We were silent all the way from the police station back to the hotel. I was expecting Brian to come pick us up and start the lecture before breakfast but Matt showed up instead, with their lawyer and the money to bail us out. I couldn’t look at any of them straight on the eye. Now that I was completely sane and sober, I could finally admit how reckless and childish Jimmy and I acted last night. But as I looked inside his eyes, he seemed peaceful and happy again even after spending the entire night chatting with me and awake on a jail cell, so there’s no way I can regret anything. We are good and made for each other, and that’s a fact I can’t deny.

“We agree to move out from that hotel last night after the trouble we caused. I mean, you two caused. So you pick up your stuff on your rooms and I’ll take you where the others are. You have 20 minutes.” Matt was dry as a desert, using his best demanding tone over us. I agreed with my head, Jimmy wasn’t listening, he was falling asleep in my shoulder.

When the cab parked in front of the hotel, the sun was shining bright on a man leaning on the front stairs of the entrance, with his aviators, dressed in black and the angriest expression I’ve seen. Too soon to talk about escaping from Brian.

I woke Jimmy with a kiss on his cheek and we headed out of the car embraced. I wished Brian would just turn his back and go away but of course he wasn’t there just for that. He was waiting for us to rub his fury on our faces.

As we got closer, he started climbing down the stairs quickly and walking towards us with heavy steps. And when I finally realized how pissed he was, he was coming directly after Jimmy.

I didn’t think twice, I got in the middle of them and held Brian back with my palms on his chest before he could get near Jimmy.

“You son of a bitch…”

“Brian, calm down, we can explain…” I tried.

“Explain???” he laughed. “You better have a damn good explanation for why you two ended up in MY room and burned MY stuff!” he was pointing at Jimmy, trying to reach him through me but I wasn’t really willing to let him win.

When I felt Jimmy touching my back, I had to back him out too, controlling each of them with one of my hands. Fuck, this is getting out of my control.

“MY FAVORITE HAT, MAN! I’m pretty sure it was you, wasn’t it? It’s so fucking typical of you…”

“And you thought leaving us on jail for one night would be a fair punishment? Awn, so fucking typical of you.” Jimmy mocked him and started laughing. I had to use more of my strength than I was used to for a morning to keep them apart.

Matt, where are you when needed? I could see he was waiting inside the cab, only watching everything without moving a muscle.

“We’re buying you a new hat, alright!? CHILL OUT YOU TWO!!” those shouted words were enough to make them stop trying to pass through me.

“You damn right you will!” Brian pointed to Jimmy again but keeping his distance.

“I don’t owe you anything and you know it.” Jimmy replied in a soft but threatening tone, which made Brian take his aviators off and exhale really heavily with an ironic smile printed on his face. When I thought they were done with the stupid fight, Haner caught me unprepared and jumped towards Jimmy again, trying to take me out of his way this time.

“BRIAN, CUT IT OUT! CAN I TALK TO YOU FOR A SECOND, PLEASE?!” I held his torso back and he backed off for good, turning his back to both of us. I turned to Jimmy with relief and mumbled I’ll be right back, don’t worry.

I led him to a place of the street Jimmy could see us but not really hear and stared at his enraged eyes for a few seconds, trying to figure out a good way to apologize. But he was fucking impatient.

“Brian, hear me out…”

“What the fuck is wrong with you? Look at this!” he grabbed one of my wrists and it hurt with a slight touch. That’s when I noticed how my skin was black and purple there. “How much did you snort to agree with this, huh?”

“We were just having fun, okay? It got a little bit out of control.” I hid my hands in my back automatically.

“Fun? That woman saw you tied up, she wanted to press charges against him cause she thought you were being raped! We had to convince her almost all night long it was consensual. That looks funny to you?” Brian led his face down to mine, his jaw more clenched than ever.

Oh my god…

My palms landed on my face out of shame and disappointment and I was completely wordless to that. I’d never imagine we would cause that big misunderstood.

“Look… the damage is done already so…”

He snorted a laugh.

“I really thought I knew you, Emily, I really did.” he gazed at me so deeply I couldn’t finish my sentence. “But now all I know is that I want distance from both of you. I won’t stay here watching you two sinking down on this hole you’re digging to yourselves. It’s you fucking life, Emily, you do whatever you want with it but, please, just… leave me out of this.”

There was not a drop of love in his voice. Only resentment.

