An Open Letter to Avenged Sevenfold

I've mentioned about my past to some of you, but didn't go into too much detail. If any of you need someone to talk to I'm here.

I don't remember my dad and it's a good thing.

From what I heard he was highly abusive..
He tried to kill me and my mom several times. He was yelling and cursing at her while in labor I was VERY high risk..and my heart nearly stopped while I was being born..mom said a nurse yelled OH MY GOD THE BABYS BOTTOMING OUT and she ran for help. He tried to kill us both by tiring to run the car into trees more than once. That she took beatings from him for me. He died the day before I turned two.. after he beat her so bad he broke her cheek bone and gave her a concussion.. and told her "I will kill you and that bastard child". I'm not going into full details about what happened.. but as I am his only child I do have a copy of the death certificate.


Flash till I'm 6 and his mom gets visitation rights. State granted "grandparents rights" I'm all of 50 lbs soaking wet. Tiny little thing .. she let the other kids beat on me. Told me to pray before bed and then hit me (I had welts) tried to make me take baths in the water after 2 other kids and her dog. Wouldnt let me eat (I learned how to climb to the counter to find canned goods and open them and ate them cold) took my doll that my great-uncle (who I "adopted" as my dad.. I still call him daddy and he's the best dad anyone could want. Was there for everything I needed growing up. Taught me things, took me on walks, told me silly stories he made up, sang silly songs... changed Rudolph the Red Nosed reindeer to Red Toed reindeer and included fart sounds in the song as just one example. Played games with me. He was my dad.) gave to me and wouldn't give it back until it was time to go home. Pointed to a bullet hole in her wall where my dads step dad shot at him when he was a kid. Told me "It's the ghost hole, your daddy's gonna come get you and take you to be with him"..took me to his grave and left me there, tried to make me go into a drainage ditch to get the ball the older kid threw in there. (Knowing it was full of broken bottles and snakes..(My only fear is a snake and it's because they told me the ditch is full of big snakes that will eat you) my mom dropped off an Easter basket there on the steps for me when visitation fell on Easter.. and she took it gave away everything but 1 black jelly bean. Made me sit and watch everyone else get gifts around Christmas.. I didn't even get a candy cane. Made me sleep in my dads childhood room..that was full of fire ants. Yelled awful stuff at me about my mom. Made me at 6 sit in my dads brother lap (his name is James) he would make me drink beer..kiss his lips and tell him I love him. I would escape the house at night and walk dark country roads. Got picked up by the cops more than once. Ended up at 2 guys (my first known interaction with gay guys where I actually understood what the word was they helped me understand a lot to be honest) house and they would feed me let me take a bath and call for help. She told me "my name is Kate.. you will call me Kate". My "grandma" wouldn't report me missing for more than 24 hours. After being in and out of court to stop it.. I got fed up at age 7. In place of my normal screaming and begging not to go I told my mom. I aint goin back.. Then I march out side looked Kate in the eyes told her "YOU ARENT MY GRANDMA. I HATE YOU. I HOPE YOU DIE" she told me get out the damn car.. and it was 15 years before I saw her again...she lived 10 miles away, then another 6 before I saw her a second time.. She didn't know who I was.. but my "aunt" Shelby did..and I gave them both a cussing I hope they never forget..

In school 2nd grade till gradation had 1 girl try to torture me. Her name is Jessica Smith.
in 6th had a teacher who made life hell
had that same teacher in 8th she ended up pulling me in the hall when I asked a girl why she threw a marker at my head. She put my back to the wall and her hands flat on the wall on either side of my head. (kinda boxing me in) and told me "Shes my favorite student. You are messing with her. That's messing with me. Im the bull you're about to catch the horns." I burst into tears.

From then on when I had to go to that class I got physically sick. Even now when I see her I growl.. animistic growl.

9th grade had 6 girls try to jump me in the locker room because I wouldn't give away my FFA jacket. I'm glad I grew up with boy cousins. The girls turned off the light and stated shoving me. I jump on the bench start punching and ripping out hair. After that mom put me in Karate the next school year, so I could keep working on self-defense. My health stole Karate class from me. Sure in school I still had my bullies. Kids trying to force me to give them money. Trying to take my things. Living in a small town in the middle of nowhere you can't escape them.

