Just Before You Go

While the others did their thing at sound check, I buried my nose in a book. My shoulder was stinging and it was nearly impossible not to reach back and grab at it. Jimmy advised me that this was not a good plan. Something about “pulling out the ink”…whatever that meant.
“Virgins are cute,” he’d grinned before ducking out of our conversation entirely.
It seemed a weird place to leave it, but that was Jimmy.
I’d just cracked the second chapter of The Bell Jar, which was a book I’d heard raves about but hadn’t had the opportunity to dive into myself. With a few hours before I’d have to ready the merchandise, opportunity finally knocked.
And then someone knocked.
I glanced around confusedly for a second—I wasn’t sure I’d ever heard anything knock at the bus door before. Was it an intruder? A crazed fan? Did someone forget their keys? I was pretty sure it was open. Skeptically and a little on edge, I placed my book down and took a few steps toward the door.
This is how all horror movies start…None that I’d ever seen…but surely there’s one in existence that starts this way.
With one single pulse of bravery, I creaked the door open…just a bit. But when I recognized the familiar grey eyes on the other side, the door flew open as I jumped from the bus.
“Hi!” I shrieked into the arms of the man who had caught me.
“Hey you,” he smiled, squeezing me tightly for a minute before setting me down onto my feet.
I was in total shock. Total elated shock.
“What are you doing here?” I asked giddily, excitedly giving him a little punch to the arm.
He was still smiling from ear to ear, “Jimmy called me last week, told me you guys would be up here. I came to surprise you! It’s been too long since I’ve seen my little sister.”
“Well, I’m surprised!” I giggled, soaking up the sight. “I can’t believe you’re here.”
“Am I catching you at a bad time?” he asked me worriedly. “I literally just got in. Should I have called first?”
“No way,” I assured quickly. “I was just reading. I’m always happy to have a distraction.”
He nodded, “I was thinking IHOP.”
My heart fluttered at the very mention of the franchise. Ever since we were little kids, IHOP was our go to. Have you ever eaten their pancakes? Enough said.
“Please,” I begged dramatically. “Let me just go grab my stuff.”
I sped back onto the bus, cleaning up what tiny mess I’d made at the table before scrounging up my things and tossing them into my purse. Forgetting for a second about the newest gash upon my skin, I threw the strap over my shoulder. With a wince and a cuss, I removed the strap in lieu of a less burdened shoulder.
Ignoring the pulse in my shoulder, I stepped back into the Minnesota afternoon and locked the door behind me. Luke waited patiently as I fumbled with my belongings—I was relieved that he didn’t feel the need to joke about it…or point out how very unraveled I’d become since the last time we’d seen each other.
I sent Jimmy a quick and cordial text to let him know I was leaving but that I’d be back in time for a the show. Luke led me to his car as my thumb hit send. It was like a blast from the past to finally gaze up and find myself in front of his silver Audi. It was his gift for graduating from medical school—that’s right. His gift. Do you know what I got for graduated from law school? Disowned.
Good times.
As I plunked myself into the passenger seat, my thigh began to vibrate.
From: James
We covered the booth, man. Go have fun with your brother. Bring back snacks.
For the millionth time that day, I swooned over how much I loved that lanky man. Luke sensed my elation, eying me curiously.
“IHOP,” I said simply.
As we drove, Luke caught me up on all things…well, Luke. He told me Grace was doing well but was too busy to get away. I wasn’t sure if I bought the story but he still smiled as her name rolled off his tongue, so I decided I’d give him the benefit of the doubt. He said he’d been working crazy hours and that they were saving for a house.
“You’ve been dating for two minutes,” I reminded Luke teasingly.
He grinned, “When you know, you know.”
“Yeah,” I cooed, running Jimmy’s eyes over in my mind. “I guess that’s true.”
“What’s it like being home?” Luke asked me then, glancing at me quickly before pulling into the nearest IHOP parking lot.
“I’m not really home,” I replied awkwardly. “But Minnesota is cold. Is it weird that I’d forgotten it was cold?”
He laughed lightly, “You’ve just been spoiled by that California sun, Aria. It’s rotting your brain.”
