When I Was Your Man

If she was thinking anything, Matt couldn’t read her mind. His palms were starting to get sweaty. He realized he probably shouldn’t have said all that, but there was no turning back now.
“See, I… I have to think about it. I…“ Her voice sounded pressed.

“No worries,“ he quickly backpedaled. Her breath was heavy. Matt threw her his shirt, realizing they should get dressed. Their moment was over, wasn't it. He bit his lip as he turned away to at least put on his boxers. Under normal circumstances he would have chuckled at the burning stare he felt at his backside.

Fuck. I fucking ruined it. I could have just let it go on a little and then pop the question, but no, stupid assface Sanders had to ruin everything. Now I don’t even get to have her as a stupid friend with benefit. I never wanted that in the first place, but hey - I wouldn’t have complained if I’m getting laid. By her.

“How… how would you…“ she swallowed. Her voice sounded unsure. “How would this go… hypothetically?“ She finally brought out.
Matt took a deep breath before turning around and looking at her. To him, this question was more than he expected, and it made him happy.

He looked at her. She was sitting there on the counter, legs crossed, with an uncertain smile on her face. She redressed but with the shaggy hair and the thin layer of sweat covering her face, one could see what just happened. To him, there was nothing more beautiful than her. Nothing.

Matt had actually done some thinking as how to pull it all off. But to this point it had only been a lot of “what ifs“, nothing concrete. It was more daydreaming than thinking. He took a deep breath, then steadied his voice like his vocal coach told him to. There was no way he would let her feel his insecurity, she had to believe that this was the heist, after all.

“Well, for starters: Your forming career can’t get into the way. It’s there. And I’ll support it,“ he stated, and Karma nodded. They sunk down onto the couch. Long forgotten was the risotto they originally planned to make.

“So that’s that. You're not gonna accuse me of wanting more time or something if I criticize. Because I'm interested in your well-being, and if that means I'm somewhere on the back burner for a while, that's fine. As long as you get the money for the asshole, and good jobs, alright. And, uh, I like to think you’re over that phase in your life when you didn’t even want to be touched because you don’t… feel so good about yourself.“

Karma nodded again. Matt sat on his hands so she wouldn't see that they were trembling. “Yeah, and I’d have to be more open, too. Right?“ She looked at him. Matt had to concentrate in order not to lose himself in her beautiful green orbs.

“Yeah… Me too of course. And I think I’d want to go public. So being photographed and blaming the other for that would be over, too.“ He spoke rapidly, and very quietly. It was almost like he wanted to take back his statement immediately. He didn’t know how she would take it.

She chuckled. “Since keeping it a secret totally failed last time, I agree. I’d do that, too. I'd need to be sure though. And, uh… If it does fail, the fans are gonna understand we probably need some time to ourselves,“ she said.

“Yeah. And as I said, we both grew. And we’re gonna take it much more serious this time, both of us,“ Matt concluded. It felt strange to him that she didn’t say no immediately. And for the first time in months, he actually felt like his hopes and dreams about a new start with her weren’t as ridiculous as he thought.

“Yeah, so it would… probably be different,“ she said. Matt nodded, then pulled her into his body. His fingers ran through her hair, and she placed her head onto his chest. It felt so good to be close to her when she wasn’t the one to initiate it.

“I, uh… I still have to think about it, Mat,.“ she said. Her arm snaked around his own, and she entwined their fingers. She had to think about it, sure. But he didn’t care. To him, this talk were the best news he’d received in a while. He felt a genuine happiness spread from his chest into his limbs.

I’ll get her. I’m really getting to be with her again, he thought with a smile. I might have to deny her sex for a while and say I’m only gonna do it if we’re together, but I’m definitely gonna get her there. He chuckled at that last thought he had. Actually, the idea wasn't too bad, right? If it took her too long to make up her mind, he'd definitely try.

They sat there for some more minutes. Then their intimate moment was sharply ended by the sound of Matt’s phone. He let out a sigh as he picked up.

“Huntington Beach Police Department, am I speaking to Mr. Matthew Charles Sanders?“ A friendly woman’s voice was on the other end of the line. “Yes, that’s me,“ he replied, then untangled his arm from a sleepy Karma and walked outside onto the terrace. The service was much better there.

