Save Me

Brian took a deep breath. It's been a long time since he has seen his friends.

Friends. To be true, they weren't his friend anymore since they couldn't forgive him for what he has done. Not that he could blame them for that, but maybe having a kind of support from them would have helped him.

“My best friend's name is Jimmy.”, the brown eyed man started. “I know him since forever, and he's like a brother to me. He's a crazy man but he's really nice, generous, caring,… When they came at my house to…you know,…to bring me here, I can't forget the look in Jimmy's eyes. Hurt, pain, disappointment, anger. It's torturing me to know that I won't see him again, and that we'll never be like we were before. I love him, from the bottom of my heart.”

Jenn nodded, while taking some notes on her notebook. “Who are the other persons of that group of friends?”

“Well, there's Matt, a really serious and mature man. I think he's mad at me because when I… I… killed Michelle, I didn't think about the consequences for Sam, my son. And I can understand him. You know, it's Matt and his wife Valary who now have Sam's custody…”

“Really?”, Jenn asked, surprised. “Why?”

“Because Michelle's family didn't want to have to take care of him, but they didn't want my family to have him too, because they think my family is just as crazy as they think I am.”

Jenn nodded. “Wow, it's… complicated. So… This Matt guy proposed to take your son with him?”

Brian shook his head. “No… It's not him, it's Valary, his wife. She… she's Michelle's twin sister.”

“Oh…”, was all Jenn managed to say.

“She hates me, with all her heart. I killed her twin, they were more than sisters, they were best friends and so much more. It drives me crazy that I did it to her because she's a great woman. Now she's broken, and Matt is mad at me for that too. But at least I know that my son is safe with them, that they love him.”

They remained silent for a few seconds.

“Anybody else?”, Jenn finally managed to say.

“Yeah, there's Zack. We're friend since middle school. We have a passion in common, you know? We both play guitar”, he said smiling.

“Really? I didn't know you could play guitar…”, she said amused.

“I do. In fact, we were kind of a band before…you know what.”

“You mean a rock band?”, Jenn smiled broadly.

“Yeah. Avenged Sevenfold. It was our name. We did a few videos that we posted on You Tube. We hoped that one day we'll be famous rock stars.”, he laughed a little. “But I fucked everything up….”

Jenn squeezed Brian's shoulder.

“So,… yeah Zack and I have a passion in common and he's different from the others cause he never liked Michelle. He loves Val, like everybody else, but he always told me that Michelle wasn't the right girl for me, and in fact he was right.”

“What do you mean? How do you know he was right?”

Brian looked down. His heart was beating fast. The conversation was heading on something that was torturing him, something that wouldn't stop haunting him. No one, except his friends and his family knew about that. About what happened that day, one year and a half ago.

“Brian?”

The brown eyed man looked at her, and Jenn noticed that he was about to cry.

“Oh… sorry, I didn't mean to hurt you with my questions… If you don't want to talk about it, then… it's okay… ermm, tell me… tell me more about your friend Zack…”

Brian was debating inside of him. It hurt like Hell to think about this day, and it'll be even more difficult to talk about it. But Dr. Vegan was different. She was nice and understanding. She didn't look at him like he was a piece of shit. She didn't threaten him, she cared about his story, his past, his present, his future. Maybe it was just her job, but Brian had the feeling that if he had to talk about this with someone, Jenn was this someone.

“ Zack… Well, he's the first one who found out what happened… to Michelle. Zack is my neighbor so when there is too much noise in my house, Zack hear it, you see what I mean?”

Jenn nodded.

“And one day, …there was in fact too much noise… because I was really mad at Michelle, I was yelling and throwing things everywhere, so Zack may have heard it, and…”. Brian stopped.

“… It was the night when… when… Michelle died?”, Jenn asked.

Brian nodded as big tears started to roll on his cheeks. “I… I… can't stop thinking about that day. I can't understand why I acted that way. I was so mad and heartbroken...”

It was the first time that Brian was talking about what happened to his wife. Sure, he didn't give any details but he was trying to put words on what he had felt on the moment and that was a big step. Jenn hesitated to ask him something. It was just a question after all, and he wasn't forced to respond.

“Brian… Would you like to tell me what really happened that day?”

Brian's sobbing stopped. Jenn was afraid that he would get up and start yelling, but instead Brian took once again a deep breath and looked at Jenn in the eyes.

“Okay.”

It wasn't what she was expecting at all, but she was happily surprised.

“Good, Brian. But take your time, I will stay here as long as necessary. But you have to promise that you'll tell me everything. Don't forget some things on purpose Brian, because that talk would be useless then. You have to make the effort to tell me exactly what happened, your feelings on the moments, and all the other things that you think worth it to say. Is that alright with you?”

Brian nodded; fists clenched. He had to do this. Dr.Vegan will help him, but he has to tell her everything. Brian kept focusing on that thought, before he started to speak.

****flashback**** Brian's POV

“Daddy! Daddy! Mommy's back!”, Sam almost yelled, running toward me.

A smile appeared onto my lips, first because my son was the cutest boy ever, but also because my girl was back.

Michelle had been in a trip in N-Y for her job, so I hadn't seen her since three days ago.

I put my guitar on my bad, heading downstairs. Sam was on my heels.

Michelle was at the door. I smiled at her.