“I’ve never invited you into my life in the first place, Brian.” when I noticed those words coming out of my mouth, it was too late to turn them back. I knew it could hurt him just the way he hurt me by his words. I might have regretted my sentence, but he sure wouldn’t regret his.

He nodded his head several times, smiled sarcastically and sent me the most stinging glare he had before disappearing from my sight.
My heart squeezed painfully. I realized I had just made my choice.

---

After the whole scene with Brian, Jimmy and Emily went upstairs to get their bags quickly as they knew Matt would be pissed if they would slow him down. When they got to their floor, Jess was leaned there, facing the ground. Apparently waiting for them too.

You can’t be serious. More lecture? It’s not even noon yet…

“Babe, just take the bags downstairs. I’ll handle her.” Emily whispered to him before Jess could see them. He nodded and they walked towards her.

“Hey! How’d you guys sleep?” Jess faked a smile towards the couple.

“We didn’t.” Emily replied with the same smile, opening the door with her card.

“Good! Cause we didn’t sleep either. First from your desperate screams and then trying to solve everything you devils left behind.” her sarcastic mode was fully on this time for their misfortune.

Emily and Jimmy entered the room being followed by Jess and they were all caught by the mess they didn’t even remember they had done. The powders were still spread on the table along with the spoon, candles and the bottles. Jess saw it all with a surprised look on her face before Emily could clean it all up with one drag of her hand to the garbage. She wished she could’ve kept Jess in the dark about this but it was too late to hide anything now.

“I’ll be waiting downstairs…” Jimmy took his bags and when he passed by the table, he grabbed the intact drug envelopes and placed them on his pocket in a blink of an eye before heading out of the room. Jess felt stupid when she figured out Jimmy was at the same boat as her friend. They are doing this together. Destroying themselves together.

Jess moved her attention back to Emily as she was grabbing her clothes from the ground and stocking them at her bag. Then she saw her friend kneeling on the ground in front of her to collect the cutting pieces of the rope they used. And she noticed her wrists.

“I warned you… about the bruises.”

“Yeah, you did. And you know what? I don’t regret a single thing. I have my man back and that’s what matters to me.” said Emily as she kept tossing stuff on the trash, trying at least to leave the room cleanable.

“Yeah, well. You gotta do what you gotta do, right? Cause taking a lot of drugs, being arrested and scaring everybody with your acts is really the right thing to do to have your man back.” Jess sat on the bed and Emily stopped what she was doing to face her. She was holding a syringe she had found on the sheets.

“Jessica…” she sighed petulant. “Save your speech, please. I found you loaded in ecstasy yesterday, I had to drag you back here like I was mothering a twelve year old. Don’t start shooting hypocrisy on me now!”

Emily took the syringe out of her hand rudely and tossed on the garbage, facing her soon after with arms crossed. She wondered what the hell Jess wanted now. She should be going to the other hotel with Zacky already. Why is she here?

“You told him, right?”

“Oh my god! Of course I told him! I had to know from where you got that stuff. The stuff you used to deadly hate. Remember that?”

Jess shook her head several times, not even listening, only paying attention to her own thoughts wanting to get out.

“I always covered for you, Emily. I never, ever, said anything about your life to anybody. I never meddled in the stupid things you’ve been doing lately and… on the first opportunity, you wanna take care of my life. This is not working out as a friendship.”

“What? Are you blind? Zack is taking you to the wrong way! I can’t just keep pretending I don’t see what he’s doing. He made you quit your job, give up on your career and live on his shadow. Is that what you want for you? Get your life forever on hold for a man? Isn’t your mother’s miserable existence enough example for you?”

Jess narrowed her eyes slowly, her jaw shutting just like Brian’s out of anger.

“I came along because I wanted to live my own life, this has nothing to do with Zack! You see, you’ll never understand my reasons. No one will.” Jess showed defeat.

“So this is not him controlling you? This is really what you want? Living on the road and getting wasted every night so you can put up with your real feelings?”

“I’m having fun! I’m not getting wasted to forget about my own misery like you do.”

Silence filled the room for seconds. Emily could only shake her head in disappointment. She couldn’t recognize her friend anymore. And Jess felt like she was about to lose a friend.

“I heard this from someone today, and I’m repeating it. I thought I knew you. But the truth is… you’ve been hiding behind that good girl shield for all this time and now that you met Zack and his world, you’re finally disclosing what you really are. And this is what you gonna become.” she pointed at herself with certitude. “A junkie, just like me, Jess. You’re just. Like. Me.”

