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An Open Letter to Avenged Sevenfold - Comments
@#104348
Thank you for sharing. It takes a lot to put this out there and I'm so sorry that happened. I'm glad you got out and are taking care of you and your son. I love all those songs! And forgot how much Dancing Dead means to me.
@#104348
@Beastly Shadows.
You guys are amazing for sharing your stories. Like Heretic said, we gotta stick together. Putting your story out there helps others to realize they are not alone, that it can get better, that you can get out. There are unfortunately countless women (and men/children etc) out there that are stuck in an abusive situation with no way out. And whether you only post on here, share in the #metoo movement, blog--whatever--you are helping them. So thank you for your bravery and I'm so glad you guys all got out of those horrendous situations. While I'm not extremely religious, I am spiritual and I truly believe there's a truly special place for those fucktards in the afterlife.
Just re-listened to a HTTK interview where Syn and ZV are asked how they react to fans saying their music changed/saved their lives. Zacky starts by saying they don't take that lightly, and mentions how after Jimmy died it was the FANS who saved THEM. So sweet, right? Just a nice reminder of how awesome the band we love is and how they bring us together and help us out in life.
Best of luck to you guys, and as always, feel free to chat/msg/ etc.
Thank you so much for sharing. Your bravery makes me want to share my own story. A story that I don't even know the entirety of, because I was incapacitated most of the time. Mine is a story that I've never told and will never tell anyone other than my future husband...and now y'all.
my recollection is hazy at best . I have also had repressed memories that I have begun to come to light after several years of moving out of Hell House , or at least that's what I used to call my familial home growing up , in my mind . I am a survivor of incest, acquaintance rape, domestic violence, and brainwashing of some of the worst kinds. Looking back, it's a likely that I was illegally adopted into a pseudoreligious, pedophilic cult.
there were always the jokes growing up from family members about when my birthday actually was . There was also the strange tasting food that for some reason my body didn't want to eat but I was forced to eat anyway . The immediate intense feelings that will course through my body after being forced fed a particular food or drink . waking up with pain in my groin, jaw, and anal region. Not being able to remember how I ended up and my childhood bed and wondering where my panties at gone... I believe that the worst was when I begin to suspect what was going on and my attitude changed. Then people would come up to me and randomly tell me when I started looking sad that I need it to be grateful and happy to hell as wonderful as a family as I always we had, steeped in the church. Though I can remember my father climbing into my bed, with me wearing some pink cartoon character nightgown and telling me I could touch him if I wanted to. I remember being so disgusted and enraged that he would try to ruin me in this way. He got up and left without doing anything that night, but the damage is done and that's the clearest memory I have of the true nature of my family. I also remember having thoughts uncharacteristically clear and mature for an elementary school kid immediatly following the incident, like I was not going to let him "ruin" me. That whatever happened was a failing of his, not mine.
years later when I was raped buy a boyfriend I didn't even want and was set up with bye other teenagers that call themselves my friends , I told my mother . I didn't tell her right after , many years in fact , and she did nothing . She pretended I never said anything about my father or my X . when I think back to the night that I was officially raped, I remember things being foggy and being unnaturally compliant like I've been drugged or something... But I did say no. I'm not even sure that the night that I was raped and lost my virginity it was even buy guy I thought it was. I say this because he raped me several times after that, and his pebis seemed to drastically change in size from that night. I may have been a virgin, but the guy who initially raped me was extremely well endowed from the feel of it, he also seemed a couple inches taller (6'4), and extremely well-muscled. The ex that I ended up staying with was extremely small in the area. There's really no way that he could have been the same guy. There were several times in our "relationship", that when it was dark or confusing enough, that my foul-smelling, overweight ex was replaced by a clean-scented athletic body double. Nearly every day of my high school career after I turn 16 I was forced, until I found a way out of Hell house and my creepy small town.s o many mysteries I'll never figure out
What was forgotten now is remembered. And I remember him. My best friend. He also may technically be the one that I lost my virginity to in elementary school. Yes, it was rape. Yes, it happened more than once, but my rapist was the best and only real friend I've ever had. I'm 34 now, I think. Finding a willpower that amazes me to this day, he stopped raping me. He began protecting me from all the predatory children, teachers, and other staff at school. He told me about the abuse going on at his home and begged me not to tell and years later I feel a coward for complying, but he told me his parents were rich, connected and violent and would hurt me...and he couldn't bear that. One day he told me that his parents were forcing him to move away, but he will be back to marry me someday. I never saw or heard from him again, as far as I know. After that the abuse I was receiving at my nearly all white, and racist Southern Elementary school got even worse. At home it was no better. As I grew up I've received so many head wounds that it was easy to forget the boy, but now I remember him. I wonder if he's dead. I always pray that he's happy, married, loved and successful for the few moments of happiness and love he gave me as we were like two prisoners sharing a cell. Strangely enough, that boy looks remarkably like Matty, though he never lived in the Deep South as far as I know. He reminds me so much of that kind, funny, stubborn, shy, brave, sweet littke rich kid I used to know. It's not why I fell in love with a7x, but it's a nice plus.
