Save Me

Jenn woke up in her bed, alone as always. She sighed. She hadn't got any sleep; she had a lot on her mind.

To be truth, it was her new patient who was on her mind. Brian. Brian Haner.

Sure, she was a famous psychiatrist, and she loved this job. She loved to understand how a mind can be troubled, and help each people in this case.

But with Brian it was different. She felt so distant. It was like she was too far from him to help him, like she couldn't do anything for him. He was like an indestructible rock. But on the other hand, she felt so close to him. She hasn't been that close with a patient before. She never let one of his patient hug her, or come that close to her.

She really wanted to help him, because even if Brian could look like a cold hearted man, with any fear and any sorrow, she knew he wasn't. He was a human being with emotions and feelings.

The problem is that those emotions aren't clear enough for Jenn to understand them. She wanted to be able to read Brian like she was able to read her other patients.

She wanted to know what was haunting him. She wanted him to break free from his past. She was persuaded that one thing, or maybe several things in his past, were the cause of his disorder.

Jenn was frustrated not to have more precisions. She groaned lightly and got up from bed.

She made her way to the kitchen and prepared a cup of coffee.

“Meow..”, she heard. She smiled and turned to look at her little kitty.

“Hi Jiji!”, she took it in her hands. “What's up buddy?”

Jiji looked at her with its big round eyes, which made Jenn chuckle. She put him on the floor, and poured a bowl with milk and gave it to her kitty.

She was backed against the counter of her kitchen, her cup of coffee in her right hand. Her phone went off. She frowned when she saw who was calling her, but took the call nonetheless.

“Hello, Dr. Grey?”

“Hi, Dr. Vegan! Uh… I hope I'm not disturbing you or something, but… A little incident happened yesterday night with Haner…”

“What? What do you mean an incident?”, she asked back. She hoped it wasn't what she was thinking about.

“We sent someone to give him his dinner and… He went totally crazy…”, Todd responded, with a desperate tone.

Jenn sighed heavily. “Oh my God, I'm sorry Todd. How… how is this nurse?”, she asked, with concern in her voice.

“It was a guy, actually. And, his jaw is broken, just like his left arm, and he has several bruises on his body.”

Jenn felt the tears come to her eyes. “O-Okay, do you want me to come?”

“If you feel okay with talking with Haner, then I would be very grateful about it.”. Jenn could feel his implicit request. He wanted her to come, but he couldn't impose it to her.

“Allright Todd, I'll be there in… an hour and a half? Is it okay?”

“It's perfect, Jenn. Thank you. A lot.”

Jenn smiled. “Don't mention it, Todd. It's my job.”

She went to her room, picked a decent outfit, and headed to the bathroom. She took a quick shower, put her clothes on, and brushed her hair. There was no need to wear make-up, so she just grabbed her leather jacket, and rushed toward her car.

She didn't go straight to the hospital, but stopped at this little shop at the corner of the street.

“Hello, miss. May I help you?”, the florist said.

“Hum… Yeah. I would like some flowers…you know… to cheer up someone…”. She wasn't an expert with flowers, so she felt a little ridiculous.

The florist smiled. “I can give you red and yellow tulips if it's okay with you?”, he proposed.

“Perfect!”.

The florist prepared the flowers, and Jenn handed him his money.

She came back to her car, placed her flowers in the back, and made her way to the hospital.

This time, she didn't have to introduce herself to the receptionist.

She knocked at the door of Todd's office.

“Come in.”, the older man said.

“Oh! Jenn!”, he smiled brightly. He shook her hand, and his smile was gone.

“So,… If you don't mind I'll start by telling you what happened.”, he started.

Jenn nodded. “Well, Jack was sent to give dinner to the patients. The last patient on his list was Haner. He entered Brian's room and… time after, the nurses heard some yells, and it was from Haner's room. They were shocked when they saw Jack. Then two guards cuffed Haner to the wall and brought Jack to the emergency floor.”

Jenn shook her head in disbelief. “But… Brian wasn't like that at all when I left him yesterday. I don't understand…”

Todd grabbed her hand. “I know. You don't have to feel guilty or something, Jenn. It's not your fault. Maybe you'll manage to talk to him today.”

Jenn nodded and smiled lightly. “Can…can I see Jack first?”

Todd smiled. “Sure, come with me.”

+++++++++++++++++++++

They entered a classic hospital room. A man was laid on the bed. He had a lot of bandages on his face and on his arm, and he was breathing heavily.

