When I Was Your Man

“Ew, fucking no! Your veggies are not touching my steak on the grill!“ Johnny hissed at Karma, and she grinned as she put her vegetable skewers on top of his steak.

“It’s contaminated! Somebody help me!“ Johnny waved his arms dramatically and rolled his eyes. Brian grinned as he watched them. “Fucking pussy,“ he commented, then put another one of Karma’s skewers on his steak.

“You’re all trying to veganize me!“ Johnny pretended to pout, and Matt laughed at the word. “Uh, Matt?“ Sounded Brooks’ voice from the kitchen. “Yeah?“ Brooks coughed as he spoke, “might wanna check your fries in the oven!“

Oh shit. The fries. Karma walked right next to him and her roaring laughter filled the entire room. “We’re definitely gonna need a lot of ketchup with those…“

It was an easy evening full of friendly conversations and great ideas music wise. Matt enjoyed himself despite being forced to eat all the burnt fries. Karma objected that they might give him cancer but Brian just lit a cigarette and said he didn’t want to be the only one dying from cancer.

They stayed up until a little after one, then went to bed. Matt’s cabin was spacious but by far not luxurious, so Brian and Zacky ended up sharing the master bedroom while Johnny slept on a queen size bed in the adjoint room. Brooks and Karma got single bedrooms with queen size beds all to themselves and Matt was in the second master bedroom. He owned the place, after all.

His joints creaked as he kneeled down to check the wardrobe for a second pillow. Matt silently cursed himself for making a habit out of spooning a pillow every night, knowing he didn’t have a second one up in Big Bear. I could have brought one, he scolded himself.

You thought you’d get to hold her, his inner voice objected. Fuck it, he decided and just threw himself onto the bed. He would fall asleep eventually, wouldn’t he?

An hour of tossing and turning and checking his phone and texting people he didn't talk to in a while later, he knew that he was terribly wrong. He couldn’t stop thinking about Karma. Having her close to him felt so good, even if it was just in a friendly way. Still, there was an ever-growing part inside of him that wished for more than just this.

A faint knock on his door interrupted his thoughts. “Uh, yeah?“ He said at a low volume, adamant not to wake the others. “I didn’t wake you, did I?“ A female whisper sounded. “Karma? No, you didn’t.“ A warm rush of excitement shot through his body. Karma and him, alone. And she wanted it. She initiated it. She came to him just to see him.

“Thought so, she said, and as she moved closer the moon light coming in through the window illuminated her face, allowing Matt to see her grin. “You were online just some minutes ago.“
Fuck this newfangled stuff. “Oh so you’re stalking me now?“ He let out with a grin.

“Just couldn’t sleep.“ She sounded serious.
“Well, me neither. That's why I've been texting around. Even texted my dad because I was so bored,“ Matt chuckled.

She took a deep breath, and Matt knew better than to say anything and risk her not saying what she planned to say at all. “Care for some smokes on the balcony? For old times sake?“ Matt nodded with a smile, then pulled the t-shirt he’d so carelessly thrown over the chair next to the bed over his head.

“This balcony?“ Matt asked, pointing his head to the one right outside his room. The house had another balcony on the other side, which was only accessible through the guys' rooms. It was more beautiful and the view was better, but they would have woken up the others. Karma nodded.

They walked outside and sat on the wooden bench with the flowery ornaments. The sound of Karma’s fingernails against the pack of smokes cut through their silence.

Matt briefly wondered when he smoked the last time but he couldn’t put his finger on it. She handed him an already-lit cigarette and Matt inhaled. He was surprised at how the little thing in his fingers illuminated the surroundings. Despite no street lamps or any artificial light being anywhere close to the cabin, he could make out Karma’s facial features.

She took a long drag from her own cigarette. “Can I ask you something? Something personal.“ Matt grinned. “You already asked me to fuck days ago, can’t get much more personal than that, can it?“

“Who was she?“ Wait, what the fuck? Matt stared at her in disbelief. “Who was who?“
“The reason why you broke up?“

I… broke up. Matt knew there were some good reasons to break up with her in the first place, reasons for which she was responsible, too. But with her sitting across him, he somehow failed to remember a single one of those. And that question.

Sarah immediately entered his mind, the fucking devil impersonation. She’d looked sexy to him back then in her red lingerie with the high heels and the stockings when she dropped her coat, but today he couldn’t help but notice how vain she was.

“I mean,“ Karma continued lowly as she noticed Matt wasn’t answering, “I get it. I fucked it up, and you did, too. But I could have explained why I didn’t fire him. And Brian kissing me? That was not enough to break up, was it? There was another woman involved, right?“ She sounded extremely calm.

“I said I made my peace with it, and that’s probably right. But after our talk at Val’s I can’t help it. Something’s not adding up there.“

Matt shook his head quietly. The old Matt would have made some stupid excuse and tell her it was nothing but her fault. But the new Matt, the grown-up no-bullshit Matt, well, that one had to grow a fucking pair of balls and admit the mistakes the old one made.

“I’m sorry. And I just… I-“
“Who was it?“
“Please, let me explain. There’s more to it than a name. And it wasn’t the only reason.“
“I know it wasn’t. And I’m sorry I cut you off.“

Matt took a deep breath while Karma lit another cigarette. I was an asshole. And I have to tell her. Just fucking do it.

“Alright, so yes, there was someone right after that fight at the beach. And I’m sorry, I was an asshole. I wasn’t romantically involved if that helps, it was strictly physical, at least on my side. I, uh… She just turned up at my house in lingerie after our fight, and I…“
“I get it,“ she said coolly.

“It wasn’t that I wanted to, I just… functioned. I was so angry about that… Brian-thing and I was blinded by that. I broke up because I couldn’t live with having done that. And you would have left me anyway if you knew.“

“Who was it, Matt?“
He took another deep breath. His fingers trembled as he pressed the cigarette into the ashtray.
“Sarah.“

Notes

Hey guys thanks so much for all the comments :) hope you all had a nice weekend and enjoy this update!