Lost Without You (Jimmy Sullivan)

Ruby’s P.O.V.
“Jimmy why don’t you play the drums again?” I asked him. It’s been an hour since I cried and him holding me. He said he was bored just sitting on his couch looking handsome making me chuckle.
“Because,” He said with a frown. I came and sat down onto his lap, biting my lower lip. He looked at me, kind of shocked but then again, it just felt right. Ever since the kiss last night it just seemed like we needed one another and I really liked it. I really did want to be with him, ever since I met him at the funeral but what if it was just this way because we were hurting? Because we were in so much pain from losing our family?
“Why Jimmy?” I asked, wrapping my arms around his neck and him swallowing. He looked down to his lap, me coming and kissing the top of his head and pulling him close to me as he laid his head on my chest.
“I lost my music with my sister,” He explained, “I miss my friends but…I just can’t see them. There’s to many memories,” He whispered. I held onto him and kissed the top of his head again.
“I know there is Jimmy but you know what? Your sister and Brian would love to hear you play again. They want you to move on. Brian wouldn’t want you to quit the band because he wasn’t there baby,” I whispered to him, holding him. He wrapped his arms around me and cried in my chest as I held him close to me. It hurt seeing him like this but then again, I kind of expected this.
“It’s going to be alright,” I whispered to him. He looked up at me and kissed me again.
“Thank you beautiful,” He smiled lightly and wiped his tears away, me smiling at him feeling his lips linger on mine. I got up, taking his hand and made our way down to the basement and I saw his kit.
“Here,” I said and handed him his sticks, “Think of something that makes you happy,” I smiled at him. He put his drum sticks in his back pocket and cupped my cheek sending my heart into over drive. He came close to me, letting our foreheads touch as he smiled at me, his blue eyes holding onto mine
“You make me happy,” he whispered to me, kissing me longer then any other kiss that I have had with him. I kissed Jimmy back, knowing that I had the same feelings for him. I have had then for a while but acting on them was something I didn’t really want right now. I pulled away, shaking my head.
“I can’t,” I whispered to him, holding his gauze. He looked at me confused but nodded. He pulled away and went to his drum kit and I saw on the couch and watched Jimmy play. He was looking happier and that was the only thing that made me happy. To know that he was going to be alright.
“Why can’t you?” He asked looking up from his drum kit. I looked at him, seeing the sadness in his eyes and I sighed.
“You know why Jimmy,” I said lightly not looking back up at him. I didn’t want to be with Jimmy, he just lost his best friend. I mean, he did about a month ago now but he also lost his little angel. There’s his problems then there’s mine. Feeling used by my ex who used me to watch his kid just until his wife came because after he told me he was a single father. What now? What if Jimmy did the same thing?
I sat there though, looking at him, seeing him seeing him spinning his sticks, a smile on my face seeing him so happy. He closed his eyes, letting his foot kick the bass drum that soon built up into this amazing solo that I got to enjoy. I just sat there, being quiet taking all of this in. He just stopped and threw his sticks, letting them bounce on the floor and nearly hit me.
I jerked from the thoughts and looked at Jimmy, seeing tears streaming down his face. I quickly got up and went over to him, putting my hand on his back and he jerked up and shoved me away from him, looking at me with his eyes cold. What was wrong with him? Why was he acting like this?
“Just go away, Ruby!” he said through gritted teeth, “I don’t need your help, I don’t need anyone’s help!”
“Obviously not, Sullivan,” I glared back at him. I looked up at him and shook my head, standing onto my feet and brushing myself off, “You really need to grow up. I mean…their gone Jimmy, there’s nothing you can do. That and you lost Abigail-”
“You don’t think I know that?” He asked coming close to me, He shoved me up against the wall, putting his hands on either side of my head, “And you don’t think I know that I lost my friends? My sister? My brother? Next thing I know your going to be gone.” He looked down and sighed, “Just leave Ruby alright? Just go and stop worrying about me,” He whispered. I shook my head and pulled his head up so I could look at him.
“I can’t stop worrying about you Jimmy, I really care about you its just…”
“It’s just what?” He whispered, cupping my cheek. I swallowed hard.
“I don’t want to feel used again. I’m scared…” I whispered and I felt his lips on mine with a soft gentle kiss.
“I could never use you Ruby, you mean to much to me,” He whispered, his fingers lightly rubbing my cheek and I felt tears build up in my eyes.
“How can I mean so much to you? How can I know that your telling the truth?” I asked him. He sighed, looking away from me for a while and then looked back up at me.
“Because…ever since I had met you at my sister’s grave, something seemed to click. No one could calm me down besides you. I spent time with you and I saw you taking care of Abigail and just…I feel something Ruby…I think…” His voice trailed off. I looked at him confused and he soon backed away and left the basement leaving me to wonder what he was going to say.

Notes