Confession of a King

I furiously tapped my pen on my desk, waiting for the day to end. I was sick and tired of being here. My mind was pre-occupied and didn’t truly care to deal with the inmate that was sitting in front of me. He was now taking up what at one time was Matt’s period of time with me. The inmate didn’t really care to talk to me either, which made my life a bit easier. I just wanted out. I wanted to go home, take these damn khaki pants off, put on sweats, and sit my fat, pregnant ass in the kitchen and eat my feelings.

It had been two weeks since I last saw Matt. Two weeks since I last spoke to him. Three days ago Mr. Morgan delivered me dismissal forms, and as much as I wanted to fight him on the case, he shut me down each time I even dared to say what he now called the “M-word”. He had made it known that Matt was now going to be meeting with McKenna, which really pissed me off seeing as McKenna and Red had some sort of relationship going on. She had been the one that was updating the rest of us about Red’s condition. He was in the hospital with some facial fractures, broken ribs and what was best described as a completely snapped elbow. He had a nasty concussion, and also a little bit of internal bleeding within the abdomen. I didn’t care; he got what he deserved. I was just pissed off that because of him and his dirty game, I now had zero way of getting in contact with my man.

Brian was still able to meet with Matt, obviously. Once out of solitary, Matt was able to reconvene with his lawyer. Brian had told me that Matt was longing to see me, that he desperately missed me, but that he was holding on. I knew that they were working on getting Matt another phone in here, which would make my life at least a little easier, but the guards were watching over him like hawks. They were scared if he were to snap again, that this time someone else would be attacked, killed. Word around the prison was that Billy was in a heap of shit over the entire situation, seeing as it was his fault that he didn’t cuff Matt properly.

My eyes glanced over to the clock, seeing that I still had fifteen minutes to sit here in this damned place. The man in front of me, who was named Jonah, sat with a sour look on his face. I rolled my eyes as I felt him burning holes into me with his. He was in here for life because he murdered his wife, two daughters and his wife’s unborn baby… she was seven months pregnant. He shot her in the stomach, then in the head, in front of his kids. Then shot the two of them. The cops had found him with a gun to his head, but sadly for him, he was unable to take the easy way out for his actions, and now got to serve here for eternity. He was new, about a month in here. I pursed my lips, thinking to myself about how my family was so angered over what Matt was in jail for, what he had done. The guy in front of me was a real monster, if you asked me.

Finally, it was time for Jonah to get the hell out of my office so that I could go home for the day, for the weekend. I had Ken pull him out of my office. Need I mention that Zacky did do a great job of having the phone cleared and no one noticed that I was the one that called Matt that night? Thank god, because I saw Ken the next day. Once Jonah was escorted out, I gathered up my things and rested them all in the chair that Matt usually sat in across from my desk. I walked over to the window and looked out of it, not having the pull the curtains back because there was really no point anymore. What reason would I have to close them if Matt wasn’t coming in here anymore?

I frowned and stared out the window, scanning the parking lot for Brian’s car. It was a Friday, his usual day to meet with Matt and talk about the trial that would be coming up in the next several months. Oh, how I longed for that trial. Hopefully things would work out in his favor; our favor. Brian’s car wasn’t out there, so he must’ve left already. I breathed in deep, then breathed out through my nose, closing my eyes for a second. I still hadn’t made that decision yet, but I think I knew what my choice was, and I think it was going to be coming sooner rather than later.

Once I grabbed my belongings, something inside me told me to walk past the courtyards of the prison today; take the long way. Lately, I had figured that the guards probably had Matt on an alternating schedule from mine, so that we wouldn’t come in contact. It was probably just me being paranoid, thinking that my boss and the officers in here were on to something and felt like I was part of the reason why Red was attacked. Paranoia for a good reason, I thought… because, in reality, I was the sole reason why Red was attacked. I hadn’t tried to pass through the courtyards once Matt entered solitary. I always took the short walk out of the prison, faking my smile on the way out and saying goodbye to all of the officers that I couldn’t give a flying fuck about. But, today was different. I was going to walk the long way, down past the courtyards.

I pushed open the doors of the prison that lead to the walkway past the courtyards. I pulled my sunglasses down from the top of my head and rested them on the bridge of my nose as the sun glared down into my vision. Feeling the gaze of the male inmates on my body was something I would never get used to. You would think that now that I was wearing flowy tops that covered me up and showed no curves, they would not be as interested. But no, they still had to make comments about my backside in the khakis I was wearing. They still had to be pigs. After all, many of them hadn’t been with a woman in years. Had it really been five years since Matt had been with a woman? Or did he have girls come here for visitation hours to get his rocks off? That was something we never discussed, and honestly, I didn’t want to know the answer to it.

My eyes scanned the yards as I walked by. I knew that the majority of the men on my left were from the sexual offense wing. I tried my best to keep my vision focused to the right of me, for the criminally insane and my favorite, the homicide wing. I felt piercing, cold, blue eyes on me and I made eye contact with Jimmy through my sunglasses. He was standing with his back against the portion of the building behind him. He gave me a small wave and I responded with the same, including a smile. 

