Lost Without You (Jimmy Sullivan)

Jimmy’s P.O.V.
I can’t do this, I can’t have her here with me. I need my friends. I missed them a lot and I felt bad for what I did to Zacky. I feel bad about everything. I almost told Ruby that I loved her which could very well be the truth but I can ‘t be in love with someone right noe because of Brian’s loss. I didn’t know if I actually loved her but if I just felt lonely or something. I don’t know but having a girlfriend didn’t seem possible right now. My life was a mess.
I’m on third person, I miss my Abby, my friends and my mind wouldn’t shut up about it being my fault about Brian dying. They kept telling me that it was my fault, that if I ran to him, that if I stopped my best friend then he would be alive and well and in my house were we would be playing video games. Then again, if it wasn’t for Brian’s death, and my sisters, I wouldn’t have met Ruby. She wouldn’t be here and I would be dead.
I sighed, grabbing my leather jacket and Ruby came upstairs as well.
“Where are you going?” She asked me and I looked at her and rolled my eyes. The judge told her to watch me like a three year old. Just because I acted like one at times doesn’t mean that I should be baby sat like one.
I sighed, “I’m going to Matt’s,” I said and slipped it on. She came and grabbed her jacket that was next to mine and came with me to my car and I drove us over there. I was nervous to see my brothers. I nearly killed Zacky for telling me that it was my fault for killing Brian. Then I told them that I quit the band. I couldn’t play without hearing Brian’s guitar, without seeing him with me anymore.
“It’s going to be alright.” She told me and grabbed my hand making me smile a bit. I squeezed her hand knowing that she was right and I pulled into Matt’s driveway with my heart beating fast. I haven’t seen these guys in about a week and it was scaring me. I don’t know why it was but it was also painful. Brian wasn’t going to be there this time. There wasn’t going to be them funny voices that made me laugh, the playing of the guitar that broke the silence, no arm from my best friend draped over my shoulder. There was nothing. Not my sister and him sitting on the couch being happy together, no Abigail crying for me, or wanting me to play with her. I messed up. This was all my fault. I broke my sisters heart, I killed my best friend and I brought Abigail away from me.
“I can’t do this,” I whispered feeling the tears choking my throat. I can’t do this to Ruby. I was going to break down crying before I even made it to the door or even out of the dang car.
“Yes you can Jimmy,” She said and turned my head towards her and she smiled before kissing me gently.
“Your with me Jimmy alright, it’s going to be alright.” I nodded and she grabbed my hand and lead me to the door were I was hoping to make amends with my best friends and change this things all around.
~*~
“I hate you!” Zacky screamed coming to charge at me but Matt held him back, “You killed him!” He screamed, “You killed Brian!” He cried and Matt let him go and he came and punched me in the face before leaving out the door with tears streaming down his face.
I sat there on the floor shocked and my lip bleeding. Ruby came with Johnny and helped me onto the couch and she handed me a rag to put over my lip. I thanked her and sighed, looking down to the floor.
“He’s having a hard time about this,” Johnny said beside me, “That and you quitting the band…he wants to blame it on someone so…” He shrugged and looked down to the ground. I didn’t know what to say either. I never wanted this to happen and now that it did, it was a piece of reality nobody wanted.
“I didn’t mean to,” I whispered looking down to my feet seeing them blur, “I didn’t mean to kill them,” I cried, holding me head in my hands and cried. I felt my friends come around me and hug me tight. I just wish I could feel Brian hold me again. To feel his arms around me and for him to tell me that it was going to be alright. I was crying out for him. I was crying for my best friend that wasn’t here with me.
“It’s not your fault,” Matt whispered to me, “You couldn’t stop him Jimmy. Don’t listen to Zacky and don’t blame yourself,” He told me. I hugged my friends and just cried, but knowing I had this little part of my life back gave me a sliver of hope.

Notes