Life After Death

I stood at the poolside, clutching Jimmy to my chest. The water trembled, delicately distorting my reflection. Jimmy slept so peacefully, unaware that he had been chosen. It was so much more important to take better care of him now.
“Aubrey? What are you doing?” Brian’s voice interrupted my thoughts. I looked back over my shoulder at him and then back to Jimmy.
“Thinking about Jimmy,” I replied, softly. He approached me and draped a colourful arm around my waist. I did my best not to respond to his burning touch. I knew he was just trying to distract me, but I could still taste the deceit of the conversation I’d interrupted earlier and I didn’t want any of his affection.
“Have I done something wrong?” Brian asked, sensing my bristling. I didn’t answer him. I could see his confusion fading, an irritation stepping into its place. “What, am I getting the silent treatment or something?”
I stared ahead at the ocean view, having nothing to say to him at this moment. He scoffed and shook his head, withdrawing his arm. I could practically hear the cogs turning as he tried to think of something to say but he came up short. Eventually, he made an exasperated noise and turned on his heel, abandoning me. I would have stayed outside, but he’d tainted the sunset with his anger. Watching it now made me feel uncomfortable, so I returned indoors.

Normally at this point I would have started preparing food, but there was too much going on now. I needed time by myself to think, to plan for what was coming. I carried Jimmy up to the bedroom with me, hearing laughter as I passed the lounge on my way to the stairs. The boys were so wrapped up in the Rev’s passing that they wouldn’t be able to understand what was happening like I could. I didn’t know yet what was happening or what was to come, but I knew I had to prepare for it. Jimmy was so young and helpless that he couldn’t do it by himself. My work, I realised, was to aid him; to make sure that he was ready for the journey he was to embark on. I wasn’t sure where to start, I needed another sign. Something that could help me to take the first step. Jimmy snuffled and waved his little fists as he stirred. I would have to attend to him before I could continue any further. His needs were paramount over everything. This would be all for nothing if Jimmy suffered under my watch. He was only 3 weeks old and needed me. I was almost as important as he was in this plan.

Jimmy cooed as I changed his diaper. I marvelled at how tiny he was, yet so important. He had no clue that his existence would change the world, but I knew. I had known the second that sunlight had settled over us and illuminated his face and his pure soul. I fastened his vest and sleepsuit back up again and held a finger out to him. His chubby fingers wrapped around mine and my body was flooded with a feeling of security and peace. We would all be safe, as long as Jimmy was. Soon, He would show me what to do and I would make sure Jimmy was ready. It was a case of watching and waiting. I couldn’t tell the boys of course, they wouldn’t understand. I didn’t even understand. I couldn’t fathom why God had chosen Jimmy, or for what purpose. I only knew that we had to be ready. Everything so far had happened for a reason. Baby Jimmy’s birth, the Rev’s passing, the signs, they were all significant events in His plan. I hadn’t seen it at the time but it was becoming clearer and clearer.

I picked Jimmy up from the changing table and spoke soft words of encouragement to him as I rocked him. He gazed up at me, his eyes full of understanding. Music and laughter floated up from downstairs as the lounge door opened briefly. I heard footsteps climbing the stairs. They paused outside the door for a moment before entering. They belonged to Brian. I stopped muttering to Jimmy as he shot me an odd look.
“What are you doing up here?” he asked, his voice betraying that he was still less than pleased with my earlier behaviour.
“Jimmy needed changing,” I replied, curtly, not appreciating his tone.
“Why aren’t you sitting with us downstairs?” he questioned, casting another cagey look in my direction. I shrugged, keeping my eyes on Jimmy. Brian crossed the room and stood right next to me. He put his hand on my wrist delicately, and his voice softened.
“Please come downstairs with me,” his eyes were pleading, “I want us all together.”
I froze up a little, this could delay the plan, but if I didn’t go it could jeopardise everything. Brian could stop me from carrying the mission out. He had the power to rip everything apart, and that could put everyone at risk. So I followed him, reminding myself to be cautious with my words and actions.

