Just Before You Go

Another week had flown by and things seemed to finally be settling. Brian wasn’t acting like a complete psychopath every time Blair wasn’t in his immediate vicinity, and Jimmy had essentially begun to mellow out. Things with Tyler had continued on their downward trajectory, though. He avoided me at absolutely all costs, despite the fact that we were within a hundred feet of one another at all times. You’d never have guessed it judging by the frozen gap.
The group had just wrapped another flawless show and we were packing up the bus to head to my home state of Minnesota. I had considered contacting some old friends of mine for a reunion but ultimately decided against it. There was more than enough drama aboard the tour buses to deter me from any possible additions. Women were notoriously dramatic and I wanted to avoid the gossip.
Besides, we would be nearly three hours south of my hometown. That seemed like a ridiculously unnecessary journey to make for people I hardly spoke to anymore. Other than Luke…A big part of me really wanted to see Luke. Nevertheless, the cons outweighed the pros.
As I neared the Avenged bus, watching Jimmy’s spiked head bounding around through the window, I distinctly caught my name in the wind. I was alone, and suddenly spooked. But then I spotted the ember of Blair’s cigarette over yonder—I was relieved to find myself without a haunting.
I was going to head toward her but quickly realized she wasn’t alone. I assumed with great anxiety that she wasn’t talking to me…but rather, about me. Straining my eyes to make like a cat and see through the dark, I just barely made out the shape of Tyler’s shoulders.
“Hey!” Zach’s voice screeched in my ear.
My body startled from the sound, side-stepping away from its origin without delay. He laughed, taking a swig of his beer, “Scare you?”
“Little bit,” I nodded, drawing my focus away from Blair and Tyler.
“I was just coming to see if you needed help with the merch,” Zach told me happily. “But I see now that you don’t.”
I smiled fondly, “I do not…But thanks!”
“Sure, man,” he shrugged, slowing his pace to walk at my speed.
A silence fell between us.
Zach made an effort to break it, clearing his throat awkwardly, “So…Jimmy says we’re heading to your home state.”
“Yes, sir,” I replied. “Good old Minnesota.”
Zach grinned, welcoming another long guzzle of beer to flow into his body, “Jimmy says we’re going to Canada.”
“Oh my god,” I grumbled with a dumb smirk painted on my face.
Our pleasant small talk was interrupted by a distinct cracking through the night. Zach and I both snapped our eyes over to Blair and Tyler, who were still mostly hooded by the night. There was no missing Blair’s rage, though. She stormed off, away from the Haven bus and away from Tyler. But Tyler was quickly upon her, grabbing at both of her arms and raising his voice so we could almost hear him.
“Should we be intervening?” Zach asked me coolly, unsure how to react.
“I don’t know…” I said slowly, watching the situation as closely as I could. “I don’t think so.”
As Blair ripped herself from Tyler’s grip, Brian was quickly sauntering their way.
“Ah, shit,” Zach laughed quietly. “Gates is on the scene.”
While maybe Zach was entertained by the situation, I was not. Zach had not seen the things I’d seen—he didn’t know Tyler the way I now knew him.
“Just need some popcorn, am I right?” Zach teased, nudging my arm lightly with his elbow.
I nodded my head absently, watching as Brian gave Tyler one firm shove and then dragged Blair away. It really was dramatic around here at the best of times.
We were quiet until we were shielded beneath the glow of the bus lights, cutting through the night like a blood moon. I lingered, hesitating to step inside and get on our way. My attention was still glued to Tyler, digging his toes into the concrete in the same spot Blair had left him in.
“Coming?” Zach asked with a tilt of his head, one foot on the bus stairs.
“In a minute,” I smiled, waving at him quickly before waltzing off toward Tyler.
I’m not sure what I thought would happen…Maybe I shouldn’t have had expectations at all. But he and I had been friends once, above all else. If he and Blair were fighting, something was wrong. Without Blair’s endless shoulder of support, I worried for Tyler. I worried about what would happen if Blair ever pulled her love away.
“Hey,” I said, losing my nerve the second Ty turned to face me.
