Save Me

Jenn had a sleepless night, once again. That new job was torturing her inside. She was really stressed about the short time they had to make progresses. She had no right to fail; she would blame herself her whole life for that.

She was frustrated to be all alone in this. Why could she have a kind of team with her, to help her. She wasn't the only psychiatrist in the USA!

She sighed, realizing that the other psychiatrists would treat Brian Haner like a beast. She didn't want that, because she couldn't believe he actually was a beast. He was dangerous, that's for sure, but she knew he could get better. Or maybe it was just her trying to persuade herself.

Anyway, she promised Brian she would go see him today, so she had to get ready.

She took a long shower, trying to calm down. She had to act cool with Brian. He couldn't know she was anxious.

She couldn't explain why but she wanted to look nice today. She took her time to make her make-up. She didn't need to pick a special outfit cause she would be wearing a blouse.

When she decided she was ready, she exited her house and made her way to her car. Her routine.

She was surprised when she didn't found Todd in his office. She shrugged and went to Brian's room. She took a deep breath and opened the door. She was surprised to see him sat behind a table, writing something.

She approached him to give a better look on what he was doing.

In fact, he wasn't writing, he was drawing. A young boy, smiling and holding a ball.

“It's realistic… You're a great drawer, who's that boy?”, Jenn asked.

“My son.”, Brian answered on a cold tone. He didn't seem angry though, he was maybe really concentrated on what he was doing.

Jenn placed her hand on Brian's shoulder. She knew that it was torturing Brian not to be able to see his son. Brian finally stopped and raised his head to look at Jenn.

“I miss him so much…”, he whispered.

Jenn squeezed his shoulder.

“He's so full of energy. He was always running everywhere in the house, playing games that came directly from his imagination. He's so innocent and I just had to look at him to have the biggest smile on my face. I love him so fucking much…”

Jenn had to stop the urge to hold Brian tight in her arms. She couldn't do this, it wasn't professional.

“You're really silent today, Dr. Vegan…”

“I…I don't really know what to say. I know you miss him, but I don't know what it's like to miss his child, cause I haven't got any child, so… I'm kinda lost…”, she chuckled nervously.

“How old are you?”, Brian asked.

Jenn was a little surprised by his question but decided that there was no reason to hide this from him. “I'm 28.”

“And you still don't have kids?”

Jenn was a little hurt by this question. It's not that she didn't want to be a mother, it's just… that life is a bitch.

“No.”

“You don't want to?”

At this point, Jenn couldn't hold back the tears that previously started to form in her eyes.

“Oh… why are you crying? Did I say something wrong?”, Brian said hurriedly, getting up from his chair.

Jenn shook her head. “It's not your fault, don't worry…”.

The psychiatrist felt really frustrated on the moment because it was the first time that she was crying in front of a patient. Plus, she was talking about HER personal life with a patient. It wasn't professional. It had to stop.

“But we're not here to talk about that, Brian. We have more serious things to deal with.”, she said, raising her head high, trying to look ok.

She nodded, keeping a serious face. “I have to. Now, Brian… It was a really good point that you talked about your son the way you did. It showed me a different side of your personality. I had a caring and loving Brian in front of me, and not a beast who severely injured Jack. It was a big change in your attitude and I have to say that it proves that you're not a totally bad person. We have to go on in that way, okay Brian?”

Brian chuckled. “Yes, but how do you want me to do it? I can't control the way I am. I think it's normal that I look like a loving man when I'm talking about my son, cause I love my son, like every normal father would do. But I don't love everyone like I love my son, so I can't be all loving and stuff toward everybody, you see what I mean?”

“I totally understand what you mean Brian. I can't expect from you to love everybody. But, what we can try to do is to kill that ball of anger that lives in your heart. We've less than two months to do it, and we'll manage to do it okay?”, she asked smiling at him.

“Okay, but I still can't understand what your plan is…”, he responded truthfully.

“And I won't tell you what it is”, she laughed lightly. “Now… Do you have real friends, Brian?”

“What do you mean by real friends?”, he demanded, raising an eyebrow.

“I mean people that you totally trust, and all that kind of things… People who accept you the way you are…”

Brian took his time to answer.

“I had a group of friends, but when… all this story with the mother of my son started, they didn't want anything to do with me anymore. Just like my father, and the rest of my family.”

Jenn nodded. “Is it okay if I ask you to tell me more about that group of friends?”

Brian took a deep breath. “Okay. Hmm, … it's a long story so I hope you've got time.”, he chuckled.

“I have all the time that is needed, Brian.”, she smiled.