****Zacky’s POV****

That had been one of my worse ideas. I should have known she might not be there alone. She had every right to use sex to feel better and she knew exactly how to go about getting that. But seeing that guy-that absolutely anonymous tree of a guy--leave her apartment was one of the worst feelings I’d ever felt. Then there was the look in her eyes when I handed that key back to her. Fuck.

All I could think about was the night she had given it to me. There had been so many indicators that I needed to proceed with caution, but I had stupidly ignored them. This wasn’t like me at all.

Determined to do what she had done, I headed to a local dive bar and drank until I thought I could get it up for whatever came my way. It was easy, and few hours later I was fucking some woman in a the back of my car. The seconds of consolation that I found in the moment of release felt empty and hardly worth it.

I had zero motivation to do anything, so that’s what I did. Nothing. I stayed at home, turned off my phone, and drank.

***

“Zack! What the hell are you doing in bed? It’s 10…”



I batted blindly at whoever the fuck was tyring to wake me up. I wasn’t hung over, surprisingly, other than emotionally.
Brian. Should never have told him where the extra key was.

He chortled like a teenager, “She running you ragged, hmmmm??”
I pushed at him so hard and suddenly, that he fell off the bed in a flurry of arms and legs. When he had righted himself and was sitting back on the bed with a weird look on his stupid face, I sat up and gave him a pissed off look, “No. She won’t be running me anything anymore. She broke up with me.”

Syn’s brows went up as his jaw dropped. I slung my legs over the opposite edge of the bed, “But thanks for bringing her up. Can I fucking help you with something?” I didn’t wait for an answer, but headed to the kitchen for an Irish coffee.

“Zack…” He followed me, “I am so sorry. I...I hadn’t heard from you and...I was originally curious about how your planned night out went, but--”

I got out the coffee, not wanting to see the pity in his eyes, “Dinner went well. The sex was fucking incredible. Then she left me.”

“Why?!”
I gave him a flat look, finally looking at him, “You fucking know why.”
Brian lowered his gaze and cleared his throat, “That...really sucks, man...have...have you been on social media in the last 24 hours?”

I tried to take deep breaths instead of unleashing on him, “Why the ever living fuck would I give two shits enough to waste my time on Twitter or whatever the fuck right now!?!”

Syn put up both hands to try and calm me down, “Hey, easy. I get it. There’s something you should see, though.” He fumbled for his phone and when I read the Instagram post, my knees almost gave out. Fuck. She deserved better.

A picture of me, Violet, and Ben graced the screen--Ben’s tongue in her ear and her and I in a flirty glance. It seemed to originally have been posted by just some guy, but had been shared…a lot. The caption made me see red and made my eyes water.

What is @zackyvengeance doing with this slut? She was all over both of them all night. Pick one, tease.

Rage took over every cell in my body, but before I could punch anything, Brian had ahold of both my wrists.
“Don’t hit anything. Settle down, those fingers are both our livelihoods. This isn’t that big of a deal, I just thought you should see it.”
“Isn’t that big of a deal?!” I roared, “I did this to her!! They’ll figure out she’s my model, Bri!! Then what?!?”

His eyes flitted around enough that his silence told me they already had. I pulled my hands down my face once he let go, pacing as I pulled at my hair.

“Look, Vi’s a big girl and she knew exactly what she was doing. If anything, she’ll either ignore this or figure out how to turn it on them. I wouldn’t worry about her, but I do worry about you.”

"Probably a good idea.” I shrugged sarcastically.

“Zack, please just leave it alone. Responding will only give him power. Just don’t say anything at all.”

“Now does that sound like me, Synyster?”

***Vi’s POV***

Erin hugged me as I broke down in her arms. All she had to do was walk in Monday morning to my apartment, and I couldn’t hold it together.

“Honey, what the hell?!” She soothed a hand over my hair as she shut the door, “I really didn’t think you’d care too much about this. Since when do you care what people think?”

