“You heard this? I think I heard a scream.” Emily asked Jimmy when they finished one more of their making out sessions. Her senses got really heightened when she was on heroine.

Emily looked around, she had a pressure on her chest, like something was about to happen. Everyone was talking more than loudly as she searched for Jess with her eyes. She wasn’t there.

“You’re too high, you are hearing things, babe. Come back here.” Jimmy pulled her to his lap with lazy words and dirty smile but she stood up promptly.

“I gotta find Jess…” Emily walked towards Zacky and touched him on the shoulder, stopping right in front of the corridor that leaded to the bunks. “Hey, where’s J? I can’t find her anywhere.”

“She said she was going to the bathroom and…”

The loud conversation lowered down a bit and they heard a bump followed by a desperate scream for help. Zack’s eyes widened when he recognized the voice and he didn’t let a second pass to run towards the bathroom way, pushing Emily and everything that could possibly be in front of him.

“JESS!! Where are you??” he shouted and opened the bathroom door with violence, it was empty. Emily was just behind him with all the other ones that weren’t too stoned to care. “JEEESSS!!!”

He didn’t expect for her to reply, he was already pushing violently the last door with his arm and shoulder as Emily was trying hard not to cry.

“ZACKY! HERE!” they all heard her again and Emily couldn’t contain her tears anymore. She was too afraid of what might be happening in there. Zack only had one thought in mind: to kill the person that might be hurting his woman.

With that, he had enough strength to give one last rough push on the door and it finally broke. He was blind with rage when he saw that man he thought he knew on top of his girlfriend on the bed, her skirt lifted, her blouse ripped in the front, and the fear she had printed on her watery gray eyes, all at the same time.

“GET OFF OF HER!!” Zack’s brain was shut off when he jumped on him and tossed him away from her with just one left punch in the nose. “YOU DISGUSTING PIECE OF SHIT!!” he took off his own jacket quickly and placed it around Jess, who embraced him strongly and hid her face on his chest out of shame.

“HEY! WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH YOU DUDE!” Daron screamed, trying to control the blood coming down his split lip. “WE WERE JUST HAVING FUN!”

“YOU MOTHERFUCKER, SHE’S MY GIRLFRIEND! You don’t even know what you’re doing… Did he hurt you?” Zack lowered his voice, checked Jess’ body and when she signed she wasn’t hurt, he carried her away from there.

“WHAT? I DIDN’T KNOW SHE… FUCK… YOU COULD’VE WARNED ME, BITCH!” he still dared to shout. Her screams wasn’t enough of a warning?

Jimmy had to hold Emily back and take her outside. She was fighting hard to disentangle from his arms and go after the prick she once called an idol, calling him all the possible names she remembered, but especially not that one this time.

Zack held his temper not to get back there and smash that asshole’s head in the ground and just pretended he didn’t hear as he took Jess outside. Taking her out of there was his priority. He felt her whole body trembling on his arms and ran faster to get to the street. He took the first cab that appeared and they drove away.

---

Zack observed Jess from distance as she was lying on the bed in fetal position after having a shower, helpless. He knew she wasn’t sleeping, she wouldn’t and he wouldn’t either. But he was choking on that deadly silence that surrounded their room. He wanted to ask her so many things, he wanted to make her fright to go away, he wanted to held her so bad and tell everything was gonna be alright and she’d just have to say one word and he’d be going back there to end that man’s life if she wanted him to. But no, he didn’t have the right words to soothe her again. He never has.

“Baby, let me take you to a hospital, please.”

“What?” he could hear her sobbing and his heart ached. “No, I’m okay, really. He didn’t do anything. Don’t worry. There’s nothing wrong with me.” she whispered, trying to hide her trembled voice.

“You promise me you’re gonna talk to me when you’re ready?” he whispered back.

“Yeah, Zack, I will. I’m okay now. It’s over.”

He finally allowed himself to lie close to her and when he landed his hand on her arm, she jolted hastily. He pulled back immediately.

“It’s just… my body response, Zack. It’s nothing. I’ll be better in the morning, I promise.” he knew she was trying to be strong in front of him and he could only accept it.

Even though the guy didn’t do anything, he was about to. And that’s what was scaring Jess the most. She was on the wrong place, on the wrong time, doing the wrong thing. She was careless and gave chance for this to happen. She couldn’t help but feel responsible, she wasn’t blaming Daron once.

She did changed. Emily was right. – with that thought punching her neurons, she closed her eyes and let the tears run free.

Half hour later, someone knocked on their door. Zack couldn’t really close his eyes for one second, so he quickly ran to the door with a silence sign ready to show. Matt, Jimmy, Johnny, Brian and Serj were there along with a really worried Emily.

He closed the door behind him and went straight to Serj with a pointing finger.