“Jack…?”, Jenn's soft voice called.

She heard a growl, and approached the bed.

“Jack, I'm Dr. Vegan, I'm a psychiatrist. I just came… to tell you how sorry I was about… this incident with Haner. I know sorry won't help you in any way, but… I hope you'll get better soon.”

She saw a tear roll on Jack's cheek. Jack nodded slowly and blinked. Jenn put the flowers in a vase, waved at Jack and exited the room.

Todd was waiting for her outside.

They remained silent, and headed for Brian's room.

Once they arrived in front of the door, they stopped.

“Are you sure you're ready to come in there again?”, Todd wanted to know.

Jenn nodded. “I have to do this.”, she assured.

“Good luck. See you when you're done with him. And don't forget, if things get worse, they'll be two men outside, okay? But he's still cuffed so maybe everything will be alright…”

“Okay, Todd.”.

She slowly opened the door and entered the room.

Brian was sat with her back against the wall. His wrists were cuffed to some rings on the wall.

He raised his head slowly and looked at his visitor. When he saw Jenn, he smiled.

“Dr. Vegan…”, you could hear the smile in his voice.

“M. Haner.”, she said on a cold tone.

“Oh? So I'm not `Brian' anymore?”, he fainted to be offended.

“Stop thinking I'm here to be nice with you. I'm not you're friend. You're my patient.”

Brian's eyes darkened. “You think those handcuffs are protecting you from me Dr. Vegan?”

“I never said that.”, she said rolling her eyes.

“Good, because I wouldn't hesitate to break the pretty face of yours!”, he yelled.

Jenn gulped. Okay, maybe now she was a little scared.

A few minutes passed and no one said anything else.

“He started his shit.”, Brian finally said.

Jenn frowned. “What do you mean? Who's `he' ?”

“Jack, the employee. He came here… and started to say all those things again… “

“What things, Brian?”

Brian chuckled. “So I'm Brian again? I thought I was M. Haner?”

Jenn rolled her eyes. “Answer my question.”

Brian's face went serious again. “He remembered me how people hate me, how nobody's waiting for me outside since they hate me for what I've done. I know they all tell my son how a bad person I was, and I'm sure the kid doesn't want anything to do with me now. And that hurts. Do you have someone who loves you, Dr. Vegan?”

Jenn didn't want to respond this question. “My mother.” Words escaped her lips before she could react.

Brian nodded. “Even my father hates me. His son is a murderer, how could he love him?”, he said, with a sarcastic chuckle.

“So, when pretty boy came here and remembered all those things, … I couldn't take it anymore you know? I wanted him to stop because… well because it was hurting me. Only the truth can hurt at this point, because truth makes you face the reality. The reality of who I am and what I did. He hadn't the right to make me feel like that…”, he whispered the last and looked at the ground.

“Do you hate Jack?”, Jenn asked.

“No, I… I didn't mean to hurt him like that. I… I didn't manage to control myself. I never wanted to do... that... “, he responded, his eyes locked with Jenn's ones.

For the first time, Jenn realized that she could read in Brian's eyes. There was sincerity and regret in his eyes.

“If you could tell him you're sorry, Brian, would you do it?”, she asked again.

Brian nodded, and looked at the ground again. “Yes, because I don't need another human being to hate me, even if he already hates me for what I did to him…”

Jenn smiled. “Okay, I'll go outside quickly and I'm back before you know it, okay?”

“Where are you going?”, he asked immediately.

“Just wait for me okay?”

Brian nodded. “It's not like I've something else to do anyway.”

Jenn exited Brian's room and rushed toward Todd's office. She knocked at the door and waited for him to say his famous `come in'.

“Jenn! So, you're already done with Haner?”, he asked.

“Not at all. But I need to take his handcuffs off and take him outside his room.”

Todd's eyes went wide. “Jenn, …are you okay?”

“Yes, Todd. It sounds crazy but trust me. I need to go with him to Jack's room. He wants to apologize.”

Todd laughed hard. “Brian Haner? Apologize? Ha! You're funny, Jenn.”

Jenn felt hurt. “I'm a psychiatrist Todd, and I know what to do with my patient. Now, can someone help me with those fucking handcuffs, please!”, she said coldly.

Todd's expression went serious. “Are you really sure about that, Jenn?”, he asked one last time.

