You just sat there, sobbing uncontrollably on the kitchen floor opened beer bottle next to you that you had no intention of touching. Your semi busted hand sat in your lap and you leaned back against the fridge as you ran out of energy. You just cried as you felt yourself fall apart.

“Oh my god I’m completely fucking losing it,” you whispered to yourself, head hung down low.

“Oh my god, Kales,” you heard above you.

You snapped your head up and saw your brother standing in the kitchen entrance from the front room. You shot him a glare.

“Get out,” you said softly but sternly.

You were hoping your brother caught the deadly undertone in your voice.

“Kales,” he said.

Guess not.

“Get out Shads,” you growled a bit louder, but still in control.

“Kales, just let me,” he started in again and started to approach your form on the floor.

“Get out, get out. Get out!” you screamed as you grabbed and chucked your full open beer bottle at your brother.

It whisked past his head and smashed on the wall behind him, sending brown glass and beer all over the wall and floor. At that your brother turned and left and he seemed to be whispering something to someone so you guessed that others were with him and had sent him in to test the waters first. Bad idea. You wished suddenly that they had sent Zacky in so you could have killed him and hopefully yourself in the process then this whole freak out melt down would be over and done with.

You sat there for a few more minutes just staring at the beer running down your wall and pooling on the floor as tears ran down your face. Then you heard someone else walk in and approach the kitchen where you were still huddled. You lifted your head at the sound of your name.

“Kales babe,” Jeph said.

“No. No! Get away,” you shouted as you tried scooting away from him still sitting on the ground.

“Kales just talk to me hun,” Jeph said as he approached you slowly.

“No, no, no, no. Get away. I’ll do it to you, I’ll do it you just like the others,” you said almost leading as you scooted awway from him, waving your hands in front of you, trying to shoo him away.

“Do what? Kales come on,” Jeph said, sounding worried as he continued to approach you slowly.

“No, no. No. Get away, go before I do it again. Don’t touch me,” you sobbed as you backed into the far wall of a hallway that was outside the kitchen area.

You curled in on yourself against the wall and cried as you repeatedly asked Jeph to go away, to leave. But obviously none of the guys had taken their listening pills that day.

“Shhh,” Jeph whispered as he bent and pickeed up your curled form.

You felt him carry you and then place you on the couch. You didn’t lift your head as he released his hold on you. You heard people shuffling a bit a ways from you, sweeping up the broken glass that still lay everywhere from where you had thrown the phone. You didn’t care, inside you were still losing it, you were just having a calm moment at this point in time. You felt the couch sink in a bit next to you, but still didn’t look up.

“Kales crying doesn’t become your badass image. Throwing and smashing a beer bottle as it flew through the air at your brother does, but the melt down sobbing doesn’t. Careful, people might think you’re losing your edge and there will go all your business clientel,” Jeph said, trying to pass off a joke.

“I am losing it,” you whispered but shyed away from his out stretched hand as he tried to touch you softly.

“What?” Jeph asked as he took his hand back once he saw your reaction.

“Nothing,” you whispered again.

“Care to tell me why you shyed from me and didn’t want me near you? And still don’t?” Jeph asked as he scooted farther away from you on the couch to give you room.

“Because I’ll do it again. I’ll do it to you just like I’ve done before,” you said, still not looking up at him but rather at your knees.

“Do what? What can you possibly do to me? Does this have something to do with that Kris guy Zarin said took you home? Didn’t you like date him, or sleep with him once?” Jeph said, anger tinging his voice at the idea of Kris causing this.

“Yeah,” you said, curling farther in on yourself as you thought about it.

“What did he do? I swear to god I’ll beat the shit out of him,” Jeph said ,well sort of growled.

“He, he didn’t do anything really. He, he just introduced me to his, his. His boyfriend,” you said and then finally looked up at Jeph.

“I’m lost,” Jeph said, looking confused as he searched your face for some kind of answer.

“I did it again. I did it to him and I’ll do it to you,” you said softly, tears starting to brim in your eyes.

“Do what?” Jeph asked.

“The same thing I did to Eric, my ex hsuband. I’ll drive you to the arms of another, to the arms of a man. I’ll turn you gay, just like I turned Eric and now Kris. Don’t you get it?” you said, well more like shouted the last part.

“Wow, you turned Kris gay? Well, well that’s. All I can say is good job, it must be a gift. I’d watch out if I were you Jeph, you seem to be next in line,” a voice sneered from your doorway.

All you did was scream and lounge, not even bothering to see who it was as you immediately recognized the drivel that was the sad excuse for a voice.

“I’ll fucking kill you,” you screamed as you tried jumping over Jeph to get at Zacky.

“Or make me gay with your touch. But wait, I haven’t slept with you so I guess I’m immune. Thank god I fucking distest you and the air you breathe,” Zacky spat from his safe spot near the doorway as Jeph had you restrained.

“Zacky what the fuck are you doing up here?” Matt barked as he came out of the kitchen, hand held broom and dust pan still in hand.