“Whatever you say, Doctor Luke.”
“Gotta look out for my baby sister,” he winked lazily, pulling the car into park.
It never seemed to matter how old I got; I always felt like a baby sitting next to my brother. Something about him brought out my most juvenile tendencies. Adult relationships with siblings are just a strange thing, I’ve decided. You want to be friends…but can you be? I wasn’t sure. At the end of the day, Luke was still my overseer. He still felt responsible for me; I wasn’t sure that would ever go away. And until it did, we could never really be friends.
We walked inside and were immediately seated. The place was surprisingly deserted which honestly broke my heart. Why was my love for IHOP not shared with the world’s population? Or at least Minnesota’s? What was wrong with my people?
Once we were properly fashioned with coffee and menus, Luke got straight down to business. He folded his hands into each other and had that “we’re going to have a serious chat” face drawn on. I buried myself behind my menu to try and avoid it.
“I was talking to Mom and Dad,” look started.
“Have you seen these caramel pancakes?” I asked excitedly, hoping he might get the point. “They look pret-ty good.”
“No,” he stated simply. “They said last time you were at their house, you stormed out…Again.”
I eyed Luke over my menu quickly, “They look really good. I think I’m going to order them.”
“Aria,” Luke sighed.
“Should I get the short stack or—”
“Aria,” he snapped.
With a sigh, I let my menu fall to the table.
“What’s going on?” he asked me wispily.
“Nothing,” I groaned.
“Aria,” he said again and it caused my eyes to literally roll into the back of my head. “Come on.”
“You come on,” I grunted.
He was interrupted by our server. Luke needed more time. I went ahead and ordered the delicious pancakes anyway—no way was I starving on Luke’s account. I was sure to order double the bacon.
“What did they do?” Luke asked once our server had disappeared.
I shrugged, “They don’t like Jimmy.”
“Do they not like Jimmy or do they not like you?” he asked in true Yoda form.
“They have to like me,” I informed my brother. “I’m their daughter.”
He laughed, “They have to love you; they don’t have to like you. And from what I hear, you’re making it difficult to like you lately.”
“That’s not fair,” I hissed. “You don’t understand the situation.”
His shoulders shrugged, “Then tell me.”
“Is this why you came?” I asked, unable to hide my disappointment. “Acting like a flying monkey for mom and dad?”
“While I appreciate the reference,” he smirked. “No. I came to see you because I miss you.”
“And that’s all?”
He hesitated, “And because I’m a little bit concerned, yeah.”
We would be forever siblings.
“I’m seriously fine, Lucas,” I groaned, spinning my coffee cup around in circles to keep my hands from strangling him.
“They said you’ve been acting…off,” he told me slowly, pausing to gage my reaction.
When I didn’t give him one, he continued.
“And then you run off on a tour with a band…It’s a little out of character, don’t you think?”
What was so wrong with acting out of character? I never really understood that. How could you ever grow if you were never willing to crawl out of your comfort zone? Sure, I had some growing left to do…but I was finally starting to like who I’d become. Rough around the edges, but my core was still very much the same. I knew what I wanted, and I wasn’t willing to let anyone sway me.
I refused to be stagnant for my whole life.
“I’m not with a band,” I replied carefully. “I’m with Jimmy.”
His facial reaction did not please me.
“I’m not going to fight everyone about it,” I told him knowingly. “Either get on board, or don’t. But please don’t sit in the middle and pretend to be on both sides. It’s infuriating.”
He drew into himself for a while. I distracted my thoughts with endless amounts of coffee. Drink, pour, repeat. I wasn’t sure how to proceed with a conversation through all of the tension that had risen up at our little table. Luke finally perused his menu, ordering some generic pancake option that made me seriously disappointed in him.
I really thought Luke had my back when it came to all things Sullivan. He seemed to really like Jimmy…Maybe I needed to reevaluate my judge of character.
“I need to make something clear,” Luke finally spoke, clearing his throat of all of the tautness. “I don’t have a problem with Jimmy. I actually kind of like the guy.”
My eyebrow practically raised itself.