Now, I'm in a safer place... in NYC if you can imagine, though in a racist Hispanic community, though I remember my polite Southern manners usually. I have a child of my own, who has his own memories of the racist cult of a town we grew up in, whom I shower with appropriate love! We have broken my family's cycle of abuse by having faith in God and love and respect for each other. and though I fear I have many life threatening autoimmune diseases, and possibly one or two tumors pressing against my skull, I live everyday grateful we made it out alive.
To that boy, now most assuredly a beautiful and healthy man:
My memory may be shoddy and the beauty on my outside might not match the horror of scar tissue beneath my skin, but I Remember You. I can't recall anything past your blonde/brunette hair and expensive shoes, but I remember you. I hope you're taking care of yourself, I love you and I hope that I see you again soon.
Buried Alive
Coming Home
Trashed and Scattered
Art of Subconscious Illusion
Little Piece of Heaven
Scream
Crimson Day
Acid Rain
Angels
Fermi Paradox
Heretic
Sidewinder
Doing Time
Dancing Dead
Unholy Confessions
@Holly
Thank you, thank you, thank you. Words mean so much to me right now. Thank you for commenting. :) <3
@Beastly Shadows.
Thank you so much for having the courage to put your story out there. This community means so much to me and though it pains me to know others have suffered as I have, I'm glad to see us getting stronger. I'm always an ear if anyone needs it, and I appreciate the sentiment back. :)
Goodness, this made me cry a whole hell of a lot. I am so sorry that all of this happened to you, you aren't alone though. I was molested when I was nine years old by my thirteen year old cousin for four years and I had to repress a lot of things simply because no one believed me, he told everyone that it must have been a dream that I had.. And then after losing my virginity at 19 I ended up meeting my best friends cousin who also happened to be a sex offender, at the time I didn't really think anything of it.
I had hit a low point in my life where I really thought the only way that I could feel love was by having sex so I did, with anyone who wanted to. I ended up running away from home with him, I got fired from my job because of him, we were basically homeless. We lived on the Native American reservation with his friends but there was no food and barely any water. At one point I remember going over to our neighbors house with him and we smoked some weed which again I thought was harmless but I have a feeling now that the weed must have been laced with something, I ended up going back home and puking my brains out and then I eventually passed out. When I woke up he had made me food which I didn't even know we had, but it was nice and it really made me feel like he loved me. Then the abuse started.. Emotionally and physically. He never legitimately hit me but there were a bunch of times where he would want to have anal sex but I had never really enjoyed it. At first he would just guilt trip me into it but then it got worse and he would start forcing himself upon me. I ended up losing 30 pounds within two months because of the living situation.. I even did bath salts and ended up doing some things that I really regret now.. There was one day that we were going home and he told me that I should call my parents and have them come pick me up, I didn't understand why. At this point I thought that I was in love with him but I realized that I was very blind as to what was going on. I did what he said though and my parents came to pick me up. He and I were still technically together but we didn't talk nearly as much as before, he went to living back with his host family that helped him before when he got out of jail. There was one point when he and I were texting, he told me that the following morning he was going to have an interview with an auto parts store so he needed to go to bed. That was a flat out lie. The next day I tried texting him and never received anything. So I decided to go the Auto Parts store that he said the interview was, asked them if he was there or if he had an interview and they said no one by his name even applied for a job there. I called his host family and they said they hadn't heard from him since the night before, but he was supposed to go home. He had a curfew even, but he never showed up. I decided from then on that I wasn't even going to worry about it and I'm glad that I did. I found out that he ended up going to jail that night for getting caught having sex with a 12 year old.
So no sweetheart you are not alone and trust me none of what happened was your fault, it was entirely their fault. All of the men that assaulted you are bastards. You are worth so much more, you are a beautiful person and things will get better. I never thought I would be where I am today, but I'm engaged to a man who is completely my soul mate and treats me like I'm gold. It will get better honey. I promise you that I will be here if you ever need anything and I know that might seem odd since I haven't commented on anything that you've put on here but I'm a real good listener, no judgement here. <3
Oh god, girl...firstly, you’re one hell of a strong person and I’m proud of you to have the guts to share this here. Honestly speaking, I’ve never been in a situation like this before. But I’ve seen lots of women who have been victims. Only if they would say it out loud, then I’m sure more than half of these crimes would stop.
