Confession of a King

The conversation I had with Mr. Morgan two weeks ago was a lot easier than I had anticipated it to be. I think I had stressed myself out over the entire thing, as if the man I was speaking to wasn’t a husband, a father, a human. He was understanding of the situation. Well, he didn’t know the whole situation, but he was understanding that the last thing I needed in my life right now was the stress that working in the prison was causing me. He wanted me to go ahead and take full maternity leave, coming back after I had the little demon and felt it was time to. He wanted me to take as much time as I needed, promising me that my job would still be in place. All of my patients would be transferred over to McKenna until they could find me a replacement. I had was receiving paid maternity leave for getting impregnated by the so-called most deadly inmate in here. It was wild.

What I didn't tell him was that most likely I did not want to come back after giving birth. I felt guilty acting as if I would come back, just so I could get some paid leave. I was planning on moving to a different facility, not a men’s prison. I felt as if I would do better in a juvenile detention facility, or maybe even ditch the entire criminal justice side of it, and look into family or children therapy. I had been saving a lot of money and knew I could get by, at least until after giving birth. Matt should be getting out soon after, fingers crossed, and would be able to help out. I had even started as an online therapist, making a few bucks here and there over the last month. I could probably come back to the prison, if nothing else fell into place, but I knew that sooner or later everything was probably going to get exposed and it would just turn nasty, fast.

I was also worried that the situation with Behemoth was becoming worse due to my involvement with the prison. Even if I wasn’t directly interacting with Matt anymore, there were eyes everywhere, gang members from across the state, who were funneling information back. Hell, even the guards were supposedly funneling information back (word on the street was that Red wasn’t the only one involved anymore). Maybe if I could just chill out at home, keep my nose away from the bullshit, everything would just disappear.

I hadn’t seen Matt in ages. Not since that last time I saw him while walking out of the prison. He had gotten a phone and called me a few times, but the number always came up as “Unknown,” so I didn’t have his actual phone number. He hadn’t called me since the middle of last week, since I got a voicemail from him telling me to go fuck myself. Word had gotten to him that I was leaving the prison, and since I hadn’t seen him, and didn’t have his number, I wasn’t able to explain the situation to him. Brian, Zacky and even stupid, little Christ were understanding. They knew what was going on and why I had to do it, but they wouldn’t give me Matt’s number either. It was downright frustrating that they wanted me to relay the information to him, but wouldn’t give me the tools to do so.

I shook my head, ridding myself of my thoughts, and frowned while packing up the rest of the things in my office. Jimmy sat across from me, a frown on his face and his eyes showing sorrow. I was sad to leave him. I actually enjoyed our time together, and I was going to miss it. We didn’t say much for our time, he just watched me pack up my belongings. He had told me over and over that he was going to miss me and couldn’t believe I was really leaving, but that he was glad I was getting out of here. He wanted me away from all of this. Away from the drama. Away from those who were feeding information to Behemoth.

“I’m going to miss you, too, Jimmy,” I said with a sad smile. “I’m going to miss this place as a whole.”

He nodded, “It will be good for you. I just want to know why now? What finally happened that you have decided to leave? Shadows has been moping around, getting in some scuffles, too. Things aren’t okay in paradise, are they?”

I sighed, knowing that this would probably be the last time I would see him. “Behemoth’s second in command followed me to the grocery store a couple weeks ago. They somehow found information out about me that no one else was aware of. Information that Matt isn’t even aware of. I just feel extremely stressed, between that and working here, dealing with people like that piece of shit Jonah they brought in here last month. It’s not good for me to be stressed like this, and time away I think will cause Behemoth to leave me alone because I’m not in direct contact with Matt, and I’ll just be able to relax.”

“But what about Shadows? What’s going to happen with him?” He asked, curiously.

I smiled and lifted up my blouse, exposing my enlarged belly. “Hopefully, in five months, he gets out of here and is able to hold his son.”

Jimmy’s face lit up, “Congratulations! My god! You don’t need this stress. Hurry up and pack your things. Get out of here! What are you naming him? This is so exciting!”

I laughed at Jimmy’s outburst, “I haven’t chosen a name yet. I need to talk to Matt about the entire situation, but he won’t speak to me right now. I know he’s furious that I’m leaving and won’t give me a chance to tell him why. I’m going to have Sandy bring me to his cell once we’re done here.”

Jimmy’s face suddenly dropped, “Ivy, that’s dangerous. I don’t think you should do that. You’re going to enter his territory, and he’s not in the best state of mind. I worry about your safety.”