“What I’m worried about is you,” he said sadly. “I don’t know any rock stars but it doesn’t take much to envision what that lifestyle is like.”
“I’m not a drug addict, Lucas,” I whined. “If that’s what you mean.”
He almost smiled, “No…I mean, like…yeah, kind of. I just want to make sure that you’re not getting into trouble. You and mom and dad…I don’t know what to make of that. You guys were so close—I can’t figure out what happened.”
“Probably because it’s none of your business,” I said as lightly as I could. “You need to stop trying to be the middleman and just…be.”
“You’re my little sister,” he reminded me glumly. “It’s my job to—”
“Literally nothing,” I interrupted impatiently. “It’s your job to do nothing. Lots of siblings don’t even have relationships, Luke. I’m not a little kid anymore; you don’t need to look after me. I can make my own choices.”
He smiled then, “When did you get all grown up?”
“Not sure,” I laughed softly, flicking at a creamer. “But mom and dad didn’t appreciate the new mantra. That’s really all the problem is. I don’t want to be controlled anymore…and rather than admit that they may share a hand in the blame, they’d rather paint it all onto Jimmy. Which is another sentiment I can’t get behind.”
“Yeah, that’s not fair,” Luke sympathized. “He’s good to you, right?”
I just nodded.
“You’re happy?”
I nodded some more.
“This is the person you want to spend your life with?”
With a smile, I nodded once more, “Yeah.”
“Okay,” he accepted firmly. “Then I guess that’s all that matters.”
I was suspicious…but I wasn’t exactly inclined to kick my only remaining family member to the curb. If we could get past the parenting older sibling dynamic, we might have a real shot at a friendship. I loved my brother dearly…I wanted to know him as a human—in hopes that I’d still like him when all was said and done.
“What’s the tour life like?” Luke asked curiously, obviously desperate to ween ourselves from the conflict. “Other than the parties. I don’t think I want to hear about the parties.”
I told him all about the things we’d seen, the things we’d done. Over pancakes, I deliberately breezed past the short breakup Jimmy and I had endured. I figured Luke didn’t need to know about it…it would only complicate things further.
Instead, I told him all about Blair Peterson and how absolutely enthralling she was. He picked up on my girl crush right away and found it absolutely hilarious. Apparently Grace had a very similar pining.
“I get it,” Luke laughed, dumping more syrup onto his stack. “I’m not blind. But should I be concerned that you and my girlfriend have the same taste in…women? That’s weird, right?”
I giggled, swallowing down a mouthful of food, “No, it’s not weird. She’s heavenly, Luke. You’d die if you met her, I swear.”
“I’ve never been into that star struck crap,” he dismissed happily. “I don’t get it.”
With a fork pointed at him, I said seriously, “You say that now…but when you meet her…”
I made like I’d died. My tongue hung from the sides of my lips and everything.
“When?” Luke caught curiously.
“Well, yeah…You have to come back and meet everyone. We don’t leave until the morning, so you have to come and hang out!”
He contemplated saying no. It was obvious. And had he, I would have allowed it. But instead, he shoveled another huge bite into his mouth.
“I guess I should,” he finally said, chasing his words with a swig of coffee. “I need to see what all the fuss is about.”
“About Blair or Jimmy?” I smirked.
He laughed, “Both, I guess.”
“Oh, and Brian too!” I gushed excitedly. “You’ll love Brian! He’s kind of arrogant…and definitely smug…but he’s great. You’ll love him.”
“So you’ve said,” Luke smiled.
My little heart got carried away, “You’ll love all of them! Matt is…oh, he’s just the best guy ever. And Zach—”
Luke’s amusement made me shut my trap. My cheeks flushed pink as I forced myself to push the gushing downward.
“Blair Peterson though,” I said in summation.
He chuckled, “She’ll leave me dead. I got it.”
I watched as my brother continued to scarf down his pancakes, asking me little bits and pieces about my life and listening intently to each reply. Even if he wasn’t on board, he was willing to make the effort to pretend. It was good enough for me….good enough for now.
I was sure that once he’d met everyone, he’d understand.

Notes

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