My Bloody Idiot

The smartest thing I probably had done in my entire life was putting down that bottle and getting in my car. Well, okay, maybe driving under the influence wasn’t such a smart thing to do, but at that same moment I felt like Albert Einstein… You know that feeling when you finally understand math? Yeah, me neither, but I thought I had figured out this algorithm. The algorithm of life if you will. Do whatever you will and fuck everyone who says not to. That’s the way you had to live life, right?

What the hell was I even doing? That’s the million dollar question, huh... My insane trip from point A - being Morning Tide Drive (yeah, I lived in a five minute walk from the golf club, hence Matt’s obsession with the sport)- to point B - being somewhere around Woody’s Diner – took me an hour. A bloody hour! Piccadilly lane 19921 was the place where I was supposed to go. When I slowly turned the car on the street, I was surprised to see those row houses. I thought those were a UK only luxury, but hey, I guess I had never been to this part of the town. Frankly, I’m glad I haven’t. I swear to God it seemed like if you sneezed and closed your eyes for a half of a second, the tires of your car would be gone. Just like that.

They had no driveways no nothing. Where the fuck was I supposed to park my car? Leave it here on the street risking with it getting towed? Or worse? Stolen? Sounded as appealing as anything. But hey, I in fact did want to get rid of this Camaro, so, thieves? Be my guests.

A small house seathed with brown decorative boards stood in front of me. Or at least a part of a house. It’s like living in an apartment with your own entrance to the yard. Strange. I’ve never understood the concept of these houses.

As I walked further I noticed the white color of the door starting to peel off. „Is this the right place?” I mused to myself as I walked further, noticing the numbers slightly crooked right above the door. No, I’m not going to my dealer, if that’s what you’re thinking.

I took a breath, before I knocked since I didn’t see a door bell. I could hear someone shouting inside and was that a ... a child crying? I took a short glance behind myself to see if my car was still where I had parked it, before the door opened in front of me with a load creak.

„How can I help you?” An elderly woman peaked her head through the small opening. The skin of her face hugged the bones of it in a way I could’ve named each part of her skull, that is if I knew the terms of it. Her eyes were sunken in and I couldn’t find a single inch of her face that wasn’t covered in wrinkles. My best guess – this wasn’t her best decade.

I tried to pull the kindest smile I possibly could on my face, before I opened my mouth to sound a bit too british for my comfort, „Hello darling, I’m looking for Jennifer? Jennifer Murphy? I think I might’ve the wrong address or –„

Suddenly she closed the door in my face with a bang and all I could hear was the old woman shouting something behind the door, before it opened again only this time a person in her twenties stood in front of me with a toddler on her arm. Holy shit, is that Jen? The girl in a dirty t-shirt, no make-up, hair up in a messy bun and not in the cute way... This was... the same chick who tried to steal my man?

„Riley?” She questioned shielding her eyes from the evening sun. „What are you doing here?”

„Confusedly blinking at you...” I mused in awe. To say I was taken aback was a slight understatement. „Can I come in?”

„Do I have a choice?” She sighed, before stepping back. „Ma! Take Ralph!” She shouted at someone as I walked inside the house and instantly was hit in the face with the stench of burnt food, baby puke and mold growing somewhere in the foundation of the house.

This wasn’t how I pictured the diva of Liberty Records living. Like... not at-fucking-all.

„Is that your—„

„That’s my brother.” She replied not even giving me the time to finish the sentence. Jennifer walked to the worn-out couch in the middle of the room, clearing it from all the kid cluster, before gesturing for me to take a seat. „Please.”

„Thanks,” Hesitantly I walked to the piece of furniture, trying not to step on anything. The old woman had taken the kid and disappeared in some other room of the house.

„So what do I owe this visit to?” She asked as she took a seat in an armchair in front of me. If only I knew, kid. I guess I drove all this way seeking answers to some of my questions, but right at the moment when I stepped over the threshold, my mind went completely blank. I mean... I had been poor in my day, but this looked like they hardly have enough money to feed themselves.

„You really need that fundraiser, don’t you...” I spoke, fixing my eyes on her stained shirt. I didn’t dare to ask what was on it. I felt genuinely sorry for the girl.

„Is it that obvious?” She smiled sadly.

„I’m sorry, I didn’t know that your situation was this...” I took a deep breath, before whispering the last word, „dire.”

„You weren’t supposed to know,” She sighed, „nobody was.”