“Thank you for your concern, but you can’t stop me,” I said sternly. “I have no other way of getting in contact with him. This is my last day here for possibly eternity, so it’s now or never.”

“Just be smart,” Jimmy reminded me.

“Always,” I smiled and walked toward him, wrapping my arms around his shoulders. “I will be back to visit.”

“Well, I sure hope so!” Jimmy cackled, “And there better be pictures of this kid, too!”

I wrapped up my session with Jimmy and carried my belongings out to my car, Sandy helping me with the boxes. I hadn’t realized how much crap I had accumulated in that office over the past several months. My trunk was completely filled and my backseat was almost there, too. I took one last look into my office, frowning to myself. I was going to miss this place. Not the prison, not exactly my office, but the memories that were made in here. The times that I shared with Matt, Jimmy, and even Jeremy. Memories of me spilling my orange juice down myself and Jimmy’s crazy cackle as I shrieked. Memories of the first time I met Matt. Memories of when I told Red off. Whoever was going to be working in here next would have their own story of this place. I also hoped that whoever was working in here next would disinfect the chairs and desk, because those had some dark, dirty memories on them and probably some DNA, too.

I closed my eyes and smiled, then opened them and closed my office door behind myself, stepping into the hallway and placing my key in Sandy’s hand. “Believe it or not, I’m going to miss it here,” I laughed, trying not to let a tear fall out from my eyes. Damn pregnancy hormones.

“You know, you’re always welcome back, anytime,” she smiled and put the key in her pocket. She wrapped an arm around my shoulders and pulled me in for a hug, “I can’t believe you talked me into doing this. Are you ready?”

I nodded, “I need to see him.”

She nodded and grabbed my hand, placing it in hers and holding it as if I was a child. We walked down the hallway and got to the doors that led down to the inmates cells and communal areas. She swiped her badge on the door and it sounded, meaning that it was unlocked.

“Stay close to me. Do not let go of my hand,” she said in a mere whisper, her voice stern.

We walked in through the doors and I heard them slam shut behind us. I felt my blood nearly freeze over when we entered the room. Inmates everywhere. They weren’t restrained. They were free to come and go as they pleased. Yes, there were guards in the room, but I felt uncomfortable. It was a communal area, meaning that it was a mixture of all of the men in this prison. It wasn’t just those dangerous murderers that I dealt with. My breathing began to labor a bit, and I tried to tell myself everything was okay. I felt eyes on me and I looked to the floor as Sandy drug me along with her. She had told me prior that Matt would be in his cell at this time, seeing as it was my usual time to be getting off work. They really did alter his schedule so that we wouldn’t come in contact. She could’ve lost her job for doing this for me, but somehow she finagled it with Mr. Morgan. She knew that there was something between Matt and I, but she couldn’t put her finger on it.

I followed behind her, my small hand still encased in hers, as we walked up the steps leading towards the cells. We went through another set of doors, this time she didn’t have to badge through them. We were in the homicide cell wing. My eyes scanned the walls, looking into the rooms that were open with some inmates inside of them, and staring at the closed doors that had numbers painted on them and placards on the side next to them with their last names. My eyes landed on cell number D14, the placard next to it saying “Sanders, M.”

I took a deep breath and Sandy let go of my hand, “Are you sure you don’t want to knock? He is going to charge the door if you don’t.”

“I’m certain I don’t want to knock,” I said quietly, staring at the solid door in front of me. I couldn’t lie, I was nervous. I didn’t know how he was going to react to me walking in there. It could go one of two ways, and at this moment, I was fearing it was going to go in the opposite way than I had originally intended.

“Yell if you need something. There is also a panic button to the righthand side of the door. You can press that and it will automatically alert. I will be right outside the door,” she looked me in the eyes. “You are out of your mind, Ms. Miada. I admire it.”

“Thank you,” I gave her a small smile and she swiped her badge, unlocking the door. I pulled on the handle and opened it, stepping inside and feeling my stomach do a flip.

The door closed behind me as I stepped into the cell, swallowing the lump of saliva forming in my throat. This was it. I was in his territory. And his territory was fucking terrifying. Matt’s head snapped in my direction, peeling his eyes away from the small television in the room. His hazel gaze was burning into me. His jaw was tight, his teeth so clenched that I could see his muscles up by his temples. I once again tried to calm my breathing, my body was getting hot, my hands clammy. He was back to his old ways, in control of his everything. I couldn’t read a single emotion on his face, other than anger. His body language was stoic. He looked like he hated me, and to be honest, I could see why he would.