His face contorted at the sight of me, his lips carved into a permanent scowl.
“Everything alright?” I asked slowly, now mindful of my distance from him.
He just kind of…stared at me. It was deeply unnerving. I regretted walking over—I regretted trying to bridge this divide. I felt instantaneously stupid. I should have known that the only human Tyler would ever forgive without hesitation was Blair Peterson. I was not Blair Peterson.
“Yes?” I urged more smugly than I’d thought possible. “Glad to hear it.”
As I turned on my heel, Tyler scoffed under his breath. He muttered something inaudibly—but it had the rudest tone I’d ever heard.
“What was that?” I dared, making a 180 to face him.
He shrugged lazily, “I’m not sure why you think you can talk to me.”
It was in my nature to be shocked by his coldness. But I decided then that I was growing. I wasn’t afraid of hurting his feelings anymore. I cared—but even then, that had a certain threshold for condescension. Blair was obviously willing to tolerate a lot from Ty; I was not. Because I was not Blair Peterson.
“Because we were friends up until a few weeks ago,” I retorted.
His brows rose and fell, “Yeah, until you crawled back to your ex.”
“There was no crawling,” I informed him. “If anything, it was a run. A sprint, if you will.”
“The same night you fucked me,” he spit. “Classy, Aria.”
There was that threshold. And it was full.
I mustered up all my ballsy courage, “One night with you and I was begging for anyone else.”
Tyler almost laughed. He looked almost impressed with my little comeback. Inside, I was absolutely terrified. I obviously didn’t mean it. Well…maybe a little—but not, in the slightest, the way I’d spun it.
“You must be so lonely,” Tyler said then, so casually that I didn’t realize he was insulting me at first. “To go back to that life…that person…You must be the loneliest person on the planet.”
I was not.
“No,” I answered shortly, my face now etched in puzzle.
Clearly I did not have a good comeback game like Brian or Blair. Maybe they could teach me.
“Right,” Tyler said pointedly then. “That’s Blair. Figures you like the same men.”
“Listen,” I breathed, decidedly blowing right passed his insistent reminders that Blair and I had both slept with the same guy, “I’m sorry for what happened. I am. I’m genuinely so sorry that I hurt you…that it makes me sick with guilt.”
He squinted his eyes at me, probably in disbelief.
“But…It doesn’t give you the right to treat me like a total throwaway human. I’m still a person…and before we made the terrible choice to hook up, I was your friend.”
He spoke, “We were never friends, Aria.”
Wow. He and Blair really were cut from the same cloth, huh? I guess if you spent nearly two decades with someone, day in and day out, you’re bound to pick up a few of their mannerisms. Or thought processes.
“You’ll never be my friend,” he added more solemnly. “I’ve always wanted you…I think you’re the most beautiful woman on this entire planet.”
I hate that his compliment gave me tiny butterflies. I murdered them immediately. Violently. The gore soothed me.
“But,” he pursed his lips, “you did something shitty. And now I also find you absolutely repulsive. You’re a vile human being, Aria…and you hide it pretty well, I’ll give you that. But now I’m tormented and it’s your fault.”
“It’s not my fault,” I argued bravely. “You were tormented long before you ever met me, Tyler.”
His eyes graced passed me as I heard Jimmy’s voice cry out into the night. That gave me butterflies—big ones. I baked them a cake and we sang Kumbaya by the firelight.
“Your boyfriend calls,” Tyler seethed, turning himself away from me and leaving me all alone.
“I’m not lonely,” I muttered after him before retreating back to Jimmy.
“Hi, pretty!” he greeted happily, extending the door wide enough for me to climb in and under his arm.
The bus was, to my complete surprise, empty. There was no one in sight. It was quiet…too quiet.
“We have a stowaway,” Jimmy told me.
“And where is this stowaway?” I asked with a smile. “And everyone else?”
He shrugged, “Sleeping, I guess. Well, except Shadz. He’s in the back—and I’m about to go and kick his ass at some video games.”
A calm night on the Avenged bus? I had yet to see it—and I was amazed. Jimmy pulled a bottle from his back pocket and shook at me with a devious grin.
