My Bloody Idiot

Engaged... Okay. A soon to be mum of two. Awesome. Just... bloody great. A CEO of a big record company, because my own mum pulled a M.I.A. on me. Perfect. Simply... fan-fucking-tastic. Somehow returning to the States didn’t seem like such a great fucking idea anymore. How much had passed... a year since I’m back and I’m already head over heels in shit I can’t fucking handle.

I mean... Fuck! Who would’ve thought the least of my worries was being engaged to Brian. At least that means he’ll kinda participate and help out with the kids? Man, if it turns out he’ll be away more than he’ll be actually present, I’ll fuck everything and just... just go and join the monastery and that’s a bloody promise.

„This house is too small for all of us,” I said as I scooted up a bit. Brian had dropped Ralph with his parents, who I haven’t met for a really long time if we’re completely honest here and somehow I didn’t think they were too thrilled that Brian changed Michelle into someone like me... not speaking about knocking me the fuck up and adopting another child. I looked at him. He had decided to re-watch the whole six seasons of Game of Thrones and was it just me or he looked like he didn’t have a fucking care in the world.

„A house with four bedrooms is too small for you?” He questioned not even bringing his eyes away from the tv screen. To think about it, yeah. This was my mum’s house, I knew she wouldn’t have anything against me and the kids running around here, but come on, it just didn’t feel right moving in here with Brian and all.

„Look, there’s mum’s bedroom, then there’s mine... two left. Even if we turn both of them into kids’ rooms, what would we do if someone wanted to stay over per say?”

„This couch is pretty comfy you know,” He pointed to the piece of furniture we both were lounging on. Like he’d know. Mum set him up with the comfiest bed in the house when he decided to stay here, so that argument of his? In-fucking-valid.

„Brian,” I took a breath, trying to manage the pain in my pelvis. I swear, if the pain doesn’t go away I’m going to raid mum’s stash and roll a big ol’ joint. At this point I was in way too much pain to handle this on my own and we all knew Riley Clarke didn’t tolerate pain. „This is my mum’s house...” I inhaled with a wince, „fuck... we can’t move in here.”

Suddenly his eyes were on me as I tried sitting upright. Holy shit, the pain was actually starting to become a real burden. „Riles, are you okay?”

„Yeah,” I closed my eyes inhaling through my nose and exhaling through my mouth, „I’m just feeling a lot of pressure...”

„Just breath okay? Remember those birthing classes,” He told me. Yea-no. Fuck you. No breathing is gonna help with this. And that’s when I felt it. My water fucking broke. How could I tell? Well, I wasn’t typically the one to wet my pants.

„Uhmm... Brian, I think we have to go...” I shit you not, I had never seen him so confused and scared in his entire life. At that moment I forgot about the pain and just started giggling when he went fifty shades paler.

„Go... like... as in to the hospital?” His eyes went wide.

„Yeah,” I said pushing myself off the couch. Well, wasn’t this just simply magical. I was willing to pee for the last hour at least, but I was simply too lazy to get up and actually go, if I would’ve known my waters were about to break, I’d have fucking peed myself on purpose. Nobody could tell the difference either way.

„Right now?” He was still in shock. Wake the fuck up, Haner! I nodded. „But... but – Game of Thrones!”

Excuse me? Are you fucking kidding me? I just blinked at him. „You for real now? Are you high or something?” He valued that shitty HBO show higher than the birth of his first-born? Maybe pregnancy and all those hormones had truly gone to my brain and not in the best kinda way, but tell me what you want – that man right there is batshit crazy.

„Weeell...” Holy shit, he really was high. So that’s why I smelled weed when he went for a smoke half an hour ago. That’s the reason he made zero fucking sense when he opened his mouth. Oh, I’m really going to kill him.

„Are you kidding me?! Why would you get high if you know I can go into labor any minute?” I took the cushion from the couch and threw at him. Shit... the pain. My goddamn back...

„I-I was stressed, okay?” He ran his fingers through his unstyled hair.

„That’s what green tea is for!” I exclaimed right before my fingers reached to pinch my nose. „Okay, no yelling... One question, Haner – can you fucking drive?”

„Of course I can drive,” He looked at me like I was crazy. Me? Fucking... me... I could not stretch this enough – Brian fucking Haner was not fit to be a fucking father. And to think I was going to marry the guy. Jesus fucking Christ.

In the next five minutes we were in his car and headed for the hospital. I couldn’t believe it. He cancelled the fucking show specially to be here and be ready to drive me to the goddamn hospital when Rosie decided to exit the bloody womb, so why did he think it was a fucking great idea to get as high as a kite? Was he truly mad? I mean, he must be, ‘cause no sane person tries to pull off shit like this. Exactly – tries. He would’ve pulled it off if I hadn’t caught him with his hand in the cookie jar. I honestly didn’t want to talk to him at the moment.

I decided to end the silent treatment only after I had gotten the epidural and he had stepped off his cloud nine. There was no way in hell I was going to have a natural labor. Drug me up all the fucking way!

„Saint’s calling,” He said right after that annoying iPhone ringtone nearly got me a heart-attack.

„Put her on speaker,” I said, focusing on Rosie’s heartbeat on the monitor.

„Hey guys, is baby Clarke already here?” Saint’s voice sounded through the room.

„Baby Haner,” I corrected her with a small smile, „And no, not yet... I just got my epidural so at least my pain went from a hand-trembling ten to a solid two.”

„It’s really that bad?” Saint questioned.

I snickered, „I’ll tell you when Matt knocks you up so there’s no going back.”