“Mr. Sanders, do you mind if I ask you some questions regarding Miss Sarah Lynn O’Nolly?“ “Go ahead,“ Matt said. The woman proceeded to pose him a bunch of questions regarding his relationship with Sarah. Matt was completely open with her, knowing that he didn’t do anything, well, besides sleeping with someone who was really crazy.

“So, Miss O’Nolly has been telling us that she ruined a previous relationship of yours, is that true?“ She asked then. “Well, she was one of many reasons. If nothing else had happened, her actions would not have been enough,“ Matt said truthfully. I thought we were so strong, he thought with a frown.

I really thought back then it was us against the world but in fact, nothing really happened and we still managed to fuck it up. It was just a bunch of misunderstandings and selfishness. And me being unable to admit I fucking cheated... Which I shouldn't have done in the first place, definitely. I need to make sure this never happens again. Ever. I want this to work...

“Mr Sanders?" The woman's voice abruptly ended his thoughts. “Yeah, I'm sorry, reception was terrible. Please repeat your question," Matt lied, his tone remaining friendly and helpful. “My question was if, after you broke up, did you know that it was not only Miss O'Nolly's fault? Did you hold a wrath against her?“ Well, did I?

“I… don’t know. I continued having… relations with Miss O’Nolly after my other relationship ended, so no. I wasn’t really angry at her. You see, I ruined it myself. So I was more angry at myself, I guess. But quite honestly, I think back then I didn't care who ruined it.“

It was the truth. Back then, he didn’t even know Sarah was working with Trey, and he didn’t blame her for coming over and trying to get him to sleep with her. Now that he knew all the circumstances, he was.

“Alright, Mr. Sanders, that’s all for today. Thanks for your honesty. We’re gonna call you in to the station in a couple of days, might be a week or so, to get a formal statement. That means we're probably just gonna write down what you told us now and then you sign it. We can definitely use some of this statement.“

Matt hung up after saying goodbye, glad that legal steps were finally being taken to have Sarah removed from society. She was dangerous, after all. Her intently ramming his car with hers just proved that again. Matt took a deep breath, realizing how lucky his bandmates were.

He walked back into the house. “Who was that?“ Karma asked before they were interrupted by the door opening. “Mattyboy! Being sexy and shirtless at your age? How do you do that?“ Zack joked as he walked though the door. Fuck. Why did I give him a key again? And why can't I be here with Karma alone? How are we continuing this talk?

“Lots of sex, Vengeance, that’s why you’ve gotten so fat,“ Brian chuckled as he hit Matt’s ass playfully. Oh God why does he have to comment on that again? That's so old.
“If I had more sex, I’d probably be taller,“ Johnny played along.

Then Karma appeared at the door to his living room, and Matt knew immediately that everyone could tell what happened between them. Her hair was messy and she wasn’t even wearing pants to Matt's oversized Appetite For Destruction t-shirt. Why again did I give that to her? Matt could answer that question himself. He loved to see her in one of his shirts. It was almost like she was his.

“You guys had a cozy pajama day, huh?“ Brian said with a fake grin, then pulled Matt aside. “Go ahead guys, we’re gonna join you shortly. Just need to talk to Matty here for a second.“
God. We’re not even together and he already wants to chop off my balls. I swear to God that guy can smell sex from afar. Why does he always find us in the most compromising situations?

“Did you guys?“ Brian fished a cigarette out of his pack, then stepped onto the porch.
“Yep,“ Matt replied, popping the p.
“You’re putting this band at risk, Matt,“ Brian said calmly before lighting his cigarette. The smell immediately invaded Matt's nostrils and overpowered the faint trace of Karma's smell that still lingered somewhere in Matt's mind.

“I just… I just couldn’t stop. It... meant so much to me. I’m sorry,“ Matt said. He was surprised that he said that. Normally he would just brush it off and say it was a casual hook-up. Brian would probably know he was lying. But admitting that it mattered?

His friend chuckled. “You really love her, right?“
“Yeah, I do…“

Notes

Hellooo there loves! I'm so happy you liked my last chapter, let's hope this one's just as popular with you :)