Animosity In The Ranks
Chapter 39
“Holy mother of all that is sacred and gay what the hell happened to you while out at lunch with Bert?” Zarin asked as you walked into the parlor.
“Nothing I’m fine, I just need to pull myself together and I’ll be back out,” you said as you sniffed a bit and brushed some hair off your face back behind your ears.
“Right, don’t think that’ll be happening. You’re going home right this moment,” Zarin said as he stepped up to block your way out back.
“Zarin stop being a pain in my ass, I told you I was fucking fine now let me get back to work cuz I’m not going home,” you started to shout, feeling your grip on things slipping away.
“Yes, yes you are. Because you won’t tell me what’s really going on and I can see your meager control on whatever it is you’re telling me you don’t have is slipping from you. Kris take her home,” Zarin demanded in a stern voice.
“Can do, I was on my way here to talk to her anyway,” Kris said as he nodded to Zarin and put his hand out to grab your arm.
“I can fucking walk out myself,” you snarled as you ripped your arm out of Kris’s partial grip and stormed out of the shop.
As you made your way down the sidewalk at a break neck speed you felt your control coming undone. You stopped to light a cigarette to help your nerves when you realized that you had no idea where Kris was nor where his car was, nor what it looked like. You took a few deep breaths to calm yourself as you smoked your cigarette and waited for Kris to catch up with you.
You heard steps of two people finally coming near you and turned to face them.
“Found you,” Kris said as he finally stopped beside your leaning form.
“Yeah, realized you weren’t with me and that I didn’t know where your car was,” you said nonchalantly like nothing was wrong.
“Well you were in the right direction because my car is like four cars down,” Kris said as he took the lead to his little red four door parked a few cars down the street.
You followed him silently, not trusting yourself with words at the moment. Not because of your quote end quote past together, but mainly because you knew you were on the edge of breaking down again. You got into the back as his friend got into the passnger seat of the car. Once in you took a deep breath and just stared out the window, tuning everything out.
“Kales,” you heard a voice say loudly as you snapped back into reality.
“What?” you asked as you realized that Kris had probably been calling your name for a few minutes at this point.
“I was trying to introduce you to Kyle here,” Kris said from the front seat as he pulled into your parking lot finally.
“Oh. Nice to meet you,” you said as friendly as you could to the man up front.
He seemed to be about 5’7” or so from your guess as he was sitting and you hadn’t paid him any attention before. He had black hair cut in a short sort of spikey style that looked soft. He had deep green eyes and a nice slightly darker tan that looked natural not from being out in the sun constantly, or in a fake and bake booth. Semi muscular, not to much near either end of that extreme. He had on a button up white shirt with the top three undone and a gray shirt on underneath and black jeans. He looked like a nice guy.
“Same here. I’ve heard quite a bit about you since I’ve been with Kris,” the guy called Kyle said.
“Been with Kris? You live with him? That’s nice,” you said as you gathered your bits together so as to get out of the car so you could go home and melt down.
“Well kind of. That’s what I wanted to come talk to you about Kales. I wanted to introduce Kyle to you. He’s my boyfriend,” Kris said.
At the mention of them being boyfriend and boyfriend you stopped dead in what you were doing. You felt your eyes go wide and your stomach drop. It’s not that you had a problem with gay people, or bi people. It was just not something you needed to hear in the state you were, especially with what had happened to your ex husband. You started yourself back into action, quickly. Gathering your stuff up quickly you made to get out of the car.
“That’s nice to hear. I gotta go,” you said without looking either Kris or Kyle in the eyes.
“I didn’t think you’d,” Kris started in at your sudden change in attitude.
“No, no it’s not that. It’s just me. I gotta go. Give me a call,” you said as you rushed out the car and slammed the door shut.
You ran into your building and managed to get into the elevator and wait till the doors were shut before you let out a scream. As the scream died on your lips you felt yourself give way and you crumpled to the floor.
“No, no, No! Not again. What’s fucking wrong with me,” you said as you shook your head violently.
As the elevator stopped at your floor you picked yourself up and got yourself in your apartment.
“I’ve done it again. I did it a-fucking-gain. What’s wrong with me? What’s wrong with me?” you said as you curled up onto the couch and cried.
