chap since january, when I begin writing this! :o hahahah i need feedback on this so baaaddd :3

And daaamn i think im getting sick and im on college test month soo giirlsss, pleaseee, I need your huge big ass comments to make me good again!!!! I love yooou <3