Gunslingers

I couldn’t tell Matt what I was about to do. I knew that no matter what he said, he wanted me to have this baby. Matt always wanted to be a father, and now he might have that chance. Or so he thought. I wasn’t going to tell him I was aborting. Despite the connection we had lately, the military and the Marines were still very much my life.

Taking in a deep breath, I watched the doctor clean her instruments. She said there was nothing for me to worry about since my pregnancy was so early. It was a good thing Planned Parenthood hadn’t been defunded because I was nervous as fuck as it was.

“Now, you’ll be under for a bit and then have some cramping on and off throughout the day. Eventually, you’ll bleed and that will be the end of it,” the doctor said and gently stroked my hair. “Is there someone here to take you home?”

I shook my head. “No one knows I’m here.”

She nodded. “Okay, let’s begin.” When I woke up, I felt the same. It was like nothing had happened. My stomach and vagina ached a bit, but I felt mostly okay. The doctor gave me another smile and helped me sit up. When I was fully upright, my stomach still hurt like a bitch.

“Thank you.” I walked out of the door and to my car. My phone was going off; it had been since before I went under. I had no doubt that Matt was blowing my phone up. He probably wondered where I had gotten off too. It was a good thing I didn’t care for his opinion right now.

As soon as my car was parked in my garage, Sanders was storming out to me. His face was enraged like I hadn’t seen in years. I imagined this is how he looked when he went to get UBL. Looking away, I walked right past him.

“What the fuck, Rae?” He yelled it. He was using his angry voice. It was the voice he used to scream in his songs. “Where did you go? I woke up and you were just gone.”

I turned to face him as we got into my house. “I have a life outside of you, Matt.”

“You’re pregnant! With my baby!”

“NO I’M NOT!” That wasn’t how I wanted to tell him, but my body was hurting and I couldn’t lie to him about it. “I aborted, Matt.”

His face fell. All the love and emotion that used to be in it just dropped. Matt’s eyes went dead as he stared at me. “Jesus. Whatever we had… whatever friendship we had, is over.”

Anger boiled to the surface. “YOU SAID YOU WERE OKAY WITH WHATEVER DECISION I MADE!” I got up into his face.

He didn’t back down. “I FUCKING LIED!”

The anger frothed out. “YOU FUCKING DICK!” I hit him in the face. “GET THE FUCK OUT OF MY HOUSE AND DON’T EVER FUCKING COME BACK!”

Matt glared at me. “YOU FUCKING KILLED OUR BABY!” He pushed me, hard. I fell against my front entry desk . He didn’t back down though. Clearly, I wasn’t the only angry one.

“It wasn’t a baby. It wasn’t a life. It was a parasite.” I stood up and punched him hard in the stomach.

Air whoosed out of his body. Matt’s eyes flashed. He grabbed me by the neck and threw me against the wall. My head cracked and my own angry grew.

“It wasn’t a parasite, Rae. It was ours.”

“No, it was nothing.” I felt a trickle of blood down my face and another trickle of blood down my leg. My eyes widened in shock. I was losing the baby now.

“Get out, Matt.” I turned away from him. The anger was now gone. “Get out!”

“FINE!” The door slammed shut as he left and I grasped my stomach. The blood came a little faster as I rushed to the toilet.
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Sand. Sand was fucking everywhere. It was the worst part of Afghanistan and Iraq. Sand got into all the places, and I understood why Anakin hated it so much. It was coarse and rough and got everywhere. It felt like it was all over my body now.

“You okay, Rae.” My CO looked at me. “You look a little worse than normal.”
I rolled my eyes. “Just had a rough few weeks leading up to tour, sir. I don’t think I look worse than normal.” I flipped him the bird and headed to my room.

My stomach still hurt even after the abortion had happened. The doctor had promised me that everything would be okay after that. Even after all that blood had trickled down my leg, I still felt like something was wrong. I laid down on my cot and gripped my belly. This pain had to stop.

“Seriously, Rae. What’s up with you?” Charlie asked. He had followed me as a commanding officer was supposed to do. “You’re acting unusual.”

“I don’t want to talk about it, Charlie. I know you’re gonna keep asking questions, but I promise everything is okay. Honestly, I’m just having some stomach pain.” I motioned at my belly where my arms were still crossed over it.

“I’m accepting that for now, Rae. Stay icy.” The heat of the person flared in my night vision googles.
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This mission was important, not as important as the one the SEALs had been on, but important nonetheless. The person moved and I re-sighted my gun. We needed everything to go well today.

Charlie motioned for us to move forward. In hindsight it wasn’t the best move because the second all of us stepped forward, a dozen armed men started firing at us. Bullets rained down around us. It was like being in a volley of fire. We tried to duck for cover, but half of us couldn’t make it. I was among those half.

A sharp pain like I had only felt once rushed through my stomach. My M16 dropped to the ground as I clutched my stomach. It was like everything was on fire at once. It hurt like a bitch, like my arm all over again. Then everything went white like the last time.

Notes