My Bloody Idiot

What were they thinking? Were they thinking at all?!

The girl had major attitude issues, she couldn’t sing and she had managed to piss me off in less than ten minutes, which wasn’t that easy to do, mind you. Honestly? I really was a peaceful person, it takes a lot for me to punch a bitch and I had done it only on a few occasions, but this Jennifer... she was really begging for it.

Why didn’t I like her? Besides the obvious? Well, let’s start with something along the lines of - she was too green, too unprepared, too unpackaged... I mean, if you can think of a word that starts with ‘un’ – she’s it. Somebody really should put my objections on record.

I had to puff-puff-pass a cigarette around with myself just to calm myself down, and then another, and another when I remembered I had promissed Saint I’ll go to Matt’s shady barbeque gathering. Why shady? She told there’s not gonna be any booze.

„Okay, pull yourself together...” I whispered to myself as I kicked the cigarette butt away. I swear this country... When I lived in UK, I was this happy go lucky fellow, but as soon as I return to the States - shit just starts to fall down from the sky.

My hand fished the car keys out of my back pocket right before I caught what felt to be a heartattack.

„Hey!” A loud shout slash whisper ringed in my ears as a pair of fingers crashed into my ribs, startling me to no limits. I swear to God if I hadn’t stumbled over my feet, I would’ve kicked him straight in the nuts.

My hand rested on my chest, „Jesus H. Macy!” I could feel my frantic heartbeat which could as well passed as the love child of a colibri and a mouse. I smacked him straight over his head. „Don’t you ever do that!”

„I thought you’d appreciate a real man’s hands on you for an instance,” Brian’s grinning face was really begging for another smack. Only this time across his face.

I rolled my eyes as I went to open the door of the car.

„Oh come on, sweetheart, lighten up,” He said as he twirled his own car keys around his finger. „I swear it feels like you have a stick so far up your ass that you wouldn’t know what fun is even if somebody hit you in the face with a brick named ‘fun’.”

„Well then, please, educate me oh-wise-one.” I spoke as I rested my forearm on the door, „What do you consider fun? Oh and BTW – which means by the way - fucking industry groupies doesn’t fall under the category.”

His eyebrows puckered, but the smile still stayed permanent on his lips. „What are you talking about? When have I ever fucked an industry groupie?” Well, he really could’ve fooled me... not. „I have plenty of my own.”

„Ughh...” I grunted as I got in the car, „You’re sickening...”

„That wasn’t what you said when I was between your legs,” Jesus Christ, that was ten years ago! Will he ever forget us hooking up? That was the mistake of the century...

„And when was that?”

„Probably the last time you had sex,” He roared in laughter as he patted the hood of my car, „You’re too much fun, Clarke.”

„I thought you said I wouldn’t know fun if somebody smacked me in the face with it...” I said after him, watching as he walked over to his own car.

„You wouldn’t...” He agreed turning around, „But you’re fun for me to pick on you... You’re picking up on what I’m putting down?”

I shook my head, before I put the key in the ignition and started up the engine.

„See you at the party.” Could he even erase that annoying smirk from his face? Or was that a job of a very expensive rich people doctor up in LA? With a sigh I closed the door, before I pulled out of the parking lot, Brian’s black BMW trailing right behind me. Could he even get any more annoying? If he’d keep it up like this, I will need a prescription to some happy pills really fucking soon.

When I pulled on the highway, I thought he’d make a turn and go the other way. Did he? Of course not. He thought his BMW could outrun my Camaro. Why did everything have to be a competition with him? Let’s rephrase that... Why did everything have to be a competition with my ex’s?

Maybe ‘cause I was wired diferently than most of the chicks. I always have to be better then my exs’. Always. That’s why I learned to play the guitar and became the best shredder there ever was. Fine... I’ll admit I don’t know how to write a decent solo, but I can in fact shred. When I left my next ex, I learned to drive a motorcycle and bought the most expensive Harley Davidson I could find at the time; when the next one dumped me, I finger-fucked his girlfriend. And this, people, is how I build my skills.

So the fact that mister Gates was trying to burn the rubber while trying to outdo me was a serious kick to my competition switch. I would’ve gone on the suicide mission if it wasn’t for the cops I spotted around the corner. My foot instantly raised from the gas pedal. Nobody had time to deal with cops... well, unless they were hot...