Jess faced Emily abruptly with oceans filling her eyes and a lancinating feeling she’d expect to feel from anyone in her life but never from her best friend.

As Emily closed her eyes, regretting her saying for the millionth time that day, Jess stormed out of the room. Emily clenched her fist and punched the closest wall out of anger. Maybe the physical pain would just mask her mental affliction. But no, not really. And now she wasn’t even sure if she could play tonight.

---

I sat at the dressing room, facing myself in the mirror for a few minutes. I looked like crap, I felt like crap after not sleeping last night. Just from thinking about dressing up to the concert, my whole body hurt, not only my wrists and my hand. By the way, my knuckles were red and swollen and I could barely move my fingers, but who cared? I have to be on that stage either way.

Not a trace of inspiration was running in my veins now. My mind kept replaying everything that was said that day and I couldn’t think a way to take Brian’s and Jess’ hurt glares out of my sight. How can I possibly think about music now? This time Brian wasn’t really around to wake up my insides, was he? I was on my own, thanks to myself.

I had to force myself someway, so I went to my stuff and grabbed my iPod. Put my earphones on and started searching for something that I wasn’t sure what was yet. Nothing seemed too appealing to me now but something caught my attention at some point of my playlist. I thought about it for a second, trying to decide between delete the recording I kept from that night without even listening or simply hear it to see if it could shed some light into my darkened soul. I knew damn well the effect Brian had on me and my creative system so it wasn’t a difficult decision. I just pressed play…

Ignoring all my thoughts telling me to go straight to the part where I play, I couldn’t resist stopping where I could clearly hear his moans and heavy breathing while doing his work on me. My eyes closed automatically, just trying to imagine the feeling I had that day. How thrilled I was, how completed I felt as being pushed to the edge by him for the first time. My heartbeat rushed suddenly and a violent shock of pleasure hit my womb when I heard his voice mumbling in my ear. I had shivers everywhere relieving it, I could feel his warm breath just as if it was happening now. And at the exact second I knew he was about to get inside of me, my hand slipped unwittingly in between my legs, moving a little just to pretend it was him. But before I could get to anywhere, I was jolted by the sound of the door opening.

“Hey love, are you ready? They are calling you.” Jimmy entered the room and I turned off my ‘music’ at the same time, trying to hide my discontent for not being able to finish my pre-concert rituals.

“Yeah, yeah, I… I just need to…” I wasn’t even a little ready and I don’t know why the hell I lied. Guess lying was part of me now. “…to put on a different shirt. I’ll be right there in a sec.”

“Okay. Oh and… by the way, the guys from System of a Down are calling us to gather at their bus later tonight. Are we in?”

I wasn’t even listening but I was agreeing.

“Yeah, why not? I heard they are hilarious.”

All I wanted tonight was to drop dead in the hotel bed but… not gonna happen so soon, huh?
“Yeah they are, those crazy motherfuckers. Well, okay, I’ll see you in the front.” he winked.

“See ya.” I smiled and he closed the door.

Why do I sense this day would never end?

---

Narghile on the table and huge lines of cocaine spread around it like that was the main dish of the night. They didn’t even bother to hide it, Daron, Serj and Shavo were snorting it like crazy as they laughed and talked all at the same time. John was the only one of them just having a beer. If the cops decided to pay a visit at their bus now, I’m sure we were the next to spend some time in jail.

I felt weird, like I was the only one left sober and sad in that place. Jimmy and Emily were together in a corner, talking to each other and kissing, and I could see in their petrified gazes they were high even before getting here. Sometimes Emily would just look at me like trying to say something or call me or… I don’t know apologize, but then Jimmy would keep her mouth too busy to say anything. And if she wouldn’t get to me, I wouldn’t be the one to go after her now. Not after everything she said.

Brian looked too drunk and miserable watching the happy couple together on the other side of the bus and too unaware of the conversation around him. I could relate to him. Matt and Johnny were drinking their usual beers and now was Zacky’s turn to use that disgusting smoking thing.

After Emily called me a junkie before, I spent the day promising myself I wouldn’t use anything ever again, just to show her how wrong she was. But I had this last pill in my pocket and this whole scenario wasn’t really helping me to keep my promise.

“You wanna try, babe?” Zack asked me sluggishly with red and lazy eyes. What’s inside that thing anyway? “It’s just marijuana. To relax a little.” he answered my thoughts before I could ask.

“No, no, I’m good. Thanks.” I sent him an uncomfortable smile and leaned my body back on him as he passed the narghile to the next user.