I pulled away and looked at her questioningly, “What?! It’s not about what anyone thinks about us! What am I going to do without him, Erin?”

“Without him?! He broke up with you?!?” She huffed and put her hands on her hips angrily.
I slumped onto the back of the couch, whispering, “I broke up with him.”

“Ohhhhhh…” She knew enough about us that she didn’t have to ask why.

“So what were you going on about?” I sniffled.

The pretty brunette warily got out her phone and showed me the post and how many times it had been commented on and shared. Before I could grab her phone, she shoved it in her pocket, “Don’t read the comments, Vi, please. There’s no reason to. Don’t give them power. You be you, like you’re always you.”

I knew she was right. It would be so very hard not to look at them, but I knew that was best. Ignore them. Reading them would make me want to reply and replying would give them power. Besides, what would I say?

“C’mon. I’ll order Chinese and we can cuddle and watch whatever you want.”

And that’s exactly what she did. She held me all day, ate with me, drank with me, and later that night played with me until I could finally fall asleep.

***

The next morning I stared at the pitiful excuse for Violet in the mirror. I would get her back to normal today if it was the last thing I ever did. I had given myself two whole days of acting like a pathetic teenage girl and now it was over. Life goes on.

Work helped and interaction with people distracted me and made me feel human again. Erin insisted on taking me to lunch and just when I was starting to relax and enjoy the sunshine, I noticed all color drain from her face as she checked her phone.

I exhaled dramatically, “What now?”
She tentatively handed me her phone.

I should’ve known Zacky wouldn’t be able to not say anything. I knew I should’ve texted him and asked him not to.

For those out there who don’t want to see this kind of shit in public, too bad. She is a wonderful woman, way more than you could handle, and doesn’t give a fuck if you judge her. We’re not serious, but she knows how to have fun--something I’m guessing you have no idea how to do. #forthosewhodontknownowyouknow

Great. It was perfect, and so very Vengeance. The loudmouth I’d fallen for. There was nothing I could post in response to this, and privately telling him I wish he hadn’t would make me the bitch. So I politely thanked him.

Thank you, Vengeance. You know me well. The original post didn’t really bother me, but if you were going to say anything, I’m glad it was that.

You’re welcome. I knew you wouldn’t want me to, but I couldn’t help myself.

Conversing with him at all was making me emotional again, so I steeled myself and walled it off. I hadn’t read very many of the responses to Zack’s post, but the few I’d seen were nice, people defending me that had never even met me. Probably only because I was in the picture with Zacky V, but still.

*

I plowed through the rest of the work week, ignoring the looks my coworkers--including my boss--gave me. When she offered giving me Saturday off, I smiled emptily and insisted there was no reason for that. The pity in her eyes made me want to claw her eyes out. That’s the last thing I needed. I could do this. He’d once told me, told my ex, that I didn’t need anyone. Including him.

Friday I boldly showed up with Erin at Johnny’s, wanting to further hammer in the idea that I didn’t give a shit what people said on social media about me. I danced and drank the night away and went home with Candice, wondering why on earth this was only our second night together.

It went on for a long time, almost a couple of hours of getting lost in the sea of endorphins that made me forget everything. She was amazing, much more experienced with women than I was. By the end, we were both satisfied, and I useless.

I woke up the next morning in her arms, a strap on being slid inside me as I immediately fell apart.
“Candice--” I pulled on her hair as she chuckled in my ear and pinched my nipples. Damn.

She then climbed on top, kissing me. Then flipped me over and took me from behind. I blushed hard as I quietly begged her to put it in my ass. After I’d come countless times and she’d cleaned it off in the bathroom….she came back in the room and informed me it was my turn.

*

Saturday night, though, I’d decided to spend by myself. After a long day at work and the night before, I didn’t feel like going out. I had every intention of spending it enjoying my own company, but after only one Scotch I was a pathetic pity party.

