Life After Death

Brian was not a huge reader, but he loved collecting. His library did not disappoint, packed to the brim with first editions of classics and various sought-after collections. It didn’t take me long to locate a glorious, leather bound bible that he'd reclaimed from an old church. As my fingertips grazed over the supple cover, I instinctively knew that the answer was within. I’d never paid much attention to religion before. I’d ditched Sunday church at the earliest possible chance, favouring the mind-blowing world of science. I’d not given God much, if any, thought since, but I knew now that I’d been ignorant. The deep connection I felt to the passages in my hands was overwhelming. I set the book down on the floor and hunched over it. My hair hung around my face in curly tendrils, dripping onto the pages as I flicked through them. My clothes were still plastered to my body, the dampness clinging to my skin. I didn’t know what I was looking for, but so far, things had had a habit of finding me, so I put my trust in fate. The pages fluttered through my fingers as I skimmed through, waiting for something to catch my eye. I hit The New Testament and that’s where I found it. The Book of James.

Of course. So fitting. I slowed down and read more closely.

James 4:7
Submit yourselves, then, to God. Resist the Devil, and he will flee from you.
8 Come near to God and he will come near to you. Wash your hands, you sinners, and purify your hearts, you double-minded.

I felt a fuzzy feeling of security envelope me as I realised why my Jimmy had been born. He was here to cleanse the earth of evil souls. To guide others to the light. Jimmy was an angel, a saint, but I would have to be his hands for now. He couldn’t perform the miracles he was here for yet though. He would need baptising first...

“Are you fucking serious?” Brian’s voice cut through the air. “Is something wrong with you?"
His tone was harsh and unforgiving. I plucked up the courage to look at him. His face was twisted into pure anger. He stormed over and grabbed my arm roughly.
“Brian, stop,” I argued, trying ineffectively to break free from his grip.
“Why the fuck are you looking at the Bible? Aubrey, I get that it’s fucking hard that we’ve lost Jimmy but you’ve got to get a grip. I can’t deal with this attention seeking shit,” he spat, pulling me away from the book. I let him drag me to the bedroom and sit me on the bed. He rifled through the drawers and pulled some fresh clothes out. The drawer slammed shut, and then he bowed his head for a moment. I heard him take a deep breath before he turned to me. I met his eye reluctantly as I shivered. His face had softened and he began carefully peeling my wet clothing from me.
“You’ll get sick if you stay like this. We need to warm you up,” he said, gently. I didn’t reply. I wasn’t sure what I could say, or what I should say. I had developed a habit of doing and saying things that he didn’t approve of lately, so I took the safe option and said nothing. I let him dress me in the dry clothes and towel my hair, his touch delicate and apologetic.
“I need you to be strong for me,” he sighed as he finished with wrapping a cardigan around me. “I get it’s confusing and hard to accept, but doing shit like throwing yourself in the pool and reading the Bible? That stops now, do you understand?”
I nodded, even though my heart wasn’t in it. I couldn’t argue with him right now. As I warmed up, tiredness was setting in. I fought it as hard as I could, I had too much to do. I couldn’t delay everything for something as trivial as sleep. Brian pulled me to my feet before slipping an arm behind my knees and lifting me from the floor. He cradled me for a moment and then laid me down on the bed.
“I love you, Aubrey. And because I love you, I am going to insist that you sleep right now,” he ordered, firmly. Despite my desperation to stay awake, I could feel my breathing slowing in obedience. Brian sensed my fighting spirit waning and set to finish me off. He placed a hand against my head, stroking my hair, and let a soft melody play about his lips as he began to hum.My eyelids started to flutter, I felt totally powerless against him at that moment. Eventually the temptation was too strong and my surroundings faded as I drifted off.

Brian’s POV
She blinked furiously a few times before giving in and closing her eyes. Her breathing almost instantly deepened, and she was finally asleep. Aubrey’s behaviour had become inexplicably bizarre over the last twenty four hours. I hadn’t paid much attention until Matt had called me to the kitchen and I was met with Aubrey, drenched through and leaving a little puddle on the floor around her as she dripped. I’d snapped at the time, and then snapped again in the library. It was only when I had gotten her into dry clothes that I realised how blank and emotionless she had become. I scoured my brain, trying to remember the last time she’d slept. I’d been so consumed with numbing the pain that was eating at me since Jimmy’s death, that I’d not really been paying attention to Aubrey, or our son for that matter. Perhaps this was my fault. I slipped out as quietly as I could, not that I needed to. I could have slammed the door behind me; Aubrey was dead to the world and not waking any time soon.