“Why the fuck are you here?” his words were cold as ice, matching his eyes. “I thought I made it clear to you that I didn’t want to see you.”

I gnawed on my lip, feeling tears forming. I didn’t want this reaction. I wanted sweet, loving Matt. The man I was in love with. The man who loved me. I didn’t know how to speak to him without bursting into tears, so I stared at him like a child who was just scolded by her parents.

“Answer me, bitch,” he stood up. His tall, broad frame towering over me, even from across the cell. He was shirtless, in just a pair of sweatpants. The comforter that was on his lap fell onto the ground, pooling at his feet. He stared back in my direction, lifting an eyebrow, “Are you fucking mute all of a sudden?”

“I… I… I needed to see you…” I stuttered out, feeling vulnerable and small.

He rolled his eyes with a smirk, “Do me a favor and call your little friend to come get you out of here before I do something you won’t like.”

It finally happened, I started sobbing. “Cut the fucking alpha show with me, Matt. Don’t sit here and try to intimidate me. I get you’re pissed off, but I have to go. I have to.”

“Quit your fucking crying,” he rolled his eyes again and took a couple steps toward me. He leaned against the wall in front of me and put his hand under my chin, lifting my face up to his, “What did you want to get out of toying with me? Will a few broken bones suffice?”

Matt’s opposite hand reached for my arm, grabbing it roughly and twisting it. He held it behind my back and I let out a small scream of pain, “Don’t do this to me.”

“You’re the one that came in here, bitch. What did you think would happen? I’d hold you in my arms and make love to you? Keep dreaming, sweetheart,” he twisted my arm harder and pinned me against the wall. “You’re so beautiful when you’re in pain, Ivy. Can I cause you more?”

The hand under my chin was now around my neck as he eyed me. Those beautiful hazel eyes now full of pure, evil excitement. I shut my eyes, not wanting to look into his anymore, letting tears cascade down my face. Here it was, the recurring nightmare of Matt killing me. The same nightmare I called him crying about for countless nights. This was real life. He was going to end me.

“Look at me while I hurt you,” he commanded and held onto my throat a little tighter. My eyes opened and I stared into his. “Pretty, pretty kitten,” he purred out caressing my throat with his thumb, still holding onto it tightly and twisting my arm. I was certain that I would have bruising that would last for weeks if I made it out of here alive. “I never thought I’d get the chance to do this. I must say, it pains me to do this to you for all the wrong reasons,” he let out a dark chuckle and pressed his lower region to mine.

I opened my mouth and knew what needed to come out of it. I had to stop this before it went too far. It wasn’t just my life on the line here. With a shaky breath I spoke, “Matt, I’m five months pregnant.”

Just like that, the grip on my arm and throat was released and he took a step back. I let out a gasp and caught my breath, thankful for no longer being pinned against the wall. His eyes stared at me wide. They were fearful, like a deer about to be struck by a car. They darted around me, his lips slightly parted. He looked like he was going to faint. And he almost did, stumbling back and catching himself on the wall.

I ran to his aide and leaned him against the wall, holding him steady and looking up at him, worried. “Matt,” I said quietly. “How about you sit down?”

He nodded and I practically walked him to his bed, sitting down next to him. His eyes were still wide like dinner plates. I didn’t know what was going through his head, and I didn’t think I really wanted to. This wasn’t exactly the reaction I was hoping for, but he looked just as terrified as I did when I first found out. His hands were in his lap and I reached for them, placing his right one in mine and rubbing the back of it with my thumb.

He stared down at our hands then looked up at me, blinking a few times, “I want to see.” I pulled my hand from him and reached for my shirt the second time today, showing him my belly. His large hands automatically went for it, holding it and staring. He let out a nervous laugh and then a smile spread across his face, “I can’t believe it.”

I blushed at his reaction, “I couldn’t either. Little Matt is quite the kid, though. It feels like I’m eating for four.”

“It’s a boy?” He looked into my eyes and I nodded, biting my lip. His smile widened and his dimples creased in, making me cry tears of joy. “I’m going to be a father,” he whispered to himself. “I’m going to be a father!” He said louder with a grin on his face, “I love you so much, Ivy.”

I leaned in and pressed my lips to his, “I love you too, Matthew. Even if you just tried to kill me.”

“Yeah, sorry about that,” he grimaced, obviously embarrassed, then turned his attention back to my belly that was still in his hands. He rubbed my belly then leaned down and kissed it, “I had been wondering why your mommy’s ass had gotten bigger. I like you already, kid.”

Notes