The knock on my door nearly sent me through the ceiling. If it was him, I swear to god I was gonna knee him in the balls. What faced me on the other side of the door, though, still brought more tears to my eyes.

The pity in Meaghan’s doe brown eyes was bad enough...but to see the wonderful little boy in her arms again? I couldn’t deal with that.

I turned from the front door and burst into tears. She quickly hurried in and shut the door. Putting a hand at my back, she hugged me a little, “Honey, I’m so sorry, I just found out.”

I pulled myself together a little with a sad smile, wiping at my eyes, “You want anything?”
She shook her head and smiled back before putting Ness down in the living room so we could talk on the couch.

“I heard from Michelle. Explains a lot. He only spent one day with Ness this week and he was in and out of the house so fast I barely saw him….I assume...you broke it off...because of his issues?”

I nodded sadly, “You were right.” I sniffed, “I should’ve been more careful. Or broken it off sooner. By the time I saw just how deep in we were, it was too late…”
She hugged me again and I accepted it, but pulled away so I wouldn’t get too emotional all over again, “Can I ask you something, Megs?” I whispered.

“Anything, of course.”

“Did...Zack ever...make love to you?” I nervously picked up my drink and took a sip.

She, surprisingly, didn’t seem phased by the question. Her eyes were trained on her son, “Looking back at it, never. Some times we were closer than others, but…” Megs blushed hard core, “Now that Jake’s made love to me I see that I never had anything like that with Zack.” Now she turned to me, which I hadn’t seen coming, “Has he made love to you?”

My eyes widened. I fidgeted and cleared my throat, knowing I couldn’t answer because I didn’t have all the information, “I...don’t know. I mean, he can’t love me, so apparently not, but...ever since that very first time there’s been...something special there. Unlike anything I’ve ever had with anyone else. There’s connection there, ease, warmth, innate trust...but I guess I just saw and felt what I wanted to...he can’t feel those things.”

I could see the wheels turning and I stopped her, “Don’t, Megs. Just because he opened up to me more, doesn’t mean he loves me.” I patted her knee and realized I needed to tell her. After all the lies, I couldn’t do it anymore. She deserved to know. Without another thought to what the aftermath would be, I plunged head first into the truth.

“Megs...I need to tell you something. It’s not something I’m proud of. It horrified me at how easy it was, but my first time with Zack was like it was written in the stars or some shit. He tried not to, I tried not to. You’ve been so good to me and you and the girls, and the guys, are all so nice to me….I can’t lie to you,” Her face steeled as she perked up to my impending confession, “I can’t tell you how sorry I am, but...the woman he cheated on you with was me. And that was our second time together.” My eyes raised to hers as hers filled with tears and horror at the realization. There wasn’t really anything else I could say, so I just let it sink in.

“I see…” Her eyes finally fell, the silence lengthening uncomfortably, “When was the first?”

“Apparently it was a few days after you’d conceived.”

Meaghan didn’t hide the surprise on her face that our first time had preceded our second by that much time, “Where?”

“Meaghan--please--”

“Where!?!” I’d never seen her angry before. I stared as she stood up and folded her arms.
My cheeks heated as my gaze dropped again, “Your spare bedroom.”

She inhaled in shock, “What?!? He brought you into our home!?!!”

I tried to keep myself from apologizing, knowing how insulting that would be.

“After everything we’ve done for you, I’ve done for you, accepted you into our lives--you slept with my husband the same night I miscarried?!?” She was yelling now, but she had every right to, “Hooking up once is one thing. Knowingly bedding your friend’s husband while she’s in the hospital after we all hung out at a party together?!? That’s a new low for even you.”

New tears fell, which I tried to hide because I deserved her rants, even that last dig. It’s a good thing Ness was there, or I might not exist anymore.

“And he’s made love to you that entire time??” Her voice softened a little, which made me look back up, brow cocked in wonder at her change in inflection.