„You placed the address in the contract,” I said it like it was so obvious. Anyone who had the access to the certain paperwork could’ve come knocking on her door.

„I didn’t think anyone would actually come and pay me a visit.” She shrugged, fumbling with a toy car, which had a missing tire. Speaking about missing tires... was my car still parked on this godforsaken street? „So why exactly are you here?” The girl looked genuinely tired. Couple hours ago I saw her back in the studio and she looked completely different.

„What about Gates?” If he gave her a ride, he must’ve come here, right?

„He’s never been here. I don’t think he’s even been in this neighborhood.” Her eyes dropped to her hands. „You rich folks don’t come here unless you’re hooked on meth or heroin.”

„Us... rich folks?” I cocked an eyebrow.

„Riley, I’ve seen where you live,” She said it in a way that was supposed to tell me why the planet spins around the sun and not the other way around... Like it would explain the meaning of life... „Your mother owns the label and your father is a front man of a huge band. You’d never understand what’s it like to take care of your baby brother because your mom is a crack whore and try to live on a dollar budget each and every day...”

Sitting here... on this old and dusty coach... I started to understand why Jen was the way she was. Nothing in her life had come easy to her and it was honestly a miracle I was here, finally seeing who she is, instead of pushing those contract termination papers to mum’s lawyer. I felt sorry for her. Sorry to a point that I would either feel like the God himself after I did what I was about to do either make the biggest mistake of my entire life and regret this undeniably.

„I spoke to Ash,” I started, tasting the waters, trying to figure out how to put this. Her face went pale, I knew she was thinking that I’m here because I had some bad news for her, which wasn’t really the case, „That’s how I found out where you live, but that’s not the point. She told me Gino gave you your mixed album?”

„Yeah?” She seemed a bit lost. Unsure where this conversation was headed.

„You mind fetching the CD and putting on something more appropriate?” I stood up, not wanting to spend another minute in this sad place. „I’ll be waiting you outside.”

I didn’t dare to look back at the room I left when I walked out of the house. I simply took my shades from behind the collar where I had hooked them and put them over my eyes. Surprisingly enough my car was still where I left it. You had one job, thieves... one job.

I sighed as I walked over to the car, hearing the front door behind myself open and close. I threw Jen a quick look over my shoulder as I walked around the car to see her eyes hiding behind big sunglasses and the dirty shirt changed into an oversized sweater.

My hand went to unlock the car and I quickly slipped inside, Jen following me moments later. The engine roared up at the same time when Jennifer closed the door after herself. I stretched out my arm demanding for the CD. Jennifer shot me a long look, before she gave in and I could put the CD in the stereo system.

I checked my mirror, before doing a quick U turn and taking a route back to the civilized part of the town. I kept listening to what Gino had mixed and I wasn’t above ripping the stereo system out of the car and throwing it out the window along the CD. This wasn’t the time when I can say – I was hooked on the album from the very first note. No. This was awful. Dreadful. Gino was a wanker – excuse me for my british, it comes out when I’m bloody pissed. I mean... bloody hell, he had butchered the whole concept me and Justin had created while I was still kind of producing her.

„Jen?” I pushed through bitten teeth.

„Yea?” She replied quietly. As if she was scared of what I was about to do. Now she’s scared... Maybe the chick wasn’t as dumb as I thought her to be.

„Take that CD and... and fucking destroy it... just like Gino fucking destroyed your career just now.” I hissed, taking the turn that would lead us through a shortcut to the studio.

„What? No!” She protested, „I worked so hard on it!”

„It’s rubbish, Jennifer.” I spoke after taking a deep breath, „That shit leaves the studio over my dead body.”

„But—„

„No ‘buts’, you’ll thank me later.” I said, bringing a confused frown on her face.

Had I gone mad? I sure had. The day-the crazier. I guess my depression had gotten to a point where all I wanted to do was pick up others from the dirt, while digging myself a six foot deep hole in the same time. I knew if I was going to proceed with my insane plan, I’d put Jen in the brightest spotlight she’d ever been in and she probably would never even say ‘thank you, Riles’, but I felt like this is the right thing to do.

I had parked outside the label. The walk inside was measured in silence and I strongly believed Jen didn’t dare to ask what went down in my brain, ‘cause she was scared shitless to actually find out what I was going to do. Maybe it was for the best that she didn’t piss me off... Maybe I would’ve changed my mind, who knew... I surely didn’t.