“Hey babe”, I greeted her.

“Hey…”, she responded, smiling. It wasn't her usual bright and wide smile. It was more like a forced smile. Something was wrong. I frowned.

I helped her with her several bags, bringing them upstairs, in our room.

Sam was still on our heels.

“Hmm, Sammy, will you make me a beautiful drawing?”, Michelle asked our son.

Sam nodded vigorously, rushing to his room.

I looked at Michelle. “What's wrong?”

She was looking at her lap, biting her lip.

“Come on, Mich, you know you can tell me everything, right?”

She nodded, raising her head slowly.

“I… I can't do this anymore.”, she said.

Her words didn't make sense to me. “What do you mean?”, I asked calmly.

“I don't know… I'm tired of this, of…. Of us, actually.”

My eyes widened and my jaw clenched. “Mich… “

“Stop it, Brian. I know you'll say that we can work this out, and that it's normal for me to be tired of everything, because it happens to any couple, but no. The thing is, I want it to end, I want some change, I need it. You want to be a rockstar, you'll have a great life without me. The more I'm with you, the more I realize how different we are. We're not as close as Val and Matt. They're made for each other. We're not. “

Each of her word felt like she was stabling me in the heart. “What… what did I do wrong? Why do you feel like this all of a sudden, babe?”

She winced. “Don't call me babe anymore, Brian. We're done. And it's not “all of a sudden”, I've been thinking of it for months, actually.”

“Months?”, I gasped. She nodded.

“Is there someone else? Another man in your life?”, I asked.

She looked down. “Mich… answer my question.”, my rage slowly starting to get over me.

“Yes.”, she whispered.

It was more than I could take. I pushed her against the wall, and came close to her. Michelle seemed scared, but I didn't care.

“WHO IS HE? WHAT CAN HE GIVE YOU THAT I CAN'T ?! I did everything I could to make you happy, to please you. I didn't stop caring about you. You are my fucking queen, Mich…!”, I calmed down a little.

“I know”, she said calmly. “But I love him.”

Now it was more that I could take. I pushed her again and she felt to the floor.

“YOU FUCKING BITCH!”, I said, kicking her.

She yelled in pain, tears rolling down her cheeks.

I grabbed her roughly, and shake her with all my force. “I GAVE YOU THE WORLD AND YOU THREAT ME LIKE SHIT?!!”

“Brian, please..”, she looked at me, with pain, fear and some much more in her eyes. A lot of things, but not love.

I grabbed her head, and pushed it against the wall, repetitively. I couldn't stop. She needed to stay with me. I couldn't let her go. We were not over. I fucking love her. She's my life, she's my everything, she's the mother of my son.

I don't know how many times her head hit the hard wall, but when I stopped, Michelle had her eyes closed. When I stopped, her body felt to the ground. I expected her to open her eyes, but she never did. I kneeled next to her, talking then yelling at her, begging her to come back to life. But it was too late. I cried loudly, holding Michelle's dead body in my arms.

A yell made my sobbing stop. I looked at the doorway. Zack was standing here, horrified, with a scared Sam in his arms.

****End of flashback****

The room was silent. Only Brian's sobs resonated in this white room. Jenn was crying silently. She was looking intently at Brian, but he wasn't looking at her.

Everything made sense in Jenn's mind. It was a passionate crime, like the media called it.

Brian killed Michelle because he was madly in love with her. He loved her to death.

It wasn't a reason for him to kill her, that's for sure, but it was heartbreaking.

“I… I didn't tell anyone about that…”, Brian finally spoke. “You're the only person who knows what happened.”

“You mean that neither your friends nor you family know the reason why you…. You did that?”, Jenn asked, frowning.

Brian shook his head. “I couldn't explain it to them. It was too hard…”

Jenn remained silent.

“Well, now you know almost everything about the monster…”, he laughed sarcastically. “If you're too afraid of me, you can leave you know..”

Jenn approached him and put her hand on his shoulder. “I'm not afraid. And you have to stop telling yourself that you're a monster…”

“But it's true, right?”, he said, getting up.

Their eyes locked for a moment. Jenn didn't know what to answer.

“Say it, Dr. Vegan. See, I killed my girlfriend, I killed a nurse, and I did so much more… How do you call that?”

Jenn took a deep breath. She needed to find the right words.

“I… can't say that you did nothing wrong, Brian, because you actually did. But you're not a monster, because you've got regrets. Monsters are proud of what they did. You're not. So you're not a monster.”

Brian laughed lightly. “You're the first person to say something like this.”

“I mean it.”, Jenn responded on a serious tone. “Now… I have to be less professional than usual…”

Jenn couldn't believe she just said that but she did, because she needed to.

Brian smirked. “I knew you wouldn't resist me Dr.Vegan”, he said on a playful tone.

Jenn's eyes widened, and she blushed lightly. “I didn't mean it that way!”

“Sure you didn't.”, Brian retorted, amused. “Now, explain yourself.”

“I need you to tell me where those guys…”, she gave her notebook a quick glance. “Matt, Zack, Valary, and Jimmy live. I have to meet them.”

Brian raised his eyebrow. “Why?”

“Trust me.”, she simply answered.

Brian waited a few seconds.

“You've got my life in the palm of your hands, Dr. Vegan. I've no other choice than trust you…”