You have no fault in whatever that’s happened, seriously. Don’t look at yourself differently, you’re a beautiful person inside out. Be proud of yourself for pulling through this. And yes, I hope you would report this some day because those people deserve to be punished. It’s simply wrong to just let them walk around freely, just imagine what they could do to other women.
We’re here for you, even though this is like the first time I’m commenting something for you, please know that we are a family here and Avenged has brought us together. If you even need someone to talk to, never hesitate to shoot me a text<3
@violetshade
@AGirlIKnowNamedLarisa
First off thank yall. I know reading these things is hard and painful for some. So thank you for taking the time. Women need to help each other. So always feel free to reach out.
I love yall!
Damn woman you have the metaphorical balls of a giant. I hope sharing this has given you at least a shred of relief, I can't even imagine. While you absolutely should NOT ever blame yourself (for any of those reasons), and I hope you do report it one day, we of course don't blame or judge AT ALL for you having those feelings. I am sorry you ever remembered what happened, I'm sure it was much better not knowing, but hopefully you can begin to heal. What absolute low life sad excuses for humans would do such a horribly awful thing to someone, is beyond understanding. Please know that your sharing of this story serves as a warning to all of us about how we should drink in public, even with our "friends". I will have to learn how to socialize as a single adult for the first time in my life and I definitely need to hear things like this.
I hope one day you get past the physical and mental hurt and accept the love that is out there for you, but of course we all couldn't possibly understand. All we can do is be there. Talk if you EVER EVER EVER need to, hopefully soon in person.
Avenged has kind of helped me discover who I really am, but I can't begin to think of specific songs. But when I listen to their stuff, the entire world floats away and I just flat out feel BETTER, no matter what.
I hope you know we are all thinking of you. Heal yourself, you're truly an amazing person.
Oh sweet Jesus Heretic....I just want to give you so many hugs right now. I can’t imagine going through all of that, keeping it in, and finally letting it all out. I commend you and admire your courage. You will find someone who will love you and help you through everything, but don’t rush it. If you ever need to talk about anything at all I’m here.
Anything by A7X and All Time Low tend to get me through tough times. When I’m feeling sad or lonely I listen to Dan & Shay.
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I've mentioned about my past to some of you, but didn't go into too much detail. If any of you need someone to talk to I'm here.
I don't remember my dad and it's a good thing.
From what I heard he was highly abusive..
He tried to kill me and my mom several times. He was yelling and cursing at her while in labor I was VERY high risk..and my heart nearly stopped while I was being born..mom said a nurse yelled OH MY GOD THE BABYS BOTTOMING OUT and she ran for help. He tried to kill us both by tiring to run the car into trees more than once. That she took beatings from him for me. He died the day before I turned two.. after he beat her so bad he broke her cheek bone and gave her a concussion.. and told her "I will kill you and that bastard child". I'm not going into full details about what happened.. but as I am his only child I do have a copy of the death certificate.
Flash till I'm 6 and his mom gets visitation rights. State granted "grandparents rights" I'm all of 50 lbs soaking wet. Tiny little thing .. she let the other kids beat on me. Told me to pray before bed and then hit me (I had welts) tried to make me take baths in the water after 2 other kids and her dog. Wouldnt let me eat (I learned how to climb to the counter to find canned goods and open them and ate them cold) took my doll that my great-uncle (who I "adopted" as my dad.. I still call him daddy and he's the best dad anyone could want. Was there for everything I needed growing up. Taught me things, took me on walks, told me silly stories he made up, sang silly songs... changed Rudolph the Red Nosed reindeer to Red Toed reindeer and included fart sounds in the song as just one example. Played games with me. He was my dad.) gave to me and wouldn't give it back until it was time to go home. Pointed to a bullet hole in her wall where my dads step dad shot at him when he was a kid. Told me "It's the ghost hole, your daddy's gonna come get you and take you to be with him"..took me to his grave and left me there, tried to make me go into a drainage ditch to get the ball the older kid threw in there. (Knowing it was full of broken bottles and snakes..(My only fear is a snake and it's because they told me the ditch is full of big snakes that will eat you) my mom dropped off an Easter basket there on the steps for me when visitation fell on Easter.. and she took it gave away everything but 1 black jelly bean. Made me sit and watch everyone else get gifts around Christmas.. I didn't even get a candy cane. Made me sleep in my dads childhood room..that was full of fire ants. Yelled awful stuff at me about my mom. Made me at 6 sit in my dads brother lap (his name is James) he would make me drink beer..kiss his lips and tell him I love him. I would escape the house at night and walk dark country roads. Got picked up by the cops more than once. Ended up at 2 guys (my first known interaction with gay guys where I actually understood what the word was they helped me understand a lot to be honest) house and they would feed me let me take a bath and call for help. She told me "my name is Kate.. you will call me Kate". My "grandma" wouldn't report me missing for more than 24 hours. After being in and out of court to stop it.. I got fed up at age 7. In place of my normal screaming and begging not to go I told my mom. I aint goin back.. Then I march out side looked Kate in the eyes told her "YOU ARENT MY GRANDMA. I HATE YOU. I HOPE YOU DIE" she told me get out the damn car.. and it was 15 years before I saw her again...she lived 10 miles away, then another 6 before I saw her a second time.. She didn't know who I was.. but my "aunt" Shelby did..and I gave them both a cussing I hope they never forget..