You sat there, curled up, sobbing, till you heard the phone ring. Picking up the cordless that was sitting on the coffee table you answered it without looking at the caller ID.
“What?” you asked into the phone, voice destroyed from crying for so long today.
“Kales it’s Matt,” you heard your brother say.
At his voice everything from before came to the front of the picture.
“What the hell do you want?” you snapped.
“I wanted to talk to you about your freak out earleir today. About Zacky and you. He’s,” Matt started to say but you cut him off.
“Forget about it Shads I don’t fucking want to talk about it,” you shouted into the phone.
“Kailey don’t fucking snap at me. I wanted to explain some things to,” Matt started again.
“I already told Bert. I’m sick and tired of you all coming to Zacky’s rescue, of making fucking excuses for his sorry ass. He doesn’t deserve it. He doesn’t deserve you guys, he doesn’t deserve the band, the fame, he doesn’t deserve anything!” you screamed before chucking the heavy phone as far from you as you could.
Unfortunately it hit a giant picture you had hanging on your wall as art, sending a shower of glass all over the place. The sound of the glass shattering made you look up to see what you had broken and choke on something that was a cross between a sob and laugh. The picture was one Matt had given you and you had had it blown up to 20 by 32 inches and it was in a 24 by 36 inch glass frame that was now all over the floor.
“What is wrong with me?” you asked as curled back up on the couch.
About twenty minutes later you got yourself up off the couch and walked into your kitchen. Opening the fridge you look for something, not sure what you wanted. Grabbing a beer you shut the fridge and placed it on the counter right next to the fridge. As you went to grab a bottle opener you remembered when you and Zacky had been fooling around in the kitchen, goofing off a hand full of weeks ago. And then you remembered everything else. You didn’t know what you were doing till you felt the pain ricochet through your fist. Looking over to your hand you saw that you had punched the wall right next you, denting it and leaving a crack. You had broken the skin a bit on your knuckles and there was a spot or three of blood, but not too much damage. You started to cry, but not from the pain, just because. You let yourself fall to the kitchen floor, sobbing the whole time.
“Nothing I’m fine, I just need to pull myself together and I’ll be back out,” you said as you sniffed a bit and brushed some hair off your face back behind your ears.
“Right, don’t think that’ll be happening. You’re going home right this moment,” Zarin said as he stepped up to block your way out back.
“Zarin stop being a pain in my ass, I told you I was fucking fine now let me get back to work cuz I’m not going home,” you started to shout, feeling your grip on things slipping away.
“Yes, yes you are. Because you won’t tell me what’s really going on and I can see your meager control on whatever it is you’re telling me you don’t have is slipping from you. Kris take her home,” Zarin demanded in a stern voice.
“Can do, I was on my way here to talk to her anyway,” Kris said as he nodded to Zarin and put his hand out to grab your arm.
“I can fucking walk out myself,” you snarled as you ripped your arm out of Kris’s partial grip and stormed out of the shop.
As you made your way down the sidewalk at a break neck speed you felt your control coming undone. You stopped to light a cigarette to help your nerves when you realized that you had no idea where Kris was nor where his car was, nor what it looked like. You took a few deep breaths to calm yourself as you smoked your cigarette and waited for Kris to catch up with you.
You heard steps of two people finally coming near you and turned to face them.
“Found you,” Kris said as he finally stopped beside your leaning form.
“Yeah, realized you weren’t with me and that I didn’t know where your car was,” you said nonchalantly like nothing was wrong.
“Well you were in the right direction because my car is like four cars down,” Kris said as he took the lead to his little red four door parked a few cars down the street.
You followed him silently, not trusting yourself with words at the moment. Not because of your quote end quote past together, but mainly because you knew you were on the edge of breaking down again. You got into the back as his friend got into the passnger seat of the car. Once in you took a deep breath and just stared out the window, tuning everything out.
“Kales,” you heard a voice say loudly as you snapped back into reality.
“What?” you asked as you realized that Kris had probably been calling your name for a few minutes at this point.
“I was trying to introduce you to Kyle here,” Kris said from the front seat as he pulled into your parking lot finally.
“Oh. Nice to meet you,” you said as friendly as you could to the man up front.
