Almost Easy

We’d finally wrapped in the studio after what felt like a whirlwind of chaos and, well, tragedy. We’d overcome all of the wreckage that Tyler had left in his wake and had created something that I was feeling particularly proud of. It was everything I had hoped it would be; everything we needed it to be. It had to be fucking perfect.
And it was.
I’d called a band meeting, plus Austin, at my apartment to discuss the guitarist issue. I hadn’t let it slip that Avenged had solved that problem for us nor that Brian would be joining us on the journey.
My apartment was still in a state of disaster—one symptom of depression I had yet to kick. By time I was finished living my day, I was too exhausted to take care of my home…or myself. I found myself standing before Tyler’s letter. It was haunted to be now and I wasn’t sure how to exorcise it.
By reading it, I guess.
I still couldn’t bring myself to do it. I wondered if I’d ever be ready to fill my mind with it’s contents. I imagined that most people would have ripped it open the second they received it; but there I was, nearly a week out and still couldn’t bring myself to even open the fucking thing.
It couldn’t stay on my coffee table. So, I moved it somewhere safer. Somewhere more private.
Just in time, too, as my band came crashing at my door.
They came inside in an orderly fashion, each taking up a respective space on my couch and various positions on the floor. They left Brian’s favourite chair for me.
“Should we make small talk?” Justin asked from the floor. “Or are we getting right down to it?”
“Down to it,” I shrugged as I collapsed into the chair.
“Six weeks,” Austin announced, clapping his hands together, “We leave in six weeks. Is that honestly enough time to get a new guitarist up to speed?”
“It would depend on the guitarist,” Chris shrugged. “We’d need someone experienced, that’s for sure.”
“We can’t afford someone experienced,” John frowned.
Austin nodded, “You’re both right.”
“Thanks for chiming in,” Justin groaned. “Blair, what do you think?”
I couldn’t hide my grin. I’d really wanted to draw it out, make them truly worry—and then relieve them. But, no; I was being called out. No time like the present.
“Well,” I started out slowly, “I had an interesting offer thrown my way recently.”
“To ditch us and go solo?” Justin quipped. “Figured it was only a matter of time.
“No, you fucking weirdo,” I half-laughed. “Avenged Sevenfold made us an offer.”
“An offer for what?” John asked curiously, hushing Justin with his hand.
“They offered to let us take Brian—err…Synyster Gates,” I said simply.
I was always fumbling through the Brian/Synyster Gates thing. I wasn’t sure I’d ever get a full hold on it.
The group made a collective gasping sound, all of their eyes widened. Their tails were bushy.
“Are you fucking kidding?” Justin croaked.
Chris still had his jaw ajar, “Are you serious?”
“Yep,” I nodded.
“Woah, woah, woah,” Austin stood with his hands up, “before we all get boners, is this reasonable? No way we can afford to pay him what he’s worth, Blair.”
“He’ll do it for what Tyler was making,” I shrugged. “He knows we’re low on funds. Hell, he was willing to do it for free.”
“And you talked him up?” Austin moaned. “God damnit, Blair.”
“Semantics,” I hissed.
“Holy fuck,” Justin was grumbling to himself happily.
John rushed me and tackled me into a hug, squeezing me tighter than I’d ever thought he could. We’d never been physical in any sense of the word. I was taken aback.
“You’re the best,” he said into my hair.
Once he’d let go, he and I started in on the serious discussion of when he and Brian would get together to start working out the songs. Even for someone like Brian, it was going to take some work.
“You guys have to call him Brian,” I said sternly to the group. “No more of this Synyster Gates bullshit. If he’s going to be one of us, even temporarily, then you’ll use his name.”
“Agreed,” the group chorused reluctantly.
The rest of the afternoon was full of excitement and glee—something foreign to our group since Tyler’s passing. Even in the midst of the celebrations, I was still haunted by the letter in the other room.