After gawking awhile, I realized she was actually waiting for an answer, “I-I don’t know, but...it was...special.”
“Does he ever actually look at you?”

I knew exactly what she meant, having locked onto those beautiful green eyes as we both came lots of times. I shifted nervously, “Yeah.”

She shook her head, scoffing a small ironic laugh, “In all our years together he never looked me in the eyes. Not once.”
I gawked again. I knew he had been cold with her most of the time, but I figured they’d had good times in the beginning at least.

Megs threw her hands in the air, huffed angrily, and picked Ness up off the floor. Turning to me, she opened her mouth and paused.

“I…” She shook a finger at me, kind of adorable when mad, “Have to figure out how I feel about this.” Her nose went into the air, “I’m sorry you guys broke up, but maybe you deserved it after what you two did.”

Megs stomped towards the door and I jumped up after her, “I really am sorry, Megs--”

She yanked the door open, any other conversation between us halting.

Quin stood there, eyebrows up and hand freezing in midair from where he was about to knock on my door. The other hand held a bottle of wine.

Meaghan immediately sized up the situation and turned on me, eyes narrowed--newly lit anger in them, “Really, Violet? Ya know, you really are what they say.”


***Z’s POV***

I was two drinks deep by the time my ex-wife tore into my new household, throwing me for an enormous loop. Ness was crying, and I was clueless. When she didn’t say a word, but disappeared with our son to his room, I followed warily.

“Meaghan….what the fuck are you doing here? I wasn’t planning on having him tonight, I’ve already had a couple--” I shut the hell up when all she did was put Ness in his crib, glare at me in a way that chilled my bones, and walked back out. This was about to be a fight, but what the hell? We weren’t even together anymore and I definitely didn’t have the patience for this right now.

I dragged my feet and the second I was near her, I was being slapped--hard.

“New boyfriend not rough enough for ya?” I sneered, narrowing my eyes at her as I rubbed my cheek, “All ya gotta do is ask.”
This was completely out of line, but it represented how I felt lately. My outlook had taken a very dark, sinister turn and if I didn’t give a fuck about what came out of my mouth before, now it was whole new level that reached the perverse.

She inhaled in shock, “Did she give you everything you wanted that night, Zack?! While I was crying over the loss of our baby, you were fucking Violet for an entire weekend before you came back and lied to my face!!!”

Well, that put me in my place. I turned ghost white and grabbed for a chair to hold onto. How did she know?

“I can’t believe how long this has been going on, how you two walked around right in front of all of us while going behind everyone’s backs. Did the guys all know? They get a good laugh? I know that wasn’t your first time with her, too.” She fired and crossed her arms.

“H-how do you know all this?”

“I went to comfort her and she just came clean. While I’m really pissed at her for lying to me, I also know the hell she’s going through of falling for you. You’re the one who was married, you’re the one who went back to her again. For a woman that you claim not to love. All this--the lying, the things you’ve done for her--she thinks you made love to her, ya know! You’re a fucking idiot, Zack!” She screamed and then pointed towards our son’s room, “I’ll be back for him in the morning, so maybe you should sober up, asshole!”

Meaghan shoved me in the chest, almost sending me to the floor, and was out the door.

Trying to wrap my head around what the hell just happened, I went to comfort Ness and put him down. I picked him up out of his crib as he wailed, his tears pulling at my own. I was ping-ponging between sad and angry so quickly it made my head spin. She knew everything, apparently--and way too literally--and that made me feel like trash. Why Violet came out and told her I had no idea. But I was also unjustly angry at her outburst at me. She didn’t know anything about us. It was complicated. I hated doing this to her, to me, to us--but it’s what was right in the end. It would hurt less now than it would later if we stayed together.

It was rough convincing myself of this, since I couldn’t imagine a hurt worse than this when it came to simply breaking up with someone. Why did I care this much? I’d never cried over a woman before.