Then with health. I have Neurofibromatosis type 1. We heard everything from She has mumps to she has cancer. Had my first surgery in 2nd grade.
Then had a 10+ hour one in 5th grade.
In 10th had dental surgery due to 5 impacted wisdom teeth so bad there was a hole in my jaw (had an extra).
After graduation had surgery again for the Neurofibromatosis nearly died on the table. Had to be given 2.5 units of blood.

1 month later a dude speeding on the interstate slammed into the back of our car. Totaled it. We walked away thankfully.

Back in 2015 my cousin who was 3 months older than me died from a heroin od. I felt so lost because back in 2006 we lost a cousin 3 years older to a wreck. Growing up the three of us got into EVERYTHING together. I faced mortality when I was 27 by having to look into his face and think about his sweet 3-year-old growing up with out him.

My grandpa who is like one of my best friends. Had some digestion issues and a mini stroke.. docs said if he had waited any longer to let my grandma get him to the hospital he wold be dead.

My cousin who is 21 is dating and living with a guy who was my best friend.. She didn't even know his name and 1 month later she was living with him and screwing him... (that was 3 months after her ex broke up with her.) She since she was 15 (and was OPENLY in a relationship with a man in his late 20's and her parents were ok with it) has been telling me"If you act dumb boys will like it.. then you can get you a man to buy anything you want.. you just gotta give them a lil ass" , They stole a ton of meds and cash from my elderly disabled grandparents. (Yes I'm VERY pissed about that) That happened last month. When I see them (ironically his name is also James) I will smack him upside the head if he trys to be my friend.

I've never gotten along with that cousin. She would destroy my things including school work. Punch me where she knows I have a lot of pain from a tumor then lay in the floor and scream that I hit her. That way I would get told off my her parents, and our grandparents. Hit one of my dogs when she was 14 (when she needed a place to sleep for the night) She's made comments since being grown about "Someone should hit you" I replied.. touch me bitch.. it's gonna be jail or hell. There's 17 years of pure seething hate for her, since she got away with all her shit she did to me growing up. I was almost 9 when she was born.

I'm 30 never been in a relationship because guys keep saying that I'm ugly, or than no man wants a girl who is always reading.

Music and books are my escape.

Finding all of you I found such a great community where I feel welcomed and I'm glad we can lift each other up. Be there for each other.

To be honest since I've started listening to the guys the nightmares from the shit my dads family did..they have gotten much less frequent. For some reason, I feel a safety with their music. It may be vibes they give off but I truly feel safe.

@HereticBlood6661
Not a problem honey, I'm always here for anyone that needs it.

@violetshade
Love you honey. Thank you for stepping forward to offer help.

@#104348
Thank you for sharing. It takes a lot to put this out there and I'm so sorry that happened. I'm glad you got out and are taking care of you and your son. I love all those songs! And forgot how much Dancing Dead means to me.

@#104348
@Beastly Shadows.
You guys are amazing for sharing your stories. Like Heretic said, we gotta stick together. Putting your story out there helps others to realize they are not alone, that it can get better, that you can get out. There are unfortunately countless women (and men/children etc) out there that are stuck in an abusive situation with no way out. And whether you only post on here, share in the #metoo movement, blog--whatever--you are helping them. So thank you for your bravery and I'm so glad you guys all got out of those horrendous situations. While I'm not extremely religious, I am spiritual and I truly believe there's a truly special place for those fucktards in the afterlife.

Just re-listened to a HTTK interview where Syn and ZV are asked how they react to fans saying their music changed/saved their lives. Zacky starts by saying they don't take that lightly, and mentions how after Jimmy died it was the FANS who saved THEM. So sweet, right? Just a nice reminder of how awesome the band we love is and how they bring us together and help us out in life.
Best of luck to you guys, and as always, feel free to chat/msg/ etc.