“I got bored in the car so decided to come up. And good thing I did, otherwise I would have missed out on Kales newest failure. Way to keep turning them gay Kales Mae,” Zacky sneered.

“Get the fuck out of my house,” you screamed at him, not bothering to fight Jeph at the moment.

“I suggest you take her advice,” Jimmy said from his spot next to the kitchen counter that divided it from the main living area, holding a paper bag full of glass.

“You would. You’re always on her side,” Zacky snapped at Jimmy, though it only seemed half hearted, like he really didn’t feel like snapping at him.

“You use to be the same way,” Jimmy said in a flat monotone.

“Whatever. I’m out. See ya later man turner,” Zacky said as he walked out your loft door.

You sagged in Jeph’s arms once he had left. Then you quickly got out of them and scrambled back to your end of the couch once you realized who you were sitting on.

“I think you should all just leave,” you said, voice dropped low.

“Kales, you know that Bert’s the bi one and not me. You know I still only like girls, and only like you for that matter,” Jeph said as he tried to reasure you.

“I said I think you should all get out and I meant it,” you said, keeping your voice even.

“Kales,” Matt started to add.

“Get out, get out. Get OUT!” you shouted hysterically from your spot on the couch.

At that all the guys, including Jeph, got up and left the loft, closing the door behind them. As the door clicked shut you fell off the couch wher you had been sitting and started sobbing in a heap on the floor. You even ignored Minx’s tries to calm you as he rubbed up against various parts you, purring loud and hard enough to vibrrate wherever he touched on you.

“Go away Minx-y, you’ll just end up liking other male cats if you get too close,” you said as you pushed your cat away.

Minx tried once again but you just pushed him away, a little harder than before. He finally just gave you a look and sauntered off in some random direction. You curled up on yourself, folding yourself into the fetus position and cried on the thin rug on your hardwood floors.

You didn’t know how long you had been asleep but you awoke when you felt someone brush hair off your face and utter soft soothing noises from above you on the couch where you use to be. You knew you must have still cried while you had been asleep because there were wet trails of tears down your cheeks that hadn’t dried. Turning your head a bit you looked to see who had defied your demand and had come back to see you.

“Hey Kales Mae,” a familiar voice said softly.

“Oh Jimmy,” you cried a bit as you crawled up off the floor and into his open arms and waiting lap.

As soon as you folded up in his lap he wrapped his arms around you, holding you close to his body as he rocked a bit side to side and back and forth. You felt like you were a little kid again, but it was what you needed at the moment. Jimmy continued to utter soft soothing noises as he brushed sticky hair off your face and rubbed your shoulders softly.

“I’m losing it completely,” you said between tears into Jimmy’s chest.

“I know, I know. Was wondering when it was going to happen. You’ve been holding everything in for so long you were about due for a blow up. Next time just give a little warning if you can,” Jimmy said as he hugged you tighter for a moment.

“I didn’t see it coming. It just exploded all at once and I couldn’t control it really,” you said as you sniffed and turned your head so your face was no longer buried in his chest.

“And I don’t think you need to worry about Jeph chasing dick any time soon. I’m pretty sure Eric was gay since before you married him, and I’m pretty sure Kris was bi the whole time. So I don’t think you’re cursed. The other end of this, well I don’t know what to tell you about that one. I don’t know what’s wrong really, or what the core problem is at least,” Jimmy said as he slowed down his rocking of you.

“That’s a first,” you said as you sighed from his lap.

“What is?” Jimmy asked as he cocked his head so he could look at your face.

“You not knowing the answer to something. You’ve always held the answers to everything, every question I’ve ever pondered you were able to explain,” you said with a hint of a smile in your voice.

“We all have our moments of mere human-ness, us gods can’t be godly all the time you know,” Jimmy said as he smiled against the top of your head.

“I know, it’s just surprising. And Jimmy?” you said, tilting your head up a bit to look at him.

“What love?” he asked as he looked at you.

“I don’t know either,” you said and then put your head back down.

After your admittance of not knowing either the two of you were silent for a little bit. Jimmy just continued to hold you like he always had when something was wrong, or you got scared or frightened, rocking to and fro a bit as he rubbed your back and shoulders. It was soothing and it helped calmed all the tumultous things going on inside of you. You felt your eyes start to close as the constant rythym of him made you sleepy. Eventually he stopped.

“How about this Kales Mae. Tomorrow after you get off work, since Zarin told us that you will be only working a half day if at all, you and I go out. Just you and I, like old times. Sound good to you? A little Jimmy and Kales one on one time?” Jimmy asked as he looked down at your tear streaked face.

“Sounds good to me. I think it’s needed,” you said and then sighed as you leant back against him, eyes closing.

“Good. And in that case I suggest we get you to bed missy,” Jimmy said to you.

“Uh hrmrmmrrhh,” you mumbled, as you drifted off to sleep against him.

“Goodnight Kales Me,” you heard him say as you felt him pick you up right before you passed out from shear exhaustion.

Notes

And once again, Jimmy swopps in and saves the day.
I always get a little teary eyed when I reread these parts.
But then again, apparently I'm just a big wuss.