He seemed to be about 5’7” or so from your guess as he was sitting and you hadn’t paid him any attention before. He had black hair cut in a short sort of spikey style that looked soft. He had deep green eyes and a nice slightly darker tan that looked natural not from being out in the sun constantly, or in a fake and bake booth. Semi muscular, not to much near either end of that extreme. He had on a button up white shirt with the top three undone and a gray shirt on underneath and black jeans. He looked like a nice guy.
“Same here. I’ve heard quite a bit about you since I’ve been with Kris,” the guy called Kyle said.
“Been with Kris? You live with him? That’s nice,” you said as you gathered your bits together so as to get out of the car so you could go home and melt down.
“Well kind of. That’s what I wanted to come talk to you about Kales. I wanted to introduce Kyle to you. He’s my boyfriend,” Kris said.
At the mention of them being boyfriend and boyfriend you stopped dead in what you were doing. You felt your eyes go wide and your stomach drop. It’s not that you had a problem with gay people, or bi people. It was just not something you needed to hear in the state you were, especially with what had happened to your ex husband. You started yourself back into action, quickly. Gathering your stuff up quickly you made to get out of the car.
“That’s nice to hear. I gotta go,” you said without looking either Kris or Kyle in the eyes.
“I didn’t think you’d,” Kris started in at your sudden change in attitude.
“No, no it’s not that. It’s just me. I gotta go. Give me a call,” you said as you rushed out the car and slammed the door shut.
You ran into your building and managed to get into the elevator and wait till the doors were shut before you let out a scream. As the scream died on your lips you felt yourself give way and you crumpled to the floor.
“No, no, No! Not again. What’s fucking wrong with me,” you said as you shook your head violently.
As the elevator stopped at your floor you picked yourself up and got yourself in your apartment.
“I’ve done it again. I did it a-fucking-gain. What’s wrong with me? What’s wrong with me?” you said as you curled up onto the couch and cried.
You sat there, curled up, sobbing, till you heard the phone ring. Picking up the cordless that was sitting on the coffee table you answered it without looking at the caller ID.
“What?” you asked into the phone, voice destroyed from crying for so long today.
“Kales it’s Matt,” you heard your brother say.
At his voice everything from before came to the front of the picture.
“What the hell do you want?” you snapped.
“I wanted to talk to you about your freak out earleir today. About Zacky and you. He’s,” Matt started to say but you cut him off.
“Forget about it Shads I don’t fucking want to talk about it,” you shouted into the phone.
“Kailey don’t fucking snap at me. I wanted to explain some things to,” Matt started again.
“I already told Bert. I’m sick and tired of you all coming to Zacky’s rescue, of making fucking excuses for his sorry ass. He doesn’t deserve it. He doesn’t deserve you guys, he doesn’t deserve the band, the fame, he doesn’t deserve anything!” you screamed before chucking the heavy phone as far from you as you could.
Unfortunately it hit a giant picture you had hanging on your wall as art, sending a shower of glass all over the place. The sound of the glass shattering made you look up to see what you had broken and choke on something that was a cross between a sob and laugh. The picture was one Matt had given you and you had had it blown up to 20 by 32 inches and it was in a 24 by 36 inch glass frame that was now all over the floor.
“What is wrong with me?” you asked as curled back up on the couch.
About twenty minutes later you got yourself up off the couch and walked into your kitchen. Opening the fridge you look for something, not sure what you wanted. Grabbing a beer you shut the fridge and placed it on the counter right next to the fridge. As you went to grab a bottle opener you remembered when you and Zacky had been fooling around in the kitchen, goofing off a hand full of weeks ago. And then you remembered everything else. You didn’t know what you were doing till you felt the pain ricochet through your fist. Looking over to your hand you saw that you had punched the wall right next you, denting it and leaving a crack. You had broken the skin a bit on your knuckles and there was a spot or three of blood, but not too much damage. You started to cry, but not from the pain, just because. You let yourself fall to the kitchen floor, sobbing the whole time.
Notes
Someone is having a rough go of it.But hey, melt downs happen.
And sometimes they can help you put yourself together again.
Out of all the fanfics this is the one I've read through 3 times through all 108 chapters. This is one of the best Zacky fics I've read and I still hope it'll be continued one day ; v; a very good read for any Zacky fan.
5/3/18