Just Before You Go

“How does he move his feet that fast?” Luke shouted to move over the blaring Avenged set.
I just laughed, giving him my best physical interpretation of ‘I just don’t know’. He was a musical marvel, as far as I was concerned. I loved watching Jimmy’s feet; it was maybe the most compelling part of his talent. I could hardly move my feet one at a time to walk in a straight line…at the best of times. Everything about his existence was a wonder to me.
We watched the rest of the set from the sidelines, taking in just how truly magnificent this band was as a whole. The person Matt became on stage always made me laugh. He was so rough and tumble in front of a crowd, but alone he was sweet and maybe the nicest guy to have ever existed.
He was a shadow of himself, if you will... I’m so sorry.
Anyway, when they finally wrapped up their encore and made their way off stage, Jimmy was elated to find us still hanging around.
“I thought you’d bail after your girlfriend wrapped up,” Jimmy grinned.
I shook my head, “No way! I had to show Luke what you guys could do!”
“What’d you think?” Jimmy asked my brother happily, wiping the sweat from his brow.
“You guys are awesome!” Luke gushed excitedly. “Your feet are insane!”
Jimmy smiled, glancing down at his toes, “Yeah, lefty was a bit of dead weight for a while there…but we pushed through!”
Luke didn’t know what to do with Jimmy’s humor, so he laughed as awkwardly as humanly possible. The others drifted by, shouting something about beers.
“You guys coming back stage?” Jimmy asked us, taking a half step after his brothers.
“No,” I replied simply. “I’m going to go see if I can’t track down Blair. I’m dying for Luke to meet her.”
Jimmy cackled, “Of course you are. Do me a favor, Luke? Keep an eye on this one? With Blair around she loses all sense of her wits.”
Luke agreed as he did the obligatory masculine task of shaking Jimmy’s hand. Why did men feel the need to always be shaking hands? I never understood it. It seemed wildly inappropriate for the situation. But there they were, locking grips.
And then Luke’s eyes spotted Jimmy’s fresh ink. I knew it when I saw it. Jimmy was none the wiser…or he just didn’t care. It wasn’t always easy to tell with that man.
“I’ll catch up with you two soon,” Jimmy said, stealing one quick kiss from me before trotting off.
I pulled at Luke’s arm before he could say anything. Maybe he didn’t read it. Maybe he just saw the tattoo but didn’t catch the meaning. Either way, I wasn’t about to find out in the wings.
As we made our way through the corridors and out the back, Luke was oddly quiet. He definitely read it.
Everyone was just as they always were; scattered around in the darkness, music blaring from unknown sources. I could hear Blair and Justin singing alarmingly loud to a band I’d never heard.
“That’s Blair,” I said to Luke, dancing with her voice in the breeze. “Can you believe how talented she is?”
“Why does your boyfriend have your name tattooed on his hand?” Luke asked me bluntly.
I stopped my steps, feeling somehow constrained all of a sudden. When I dared to look at him, I was surprised to find him curious. Nothing else. Just curious.
I took a deep breath, “Why not?”
“It’s on his wedding finger,” Luke told me like I didn’t already know.
“It’s just a finger, Luke,” I tried feebly.
He raised his eyebrows all the way up to his greying hairline, “Don’t you give me that crap.”
“What else would you like me to say?”
“You guys didn’t…” he trailed off, obviously conflicted by his own thoughts. “You’re not…”
I tried to follow along but he’d lost me before he’d really even begun. So, I stared at him as he worked through it on his own.
“You’re not married, right?” he finally asked flatly.
I laughed loudly, “No!”
“Okay,” he sighed heavily, relief dripping from his worried forehead. “I mean…You would have told me if you got married, right?”
“Right,” I giggled.
“So, what then?” Luke asked, scratching at his neck. “He just likes your name?”
I smiled, unsure how to properly go about explaining the whole dynamic of the plague I’d come to know and love that was our relationship. How could you even explain it?
Despite my better judgement, I figured there was only one real way to let Luke in on my life. It was permanent, after all.
I shifted my body and let my sweater dangle down by my elbows.
“Look,” I told my brother hesitantly, trying my best to display the blade of my shoulder for the world to see.
He pulled back the fibers of my clothing and nearly developed a coronary right then and there.
“At least it doesn’t say Jimmy, I guess,” was all he said.
As I shifted the black weight back over my frigid shoulders, I looked my brother dead in the eye.
“Luke, you know me better than anyone,” I started. “So I need you to just trust me.”
He smiled fondly, “I do trust you.”
“I’m happy,” I assured him, reading his mind. “I’ve found someone that makes me genuinely happy…and I know that when you look at all of the little things I’ve been doing, it can seem like I’ve gone a little…”
“Crazy,” Luke concluded for me.
“Yeah,” I laughed. “But as a whole…I’m finally feeling like I’m where I’m supposed to be. I’ve been floundering for so long…trying to find my place in this world…and I had to make some mistakes getting here. Law school, for one.”
He went to argue but I stopped him.