“She ok, brother?” Zach asked me, as I returned to the lounge. The boys all looked at me expectantly. I wasn’t sure what answer to give.
“I think she just needs sleep,” I replied lamely, shrugging. My guess was as good as any, but it sure wouldn’t do any harm for her to get some rest anyway. The others made vague noises of agreement.
Johnny stood, dusting crumbs from his t-shirt, “Dude, I’m gonna head home. I’m so grateful that you let me stay, but I’ve got to face reality some time and I think this is probably my cue to do that."
Zacky joined his side and nodded, “Yeah, I think you guys need some time together, man. I appreciate you letting us crash here but Johnny’s right, we can’t hide from the rest of the world forever." He gave my shoulder a slap, as they both gave me a sympathetic smile.

They began plodding towards the door, Matt a few steps behind. They lingered in the doorway before plucking up the courage to leave. We were somehow getting the wheels turning again, attempting to rejoin normal life. A 'normal' life without the Rev - it was a laughable idea, but Johnny was right. We had to try.
As I watched Zacky and Johnny disappear into the rain, I realised Matt was still standing next to me.
“You can go if you want to. I mean, you’re welcome to stay but I get where those two are coming from,” I murmured, quietly. Matt cocked his head to one side.
“Do you want me to go?” he asked, “because I’m happy to stay.”
“I don’t want to hold you back from getting on with things,” I muttered, still holding the door open.
“It’s only an empty house and memories of Jim that I’m going back to. It’s not exactly inviting. Plus,” he paused, eyeing me, “if I’m honest, I’m worried.”
I swallowed, “Worried?”
I wasn’t sure I wanted to hear his answer. It might mean having to admit that things weren’t right.
“Bro, I pulled your girl out of the swimming pool. You know? From the swimming pool, fully clothed, in January. I can’t pretend that’s not fucking... insane,” he shook his head as he said the last word softly, as though it might lessen the blow of how crazy Aubrey had been.
“I think she just needs sleep,” I began, but I couldn’t even convince myself. Matt closed the door and dug in his pocket. He produced his cigarettes and shook them at me. I accepted one and, with a quick glance to check Jimmy was still napping peacefully in his bouncer, we headed out to the pool to smoke.

We sat on the sun loungers both facing out to the ocean view, smoking in silence. My eyes were fixed on the pool, trying to process the past day’s bizarre events.
Matt interrupted my thoughts with an odd look, “At the risk of having my head bitten off, can I make a suggestion?”
“Go on,” I nodded in permission, already cringing at the thought of hearing something I’d rather not hear. Matt fiddled with his cigarette a little before shuffling round to face me.
“Call Adam,” he said, flatly. My eyebrows jumped up and I almost let out a snort of laughter.
“Adam?” I asked, incredulously. “What the fuck do I want to call him for?”
“He’s a doctor, right? Maybe he can help.”
“He’s a paediatrician, Matt,” I replied, rolling my eyes.
“Yeah, but,” Matt persisted, “he will have done normal doctor shit before that right?”
“I guess,” I admitted, reluctantly. I suppose it wouldn’t hurt to have a medical opinion.
“So?” Matt asked with a smirk, knowing he was persuading me.
“Will you stop looking at me like that if I do?” I asked, raising an eyebrow. He nodded eagerly, crossing a finger over his heart. I hesitated for a moment before pulling my phone out and finding Adam’s number. It rang a few times before he answered.
“Adam Grey,” came his silvery voice.
“Adam? It’s Brian Haner.” The line was silent for a moment before he kicked into his usual politeness.
“Brian, what can I do for you? I’m sorry to hear about your friend," he went quiet for a moment, like everyone always does. "Is everything ok with the baby?” he asked; he was clearly taken aback by my calling. I couldn’t blame him, we were never exactly friendly.
“Yeah, baby Jimmy’s fine. It’s Aubrey I wanted to talk about, actually. She’s been… weird. I was wondering if you could come and,” I paused, feeling stupid, “take a look at her or something?”
There was a moment of silence before Adam spoke, his tone almost apologetic, “I’m actually a children’s doctor, Brian…”
“I know,” I garbled, now embarrassed, “I’m sorry, forget I asked-”
“No, listen,” he interrupted, “Aubrey’s a friend. Of course I’ll come and see her. Say no more, I’m on the way.”
He hung up abruptly. I looked at the phone and then at Matt.
“Well, what did he say?” Matt asked, giving me a light shove to jar me back to reality.
“Yeah, he’s coming. Happy now?” I grumbled, side-eyeing his grin.
“Ecstatic,” Matt replied with wink, stubbing his cigarette out in the ashtray. I did the same and followed him as he went back inside. The house was still as quiet as before we'd left. We could have peace for a while until Adam arrived.

Matt stopped so suddenly in the lounge doorway that I crashed into the back of him.
“What the fuck, man?” I gave him a shove, slightly irritated. He turned to face me. He was pale as a sheet, his features pulled into a look of panic.
“What’s wrong?” I asked, my blood running cold. He didn’t answer so I pushed him out of the way. My heart stopped for a second as my eyes were drawn to the thing that had stopped him in his tracks - Jimmy’s bouncer.

It was empty.

Notes

Oh Christ, I'm getting palpitations writing this!