And...Violet told Meaghan that we made love?

Honestly, I’d called it that to myself plenty of times, and to her out loud at least once, despite the fact that I didn’t have the basic components to make that work. So, I couldn’t bring myself to say she was wrong, exactly. But, it wasn’t the same and Megs had no right to tell me that I was wrong about this.

Man, this totally blew ass. I couldn’t stop thinking about her no matter what I did. I’d kept up my running with Dan just to have something to distract me, but that didn’t work, either. I think the mornings were the worst. The times I got to wake up to her were always some of the best moments of my life, and now I’d never have them again. She certainly had done a number on me. But I’d get over it. I had to...for her sake.

***Vi’s POV***

The second we were done, I broke down. Curling into a ball, my lover of the moment followed me onto my side so he was still inside me. I sobbed, pulling a pillow to my embarrassed face.

“You still crying over this guy, babe?” Quin kissed my shoulder, soothing a hand over me, “It’s okay. We all heal in our own time, in our own ways.”

I waited until he had softened and pulled out to say anything, “Before tonight...Zack was the only one who had ever made me come like that.”

Quin stretched me so far past my limits, into such a shattering moment of bliss, that I had ejaculated.

He kissed my hair and made a sound of understanding, “Pleasure is pleasure, Violet. That…” He chuckled lightly, “Was...incredible. You’re pretty adventurous. No one’s ever done those things to me before. While he may have helped you discover that, I’m sure it was only a matter of time.”

I huffed. He was right, but still. I felt like I’d betrayed him, even though we weren’t even together anymore. Suddenly, I felt silly for trying so desperately to find consolation in sex. What we’d just done was incredible, but I no longer felt better.

Turning to him, I put an arm around his waist and looked up at him, “Stay with me?”
Quin smiled, thumbing away my tears, “Okay.”

****Zack’s POV****

The smell of breakfast woke me up and for a moment I lived in a wonderful world where she hadn’t left me. Then I woke up, remembered, fought back the tears that threatened every single fucking morning and got up to see who was making food in my house.

I easily could’ve been pushed over with a feather. It was my ex-wife.

“Meaghan?” I sleepily tied my robe and yawned.
“Here,” She handed me a cup of coffee, “When was the last time you ate a decent meal?”
I lowered my eyes to the coffee instead of answering her as she put a hand on her hip.
“That’s what I thought. Eat up.”

“Uh...thanks.” I gulped the coffee with a sigh of relief, “Is he still sleeping?”
“Yes. Not surprising...I brought him over here kinda late, for him.” She sat me down and put an omelette in front of me, which I began inhaling. Why was she being nice to me? I certainly didn't deserve it.

My gaze kept lifting to hers, wondering what her game was. She was poisoning me--that had to be it. I was about half way done before I slowed down and had to ask.

“Megs...what’s up? You have every single right to be kick-me-in-the-nads mad.”
She laughed a little, “That’s true. And I am still mad, and as much as I could easily let this slide because you deserve it, I’m not that kind of person. You’re madly in love with her and I’m here to snap you into reality.”

I slumped back and scrubbed a hand down my face, “Meaghan, I know it might look that way to everyone else, but...it’s complicated.”

“Then explain it to me.”

I stared at my coffee as I thought abouther, “Look, I admire her and I’m sexually attracted to her but that’s it. I’ve explained to you that I can’t love most people. And definitely not women. I’ve known Val and Chelle for more than twenty years and I still don’t feel the same way about them as I do the guys.”



“Zack, what you share with your bandmates and best friends will always be special and different. You’ll be closer to them than anyone always, because you’ve known them the longest and you’ve gone through so much together. That doesn’t mean what you’re feeling for Violet isn’t love.”

I stood up and walked away towards the living room, trying to get away from her and this conversation safely. When she followed me, I sank to the couch and stared at my hands, “I’m so tired of thinking about this, Megs. Can you just leave it alone?” My voice cracked as I finally looked up at her. I blinked away the evidence that this was really getting to me.