“But this,” I continued, gesturing around to the circus I’d come to call my home. “is where I belong. Wherever Jimmy goes, I want to follow. This is what I’ve chosen. This is what makes me…me.”
I watched as he digested. He mulled it over in his mind a few times before finally deciding it made sense. Enough sense to accept, anyway.
“That’s all I want,” he replied warmly. “If this is what you want, I won’t make you feel bad about it.”
“Thank you…”
“And you’re right, you know,” he said thoughtfully. “You’ve really come alive since you met Jimmy…You’ve definitely changed. Maybe it’s for the better…or maybe you are crazy. Who knows. But I’m willing to take you as you are…And like I said, I like Jimmy. He’s a cool guy…even if he does have my sister’s name tattooed on his hand.”
I leaned into my brother, nudging him to get moving and to pull us from this intimate moment.
“Come on,” I laughed. “Blair sounds drunk. Drunk Blair is easier to talk to than sober Blair.”
Luke didn’t argue. He followed me happily, like a puppy. As we neared the groups, I was nearly overcome with excitement. This was, I assumed, the closest I’d ever get to meshing my two worlds. I was so grateful that Luke had been born with the reasonable genes and I wasn’t completely abandoned by my family. I’d take Luke over the parental unit any day.
Blair was leaned against the Haven bus, a cigarette tucked neatly between her lips.
Unfortunately, Tyler was at her side—as he often was. They were talking about something; Blair’s eyes were dead. Tyler’s hands were moving wildly as he passionately described whatever it was Tyler found appealing. I laughed to myself as Blair rolled her eyes at him and informed him that he was ‘tiring’.
“Hey,” I said to her, effectively ruining their conversation.
Blair didn’t seem to mind, “Hey. I see you caught the show! Were we awful?”
“You?” I smirked. “Never.”
She gestured beside me with her chin, taking a long haul of her cigarette, “Who’s your friend?”
I grinned from ear to ear, “This is Luke. Luke, this is Blair Peterson.”
She extended her perfect hand, pleasantly introducing herself to my brother. He looked star struck to me! His mouth opened and closed like he was gasping for air. It was hilariously gratifying.
“I told you,” I muttered to him smugly.
He nudged me in the rib with his elbow. Hard.
“Another one of your suitors, Aria?” Tyler seethed from the shadows.
I looked to him in horror. Now was not the time.
“Isn’t three a little tiresome?” he growled.
Luke looked at me with utter confusion, “What’s he talking about?”
Blair gave Tyler her most subtle ‘shut the fuck up’—though, I was sure the entire town had heard it’s gravity. He didn’t care.
“Are you the newest boyfriend?” Tyler asked Luke cockily.
He looked so ridiculous with all that pent up rage. Maybe I should have been flattered that I was capable of having such a profound effect on the guy—but at some point, I grew tired of his hatred. It was annoying more than it was hurtful.
But Tyler didn’t care. He didn’t care about anyone but himself—except maybe Blair…but event that was questionable at the best of times.
Luke grimaced, “I’m her brother.”
Blair immediately burst into laughter, keeling over with her hands on her knees to get a grip on the hilarity. Her outburst was almost enough to entirely lighten the mood—but now Tyler was angry and embarrassed.
“Like that would stop her,” he grumbled as he pushed passed me.
But Tyler should have known that you don’t make cryptic—albeit incestuous—comments to an older brother. It’s a fact proven through time. It never ends well.
“What did you just say?” Luke asked daringly. “Or rather, imply?”
“Oh,” Tyler shrugged casually, turning around to face off with my brood. “Just that your sister’s a slut.”
I’ve never seen Luke hit anyone. He wasn’t a violent man. He wasn’t even aggressive. If ever there was conflict, he’d send me in before he’d send himself.
But there he was, with his fist clenched. He was ready.
He refrained.
“Tyler,” Blair growled. “Fuck off, would you?”
“Who are you even?” Luke asked, obviously irate with Tyler’s shenanigans.
I could hear Jimmy and Brian hollering into the night. A quick glance passed Luke’s heaving shoulders revealed Avenged headed our way. Thank god. A perfect escape.
“Luke, I see the guys,” I told him in a rush. “Let’s just go.”
“Didn’t your sister tell you?” Tyler retorted.
Luke shook his head, sizing Tyler up from head to toe, “Nope. You must not be important.”
“Well I was,” he offered coolly. “For one night at least.”
Luke’s face turned from anger to absolute confusion. Nevertheless, he was still brooding and threatening. He had an all-encompassing way of being that was intimidating.
“My sister would never sleep with you,” Luke rejected hostilely.
“She would,” Tyler said, taking a step toward us, “and she did. And then your slutty bitch of a sister went crawling down the hall to get fucked by someone else.”
Luke didn’t need to hit him. Because I did. And this was no Aria-slapped-Blair kind of hit—this was one packed full of rage and resentment that I’d kept bottled up since the first time I’d ever seen that ugly side of Tyler.
The crack of his nose split the night.
“You fucking bitch,” Tyler seethed, lunging at me for god knows what reason.
But he was caught by two large, very inked arms that I recognized as the monsters of Brian Haner.
