Waste
I Need You To Know
I just can’t believe that in a few days, I’ll be marrying Brian. When Felicity was so happy for me and she volunteered to be my wedding planner since I helped with hers. For days we tried to think of some kind of theme for my wedding but we finally came up with something good. Felicity suggested since it was only 3 months until Halloween that it would be really cool if Brian and I were married then. I ran with the idea and she said something about it being the day matching the personality and she couldn’t be more right. She threw suggestions about decorations and I told her about maybe some tombstones planted all around my backyard and with a fog machine over at the chain linked gate where I would walk in. We had everything planned and ready to go. We had everything from the décor to the cake and today we were going to find a wedding dress that would fit the scene. I got into my truck and let the engine roar to life.
After letting the truck warm up for a few minutes, I headed over to Felicity’s house. I pulled up into the drive and cut the engine and got out. I didn’t have to knock since she was expecting me. Hell I hardly ever knock anyways. I pulled open the front door and I could hear giggling coming from the kitchen. I peered around the corner cautiously before sighing in relief that it wasn’t her and Jimmy doing anything I don’t want to see.
“Hey sis.” I said smiling as I made my way over to the table where she was feeding herself and Autumn.
“Hey, how are you doing this morning?”
“I’m doing great. I can’t believe I’m getting married in 8 days.” I said sitting down with a huge smile.
“I never told you this but Brian was really nervous about asking you to marry him.”
“Why?” I asked curiously.
“He was afraid that you might have said no or something. I guess because maybe you would think he wasn’t over his dead wife.”
“Felicity, I know he’s always going to have a special place in his heart for the mother of his son but I’m glad he asked me.” I said smiling but it faded once I knew I needed to get the secret I’ve been hiding from her.
“Is there something wrong?”
“There’s something I’ve been hiding for a long time…and I don’t think it needs to be kept from you anymore.” I said looking down.
“Are you Pregnant?”
“No.” I said laughing and shaking my head.
“Oh…then what’s this secret?”
“Do you remember a guy named Dakota Storm?” I asked looking into her eyes.
“Yeah…mom and dad didn’t like him hanging with you. What about him?”
“Him and I were secretly dating…When I would tell mom and dad about leaving the house to go to a friends, I would actually go over and spend all day with him. Then when this shit happened and we were Zombie-proofing that house in Tennessee…I saw him. He was dead Felicity. I tried to…to talk him out of it but it seemed like he didn’t know who I was. I shot him in the head.” I explained with tears flowing from my eyes at his memory.
“I had my suspicions about you 2 but I never knew it was true. Is that why you took it so hard when you…you had to kill mom?”
“It brought back the memory of looking Dakota right in the face when I shot him. I can still see his grey eyes staring back at me as he fell to the ground.” I said wiping my face.
“Have you told Brian about it?”
“I told him before mom died and he’s helped me a lot with trying to get over it but…looking down at mom just brought it all back and then seeing dad laying in the floor of Wal-Mart…” I said getting up quickly and knocking the chair over. I leaned on the counter next to the sink and tried to calm the anger down inside of me.
“Serenity…it’s going to be alright.”
“It still kills me inside every time I kill the dead.” I said shaking my head as Felicity rubbed my back.
“I know it does. Maybe you shouldn’t go over and try to cure the dead anymore.”
“No…what I need to do is go by the cemetery. I haven’t been since we buried them properly.” I said wiping the remaining tears from my face. I looked at my sister and she nodded. She went over and grabbed the stroller from the closet and placed my tiny niece into it.
We left the house and Felicity strapped my niece into the car seat I had gotten for her. Felicity got into the passenger side as I started the engine. I backed from her driveway and sped towards the cemetery. Just like every trip I made, it didn’t take long before we were pulling into the parking lot. I got out and helped Felicity with the baby and we walked through the gates. We found our parent’s graves easily.
“Hey mom and dad…I’m sorry that we haven’t gotten to your final resting place in a while but we’ve all had things going on. I got married and had this beautiful baby girl named Autumn. I wish you were here to meet your granddaughter.” Felicity said and the sun shone down on the small child like they were smiling upon her. She turned to me and smiled.
“I’ll leave you alone to talk to them.” I nodded and watched as she walked back over to my truck. I sighed and looked down at the stone that marked their graves.
“Hey mom and dad…like Felicity said, we haven’t gotten to your graves in a while since there’s a lot of shit going on but there’s something I need to tell you. I need you to know. First of all, I’m getting married in a few days and I wish you were there but…but that’s not the only reason I’m here. I know you remember Dakota Storm and I just wanted to tell you that…that when you were alive I was having a secret relationship with him. I know you both wouldn’t have liked it but I couldn’t help what my heart wanted. Mom and dad if you would have just seen how in love we were before you both died, you would have been positive about the relationship and we wouldn’t of had to keep it a secret. I know it’s wrong to keep something like that from you…but I didn’t want to disappoint you. I…I’m not marrying him though. I had to…to kill him because he was one of the dead. It killed me to have to put a bullet through his skull just like it was hard to put a bullet through yours mom. I thought I had gotten over killing Dakota but when you died…it brought back the memory. The nightmares I had, I wouldn’t wish on anyone. I just hope that when you look down on me…you forgive me.” I said feeling the threat of tears wanting to escape my eyes. I pushed back the feeling and kissed my index and middle finger before placing them both on the cold stone. I looked into the sky as the sun came from behind the clouds and shined down on my skin. It felt as if they had their protecting arms around me.