That’s when I noticed a pair of eyes stuck on me. While I glanced back at him, one of my innumerous idols I would find on this amazing tour, he cocked one of his eyebrows quickly.



I felt my cheeks blushing at the same time and replied with a sheepishly smile. I never thought about starting a conversation there cause I knew they would probably laugh at my face if I started talking about music and their composing process and stuff but… his eyes were kinda friendly to me now. Despite of the cocaine wall covering it.

“You guys brought Cigaro back to your setlist! I love that one. And Vicinity Of Obscenity, of course. That one can never be cut out.” I finally tried out.

He smirked.

“You don’t look like a fan.” he measured me from head to toe.

“Hm, I may not look like one but I know all your songs and have all your albums so…”

He smirked again and Zack moved his body to chat with people in the back, most Emily’s bandmates. I was left behind with Daron right in front of me.

“How dedicated…” he licked his lips and I ran from his gaze. Was he… trying to seduce me or…?

Shit, I’m all fangirling with him now, aren’t I? I gotta stop the flirting before he thinks I’m into him. But judging by how his intense gaze at me got transformed into a devilishly one, I think it was too late.

That’s it, if I’m staying here, I’m gonna go have just as much fun as they are having now. I think I deserve some too after all I had to hear from Emily. I was sick of everybody trying to control my life and assuming things about me. How could she dare to call me an addict?

“Babe, I’m gonna go to the bathroom, I’ll be right back, okay?” I whispered at Zacky and fixed my leather skirt before I stood up and walked through the tiny corridor surrounded by their bunks.

I took my time to observe everything and how bigger their bus were in comparison to Avenged one. When I thought I was secluded enough, I peeked over my shoulders one last time just to be sure and searched for the pill in my pocket. I swallowed it dryly and closed my eyes, hoping the effects would start sooner. But just as I was ready to get back to where everybody was, a body slammed hard on my back and embraced my waist with eager. I smiled at first, I was sure it was Zacky. But soon I found out it wasn’t.

“Why don’t we go discuss setlists and other stuff on a more private place now, sugar?”

When I felt Daron’s lips rubbing in my ear and whispering, my breathing ceased for several seconds. What the fuck, didn’t he notice I came with Zack? But there was no time for questions neither for disentangling from his tight grip on my body. He was quickly leading me with his body weight to the room in the back of the bus.

“Hey… no… what are you…” my voice was failing as I began to feel the ecstasy high rushing in my brain at the worst time possible. It was all really confusing and what was left for me was to be pushed inside the room.

I tried to step back but before I could move, he casted my back on the door and it closed loudly as he threw his body over mine roughly.

“I’ve seen how you’ve been looking at me on stage and here. I know you want to feel the biggest cock in the world going hard inside you, sugar. Don’t deny it.” Daron buried his nose in my neck with a smirk and I felt one of his hands invading the skin of my inner thigh, raising my skirt as he moved quickly upwards.

It got me terrified when his fingers reached my panties. A man never tried to get to me like this before in my life.

I felt like I was burning inside with his touch but hell, I didn’t want that. Who does he think he is to touch me like that? I made a big effort to overcome the disturbing ecstasy effect and my hands started to push his chest away harder than before. But he was really stronger than me.

“What the fuck, man, I’m not one of your fucking groupies. LET GO OF ME!!”

“Oh, so you like to put up a fight first. I like that too.” he slammed his body harder on mine and his other hand started to roam in my belly under my shirt. Shit, this is going too far now.

“STOP IT, LET ME GO NOW!!” my heart began to pound hard in my chest when he squeezed my breast and tried to open my shirt buttons. I didn’t know what to do to stop him.

That’s when I received a big kick of reality. If I didn’t do something fast, he would certainly rape me right there. He was too stoned to know what he was doing. And they would never hear a thing if I didn’t scream as loud as I could, so I did it.

“HELP ME!! ZACKYYY!!! HEEELP!”

My vision blurred with tears when I felt my shirt being ripped off and there was nothing I could do about it but to keep screaming for help. Until someone would come to save me. Or until my cords would give out.

"HEELP!!"

Notes

things are going WROOO-OONGG!!

And I'm so sorry dear crazy Daron, I didn't want to make you the bad guy here, but I had to =p
And... you know, your cock is much bigger than ours, its a fact! =D

HAHAHA hope u enjoyed the cliffhanger (but I know u didnt =p)

<3