“I’m coming,” Jimmy told me over a round of beers. “Just so you know.”
“Coming where?” I laughed.
Jimmy had abducted me without warning from my apartment at a time that was almost shameful. Brian had apparently developed some sort of flu and had reduced our relationship to a telephone conversation for the night. I was happy to be with Jimmy, even if I couldn’t get a nice glimpse of my favourite guy’s face.
“On your tour,” he grinned. “I’m coming with you guys!”
“Oh are you now?” I laughed.
He nodded excitedly, “I’ll stowaway if I have to.”
“I don’t have a job for you,” I said seriously.
He raised an eyebrow, “I’m not coming to work, you beautiful sack of shit. If I wanted to work, I’d stay home.”
“Then what are you going to do on tour?”
“Oh, yee of little experience,” he cackled. “Touring is not about working, Blair. Touring is about partying. And that is what we will do!”
I rolled my eyes, “I can’t fit you.”
“Sure you can,” he smiled. “You and Bri will bunk together anyway. I’ll take his bunk.”
“How much thought have you given this?” I laughed.
Knowing Jimmy, he’d had this planned long before Brian had joined the lineup. He sipped at his beer, seemingly not minding my pessimism.
“I’m coming with you,” he stated again. “Just for a couple cities, then I’ll fly home. Promise.”
“I can’t ransack the whole band,” I giggled. “The rest will hate me forever.”
“Nah. As long as you’re sucking Brian’s dick, you’re as good as in.”
I scrunched my face at him.
“Speaking of dick sucking,” I thought aloud, “who was that girl from the other night?”
Jimmy got the most adorable smile just then. It was one I hadn’t seen before. Like a little kid peering through the window of a candy shop. I knew right away that he liked this girl. Actually liked her. It was kind of sweet.
“Nobody,” he lied.
“Come on,” I pried playfully.
“I don’t know,” he was blushing. “Might make her my girlfriend. I haven’t decided.”
“You take girlfriends?” I asked seriously.
He furrowed his brows at me, “I date.”
I laughed, “That isn’t what I meant. You just seem more like a…casual relations type of guy.”
“That’s Brian,” Jimmy said stupidly.
He immediately cringed. Jimmy suffered from foot in mouth syndrome, as we had earlier established. What he said kicked at my chest and plummeted through my gut.
“I beg your pardon,” was all I managed.
He bit at his piercing, choosing his words carefully, “I don’t mean now.”
I blinked at him.
“Blair,” he whined. “You have nothing to worry about.”
I raised my eyebrows, “Mhm.”
“Before you,” Jimmy attempted again, “he was known for getting around.”
This wasn’t the first time I’d heard that. After all, I was well aware of his reputation. What was bothering me was that I’d brought it up to Brian and he’d basically denied it. He’d made me feel foolish for even implying that he was known for taking more than one lover at a time.
But here was Jimmy confirming it.
Jimmy looked panicked.
“He really likes you,” he reassured me. “He doesn’t cheat. I’ll give him that. For Brian to date you, it means he thinks you’re super cool.”
“Good for me,” I said callously.
“Don’t get all broody,” Jimmy groaned. “I fucked up. I shouldn’t have said that. Just forget about it.”
“It’s forgotten,” I lied.
I pushed the jealous, insecure side of me down. It wasn’t like I was a virgin coming into this relationship. I got it, really. So why did it bother me so much?
“Did you like her?” Jimmy changed the subject, sipping at his beer hurriedly. “Lauren?”
I shrugged, still thinking about Brian being a manwhore, “She seemed nice.”
“We should all go do something one night before you guys leave,” Jimmy suggested weakly. “Like a double date or whatever.”
“You mean before we leave?” I asked.
He looked at me weirdly.
“I thought you said you were coming,” I laughed, taking a sip of my own beer.
Jimmy beamed, “Permission! Fuck yeah!”
“Your girlfriend isn’t invited,” I said seriously, pointing my beer at him, “Or you guys fly from city to city. I mean it.”
“No girlfriend,” Jimmy smirked. “Scout’s honor.”
We continued drinking, Jimmy mostly talking about his new gal pal and her behind. My mind was someplace else; somewhere in the past where Brian was still seedy. Back when Tyler was still around and warning me about Brian. Back when I was a confident enough woman not to give a fuck about any of it.
I decided to pick up that trend and bury it. Brian hadn’t done anything wrong. He, as far as I knew, had been entirely faithful since we’d met—not that it had been all that long.
It was clear that I was behaving like a crazy person and so I stopped. I let the Brian that I knew come back to the forefront of my mind, lulling me into adoration with his eyes and his cocky smirk. I was crazy about that Brian.
I just hoped he was crazy about me too.
While I thought of Brian, I let Jimmy talk. If he knew I wasn’t listening, it didn’t show. Jimmy was the best like that.

Notes