She smiled sadly, holding my face in her slender hand, “See? That. You ever cared this much about a woman?”

Knowing she knew the answer, and not being able to take this by myself any longer, I rested my forehead on her shoulder, “It hurts, Megs.”

Her hand soothed over my hair as I let a few tears fall, “That’s love, Zack. It sucks and it’s great.”
I reined it in and leaned back against the couch, looking up at her, “I can’t be wrong about this, though. I can’t break her heart again. I just need to accept that I can’t do this.”

Before she could object, my front door opened and then Brian was walking in. I furrowed my brow at her.

“What? I knew you wouldn’t listen to me, so I called for backup.”

Syn sat on my other side and I tried to sit up straight to look like I had it more together than I actually did.

“She’s right, Z. Ya shoulda listened to me that morning in bed,” We both ignored the look Megs gave us, “I know you better than anyone in this universe, Zack. Trust me, I know you’re scared and you should be. But the way you two are together, sexually and otherwise, the things you do for one another. I remember your other relationships, dude. You always needed our help because you were totally clueless. Or so we thought. Turns out, you just weren’t in love. Now you don’t need our help, because it’s right for you.”

“Even if I was, this isn’t what she wants. She doesn’t want a relationship or complications.”
“That’s an excuse and you know it. She may not want those things, but she does want you, that’s extremely clear.”
“What if I’m wrong?”
“Also an excuse.” He thumbed the lapel of my robe, raising a brow because it was black, embroidered in purple, "Did you have one made for her, too?"
I shoved his hand away, looking at the floor, "Shut up..."

When I was quiet for awhile, Brian could tell I needed more convincing, “When was the last time you were hurt this deeply by anything?”

My eyes widened and shot up to his. He knew the answer.

“What do you think he would tell you to do, hm?” I could see he didn’t want to go there, but he was desperate.
I chuckled lightly, “This is downright cheating.”
Brian shrugged and smiled sideways, knowing he had me.

Before I had any idea what was happening, I found myself being crushed by both of them in a tight hug. Overwhelmed with emotion since I hadn’t seen it coming, I cried. Actually...cried.

Eventually, they loosened their hold and I wiped at my eyes. One each of their arms still across my shoulders, they both smiled wide at me.



“I’m so fucking happy for you, brother.” Brian actually kissed my hair as I pushed him away playfully.

The ache in my heart lightened somewhat as I downright laughed, “What the fuck am I gonna do, guys?” I shook my head, putting it in my hands as I tried to wrap my mind around admitting all this to myself, much less her.

Megs giggled and clapped her hands together, “I have an idea!”

We both looked at her, “There’s a really fancy gala next Friday. It’s for Red Cross or something, and everyone will be dressed up, there’ll be dancing. I’ll make sure she’s invited and she’ll have no idea you’ll be there. That gives you plenty of time to plan something.”

“Plan something?” I looked at her, horrified, “I was planning on just telling her.”
“You’ll have to do more than just tell her. Show her. Beyond the shadow of a doubt.”

My gaze shifted to Brian, as if he could get me out of this. He only laughed at me, “She’s right. Again. You’ll do fine. Look at the things you’ve done so far. That Runaway shit? Romantic as hell, especially after you told me the whole story. I know you’ll think of something. If you really need our help, let us know.”

I took a deep breath, wondering how I’d get through an entire week without telling her. When Megs started to get up, I grabbed her wrist. She looked back at me and I kept her gaze so she’d know how serious I was, “Megs, I’m really sorry. For everything. She is, too. I hate so much that we did this to you.”

She patted my knee sympathetically, “I know, Zacky.”

*****

Notes

Finally!!! Yay!!! How on earth is he gonna win her back?!

As always, love your comments and thanks for reading!!! : )

The social media post? Whadaya think?