“I swiped it from Bri’s bunk,” he told me mischievously.
I laughed, shaking my head at the tall creature before me, “I knew it was you!”
He raised a bony finger to his lips. I tried to swipe the bottle but the drunken gazelle was having exactly none of that. He held it high from my reach.
“Are you coming to play?” he asked me once he was bored of my griping.
As I was running through a list of excuses in my mind, Blair Peterson appeared as if from nowhere. She began rummaging around in the freezer, pulling out a tub of Neapolitan ice cream. From the drawer she grabbed a spoon, and then she collapsed into the table and began to shovel it into her mouth. Jimmy looked about as perplexed as I was. Everyone knows that tubs of ice cream mean sadness. It’s like an unwritten rule of humanity.
“I’ll be back there,” Jimmy smiled knowingly, kissing my cheek quickly before prancing out of sight.
I cautiously slid into the opposite side of the table, Blair’s green eyes fixated on her spoonful of sugary medicine. I just wasn’t sure if I should ask…or just talk…
“He’s a piece of shit,” she said so I wouldn’t have to.
I knew exactly what she meant.
“What happened?” I asked carefully.
She half-shrugged, stabbing at a chunk of vanilla and then snapping her eyes up to meet mine, “Same old shit. It’s honestly…” she sighed. “It’s not even worth getting into.”
“He wasn’t nice to me today either,” I told her in case it mattered. “He called me ‘vile’”.
“Vile,” she laughed, unimpressed. “He loves that word. How fucking fitting.”
“Blair?” I asked, giving her no time to respond before I moved on to part two of my curiosity, “Why are you friends with him?”
She furrowed her brows, studying me carefully as if I was ridiculous—and obviously bat shit crazy—for even asking. But I wanted to know. I didn’t understand it.
“He’s my brother,” she told me finally. “He’s…fuck, he’s my second half.”
“Is that such a good thing?” I asked slowly, carefully.
She almost smiled, “I know how he seems…And he can be exactly what he looks like. But as a whole,” she laughed, “he’s sensitive as fuck. All of this venomous bullshit he spews is just his way of keeping himself all warm and fuzzy. He can’t handle himself. And he absolutely can’t handle other people.”
I was honestly surprised to hear her defend him. It kind of made me respect her more.
“He was pretty nasty to you…” I said quietly. “That one night…”
She shrugged, twirling the empty spoon in the air, “He was shitfaced. It is what it is.”
“Blair…You don’t deserve—”
“What’d I say about that?” she smirked. “What I deserve is irrelevant. What I want is for Ty to be happy—to…stay…So, if that means taking a couple verbal beatings, so fucking what. Nothing he said was untrue.”
That bothered me, “That doesn’t mean he should say it.”
“Look,” she laughed, “I’m not saying Tyler can’t be a total piece of shit. At this moment in time, he is. I slapped him ten-odd minutes ago and I don’t feel even the tiniest bit sorry about it…but…He is mostly sweet. He is generous and really caring. I know our relationship is super fucked up and seemed dangerously codependent.”
“It does,” I nodded.
“It is,” she shrugged again, diving back into the chocolate side. “But…I just wouldn’t trade it. I love him, you know? With every fiber of my being, I love my best friend. I’d give anything to protect him…even if it’s from myself.”
I was digesting. She just laughed, reaching over to the drawer and pulling out a second spoon. She handed it to me with an encouraging head nod.
“I can handle Tyler,” she smirked. “But I’m not sure that you can.”
I argued promptly, angrily, defensively, “Yes, I can! I’m not—”
“Aria,” Blair cooed. “Friends…Remember?”
She was oddly inviting that night. Her jade eyes were like barbed hooks for the soul. She was the only one in the world that would be able to even imagine the confliction I was feeling. I didn’t care about Tyler like I had before—but his words stung my skin. Did I really seem lonely?
Blair had pegged me all right from the start; I was the emotional type.
I took the spoon into my grip with a sigh.
“Tell me about it,” Blair smiled as the bus slipped into motion.
We ate the whole tub.

Notes

Didn't think I was actually going to manage to get one up today... But I did it!

xx