„Actually—„ Saint cut herself off. Silence. Dead silence. I looked at Brian who seemed just as lost as I was. „Vex? You there?”

„Shads knocked you up?” Brian spoke in disbelief. „What happened to the guy who pulls out a good minute before actually cumming?”

„How do you—„ I cut myself off with an amused frown on my face. I swear that was a detail I didn’t want to know about Mathew fucking Sanders.

„Later.” Brian whispered, turning back to the conversation with Saint. „Is Shads around?”

„Y-yeah, he’s right here.” Judging by the sound, Saint just gave the phone to Matt.

„Yeah,” Matt spoke, sounding like he had the biggest hangover known to man.

„You inconsiderate fucking prick,” Brian laughed in the conversation, „You just couldn’t handle your girl being in the fucking spotlight, did you? You had to bench her.”

Matt laughed, tho it sounded like the laughter was the least he was willing to do in his state, „Yeah, guess the pull out method let us both down.”

„Well, congrats, man, that’s great news, maybe we’ll finally have some down time.” Brian smiled, his eyes fixing on me.

„Maybe,” Matt chuckled, „So how’s Riley? How you holding up, girl?”

„I’m six centimeters dilated,” I said right as Brian took his seat beside me.

„Whatever the fuck that means,” Matt replied with a chuckle.

„It means baby Haner will be here real soon,” I couldn’t bare but roll my eyes. Men. Better start learning, Sanders, some insight on the damned situation would surely help him along the way.

„Well then let me know when it happens, I’m gonna go die. I swear I’m never drinking ever again.”

„See ya’ man.” Brian said and just a second later lowered his phone. „Well...”

„Yeah...” I mused, imagining Saint with that cute baby bump. She’ll be so happy when those morning sicknesses hits her – note the sarcasm. Oh the joy. Brian took my hand and brought the surface of my palm to his lips.

„I’m sorry for how I acted earlier. I didn’t think I’d get so stoned...” He apologized, „I really didn’t want to ruin this for you. I’m so sorry Clarke.”

„I’m here aren’t I?” I smiled back at him, pointing out to the hospital room, „I’m not giving birth in a bloody car, so, chap, you haven’t ruined anything.”

„I still feel sorry... Fucking father of the year, right?” He laughed quietly, „Speaking of which, if you don’t mind I’ll go and call Suzie, see how Ralph’s doing.”

„Go ahead,” I said, „I’m not going anywhere.”

„You better,” He leaned in to peck my lips, before he walked out of the room. Go anywhere? Had he missed out on the large dosage of whatever anesthetic they gave me? I could barely feel my legs. Trust me when I say I’m not going anywhere.

I took a deep breath and closed my eyes, trying to relax a bit, before the real torture starts, but then the door opened. Too fast for him to be back. „Back so soon?” I asked with my eyes still closed. I knew in fact my doc wasn’t coming back in the nearest hour.

„If you consider nine months soon...” A very familiar feminine voice spoke, making my eyes pop open. There she was. Jude fucking Clarke... rocking an expensive looking leather jacket and a pair of ripped denim’s. She was... scary thin. And the palest I have ever seen her. I felt like I was looking at a ghost. Strands of bright red hair had seemingly fallen out from underneath her beanie. Wait... red hair? Was this some kind of a midlife crisis thing?

„Mum...” I frowned. Confusion was just the tip of the iceberg in the specter of the emotions running through me at that same moment. „Where the fuck have you been?!” I shouted furious, „No bloody sign in over half a year?”

She just waved me off as she walked over to sit in the chair where Brian had just sat. Her pace was groggy and not even the heavy layer of make-up could hide how fucking sick she was. „I’m here now,” She smiled at me as she took my hand.

I had only one question rushing through my mind, I had to know. „How bad is it?”

Her eyes lowered to hour hands as a sad smile mirrored on her features. „I promised myself I will meet my granddaughter.” Her icy blues raised to look at me, „Sorry, kiddo, I probably won’t make it to your wedding, but can I say? That’s one bigass rock.”

I felt a tear slide down my cheek as a small chuckle escaped my insides.

„No seriously, you have insurance on that thing?” She raised my hand closer to her face, to inspect the ring, „Remember what I told you? Together in studio? Sparks fly? Boom and you’re pregnant.” Her index finger raised to tap on her temple, „A mother knows.”

„Mum, I missed you,” I laughed through my tears, „You know, Saint is also with a child.”

„God, you’re fucking british, man,” She shook her head, „You know what I want on my tombstone?”

„Please, don’t go there...”

„’Riley’s british murdered me – cancer had nothing to do with my death’,” She laughed, ignoring my pleas fully, „But hey, my kids are growing up, huh. Maybe you and Saint could look after the label together?”

„Mum...” I protested. I didn’t want to hear her speaking about her death. Not today. Not tomorrow. Not ever.

„Fine,” She raised her hands up in defense, „I’m gonna shut up. But you know—„ She leaned closer, „If ever you’re in a situation, which I hope you won’t be in, remember- morphy is one hell of a drug.”

Notes

Hey, so at first I wanted this to take a fully different direction - with Jude - I kinda just wanted her to silently disappear, but I realized you guys wouldn't forgive me it and a certain someone said they would like for Jude to see her granddaughter, so here it kinda is.

And speaking about the proposal scene - I'm not the one for that lovey dovey romance, I believe other's can write it way better than I can so I just stick to the funny bits(often not that funny), I think the same I did for High Voltage (which, yes, I'm planning on finishing someday).

So here. Rosie is on her way. ^^