The boys welcomed me into the lounge with laughter. They had Oingo Boingo playing and were attempting to recreate various Jimmy dance moves much to each other’s entertainment. The scene before me would normally have had me in fits of laughter but it meant nothing right now. There were more pressing issues.
“Hey Aubrey, remember when you attacked Jimmy?” Zacky asked, fighting back a laugh. Johnny snorted as he waved his arms madly, “Of course she does, who could forget the look of panic on his face. Jimmy was normally so quick-witted but he never saw that coming.”
“You’re a fucking asshole, Sullivan!” Matt screeched in an imitation of me, before letting out a peal of laughter. His theatrics were met with glee from the others as the wild dancing continued, accompanied by manic laughter. I sat myself down on the couch, using Baby Jimmy as an excuse to not join in with the festivities. Ignoring the bizarre activities unfolding around me, I let my mind drift back to the all-consuming search for a sign. Over time, the dancing slowed to a halt. The remaining members of Avenged Sevenfold were now sweaty, red-faced and panting happily as they took their places back on the mattresses. As they slowly came down from their high, Jimmy’s absence came back to haunt them once again and the atmosphere became sombre once more.
“I’m fucking starving, let’s get pizza in,” Johnny suggested, trying to break the mood. The others nodded and made noises of agreement, thankful for the distraction. I took the opportunity to slip out of the room whilst they were preoccupied with the pizza menu, quibbling amongst themselves over what to get.

I left Jimmy in Brian’s care whilst I visited the pool again. This was where everything had happened so far, and I was eager to move forward with the mission.
“Jimmy? If you’re there, can you show me what to do? I need your help,” I called softly to the winter sky. It was quiet out here. The air was still and pale clouds covered the sky like a blanket of cotton wool. Flecks of rain spotted onto the ground and bounced off the surface of the pool. The pool. The water quivered as I stared into it, speaking to me.

Aubrey…

That was all the persuasion I needed. Before I realised what I was doing, I was holding my arms out to the side and letting myself fall forwards into the pool. My whole body stung as I hit the water with a crack. It was freezing and sent chills straight through my system, making my skin prickle. As I surfaced, I gasped for air and began frantically looking for whatever had called me here. I found nothing. It was like a cruel joke. I knew I was supposed to be here, but I couldn’t fathom why. The bitterness of the water was beginning to make my body ache. I was freezing to my bones and losing concentration. I had to fight through it, I had to do this for Jimmy. I took a deep breath and dived below the surface. I pulled myself along the floor of the pool, desperately searching for anything that would help me. Coming up with nothing, I pushed back towards the surface. I floundered for a moment on the spot before paddling over to the side of the pool. I tried to pull myself out, unable to bare the temperature any longer, but my wet clothes weighed me down. I tried again and this time felt something pull on my arms and lift me out. I opened my stinging eyes and came face to face with Matt. He had an unlit cigarette hanging out of the corner of his mouth and wore a bewildered expression. The thing that really caught my attention though, was the rosary he wore around his neck. It actually caused me to grin in relief. The sign, right in front of me.

“What the fuck are you doing?” he asked roughly, wiping the smile from my face. The cool air was making my body shiver violently. I was, thankfully, not in a position to explain myself. When I failed to answer him, he put his hands on my shoulders and marched me back into the house, into the kitchen. I was so, so cold that I couldn’t function.
“Brian!” he yelled, beginning to peel my sodden clothing off of me. I kept my eyes on the floor. Footsteps approached, followed by a sharp intake of breath.
“Jesus Christ, Aubrey. What the fuck happened? Don’t you think we’re having a hard enough time already?” Brian asked, his voice cold and resentful. “Fucking go and put some dry clothes on already.”
I broke free from Matt without a word and pushed past Brian. I wasn't headed for the bedroom though, I didn’t care so much about my clothing right now. I was headed to the library, I was headed for the Bible.

Notes

Yikes, I think Aubrey might have cracked.