“I've never been more convinced in my life before.”

Todd sighed and they both lade their way to Brian's room.

“Oh… Dr. Grey, it's been a long time!”, Brian greeted him, sarcasm filling his voice.

“Don't play that game with me, Haner.”, he said, approaching him. He kneeled in front of him and took off the handcuff on his left wrist, while Jenn was taking off the right one.

“Get up.”, Jenn ordered to him.

“Jenn, I'm okay with all of this only if he's handcuffed all the time. I'll say to a guard to come with you in case he tries to escape or if he falls.”, Todd said.

“Fine.”, was Jenn's answer. She took a pair of handcuffs and put it around Brian's wrists again.

Brian has a confused look. “What the fuck?”

Jenn chuckled. “Relax Brian, I'll take you out of your room.”

“Oh, like a date or something?”, he joked.

Jenn couldn't help but blush. “Don't be silly.”

A guard entered the room. “Dr. Vegan, Todd asked me to go with you and…him.”

“Yeah, let's go.”, Jenn responded.

Jenn was holding Brian's wrist, and the guard was walking close to Brian.

“So, where are we going?”, Brian asked.

“You'll see.”, Jenn said with a smile.

The trio arrived in front of Jack's room. Jenn stopped and looked at Brian right in the eyes.

“Okay, now Brian… It's your turn. Jack's in there. I'm giving you the chance to apologize to him.”, the psychiatrist explained.

“Are you serious? You mean, right now?”, Brian shouted, wide-eyed.

“Yes, Brian. You wanna do it or not?”

Brian nodded in response and the trio entered the room.

They heard a light whimper.

“Jack…”, Jenn called. “Jack, it's me again, Dr. Vegan.”

Jack opened his eyed slowly, and they went wide when they crossed Brian's gaze. He started to breathe heavily.

“Calm down, Jack. He won't do anything to you. He's not here for that, plus he's handcuffed.”, Jenn tried to reassure him.

Jack calmed a little, and Jenn turned to Brian. “Your turn.”

Brian cleared his voice. “Jack, man… I know were… fuck, I don't know what to say…”

Jenn stroked gently Brian's arm. “Come on, Brian. Everything will be okay…”

Brian took a deep breath. “Jack… I… I… know sorry doesn't mean anything, but I truly am sorry. You think I'm a heartless monster but it's not true. I regret what I did to you, and… just… sorry man…”

Jenn smiled to Brian and turned to Jack. “He means it, Jack. Trust me. We wish you to get better soon.”.

Jack nodded lightly. He looked at Brian and blinked.

Tears started to form in Brian's eyes as he watched what he had done to Jack.

“It's time for us to come back to your room, Brian.”, Jenn announced, and the trio did so.

“Can you took the handcuffs off, please?”, She asked the guard.

The guard searched for his keys and did as he was asked. Brian stroked his wrists, and the guard exited the room.

Brian sat on the floor, his back against the wall, and Jenn sat face to him.

“So, how do you feel?”, she asked.

Brian took his time to answer. “It's like… you know, I'm free of one of my burdens, I mean… I feel good actually. Not about me, or my life, but about Jack. I know he won't forgive me soon, if he forgives me one day, but I'm satisfied because I showed him that I regret and… I don't know if you see what I mean.”

“I do.” She looked at the ground. “You have to promise me it won't happen again, Brian.”

“I can't promise you that. I can't control myself sometimes…”

“Stop, Brian. I know you have some anger issues but you can try to avoid such a slaughter, okay?”

Brian nodded. “I'll try.”

“Good.” She paused. “I'm proud of you, you know.”

Brian raised his eyebrow. “I mean, I'm proud that you accepted to apologize to Jack today. It's a big progress. You're in progress, Brian.”

Brian smiled. Jenn felt her heart beat faster. She had to admit that the guy was cute… Stop it, Jenn. He's your patient and he's a murderer.

“Well, I'll guess it's all for today. I may come,…sometime this week.”, Jenn said.

“Oh… You… You can't stay any longer?”, Brian asked almost shyly.

Jenn looked at him and bit her lip. “No, Brian, I'm sorry.”

“Tomorrow?”

Jenn chuckled. “Okay, I'll come tomorrow. I promise.”

Brian nodded and waved at her slowly. Jenn exited the room, went to Todd's office to make her rapport, and finally rejoined her car.

This morning had been eventful, that was the least she could say.