I made a turn left, which I remembered to be the quickest way back home. I didn’t know if I should be relieved or pissed that Matt moved into his parent’s house permanently, but the fact that he was my neighbour stood above everything else. He could’ve moved in the house he bought his folks, but no, Matthew Sanders strikes again. It was like he tried to torment me on purpose...

Just as I pulled into the driveway, I noticed Saint’s small built on my porch. „What the hell is she doing here?”

Right after I killed the engine and opened the door, Saint’s blond nape raised to greet me with a smile on her face, „What’s up?” I asked as I got out of the car, „Shouldn’t you be preparing for the party?”

„That’s why I’m here... kinda...” She got up from the porch, cleaning the back side of her shorts.

„Kinda?” I frowned, walking over to the front door, trying to find the right key, „What do you mean?”

„Well...” She sighed as I unlocked the door. Don’t tell me she got in a fight with the asshole... „I kinda got in a fight with Matt...”

Before you judge me, yes I did roll my eyes. And yes, I didn’t want to do anything with the drama these two were having, but what can you do? It wasn’t like Saint would just simply walk through the door if I told here I don’t want to hear it. „That doesn’t surprise me...”

„He invited his ex!” Saint exclaimed as I walked further in the house. Huh... No mum. Either she’s upstairs trying not to die, or she’s prolonging her torment by hitting another couple clubs. „How stupid can you honestly get? It would be like—„

„Me and Haner being at the same bloody party?” My eyebrows raised as a make-believe smile took over my lips. Her face suddenly dropped, when the realization hit her. „Don’t sweat it. With the right ammount of liquor I can take even on little Christ and his unflinching ability to listen to Taylor Swift.”

„Yeah, honey, I told you there’s not gonna be anything else but a couple of Budweisers...”

I shot her a long look. „Darling, I live next door. I can come here, get drunk and go back. Or I can ditch the whole running around the block and just stay here and keep myself from poisoning my liver.” Which would be very smart. I had never been the heavy drinker and I really didn’t want to start now, but something made me think God had other plans for me.

„No!” She shot back in an instant, taking me aback a bit, „You have to come! I can’t do this without you!”

I waved her off as I went over to the fridge, „You’ve been doing this for seven years without me. You’ll be fine.” I took a can of Coke and took a moutful. Saint seemed odd. There was something off about her. She almost seemed guilty. „What are you not telling me?”

„It’s nothing really. Better tell me how was your first day at the studio.”

„Saint...” I shot her a warning look. You better not mess with me, missy.

„Okay, fine! I kinda got you a date...” Saint sighed as she flunked down on the couch. She did what?!

„A date? Why would I need a date?” Was everyone today going crazy or was I losing my marbles? Was this let’s-piss-off-Riley-Vex day? What gives? She mumbled something under her nose and was it just me or did I hear ‘Gates’? „What was that?”

„So you’d make Gates jealous!”

„Why would I make—Saint, I will seriously murder your ass. I will not, and I’ll say it again, WILL NOT get back together with my ex who is married by the way.” Was she crazy? She had to be. There’s no other explanation.

„But... why?” She cried out, fixing her puppy eyes on me. Oh here we go... had everyone suddenly forgotten how our relationship ended? My mum, now Saint... who’s gonna be next?

„Vex?” Oh for the love of. When will Matt learn to knock? And wear a shirt. Sure, those tattoos were nice, but come on, man, put on some shirt. His eyes connected with Saint. „Why aren’t you ready for the party?”

„’Cause I’m not talking to you,” She said as she crossed her arms over her chest.

„What does talking to me do with getting dressed?” He ran a hand over his tanned face, before he sighed. „Your boobs are literally falling out...”

Out of nowhere a cushion went flying for Matt’s face, „you jerk!”

„So now I’m a jerk for stating the obvious.” And there goes another cushion. I think my mum and Saint were a match made in Hell, and I was told to be the one who had those fucking anger issues. Yeah, right.

„You wanted something, Sanders?” I spoke up, sipping on my bubbly soda.

„Yeah, I wanted to ask if I can borrow your laptop... and I’d appreciate if you and Gates wouldn’t cause a scene.”

Are. You. Fucking. Kidding. Me.

If I was standing where Saint was, I’d probably take that cushion and knock the fuck him out.

Notes