The transparent glass door to studio B shielded six people from my insane rampage. I knew they were going to be as thrilled about me stepping away as a pony finding out it’s going straight to the glue factory.

„Evening’.” I smiled right after I had pushed the door open.

Six pairs of eyes raised to meet me. I was surprised to see Saint actually here on time, ‘cause let’s bet honest, Saint was always fashionably late. I strongly believed she’d even be late for her own funeral. Her eyes squinted on Jennifer who stopped behind me. Justin had the same expression to his face, only I knew he was very well aware what was going to go down here, that’s why that hand trailed down his face.

„So are we here to finally make some music?” Mike questioned, standing next to what I supposed to be the new lead guitarist and the bass player. Texas and Archie.

„You sure are,” I agreed, „Meet your new front lady,” I smiled stepping aside to let them have a good look at Jennifer, who seemed just as stunned as everyone else. Man, this was fun. And the yelling starts in 3...2...—

„Are you out of your fucking mind?” Saint deadpanned, fixing her eyes on me.

„Vex, the deal was we’re a band,” Mike frowned, gesturing to the former idea of band members, “I didn’t agree to work with someone I’ve never even seen in my goddamn life…”

“Relax,” I waved both Saint and Mike off. “I’m still going to produce you all and I will do a couple songs with you guys for the fundraiser, so chill your horses.” I walked deeper in the room, pushing my sunglasses on the top of my head, “Besides Jen here is a great singer…”

“That’s why you didn’t want to produce her?” Saint crossed her arms over her chest, “because she’s such an amazing singer?”

Saint… Get off my bloody case. I knew what I said and I knew what I did. That was the past. I took a deep breath, “Jennifer came to us willing to cover songs from artists like Christina Aguilera, Madonna, even Britney… Her voice obviously doesn’t fit the scene, so what we’re going to do here is cover my songs.”

“This is fucking bullshit,” Saint hissed.

“You have to be kidding me,” Justin whispered, rubbing his hands over his face.

“Fuck me…” Mike mused.

I simply smiled. I knew everyone would be psyched over my idea. I’m a genius!

“Uhmm, do I have a saying in this?” Jennifer squeaked somewhere behind me.

I turned to face her. “After what I saw earlier?” I pointed to her dreadful situation with a cocked eyebrow, before I mouthed a simple “No.”

She shook her head, sighing heavily.

“Okay,” I clapped my hands together, still a wide smile on my face, “we start tomorrow at 9 AM sharp. Don’t be late. We have a lot to do.”

“Vex? A word?” Saint addressed me. She was furious, which wasn’t something surprising.

I gestured towards the hallway. She simply passed me, making me shake my head. She should attend those anger management classes I did all those years back. Really helped a lot. And by saying ‘a lot’ I really mean it. I don’t want to commit a double homicide each and every day, which is really something. Right now I just want to stab someone, but not to a point where this someone dies.

“See you all tomorrow,” I waved, closing the door right at the second when Justin was about to open his mouth to say something. Not today, dude. I knew every possible thing he was going to yell at me and frankly, I wasn’t up for hearing what a moron I was. At least not today.

“What are you doing, Vex?” Saint hissed back at me as I followed her down the hallway.

“I’m doing what I need to do, Saint.” I replied with a sigh. “She needs this more than I do.”

Saint came to an abrupt stop, narrowing her eyes on me. “Didn’t seem like this is something that she wants.” She spat angrily.

“Maybe it’s not what she wants, but it’s what she needs,” I could not stretch this more. Jennifer needed this- I didn’t. Frankly, with my AD and depression, getting back on the stage probably would be the worst possible thing I could do to myself.

“Just weeks ago you thought she was a joke!” She exclaimed, “Why the fuck are you willing to put your name on the line for someone who’s not worth shit?!”

“Saint,” I started in a calmer manner, trying to reason with her even tho it was like talking to a brick wall, “Dr Dre was the only one to give Eminem a chance. You have to believe in people,” I smiled at her, patting her shoulder as I passed her confused self. “See you tomorrow!”

“I hope you’re right about her, Vex!”

Me too, Saint. Me too.

Notes

So this is just a filler and I do apologize for the lack of Brian in this part, but hey, Brian can't always be wherever Riley is.
I'm up for any kind of feedback even if it's criticism. I'd love to hear what you guys think I'd have to improve. :)