“I won’t think twice to call the police if you don’t tell me where he is so I can break each one of his bones with my bare hands.” Zack was whispering in the hallway when he took Serj against the wall without touching him. He showed his palms to try to calm him and the guys came closer, afraid of what was about to happen there.

“Look man, we’re all very sorry for what happened. He didn’t know you were together, she didn’t say it. He thought she was a groupie.”

“And what about the time she screamed her lungs out to be let go and he didn’t let her go, huh? He always attacks women like that? Is this some… some kind of habit? Huh?” Zack was getting progressively angrier with the wrong person. “You all agree with this?”

“No of course we don’t agree. He said she was giving hints to him. Who am I supposed to believe anyway?”

Zack clenched his jaw so hard that Brian had to get in between and pull his arm away from there. He was about to explode. Emily too.

“Is she okay?” she asked.

“No, she’s not okay. She’s sleeping now, at least.”

“You gotta wake her up, I’m gonna convince her to go to the police right now.”

“Ouh, ouh, wait a minute, we all know nothing happened in there. She can’t press charges. C’mon guys, there’s no need to take this further.” Serj was peaceful even though he was still defending his band mate. That was boiling Emily’s blood.

“He’s right, Emily. It was just all a big mistake. If she wants him to apologize or something, he’ll do it, right?” Matt finally got in the middle, but if he was gonna say that, he should’ve kept his mouth shut in Emily’s opinion.

“You guys think this is all just a joke, right? Until the day there’s no boyfriend to save his next target. Right, Serj? Did it happen before? Cause I think it did.” Emily was walking towards him now but Jimmy held her back.

“Look, what do you want to forget about this? Just say it.”

Everyone was silent to that.

Emily spat a mocked chuckled. After that groupie died and their names weren’t even mentioned to her family, she should’ve known better how they silenced people when things went wrong on the road. As if money could erase everything.

“Unbelievable… You’re all the same shit.” she glanced at each one of the men in that corridor with a disgusted look and several shakes of head before she could open the door to Zack’s room and disappear inside it.

“If you wanna fix things, leave him alone in a room with me.” Zack mumbled angrily and followed Emily, closing the door on their faces.

With no decisions or agreements whatsoever, everybody followed their own paths to their rooms as Serj apologized again, really sad about having to end the night like this, shaking their hands in what was like a permanent goodbye.

---

When I could finally see light penetrating through the curtains, I moved Zack’s hand carefully out of my waist and sat on the bed, trying not to wake him up. He took long, but finally went to sleep at some point. I didn’t. I pretended all night long. I heard all their conversation outside, I heard Emily and Zack talking here, but I couldn’t really make myself to say anything. All I want was to bury my head on a hole and never get out.

I could sense all the pity they would pour on me for something that didn’t even happened. Okay, it was about to happen, but I could only think about the fact that it didn’t, and that was even more shameful for me. I must be out of my mind…

How could I look at Emily’s eyes again and tell her I was hiding in there to get high? How could I face Zack and tell him I kinda flirted with the guy before? How could I face Matt, Johnny, Brian, Jimmy after ruining their evening and their friendship with System of a Down?

My eyes were swollen from crying all night long but now they felt dry at least. I noticed Emily sleeping on the couch, all shrunken in that tiny space, wearing the same clothes as last night, looking very uncomfortable, and I felt even guiltier. She was probably there waiting for me to get up.

I stood up and paced around the room silently so I could decide quickly what I should do next. And the best idea to not face anyone at least for a little while was to take off before everyone was awake. They should have plane tickets for today, right?

I grabbed my bags and stuffed it with all my clothes without making any noises. Got dressed and when I was about to open the door, a hand gripped my fingers that was holding my luggage and I sighed. Damn it.

“Where do you think you are going?” I took a little while to turn my back, but I knew it was Emily.

“Home.” I whispered.

“Look at me, J.” I hesitated a little, but when she didn’t let go of my hand, I felt I had to face her. “I know the last thing you wanna do right now is to go back alone. You don’t need to do that.”

“Yes, I need, Emily. My work is done here, apparently.” my shoulders shrugged and my lips started to tremble involuntarily. Fuck, what did I say about being dry? I can’t possibly still have tears inside me.

Emily grabbed my bag away from my hand and placed it on the floor, holding my hand right after.

“I ruined everything.” my gaze fell on the ground and I had to hide it with my free hand. I didn’t want to wake up Zack but my sobs got a little audible.

“How can you possibly think it was your fault?” Emily softened her mumbling and got closer, embracing her arms around me. “He attacked you, we need to go to the police, J. Please.”

“I wasn’t raped, Emily. They won’t do anything.”

“He harassed you violently, they gotta do something!”

“Please, Emily, respect my wish. I don’t wanna fight right now, I just wanna forget. Please.”

She hugged me again without insisting, tighter this time and my heart fell into pieces with it. The more she stroked my back, the more I cried intensely and louder on her shoulder. Crying alone on the pillow could never be the same as being comforted in the warmness of your friend’s arms. So maybe that’s why I saved a few tears for her.