“Get off of me,” Tyler hissed, writhing to try and break free of Brian’s grip.
“Brian,” Blair got in on it. “He’s really fucking high. Just…let him go.”
Brian’s face contorted with Blair’s pleas. She sighed at him, looking absolutely defeated. Brian turned Tyler around and gave him one forceful push.
“Why don’t you do us all a favor and forget that you even know her,” Brian barked at the exiled guitarist. “Shit’s getting petty, man.”
“Fuck you, Brian,” Tyler growled, slinking away into the night.
Blair looked humiliated as she stood torn between her men.
“I’m so sorry,” she said to me quickly before rushing off in the way of Tyler.
Brian grabbed her arm as she passed him, urging her not to go.
“I have to,” she insisted, pushing at Brian’s hand. “You don’t understand. I can’t…If I…Brian, please.”
“He’s a big boy, Blair,” he told her lowly.
She winced as she maintained her position on the matter, “Brian…I have to go.”
“Fine,” he relented, releasing her with his hands by his chest. “But one day…you’re going to have to let him sort his own shit out, Blair. Or he’s just going to bring you down with him.”
She didn’t bring herself to jab back at the other B. She mumbled another half-hearted apology and then took off in a sprint.
“Are you okay?” Brian asked me.
I nodded, feeling totally overwhelmed by the events of that previous five minutes. It had not gone as anticipated—which was probably just poor planning on my part. I should have seen it coming. With Tyler, it was always dramatic. I should have avoided that at all costs.
Luke was stunned.
“You must be Luke,” Brian said then, thrusting his tattooed hand at my brother. “Jimmy told me you were around.”
Luke snapped out of his daze long enough to be cordial.
“We’re getting into the beers,” Brian told us both. “You guys coming?”
As I went to agree, Luke interrupted me, “We’ll be there in a minute.”
Brian took his leave, abandoning me with reality. Stupid Brian.
“What was all that?” Luke asked me gravely.
I sighed, “Please…can we not? It’s history.”
“I thought you were here with Jimmy,” Luke rubbed at his forehead. “But you hooked up with that guy?”
“It’s a really long story,” I groaned. “It’s embarrassing…It was a huge mistake and I seriously, seriously don’t want to talk about it.”
Luke looked like he was ready to fight…but in a flash, he let it go. I wished that I could be so quick to remove myself from feelings.
“Okay,” he said finally. “That guy’s an idiot.”
I laughed nervously, “That he is.”
With my humiliation pinned neatly to my collar, I made the rounds introducing Luke to each of the Avenged men. Zach wasted no time cracking a beer and insisting it onto my brother. Luke was told that everything was done in excess around these parts. I avoided the pointed glares stemming from my bloodline.
Jimmy came flying out of the bus, Brian hanging out of the door after him. He ran at me, and without his glasses, completely misjudged the distance between us. The lanky gazelle and I went toppling to the concrete, effectively ripping up my palms as I attempted to brace myself for impact.
We lay there, groaning and whining into the night, our limbs pointed in each direction. No one made moves to help us—except Luke, but he was promptly assured that it was business as usual.
“Where are your glasses?” I snapped at Jimmy as he propped himself up onto his elbows.
He pursed his plump lips, “I’m not sure.”
I grunted, rubbing at my bloodied hands with great dramatics.
“Are you okay?” Jimmy asked frantically, his original quest now back on his mind. “I mean…Are you okay now that I’ve run you over? But also are you okay from before I ran you over? Brian told me Tyler was acting like a shit again and so I came to find you…but obviously my brakes don’t work, and—”
“Jimmy,” I laughed, sitting up so I could peer at him. “I’m okay. Now…and then.”
He heaved a sigh of relief, “Good…Do you want me to kill him? I could probably arrange something…”
“No,” I smirked. “I can handle it.”
“You know,” Jimmy thought aloud, sitting straight up and draping his arms over his folded knees, “that guy still acts like he has rights to you or some shit.”
I just shrugged. I didn’t know why Tyler acted the way he did…ever. He was just as much a mystery to me as he was to anyone else. I just wished he’d move off of the Aria subject already.
“Maybe he thinks I’ll change my mind,” I offered lamely. “He thinks you and I are temporary.”
“Temporary,” Jimmy scoffed with wild surprise reigning through his blue eyes. “That’s cute.”
I nodded, rolling my eyes at the very thought of it. Though, if anyone would understand temporary…it made sense that it was Tyler.
“I’m the only man for you,” Jimmy grinned proudly.
“Maybe try that again when you haven’t just trampled me,” I teased, feeling the bruise on my hip already beginning to form.
Jimmy climbed to his feet, holding his hand out to me with a dumb smile on his face, “Come on. Let’s go get you cleaned up. And when we’re done that, let’s go get married.”
My heart stopped its beating in my chest.
Did I hit my head?
“W-What?” I asked, dumbfounded.
“Yeah, what?” a chorus of eavesdroppers weighed in from over yonder.
Jimmy laughed, “You heard me. Let’s get married.”

Notes

Mhmmmmm


xx