We forgive you
I looked around but there was no one there. The voice was my mother’s and I couldn’t help but smile. I sighed in content before making my way back to my truck feeling better than I have in years. We got into the truck and went back to our regular schedule of finding me a wedding dress.
After letting the truck warm up for a few minutes, I headed over to Felicity’s house. I pulled up into the drive and cut the engine and got out. I didn’t have to knock since she was expecting me. Hell I hardly ever knock anyways. I pulled open the front door and I could hear giggling coming from the kitchen. I peered around the corner cautiously before sighing in relief that it wasn’t her and Jimmy doing anything I don’t want to see.
“Hey sis.” I said smiling as I made my way over to the table where she was feeding herself and Autumn.
“Hey, how are you doing this morning?”
“I’m doing great. I can’t believe I’m getting married in 8 days.” I said sitting down with a huge smile.
“I never told you this but Brian was really nervous about asking you to marry him.”
“Why?” I asked curiously.
“He was afraid that you might have said no or something. I guess because maybe you would think he wasn’t over his dead wife.”
“Felicity, I know he’s always going to have a special place in his heart for the mother of his son but I’m glad he asked me.” I said smiling but it faded once I knew I needed to get the secret I’ve been hiding from her.
“Is there something wrong?”
“There’s something I’ve been hiding for a long time…and I don’t think it needs to be kept from you anymore.” I said looking down.
“Are you Pregnant?”
“No.” I said laughing and shaking my head.
“Oh…then what’s this secret?”
“Do you remember a guy named Dakota Storm?” I asked looking into her eyes.
“Yeah…mom and dad didn’t like him hanging with you. What about him?”
“Him and I were secretly dating…When I would tell mom and dad about leaving the house to go to a friends, I would actually go over and spend all day with him. Then when this shit happened and we were Zombie-proofing that house in Tennessee…I saw him. He was dead Felicity. I tried to…to talk him out of it but it seemed like he didn’t know who I was. I shot him in the head.” I explained with tears flowing from my eyes at his memory.
“I had my suspicions about you 2 but I never knew it was true. Is that why you took it so hard when you…you had to kill mom?”
“It brought back the memory of looking Dakota right in the face when I shot him. I can still see his grey eyes staring back at me as he fell to the ground.” I said wiping my face.
“Have you told Brian about it?”
“I told him before mom died and he’s helped me a lot with trying to get over it but…looking down at mom just brought it all back and then seeing dad laying in the floor of Wal-Mart…” I said getting up quickly and knocking the chair over. I leaned on the counter next to the sink and tried to calm the anger down inside of me.
“Serenity…it’s going to be alright.”
“It still kills me inside every time I kill the dead.” I said shaking my head as Felicity rubbed my back.
“I know it does. Maybe you shouldn’t go over and try to cure the dead anymore.”
“No…what I need to do is go by the cemetery. I haven’t been since we buried them properly.” I said wiping the remaining tears from my face. I looked at my sister and she nodded. She went over and grabbed the stroller from the closet and placed my tiny niece into it.
We left the house and Felicity strapped my niece into the car seat I had gotten for her. Felicity got into the passenger side as I started the engine. I backed from her driveway and sped towards the cemetery. Just like every trip I made, it didn’t take long before we were pulling into the parking lot. I got out and helped Felicity with the baby and we walked through the gates. We found our parent’s graves easily.
“Hey mom and dad…I’m sorry that we haven’t gotten to your final resting place in a while but we’ve all had things going on. I got married and had this beautiful baby girl named Autumn. I wish you were here to meet your granddaughter.” Felicity said and the sun shone down on the small child like they were smiling upon her. She turned to me and smiled.
“I’ll leave you alone to talk to them.” I nodded and watched as she walked back over to my truck. I sighed and looked down at the stone that marked their graves.
“Hey mom and dad…like Felicity said, we haven’t gotten to your graves in a while since there’s a lot of shit going on but there’s something I need to tell you. I need you to know. First of all, I’m getting married in a few days and I wish you were there but…but that’s not the only reason I’m here. I know you remember Dakota Storm and I just wanted to tell you that…that when you were alive I was having a secret relationship with him. I know you both wouldn’t have liked it but I couldn’t help what my heart wanted. Mom and dad if you would have just seen how in love we were before you both died, you would have been positive about the relationship and we wouldn’t of had to keep it a secret. I know it’s wrong to keep something like that from you…but I didn’t want to disappoint you. I…I’m not marrying him though. I had to…to kill him because he was one of the dead. It killed me to have to put a bullet through his skull just like it was hard to put a bullet through yours mom. I thought I had gotten over killing Dakota but when you died…it brought back the memory. The nightmares I had, I wouldn’t wish on anyone. I just hope that when you look down on me…you forgive me.” I said feeling the threat of tears wanting to escape my eyes. I pushed back the feeling and kissed my index and middle finger before placing them both on the cold stone. I looked into the sky as the sun came from behind the clouds and shined down on my skin. It felt as if they had their protecting arms around me.
We forgive you
I looked around but there was no one there. The voice was my mother’s and I couldn’t help but smile. I sighed in content before making my way back to my truck feeling better than I have in years. We got into the truck and went back to our regular schedule of finding me a wedding dress.
Notes
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3/9/13