A few? No, a lot.

When I felt another arm landing in my back, a stronger one, the one that saved and protected me, I cried more. He brought us both to his chest and spread countless tender kisses on my soaked cheeks.

“I’m so sorry, babe.” he repeated it a few times in my ear and I let my head move from Emily’s shoulder to his chest. From a safe place to another.

We stood there, the three of us, united, for several minutes. Until my wail ceased completely and I didn’t feel like going home anymore. My home was where those two were.

---

We finally left San Francisco that day with relief filling our minds. No one wanted to stay there any longer, for obvious reasons, and the mood couldn’t be worse between us. We were all super tired and super sick of each other. We never saw SOAD again, and I appreciate that, or I wouldn’t be able to control my rage.

At least we had a few days off before next concerts and then we would be heading to Portland. On that particular week before we got to Oregon, everyone was acting strange. Brian wasn’t really talking to Jimmy since that fight and that was clearly reflecting on their performance onstage. And I knew I was the one to blame for ruining their friendship.

Jess seemed distant from everybody, even from Zacky. She only wanted to stay on hotel rooms now and didn't wanna watch any concerts anymore. She would spend the entire day in there without moving out of bed sometimes. Maybe that was just her way of coping with what happened. Or maybe this was already too much for her to handle…

I wouldn’t know, cause after I convinced her to stay with us, she wouldn’t talk to me either. When I’d look at her, she’d lower her gaze to the floor like she was ashamed. Ashamed of me? I didn’t get it…

Something inside me was telling I should apologize for everything I said that day to her. I compared her to me and that was really shocking for her, I could tell. And yeah, I gotta admit, I might’ve scared her a little bit. And that wasn’t really my job, I should be her friend, not her enemy.

After the concert that night, I bumped on Zack at the hotel lobby, he was going out as I was getting in, ready to crash on my bed as soon as possible. I looked at his face approaching me and I didn’t like it.

“Hey…” he tried to smile and I didn’t buy it. “Emily, can you do me a favor, please?”

“Yeah, of course, what’s up?”

“I don’t know… Jess is weird on these past few days. She’s not really… talking to me or anything. I don’t know what to do. Can you… talk to her and then tell me what's going on?”

“Well… she’s giving me a cold shoulder too. But I can try, at least.”

“I’m going to the pharmacy, she needs a painkiller for her cramps. I’ll be right back. Here’s the room key.”

“Okay, see you later.”

My legs were begging me to walk straight to my room but my heart knew that talking to Jess was more important than anything now. I first knocked on the door and she didn’t reply.

“Jess? It’s me, Emily. Can we talk?” I tried with the door still closed. Maybe I should just let her be, to annoy her was the last thing I wanted to do. “Jess? Are you there? Are you okay?”

When she didn’t respond again, I frowned. Something’s not right.

I finally used the card to get in the room and walked in slowly. It was dark, only her lamp lighted on. Her back was facing the door and she was lying really curved on the bed. Well, that’s why she didn’t answer, she was sleeping. But I still had that bad butterfly surrounding my belly. I had to make sure she was okay so I went closer.

She had earphones on her ears and her body was totally contracted against her arms circling her abdomen. I observed the color of her skin, and she was too damn pale. My previous frown only got bigger, and when I decided to move the blanket away from her body, the mattress had a big puddle of blood surrounding her waist and running down her thighs. My insides froze and I almost panicked.

“Oh dear god, Jess! You’re bleeding! Wake up!” I moved her face a few times and she groaned. She was burning in fever.

“Hmmm? Emily… Leave me alone. I’m fine.”

“No, you’re not fine!!” she tried to open her eyes to me but it was worthless, they rolled over her head like she was delirious.

“It’s just a pill. Cool off.” she dragged those words and I cursed to myself. She was so loaded she couldn’t even sense she was having a hemorrhage.

For one moment, I was motionless. I got invaded by pure anger and I just wanted to yell at her but I couldn’t let that overcome my hurry and my urge to get help. I saw a shadow passing through the corridor and I ran over there. It was Brian.

“Brian! You gotta help me, it’s Jess!!” I called him from the door and he ran back inside with me. When he saw the sheets soaked in red, his eyes widened.

“The ambulance will probably take too long, go get a cab and I’ll carry her downstairs.”

I placed my hand on her face once again but she was totally unresponsive this time. That was a lot of blood, she was definitely out.

We took her out of there without waiting for Zack to be back and went to the closest hospital we could find as fast as we could. I was so worried I’d never see Jess alive again that I only had a moment of comfort when I gazed at those chocolate brown irises by my side as he held my unconscious friend on his arms.

In spite of everything, he was there again to save my world from crumbling down. And we needed to save her life now.

Notes

hmmm sooorreeeeyy, another cliffhangeeer... worse than the last one right? =/

is it over for Jess? :o