In school 2nd grade till gradation had 1 girl try to torture me. Her name is Jessica Smith.
in 6th had a teacher who made life hell
had that same teacher in 8th she ended up pulling me in the hall when I asked a girl why she threw a marker at my head. She put my back to the wall and her hands flat on the wall on either side of my head. (kinda boxing me in) and told me "Shes my favorite student. You are messing with her. That's messing with me. Im the bull you're about to catch the horns." I burst into tears.
From then on when I had to go to that class I got physically sick. Even now when I see her I growl.. animistic growl.
9th grade had 6 girls try to jump me in the locker room because I wouldn't give away my FFA jacket. I'm glad I grew up with boy cousins. The girls turned off the light and stated shoving me. I jump on the bench start punching and ripping out hair. After that mom put me in Karate the next school year, so I could keep working on self-defense. My health stole Karate class from me. Sure in school I still had my bullies. Kids trying to force me to give them money. Trying to take my things. Living in a small town in the middle of nowhere you can't escape them.
Then with health. I have Neurofibromatosis type 1. We heard everything from She has mumps to she has cancer. Had my first surgery in 2nd grade.
Then had a 10+ hour one in 5th grade.
In 10th had dental surgery due to 5 impacted wisdom teeth so bad there was a hole in my jaw (had an extra).
After graduation had surgery again for the Neurofibromatosis nearly died on the table. Had to be given 2.5 units of blood.
1 month later a dude speeding on the interstate slammed into the back of our car. Totaled it. We walked away thankfully.
Back in 2015 my cousin who was 3 months older than me died from a heroin od. I felt so lost because back in 2006 we lost a cousin 3 years older to a wreck. Growing up the three of us got into EVERYTHING together. I faced mortality when I was 27 by having to look into his face and think about his sweet 3-year-old growing up with out him.
My grandpa who is like one of my best friends. Had some digestion issues and a mini stroke.. docs said if he had waited any longer to let my grandma get him to the hospital he wold be dead.
My cousin who is 21 is dating and living with a guy who was my best friend.. She didn't even know his name and 1 month later she was living with him and screwing him... (that was 3 months after her ex broke up with her.) She since she was 15 (and was OPENLY in a relationship with a man in his late 20's and her parents were ok with it) has been telling me"If you act dumb boys will like it.. then you can get you a man to buy anything you want.. you just gotta give them a lil ass" , They stole a ton of meds and cash from my elderly disabled grandparents. (Yes I'm VERY pissed about that) That happened last month. When I see them (ironically his name is also James) I will smack him upside the head if he trys to be my friend.
I've never gotten along with that cousin. She would destroy my things including school work. Punch me where she knows I have a lot of pain from a tumor then lay in the floor and scream that I hit her. That way I would get told off my her parents, and our grandparents. Hit one of my dogs when she was 14 (when she needed a place to sleep for the night) She's made comments since being grown about "Someone should hit you" I replied.. touch me bitch.. it's gonna be jail or hell. There's 17 years of pure seething hate for her, since she got away with all her shit she did to me growing up. I was almost 9 when she was born.
I'm 30 never been in a relationship because guys keep saying that I'm ugly, or than no man wants a girl who is always reading.
Music and books are my escape.
Finding all of you I found such a great community where I feel welcomed and I'm glad we can lift each other up. Be there for each other.
To be honest since I've started listening to the guys the nightmares from the shit my dads family did..they have gotten much less frequent. For some reason, I feel a safety with their music. It may be vibes they give off but I truly feel safe.
11/4/18