When I Was Your Man

“You should text her,“ Val’s voice sounded thin through the phone. Matt knew he was on speaker immediately. “Are you driving?“ He said, his voice sounding more concerned than he wanted it to.

His ex had that terrible habit of endangering herself and others on the road by phoning. It bugged Matt even though he did it himself. Val is a mother, she can’t risk her life like that anymore. I shouldn’t either, but she has someone to look after.

“I’m not, don’t worry. Just bathing the little lady,“ Val reassured him, and Matt immediately relaxed. He was Estelle’s godfather which meant if anything ever happened to Val, he would technically be Estelle’s legal guardian. “Alright, thanks for not doing it today. So why would I text her?“ Matt asked, quickly changing the subject.

“Well because you had a nice evening and now you’re at least back to being friends, maybe she wants to hang out again. Or even call it a real date,“ Val suggested. Matt then heard a couple of curses and the sound of the phone falling to the floor before their line was dead.

What the fuck happened now again? He asked himself. Matt grinned because that was so typical of Val. He put the phone aside, knowing she would call back when the time was right. Or after buying a new phone, which apparently happened twice already.

His fingers moved over the piano again, and suddenly he remembered how he planned to continue the song. Yup, this one, this one, dun dun dun dun dun. Oh yeah that sounds great. Matt quickly scribbled down the notes, then looked at his watch again.

Can’t believe I’ve been down here for three hours straight, he thought to himself. Lately he had not been able to focus on writing for longer than an hour without a break. Looks like I finally have some inspiration, doesn’t it? He leaned back with a content smile when his phone rang again.

“Val!“ He said into it, not even hiding his amusement. “Yeah, sorry. The little one found it was time to put a piece of poop into the water again,“ his friend responded and Matt moaned, pretending that it turned him on.

"Thank you so much for not sparing me that detail, you're the greatest! Mhhh poop!"
Val laughed, then resumed to where their conversation stopped. "Well I said text her. Don't you have any excuse? Invite her and the guys for a barbecue if you don’t know what else to do,“ she suggested.

“Why is that important now?“
“Well, it’s pretty obvious that you want her back, you know that, right?“ Matt rolled his eyes, having been over that topic with Val too many times.
“Yeah but I don’t really think that-"

“No buts, Matt,“ she interrupted him. “She texted me a big thanks today and that it was long overdue to see you again. That’s good. Now stay in the back of her mind. Just text her something small, then stop. Let her hear from you, but don’t annoy her. Like I said, throw a barbecue party or something.“

God, I wish I never told Val all this. She keeps bossing me around. Ugh, Matt thought sarcastically. Of course he was glad he told her, and without her he was almost sure he would have gone insane not knowing what to do already.

“I could ask her about the Duffing for Dollars tournament,“ Matt thought aloud. Duffing for Dollars was a charity golf tournament Karma, Zacky and him always played to raise some awareness to certain illnesses.

“Then do just that! That’s a great idea, you can say they asked you how many Avenged band members would be there or something,“ Val suggested. Matt then heard the soft sound of her blowdryer and hung up, knowing that Val just forgot to say goodbye or hang up.

Matt took a deep breath, then decided to say just fuck it. Val was right, asking about that tournament wasn’t going too far.

To: Karma
Hey K, thanks again for yesterday. I totally forgot to ask: Are you gonna be at this years Duffing event? They e-mailed me some days ago and I didn’t answer yet. Matt.

It surprised Matt how fast she responded. Usually she was so busy with whatever she was doing that he did not get a response in a day - or at all. But less than five minutes later, his phone buzzed.

From: Karma
I don’t think so, no. Haven’t even held a club in my hands since the last one two years ago. Thanks for asking tho. And for yesterday, too. Catching up was overdue. K.

Matt stared at the text for minutes. It bugged him. Not that she didn’t play that tournament with him, he couldn’t care less about that. It wasn’t the way she said it, either. It was much rather how he didn’t know what to respond that would make her write back again.

And I used to think I’m good at that stuff, Matt thought with a grin, then ran his fingers through his hair. It’s getting longer again, and I never wanted that same haircut I had back when I was with her again. I should have it cut soon.

But Matt knew it wasn’t going to happen. The smallest ray of hope was enough for him to keep his hair. What a girl I am, Matt thought to himself, thinking about my hair and what to respond to a text. A real man would just write something or do something.

Matt wondered how all of a sudden he had the courage.

To: Karma
Actually there’s something else that’s overdue. We agreed on continuing the band, right? BBQ with the guys at my place today to sort it all out? 7 pm sound good? M.

He definitely wasn’t prepared for her saying yes. God damnit, I need to ask the guys now. And hope they have time. And I hope they're still interested in the band, too.

A few minutes later, Matt had invited Brian and the rest of the guys to his house. Luckily they, too, found that an Avenged meeting was overdue. He talked to Brian on the phone while he halfheartedly cleaned the house. He wasn't really in the mood to clean but he wanted a clean-looking house. So mostly he just swept the dirt under the carpet.

I should ask Linda over here soon, he thought as his friend told him some funny story about his dad. Linda was his cleaning lady, and one day he'd just been so pissed at himself and the world he sent her home with some unfriendly words, and apparently she had been intimidated enough not to return a week later.

“Dude, but how do you end up meeting with Karma?” Matt's thought process about that one incident with Linda was interrupted by Brian's sudden question. He chuckled to himself before answering. “Well, that's a kind of funny story. Well, let's just say Val set us up," he answered curtly.

“Well, not that I'm not glad we could make a new start with the band but Matt, do you honestly think you two are ready to start working together again? I mean, with all that happened?!" Fuck you too, Brian.

“Why are you asking?"
“We are where we are because you guys decided to fall in love, remember?"
And I still am, Matt thought with a heavy heart. But if I can't have both, I at least want the band. “Don't worry. You said it yourself that I changed. I'll stick to the rules now if that means it doesn't happen again," he said robotically, knowing it was a lie. He would try to get her back at any occasion he got - not that he expected to get a single one.

“Alright, then I'm glad you came to an agreement," his friend said. And we should, Matt thought as he pressed the end call button. We should agree on never overstepping that boundary again. That's what we should do. But... what if I don't want to? Is it so terrible to want both?

Matt found himself doing something he really hated. Grocery shopping. As he pushed the shopping cart through the aisles and took chips, steaks, fries for the oven, and some beers, he wondered what the outcome of tonights’s meeting would be.

A new start in Avenged? A final breakup? Whatever it is, it’s gonna be good. It’ll either bring me closure or make us come together again, Matt thought as he stood in front of his wardrobe just an hour later. He was surprised that he was able to get everything that went with a proper barbecue so late. Usually the supermarket was out of at least one thing he needed when he needed it urgently.

I didn’t think about what to wear for years, Matt sighed to himself as he threw away a black and blue flannel that somehow seemed to show off too little of his arms even when it was rolled back.

I shouldn’t be thinking about what to wear at all, just like yesterday. The ringing of the doorbell ripped him out of his thoughts, and despite having decided against the flannel, Matt threw it on quickly as he walked downstairs.

When he spotted the blond woman’s head in front of the glass door, his insides twisted painfully. She’s first. What do I do? What do I even talk to her? Why am I even thinking about all that?

He couldn’t deny it. He still loved her with all his heart and he couldn't stand not having her. And he wouldn't. Despite all the having grown up in the past years, he was acting like a lovesick teenager about it.

Notes

Hello my loves, a late night update (at least in my time zone)
Really hope you enjoy it. What do you think will happen at the party? Anything at all?

Have a good start into the week :)