I knew that there had to have been a reason why I felt the need to come down this way toward my car today. I knew something was pulling me, telling me to walk this way. And then, I knew what it was. I felt my heart flutter in my chest as I took in the image of a shirtless Matt walking up to the fence five feet away from me. He rested his arms on the fence, his hands clinging at the chainlink. It was like deja vu from when we were first getting to know each other. His body was covered in a thin layer of glistening sweat, his muscles all prominent. His brows were furrowed and his beautiful, hazel eyes were slightly squinted. He must’ve been working out. I could’ve jumped his bones right then and there if it was possible.

“Matt,” I breathed out and dropped my bag at my side, getting as close to the fence as possible without seeming too suspicious by anyone who may be watching. “I’ve missed you so much.”

His jaw was clenched slightly and he stared at me, his hazel eyes colder than I was used to seeing, somewhat blank. I put my hands on the fence, thinking that maybe he would grab them in his, but he didn’t. He kept his hands where they were and continued to look at me with a look that I just couldn’t seem to read.

I was thankful for the sunglasses on my face, as I felt my eyes dampen. I dropped my hands from the fence and stuffed them in my pockets, my slight smile falling as well. “Are you okay?”

He nodded, still not saying anything. He looked me up and down, as if he was scanning me for something. I was so confused by his actions. Where was the Matt that Brian had told me about? The one that desperately missed me and wanted to see me? As if he could read my mind, his eyes softened and a smile played on his lips. There were those dimples I loved, poking through, “I forgot how invigorating it is to stand by you; to actually see you. I’ve been waiting for this dream to become reality.”

My cheeks heated up and I knew I had to have been blushing. “I can’t stop thinking about you,” I admitted, placing my hands back up on the fence, smiling when Matt took them in his own this time. “You hanging in there, handsome?”

He rubbed the backs of my hands with his thumbs, his fingers intwined in mine. He licked over his bottom lip and gnawed on it for a minute, then released it and smiled, “I’m doing fine. Solitary sucked, but I was so out of it that it barely affected me. I think they tried to really kill me with that sedative this time… I was drugged out of my mind for two and a half days.”

My jaw dropped and I hissed, “Are you fucking kidding me?” I raised an eyebrow, completely irritated that they would increase the sedative to something that would keep him strung out for that long. “They tried to fucking overdose you.”

“Calm down, baby,” Matt kissed each of my knuckles on my left hand. “I’m here, aren’t I? It was probably for the best anyway. I was really ready to kill him, and probably would’ve snapped in there if I hadn’t been out of it. Now I just have to deal with this new stupid bitch since they won’t let me come back to you.”

“McKenna,” I mumbled and he nodded. I rolled my eyes, but he couldn’t see it behind my sunglasses. “Do me a favor and try to get on her good side. Be on your best behavior. If she writes you a clean bill of health it will look better for your case. I have a feeling they will discredit me.”

“Get on her good side? I tried to murder her boyfriend,” Matt laughed, but I knew he could feel my eyes on him. “I will try my hardest to stay on my best behavior, Ivy.”

“I need you out of here, Matty,” I sighed out. I really wanted to tell him about the pregnancy, about our baby, but this wasn’t the appropriate time and place. It was starting to eat at me and stress me out. Matt had a right to know, and I wanted him to know, but not through a chainlink fence with other inmates around. “I need you home, with me.”

His face inched closer to the fence and mine followed suit. I pressed my lips to his lightly, in a quick kiss in hopes that no one around us saw it. I knew that my time with him was needing to come to an end, or else we would start to attract stares and gazes from the inmates, which would rile them up and lead to officers/guards coming out here. I stared into those hazel eyes and internally smiled. He may have not been the guy to take home to mom and dad, but he was my everything. He was perfect.

“I love you,” I breathed out, quietly, with a smile.

He returned the smile, squeezing my hands in his, “I love you, too.” He kissed the tops of my hands then let go of them, “Go home. It is getting late and you should enjoy the weekend off. Spend time with Chelsea, tell the other two you’ll hang out with them later this week.”

My jaw dropped at his last statement and I scoffed at him, “Are you jealous your boys like me so much?”

He rolled his eyes, “I’m just saying, they have some things they need to take care of this weekend that I don’t want you involved in.” I nodded and he sighed, “It’s business related and the last thing I want is you to be in the mix. Vengeance will still be watching over you, but Brian has a really busy weekend coming up. Best thing is for you and Chelsea to just have a nice girls weekend and stay under the radar.”

“I get it,” I laughed at him trying to make up excuses to not offend me. “Business is business. I won’t bother them, but you better get them on this whole new cellphone thing, because I’m going crazy without being able to call you in the middle of the night.”

“Are you still having nightmares?” Matt asked me, genuinely concerned.

“Ivy, isn’t it time for you to go home?” Ken’s voice spoke from a few feet away. Matt and I both ignored him and looked at one another, knowing our time was at it’s end. Ken’s voice sounded closer, and it was, he was practically standing right next to me, “Last I checked, he’s not part of your program anymore, so you have no reason to talk to him.”

I whipped my head around to face Ken’s snarl. “Last I checked, I’m still a licenses psychologist and can have confidential interactions with any inmate whether or not they are in my program.” I smiled at Ken, knowing that I had just caught him off guard with my answer. I turned and faced Matt again, my eyes meeting his and smirking, “Catch you later, Sanders.”

His eyes were glowing and he smirked at the sound of me calling him by his last name. Those dimples still made me weak in the knees; no matter how many times I have seen them. He licked over his bottom lip, “Bye, Ivy.”

Notes